Capítulo 43: I'm Glad I Have You
"Lori! What was so important you couldn't check your phone?" Nick asked in exasperation, not bothering to say hello.
"I was asleep," I deadpanned.
"For over sixteen hours?"
"And my phone was in my room. I'm sorry. You have a very strange mind, has anyone ever told you that?"
He sighed. "Rita did at least twice a week. Are you sure you're okay?"
I sighed and flopped onto my bed. "I made a complete fool of myself with Jon and I'm pretty sure I made things worse."
I could almost hear him rolling his eyes at me. "What did you do?"
"Fell asleep on him until after two in the morning and woke up in his arms. Then wormed my way out and went up the fire escape to avoid my nosy roommate. I'm so stupid."
He burst out laughing. "You just left?"
"I left a note!"
"You did the walk of shame in the middle of the night. That's hilarious," he wheezed. My irritation grew stronger.
"How can it be a walk of shame when we didn't actually do anything?" I demanded. "We were watching a baseball game and fell asleep. Honestly, it's the most boring sport in the world."
"Why did you watch it then?"
"He wanted to! I'd already fallen asleep twice so he knew I'd fall asleep again and it wouldn't matter what we watched." I threw my free arm over my eyes. I really had embarrassed myself. Had I actually flirted with him? Did he take my teasing that way? Oh no.
"You'd already fallen asleep twice and didn't go home?" There was silence on the other end for a minute. "Oh my gosh. You flirted with him, didn't you?"
"Maybe? I don't know! I didn't mean to!"
"I knew you liked him," Nick said smugly. "So now what? He loves you, you like him…this is real now. I'm so happy for you!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. I never said I liked him," I said defensively. "Either way, this can't be real because I'm a serial killer. I couldn't do that to him."
"Lori, you already have," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "He's completely invested in you. Even if you think it's fake, it's very real to him. He'll still be hurt if you're caught."
"I'm not going to get caught. That's why I have you, remember? We're protecting each other. He can never know about any of this. He'd hate me."
"You have to care at least a little if you're concerned about him hating you," Nick observed shrewdly.
It was hard to explain. It was so strange having someone like and respect me. Maybe I didn't want to lose that. If a genuinely good person thought I was good…did that mean I was, at least a little?
Jon had seen me do some pretty stupid, embarrassing things and he still liked me as a person. But I was sure his goodwill would only go so far. Anyone with a moral compass as strong as his could never accept me as I really am.
"I don't know," I moaned. "None of this makes sense anymore. I wish I'd never gotten involved."
"I did try to warn you," he said unhelpfully. "But you plowed ahead anyway. Now you're regretting it because the impenetrable Lori Latham has finally caught feelings?"
"Shut up, Nick."
"Nope," he said cheerfully. "You did this to yourself. I will continue to rub it in your face as long as possible."
I flopped onto my bed with an arm across my face. "Ugh, it's like you actually are my brother."
"Just living up to the role I've created for myself. I'm an only child, let me have my fun."
"With this level of annoying I'd assume you had a lot of practice," I said dryly. "I'm glad my distress is amusing to you."
"Come on, Lori," Nick said earnestly. "You've been so set against this from the beginning, of course it's funny that you did exactly what you said you wouldn't. Haven't you ever read a romance novel? Fake dating always leads to real dating."
I snorted. "You regularly read romance novels?"
"No," he said defensively. "I was married, remember? Rita loved those things and went over the plots in excruciating detail."
"You've been talking about her a lot lately," I said quietly. "You must really miss her."
"She's been on my mind more than usual," he confessed after a moment of silence. "As annoying as Jace can be, he reminds me of James and sort of eases the pain a little. But I don't have anything like that for Rita. I can't even make myself try to go on dates with other women. I miss that part of my life but…I can't go down that road again. Dating…getting married…having more kids. It would feel like replacing them and I can't do that."
Wow. I had never heard Nick talk like this before.
He was always telling me to move forward but I hadn't realized how incapable he was of following his own advice. Since he was able to talk about his family without breaking down I'd assumed he was okay. I guess Nick was a better liar than I thought.
"I'm probably the least qualified person to tell you what to do here," I began hesitantly. I really had no idea what to tell him. I was completely out of my depth. "But you told me a while back that Cindy would want me to be happy. I think your wife would want you to be happy too."
The line was quiet a moment. "You're right. I don't like it but you're right. Why'd you have to twist my own words against me?"
"Because I'm an annoying little sister?" I asked teasingly.
He laughed. "Yeah, but I wouldn't have you any other way. Thanks, Lori. Here's the thing though, even if I did try to go on casual dates I'd have to worry about them finding out the truth."
"Welcome to my world," I said bitterly. "Honestly, it might not be worth it. It's your call though. If you decide to join the insanity, I'll commiserate."
"I'll keep that in mind. Keep trying to come up with a solution about the Faye problem, okay? I may not have much to live for but I really don't want to die," he whispered.
I knew exactly what he meant. We were more motivated by our missions, by spite, than by a real desire to live but what would happen to the world if we were gone?
More gang-related deaths. More children suffering at the hands of their parents. The world at large wouldn't miss us since we were so alone, but the people we were helping would even if they didn't know it.
"Me either," I replied softly. "I won't let that happen. I'll keep you posted on new developments."
"Can we get ice cream tomorrow? I don't want to be alone with my thoughts too long. You're good at distracting me," Nick admitted.
I knew how that felt too. "Of course. You're paying, though."
"Thanks Lori," he said, relieved. "You always know how to cheer me up. I'm glad I have you."
"So am I," I said with a soft smile on my face.
Where would I be right now without Nick? He was the only reason I had survived this whole ordeal. If I'd been dealing with trying to divert Faye and fake dating Jon on my own…I definitely would have cracked. It was nice having someone to depend on again.
"Carry on with whatever you were doing, I'll quit bugging you now. See you tomorrow."
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