Capítulo 12: Hesitation
What's taking everyone so long to review these pieces of paper? Specially the boys?! This isn't the first time we were presented with contracts. I don't want to think that they're stalling but I certainly can see that it's what they're doing. Even the maknaes who are usually quiet at contract signings are asking questions of all sorts. Really?! What are they thinking?
"Hyung, are you sure you don't have any more questions?" Joon whispered.
"Really? What the hell do you think you're doing?" I'm not able to keep my cool anymore. I've been fidgety all day. Maybe my body was anticipating being with her cause I am already at my wit's end trying to stop myself from just sitting right next to her.
Their eldest member and their leader have been raising questions and concerns over her contract. Eunjung. I want to say her name again and again.
What?! Here I go again. This soulmate business is really messing me up. Why would I deliberately want to say someone's name over and over? Fuck! Min Yoongi! Get a hold of yourself.
"Well, if you're so eager to bond," Joon chuckled a little. I must've really sounded irritated. "I'll signal the boys then." So they were really delaying things. I know I've talked to Namjoon and Jin-hyung about my fears but I never thought they would go this far for me. Joon elbowed Hobi who elbowed Jin-hyung who tapped Guk who raised his eyebrows at Chim and Taetae. These guys, really. How did I end up with them? "I believe everyone's done with their contracts hyungnim."
"Okay, if that's the case then, my job here is done. We will now have a separate meeting for your individual contracts, if you will all follow me please." Everyone stood up but Sejin-nim stopped. "Uhm, Eunjung-ssi and Yoongi-ssi can stay in this room. I believe you have another business to attend to." I must've looked confused as fuck since the boys snickered at me. She bowed gracefully before thanking everyone in the room for their consideration. I just watched open mouthed as she sat back down.
"I... uh... thank you for today everyone." The boys grinned at me as they filed out looking like gooslings behind Bang PDnim.
She just sat quietly, clearly avoiding eye contact. As if something else will happen if she does. Well we don't know really. Will she get pregnant with just a stare? I don't know what magic governs this soulmate thing but I do hope that's not the case because it's easy to get lost in those big hazel eyes of hers. Seriously, Min Yoongi! Get a hold of yourself!
It seemed like eternity before she decided to speak.
"Sunbae..." her voice as silky as I can remember. "I... I just wanna thank you for today. I know there will be a lot of adjustments on your end. I want you to know that I appreciate you accepting me as your soulmate." She rambled. She was about to say something and to avoid her getting embarrassed, I thought to just answer her.
"It's not me who will adjust more to this setup Eunjung-ssi. You guys will be the one dually managed by BigHit and your company. You may move dorms if you need to and for sure, you will have more adjustments to your schedule than I do." She was surely taken aback by my bluntness as she started fidgetting with her fingers.
"I... I know but I'm sure this is the best setup for everyone. I don't want you to lose everything you worked hard for." There it is again. The look that she wore while she was in my car. Her eyes watered, like she was about to cry. Is she afraid of me? Is she still thinking twice about our bond? Why do I feel like she's terrified? Among all the possible questions, I didn't have an answer to why I did what I did next.
In a second I was already half sitting on the table, her chin cupped in my hand. The pulses of energy coming from her skin feels like a glass of water after a day in the desert.
"What about you Eunjung-ssi? Have you thought about what you would lose?" I asked, staring into her doe eyes and it was like I can feel her fears too.
"I'm not afraid of what I would lose in this process." She said, unwavering. "As long as my sisters can continue their dreams, I will be fine with anything." This is the first time I've seen this side of her. I didn't think that behind her fragile features there would be a feisty spirit.
"Are you sure of that? You know that once we bond, we can't go back, right?"
"As if we have a choice sunbae. Either this or we both die and I certainly don't want to be blamed for your death." Another side, she's got sass too.
"Well if you're quite sure, will you give me your hand Eunjung-ssi?" I heard her swallow hard before avoiding my eyes, I just had to chuckle. She sure bit more than she can chew. Maybe she forgot that she's talking to Min Yoongi.
Eunjung stared at her hand as she slowly lifted it. And my whole body tensed with anticipation. In a few moments, our lives will change.
"Sunbae..." it was almost a whisper as if she didn't want me to hear.
"Yes?" As she lifted her face, I was captured by those round hazel eyes once again.
"Can I trust you?" I didn't have an answer to that and why would she ask such a question all of a sudden. It's not like we're getting married or what. We're just bonding, for now. "Sunbae?"
"Yes." I found myself blurting out though I have a thousand questions in my head.
This is not good. If we find ourselves in a difficult situation, I just might regret saying yes. But I'm quite sure that our bond will ensure that we stay together no matter what and with that, I don't want to upset her or we might both starve to death if she refuses to touch me. Although, why? Why would she ask if she can trust me?
"I'm ready." She whispered again and now I am sure, even though I don't know her, she doesn't like what will happen next.
"Are you sure? I feel like you have something against bonding." There. My habit of thinking out loud is now slipping out.
"What?" I knew that struck a nerve. She sure sounds annoyed.
"Do you want to live Eunjung-ssi? Cause I sure do. I still have a lot of goals and dreams. My brothers also have a lot more things to fulfil for themselves and for their families. I know you do too but why do I feel like you don't want to be any part of this?" Whoa Min Yoongi! Hold your horses! She's just a little girl. No need to be so hostile.
Oh shit, no. We haven't even bonded! Damn it! I wish her tears would stop falling. I'm already having a hard time stopping myself from just grabbing her and now, it feels like all the fibre in my body wants to just brush those tears away. Why does this have to happen now?
It was as if my whole body froze when I realised what she was about to do. I just watched as she stood up, pushed her chair back and took her first step. She's leaving?! Without bonding?! Is she insane?! I doubt we'd be able to live a week more without each other so why is she being so defiant?!
Okay, no more gentle guy. It's better she gets to know this part of me now instead of later. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to look at me.
"Where do you think you're going?" Her tears still trickling down her cheeks and I can see and feel that she's trying so hard not make a sound.
"I know I shouldn't be like this. Can I just excuse myself for a few minutes? Atleast let me be presentable to you before we bond." She struggled to answer back.
"Presentable?! Do you think I care about that? Eunjung, you might've forgotten that we are like time bombs right now." She looked at her ring and black is now what you can mostly see. "Who knows when we'll both faint and fall into coma because of hunger."
"I... I know. It's just hard for me to be in a situation like this. I never thought I'd be dependent on someone else just to live." She looked down as she said this as if she's trying hard not to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth.
To be honest, it hurts that she can't find it in her to trust me fully but what can we do? We were chosen for each other maybe even way before we were born. And now, here we are, strangers forced into each other. Who wants to be in a situation like this?! No one! We all want the freedom to choose. But what the hell can we do now? It was all pre-determined for us.
"I don't know what happened for you to abhor being soulmates but I will do what I can to be the best mate for you." Those words were not enough. She still cried a river. "I don't care how you look. I'll eventually see you without make up. We have the rest of our lives, see?"
At last! She smiled for me. Atleast I haven't totally lost her and I hope I don't or I'm doomed.
"Now, are you ready?" Her eyebrows knit again but she still held out her hand to me.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
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