Capítulo 387: The falling rock.
The sky was right there. It felt like it was within reach, as if Yao Jun only had to reach out and then it would be right there, a marble trapped within his fingers. But when he raised his arm, it still looked so far away, as far away as the first day he stretched out his hand to hold the world. The fingers that were supposed to catch the sky just looked like prison bars locking him away, trapping him below.
Two steps forward, one step back. That was how Yao Jun felt about himself, the way he moved. Every time he advanced, he lost something that made him stumble. Every step upwards was paved using the body of someone he wanted to hold close. How sickening it was, progress born from loss. But what was all the more sickening was the reason behind it, something that was already far too apparent to him.
The prison bars that locked him away, the gate that separated him from the sky above, it was his own fingers. The prison that blocked his ascent, the chains that held him beneath the sky, it was himself. If he trusted his friends more and listened to them then he wouldn't have lost Yun Yantian, if he trusted his friends more and relied on their strength then he wouldn't have drawn so much power from faith that Little Thunder ended up dying from it. He was afraid, so he failed to trust, he failed to trust so he lost.
"...You good down there? Want some more time?"
Zhuan Yi's face appeared between Yao Jun's fingers, dark silver eyes peering down at him while her pale white hair hung down. Her expression was a bit off, as if she was uncertain what face to make. But perhaps that was just to be expected, she had after all just attacked and broken Yao Jun five times as he listed off the number of times his companion had saved his life.
Yao Jun's gaze slid away from the sky and landed on her face, were it not for the newly born Origin Beasts within him, she would be the last of his companions at his side. And even then, calling her a companion was perhaps a bit of a stretch, she just followed him because it was interesting.
He could feel the tears that still ran down his face, the moisture that stained his entire face. He probably looked like a mess right now. His thoughts drifted away, back to the last things Sirius told him before he offered his life, back to what he promised his companion. His gaze slid back to the sky, to the bars that blocked his ascent. He clenched his hand and lowered it, the full splendour of the sky revealing itself.
"My face. Stomp it one last time. Crush it."
Zhuan Yi flinched slightly as Yao Jun made his request. It wasn't really the request that made her flinch, she had already 'killed' him five times after all, a sixth was nothing. No, what she reacted to was the gaze hidden beneath the tears, the endless blue sky reflected in those black pupils. The tears made it look sorrowful, but beneath that was the unmistakable glean of determination, of unshakable belief. The flinch twisted before it finished, transferring into her lips and causing their edges to curve up.
"Alright. Five times he saved your life you said, so let's give him a sixth to make things fair. And then... Then let's see how far you'll rise, Yao Jun."
She understood that gaze, that glean within the darkness. She belonged to a unique species, her race was as close as you could get to apex predators when they were at their prime. So she understood, the thoughts within those eyes were perfectly transmitted, from one apex predator to the other. She raised her leg again and gathered her strength, then she brought it down and crushed his skull.
Five times she had 'killed' him to pay back the lives he owed Little Thunder, five times she 'killed' him so that the pain of the flesh could drown out the pain of his heart. And now marked the sixth 'death', and as he said, it would be the last. No more deaths, no more falling. Not to himself, not to others. Now he would do as he said, he would become someone worthy of being their god.
Blood splattered and pain flashed through Yao Jun's mind. He couldn't see the sky anymore, but the sight was seared into his mind so it lingered even in the darkness. But right now his thoughts were focused on something else, on words meant only for himself.
Goodbye, Little Thunder. Thank you for everything. And if... just if the Bloodwind Emperor is as great as they say, then I will show you a back worthy of your faith.
By now, the sensation of his flesh growing back was familiar to him. Bones reforging, muscles and nerves re-attaching, eyes and hair forming. He was a universe, not a man, rebuilding his ruined head to its previous state only required some of his energy. But as his black hair and dark eyes reformed, there was one thing missing. His face was clean and dry, with none of the previous tears remaining.
And then he rose. A gust of wind pushed his back and raised him up to his feet, a bright burst of flames washing over his body and evaporating the blood that stained his clothes. In just an instant he had cleaned up, to the point that his previous battle looked like nothing more than an illusion. But the loss was still very real, the pain that stabbed him was still there. And the gaze like fire still burned.
"Yang Long. Lin Ren."
His pupils moved slightly. There were still two other people on this planet, still something else he had to take care of. Only when they were dealt with could he move on to the next issue at hand. He immediately found the two people, Zhuan Yi hadn't pushed them too far away when she made space for him.
The two winced slightly as Yao Jun's gaze landed on them, it was such a stark contrast to his earlier bloodshot gaze that it was hard to think it came from the same man. Granted, this type of gaze was on they were far more familiar with from him, he hadn't been dubbed the Nine Heavens Demon God for nothing. But the problem was what this kind of gaze would bring with it, especially when he had already made it clear earlier that they weren't friends.
Yang Long was mostly fine, but Lin Ren had seen Yao Jun absorb the pieces of the Supreme Law so he couldn't help but be worried right now. Yao Jun did not pay any mind to Lin Ren's worry, he simply proceeded with what he had come here for in the first place.
"Yun Yantian, Guo Luo, Yang Yuhuan, Yao Xuelian, as well as my parents and my companions. They were the ones who followed me to the other universe, they were the ones who put their trust in me."
The dry earth crumbled beneath his feet as he walked, a few sparse clouds of dust rising up before falling again. The sound was as quiet as could be, but it sounded almost louder than his voice when it reached the two who had to listen.
"But... I failed that trust. And that is why I'm here now, that is why I killed those who borrowed our names. Yang Long, Lin Ren. I got cocky, I got arrogant and overconfident in my own strength. But I was not the one who paid the price for that arrogance, someone put their hand on my back and bore the price for me. I was weak, I was arrogant, and Yun Yantian died because of that."
His voice was low and somewhat hoarse. He could still see that moment when he closed his eyes, he could still see Yun Yantian's final smile. Had he just listened a little, had he just investigated a little more, had he just been a little more careful. There were so many small things he could have done to ensure that Yun Yantian didn't die, so many things he didn't do. Like a small rock that rolled down the mountainside, knocking things loose until it became a gargantuan landslide, the small things he didn't do piled up into a disaster.
"Yang Yuhuan... She was furious with me, she couldn't even stand to look at me. I understand her, I wouldn't have been able to look at me either. Really, what a despicable thing I did."
He couldn't see his own face, but he was sure that he made a bitter expression. Yang Yuhuan was different from Yang Long and Lin Ren, he was closer to her, friendlier, she was one of those who could be considered a friend. And he had hurt her immensely, he had stolen from her the thing she loved more than anything else.
"She left. She couldn't bear to be with me so she left. There are chances that he can be revived with the help of a certain cultivator so she left to accomplish it on her own. I left someone with her to keep an eye on her, but I've lost my gate so I'm unable to contact them... I don't know where she is or how she's doing."
Finally, he got it all off his chest. Yun Yantian's death, Yang Yuhuan's subsequent loathing and separation, he'd finally delivered the news to those who needed to hear them. Was she still alive? The major universe wasn't a kind place, the world wasn't a kind place, and she was weak so it was easy for her to be swept up. She may have started to hate him for what he did, but he could not hate her, he just wanted her to be safe. But he couldn't use his gate, and Du Xiao was still stuck in one of the fragments so he had no way of contacting the two small spiders he left with Yang Yuhuan.
"...Dead? Yantian... He died for you?"
Yang Long's voice was a bit stilted as it came out, Lin Ren's expression distorting grimly. Yao Jun didn't say anything and simply bore their gazes, just as he had borne Yang Yuhuan's gaze of hatred.
"...What expression did he have at the end? What were his last words?"
Yang Long was the one here who had the longest relationship with Yun Yantian, they came from similar clans and had spent a fair bit of time together even as children. Was that why he could bear it more stoically than the others? Yao Jun didn't even need to think back, that expression and those words had burned themselves into his being.
"He was smiling, he kept wearing that stupid smile of his that seemed to say that everything would be fine. He wanted me to apologize to Yang Yuhuan because he never did do her right. And he told me... He told me that this was no place to die, I still had to ascend to the throne of godhood. And even if he couldn't be there to see it, he'd at the very least be my sword."
He had been smiling. Sirius had also been smiling when he handed over his life. And Little Thunder, was he smiling when he gave his life? Yao Jun wasn't sure about the last one, but he felt disgusted by the possibility that it was correct. Why? Why couldn't they hate him? Why couldn't they glare at him and curse him as they died, as they gave their lives? Why did they have to make it hurt that much more by smiling?
"Yao Jun. Look at me."
Yang Long's voice drew Yao Jun's attention, his head turning slightly to focus on him. His fist flew out at just that moment, the muscular man's knuckles digging into Yao Jun's cheek. But his head didn't turn, his neck didn't move, the difference between them was too big. But that was fine, Yang Long just wanted to hit him.
"You're not a god. You lost another companion here, gods don't lose friends, gods don't stare at the sky with messy faces full of tears. You're just another man, crawling on the ground."
His teeth were grit so tightly that Yao Jun could hear slight cracking and groaning, his fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He glared at Yao Jun with the same bloodshot eyes that Yao Jun had used to look at him earlier.
"Don't you dare spit on his final will any further than this, do you hear me? No more losing, no more crying. Even if he can be revived, even if you or my sister can get that cultivator to revive him, the fact of the matter is still that he died, and he did so because of you. If he said that you could ascend to become a god, then that is exactly what you must do. If you fail to live up to even that simple final will then I will never forgive you, and I will spend the rest of my existence trying to find a way to tear you down. Do you understand?"
He looked like he wanted to strangle Yao Jun but couldn't bring himself to raise his hands to actually touch him. So he just glared and spat out the words. His friend died because he believed that Yao Jun could become a god, if he became anything less than he was just mocking his departed friend's belief, and that was something Yang Long would never accept. Yao Jun took in the gaze. There was strength in those eyes, a type of strength that Yao Jun did not possess. But he still nodded his head, because the path he had to walk was already set in stone.
"I understand. But I won't stop at becoming a god, they deserve more."
Yang Long and Yao Jun locked eyes, Lin Ren had lost his chance to speak since the one with the greatest relationship with Yun Yantian spoke first. Yang Long studied the dark gaze in front of him, the burning glean and the reflection of the sky that lingered in them. His breath slowly escaped through the gaps of his clenched teeth and he forced himself to turn away.
"Good. Good. Go... I can't stand to look at you right now. And don't you dare ever show yourself in front of me again if you haven't managed to become a god or bring back my family."
He was afraid that he would lose control if he kept looking any longer. He was the man who had caused the death of Yun Yantian and the disappearance of his sister, he really wanted to beat him senselles. But at the same time, while Yao Jun may not consider them his friends, the same wasn't necessarily true for them. Yang Long at the very least wanted to consider Yao Jun something like a friend, he had a personality that was fit for it. So his emotions clashed and made him feel sick.
Yao Jun understood his emotions, at least the first part of them, and simply nodded his head quietly before turning away. His gaze landed on the companion that still remained at his side and not within his universes, she looked at him a bit curiously, maybe even expectantly.
"Zhuan Yi, will you follow me a bit further? I want your help. "
Help. How often had Yao Jun asked for help in the past, how many times had he hoped that someone would reach out their hand and offer it to him? And how many times had he abandoned those thoughts out of fear and just forged ahead on his own? But now... Now it was time to change, and Zhuan Yi smiled eagerly to mark that change.
"Course, things are just now starting to really look up. Where are we going?"
Yes, that was the gaze. Terrible and majestic, that was the gaze he should have, only with a gaze like that could she look forward to seeing where he would go. After all, it was only with a gaze like this that he had been able to save her race and drive their enemies to extinction. Things were starting now, the rock was starting to fall down the mountain, and it could no longer be stopped.
"To start a funeral pyre, the greatest this world has ever seen."
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