For a time, I was in limbo.
If there was hell, this was probably it—absolute nothingness. For there is no greater fear for any soul other than a confrontation of the unknown.
Honestly, I did not know what was happening.
The world around me was a cruel haze of light and dark. Dreams, reality, and memories became a jumbling mess. All the darkness in my soul had been pulled free; given a face and voice. They took form and sat on my shoulders like the devil in my ear. They played my guilt, mistakes and regrets like a song on repeat. Once or twice, I felt like I was tipping down to madness. None of my attempts to escape them was successful and, eventually, I grew weary. So I sat still in one place and allowed myself to be swallowed whole.
Soon, I learned that, in my acceptance, these strange shadows—formed from what I assumed were my sins—would drain themselves and vanish after a while. In their embrace, I would feel unbearably cold. It stung. I could feel my flesh crumbling off the bone and latching onto the icy shadows. Warmth would occasionally seep in to offer some comfort, a form of reprieve and a reminder somehow, before plunging me back into the torment.
In a way, it was much too cruel. I was given a taste of the good thing intermittently—like a drop of water in a sweltering desert. I would have preferred it if they just left me there without giving me a taste of salvation.
I was unsure how long I stayed that way, but when the last wisp of the shadows disappeared, I finally got to open my eyes. The world became a vivid, crushing reality. I felt languorous as though I had gone through a thousand years of sleep. My body did not feel like my own—jerky, uncontrollable, and weak. I felt numb all over.
A lullaby drifted in my ears.
I was nestled in a cotton mattress and fluffy blankets, the stars and moon hanging above me in thin strings. They circled the sky. A horse tailed the figure of a deer in their midst.
Confusion and wonder bloomed in the back of my mind, yet my brain was too muddled to comprehend what was going on. Where exactly was I? I tilted my head to the side, cheeks brushing against the fluffy blankets tucked under my head. There was a huge but short wall beside me—a little blurry for me to make out properly. With short hands, I reached for it, lifting my heavy body and clumsily rising to my feet.
I peered past the edge, grunting with a voice that sounded high-pitched and squeaky. With the help of the wall, I came to a shaky stand and began blubbering at my struggle. My feet were too weak, however, so I could not do more than steady myself and find my balance.
The lullaby stopped and a gasp resounded.
"Evyionne," someone calmly intoned.
Footsteps reverberated and by the time I realized what happened, a beautiful woman was peering down at me from above—a ridiculously large woman, actually. Curious, I examined the dark curls that vibrated violet under the strikes of light and framed the woman's face. Her eyes were a strange pair of amaranthine and she had the sweetest of smiles.
I recoiled in fear and would've stumbled back if I hadn't caught myself.
The woman's lips moved, strange language rolling from her mouth. Hands slipped under my arms, wrapping around my small body. I was lifted and pulled close to the woman's chest. I stared at her in utter shock and wonder, squirming and looked around with horror and confusion
The stranger's shoulders shook with a chuckle as she gazed at my bewildered face, her lips on my cheeks as they moved with soft whispers.
Were it not for my astonishment, I would've fought back in fear.
WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?
As the woman rocked me in her arms and hummed softly, the door clicked open. A new presence swept into the room. My nose brushed on the silken collar of the woman's drop-shoulder blouse as I turned to look who it was. Coincidentally, I caught my reflection in a mirror.
I squeaked in shock and wonder, eyes popping in realization.
I had been reborn, alright. And it seemed as though I had started from the very beginning. As a child—a baby.
While I came to terms with my situation, a regal man with honeyed red locks approached. He had long robes a warm shade of jade that accentuated the beautiful golden tan of his skin. His eyes were the strangest, strong but gentle blue—the moving sky in a fair day. Behind him, by the entrance to the nursery, a huge wolf stood. It had a pair of lush green eyes and nearly-translucent fur that it was surreal.
I held its gaze for moments in awe then instinctively stretched my hands to its direction, delighted by its ethereal beauty. I have always had a strange fascination with wolves. Seeing one up close—especially this exotic—made me ecstatic.
The wolf lowered its head and strolled away from my sight, making me grumble in displeasure.
"Elleria," the man said. He began to talk in a strange language that had the most beautiful of rhythms. The dips and rise in its tonalities carried a force of command and sophistication, but the words were a smooth glide of warm butter on bread. I listened to it with utter fascination, trying to understand.
The woman nodded and smiled in response to him before planting a kiss on his lips.
I frowned at the two of them.
Husband and wife, huh? With them this intimate and with this woman carrying me in her arms—this should be my family. Or am I being delusional? Am I dreaming all these up? Maybe this was another test from that torturous, shadowy place. It must be feeding off my main weakness—family. A complete one, too.
The man laughed when he saw my disgruntled face. He reached forward and fingered the deep crease between my brows.
"Evyionne." The woman gazed at me, two fingers brushing on the swell of my cheek. I shot glances at the woman and the man alternately. "Niann, al om diele." The woman carefully passed me to the man. Until I was tight and secured in his arms, the woman did not let go.
"Kon maliya, kon anala…sol diele…diele," he told me with the brightest of smiles.
If this were a typical occasion, I would think I was going to be sacrificed like a pig. The way they spoke made it seem like they were chanting something—an inherent music in how they talked. It was beautiful, yet haunting.
I scrunched my brows unwittingly in confusion. Try as they did to talk to me, it wasn't as though I could understand a thing. What in the hell were they saying?!
Evyionne—that must be my name here. And diele—was that supposed to be a term for father?
Over time, my conjectures were answered. This man would persistently point to himself and say diele like a scratched record, poking at my lips and pulling at my chin while forming each syllable in exaggeration.
I tried, but my tongue twisted and stumbled. Everything that left my mouth was a pile of gibberish.
"Gowdammmieet," I whispered. Realizing what I said, I deadpanned. At least that one wasn't so bad.
My tongue wasn't quite my own yet and I felt rather strange and…loose in this body—as though I had just moved away from an apartment I had known for more than half my life and relocated to some other place in a whole new neighborhood. At the same time, I was pumped with a renewed supply of vitality. Unfortunately, I could not utilize it. It was akin to having a new car with a tank full of gas but unable to drive just yet. It wasn't uncomfortable. However, it was very frustrating.
Oh, the irony of it. I did not want to reincarnate, yet I still did somehow—after that earth-shaking thing that happened by that river. What exactly was it? And how did it happen? Should I be worried at all?
And now I was a baby. How was I even conscious?
Right now, I was not very determined to find out.
I spent a while of soaking in my new family's attention. I must've spent nearly half the day looking around in a quest of curiosity. They set me down on the carpeted floor and slowly littered around some toys for me to inspect, teaching me words for colors and shapes. I was more interested in the vocabulary, repeatedly pointing at the objects other than the toys to learn what they were called. They were somewhat astonished at my insistence but did not discourage it. There were a few weird ones that took me a bit to figure out, but I grew bored with them in the end and went on to inspect other things.
Then the feeding came. It was a little awkward on my part, but everything else came instinctively. After a bit, I began nodding off.
Taking note of this, my father plucked me from my supposed mother's arms. He tightened his embrace around me and my lids bounced close. I could faintly hear my diele chuckling as he caressed the sparse hair on my head. He pressed his lips to my cheek and whispered words that, somehow, I understood.
"Elandra dun, kon maliya."
Emotions were a language that came instinctively and did not need learning. I was not surprised when I knew he told me he loved me. Contentment sprung from his words and wormed its way to my face in the form of a smile. For the first time in a while, I felt secure and contented. The doubt and hesitance I had been feeling fell to rest. I had not wanted to enter a new life so soon. I was unprepared to feel happy and the seeping contentment scared me. The thoughts of my previous life's mother broke my heart.
But perhaps I should try to enjoy this and live it to the fullest.
***
While I slumbered in my cradle, a startling noise woke me. I stirred, disturbed, a little tempted to cry indignantly. However, any thoughts of breaking down into tears halted when I saw a strange yet familiar face loom over my crib. Amber eyes glinted under the moonlight streaming through the window.
I knew who it was.
"I know you're in there," said the man before me in a language I could recognize. A small part of me felt relief hearing understandable words after a long day of listening to gibberish and relying on context clues to get a sense of my surroundings, but dread won over delight.
He covered my mouth as he took me from the cradle. I squirmed and sobbed, trying to draw attention to myself. Any noise that left me, however, was muffled by his hands. "Don't blame me for this."
He wrapped me in a blanket and bound me tight.
Just as he was beginning to escape with me, a loud bark followed by the subsequent breaking down of the door startled me senseless, causing me to squeak. I managed to catch a sight of the hulking wolf posed by the doorway, its teeth bared as it regarded the man who had me with threat and fury. Only then did I truly realize how massive this thing was—he was huge! Probably six foot high.
"Ah, damn. How can it fail now of all times?" he muttered under his breath.
Fail? What failed?
He made a dash for the window with me in his arms and jumped off. "Why'd you have to be reborn to such a troublesome family?"
My stomach nearly twisted into itself at the fall we took—how high up was that room? I saw the open windows to a tall manor shrink from my perspective. While this whole building probably would not be as large as the Buckingham Palace, it would perhaps be enough to rival the White House.
What sort of karma did I have in my previous life to have been reborn to such people?
Before I could start regretting having such an excellent opportunity missed, the giant wolf leaped out of the windows as well, resounding barks thundering from its throat. In the dead of night, where silence reigned alongside the singing crickets, the barks were as good as any canon firing right by the ears. I saw a ghost of the wolf from my peripheral vision landing on the trimmed lawn, but the broad shoulders of my kidnapper blocked my line of sight. I could hear the beast still, in his pursuit, the fall of his paws on the grassy terrain softer compared to the man's heavy running.
Windows flared with lights and calls of alert roused those in slumber.
I cheered inwardly. A small part of me, however, feared being mauled to death along with the guy. I hope that this fella was as intelligent as he first seemed. He didn't seem to be the usual wolf I knew of, after all.
Irritated, I wiggled out of my bind and grabbed a fistful of the guy's hair, tugging angrily as I scratched his face. He clicked his tongue in pain, brushing aside my hands as he focused on running away.
"Stop it, you little aberrant," he said, amber eyes drifting down to meet mine. "I'm not in the mood to argue with you. We're in serious trouble."
I stubbornly poked his eye.
"Fu—" he cursed. "How dare you, you…"
Then he fell over. I saw the cuff of his pants caught between sharp teeth.
I was a little shocked, my breath knocked out of my lungs—both literally and figuratively. Wasn't it a little cruel to be squeezed near to death, a large man toppled over me like a fallen tree during a forest fire? Not to mention I was technically still a baby.
Thankfully, he rolled over to his back and began to counter. The wolf jumped over him and tugged on the blankets wrapped around me, pulling me away. Its long claws scratched at the guy's arms, prompting him to let go as I was tugged to take shelter between the wolf's legs.
In the process, the binds in the blanket shook loose. I rolled free and sat up to watch the fight, nibbling on my fist like it was popcorn. My baby fists were chewy. If I could, I would look at myself in the mirror and tug on my own cheeks too.
Meanwhile, my kidnapper jumped back to his feet as he cradled his wounded limb, pulling out a blade and violently slashing it to the wolf's direction. He was a little clumsy in moving. Clearly, he had no experience in combat or literal cradle-snatching. This guy—he could jump out a window nearly four stories high and he didn't know how to swing a sword?
I blubbered in dissatisfaction at the anticlimactic turn of events. If he had dared kidnap—shouldn't he be able to see it through, at least?
"I can see that look on your face, you little bugger," he yelled at me. "Don't think you've won just yet! I wouldn't come here without a trump card."
A strange force burst from the amber-eyed man. It was a little familiar to me as a song shimmied around him like a ringing bell—the same one I've heard from that place. I froze, both literally and figuratively. Time seemed to have stopped for the briefest of moments and his amber eyes glowed like torches in the night. He took a full sweep forward and snatched me from under the wolf—the speed of which startled both me and the beast.
People eventually rounded the corners. Soldiers came pouring from all directions. I saw my diele among the faces. He was rather pallid and frantic.
"Evyionne!" I heard my mother scream.
"Evyionne," said my captor. "That's your name, isn't it?"
I looked over the amber-eyed man's shoulder as the woman cried my name repeatedly at the top of her lungs. My father, as well, was beyond livid. He ran forward desperately to catch up but he couldn't. The wolf, as well, sped ahead. Yet, it was all in vain. The house, the gates, the people—they all faded behind. The darkness worked in the amber-eyed man's favor and even seemed to cooperate, swallowing us whole.
The space around us warped.
My heart sank as I saw my would-have-been home disappear from a distance.