Naruto System Within Naruto

LV 15

DeadEye12

This story is about a man who brainwashes all the attractive characters in naruto when they are babies into becoming his wives. He is planning to be 40 when he wives up ino, hinata and all the others... i thought maybe if i kept reading this he wouldn't write it so creepily but he already brainwashed mikito and kushina as babies into becoming his wives. There is a 4 year old girl running around screaming that she will be the mc wife and everyone is cheering it on when he already has 3 wives. THIS ENTIRE NOVEL AND AUTHOR AND READERS ARE SICK. Come and comment and try to justify this please, lets see how you try to make it seem like what i just wrote is not happening.

LV 5

Tais

Review time Writing quality= Your sentences are not that good and really hard to read, i guess that english is not your first language. Update schedule=is fast but it takes away your writing quality and i think your quality can improve by writing less chapter lets say quality before quantity. Story development= all over the place really hard to follow what is going on Character design= i did not get that far in the story but the beginning was very confusing to me How did he die and why did he die those things are very important in most novels and i didn’t really get an idea what his backstory was World design= it is an Naruto fan fiction Naruto has an enormous world and history and i really didn’t see any in this novel it is as if he is just thrown in this world without any backstory and a few support character who have a little to no background Overall= It is not very good but i think you can improve by putting some time in writing a single chapter before the second. And reading some english written books by english writers and look how they make their sentences. A editor can help you in the long run by correcting the things you overlook it happens to everyone even the best. But the best tip i can give you is to keep writing and enjoy what you do that is the fastest way to improve your writing Well that was a long review i would like to say i can’t write for **** so at least you’re better than me and ignore some comments who try to put you down Reviewer out ( ಠ ͜ʖರೃ)

LV 3

The_Master_Zen

Just.. he manipulates babies and children who he knows will be beautiful in the future into becoming his wives. The best defence I have seen to this is 'This is fanfiction, not real life, so stop discouraging the author, it's not like he's making money off this.' You know what I say to that? If you're gonna write this shit, then stop writing. I'm not gonna be kind and say 'author if you stop being such a perverted cunt then maybe your story will improve', no, I'm outright saying that if the best you can come up with is manipulating babies and kids into marrying your MC, then just become a reader, because this is shit that just shouldn't be written. If your grammar and sentence structure sucks, that's fine. If you get a few facts mixed up, it's alright. If you make power levels unrealistic and boring, it's still fine, you can always improve and I encourage you to do just that! But this shit will get no such encouragement, if you posted this on Royal Road or something you wouldn't get past the first chapter before it gets taken down, you wouldn't even be able to get it submitted. I don't know why there are pedophile MC's on this site, but I know it's disgusting. Even Judge Judy is disappointed in you.

LV 6

DaoistEFB

hey, i think making one with Naruto is a good idea, but have you ever thought about maybe in the future making one with One Piece or Dragon Ball

LV 5

OrdealOfMc

Read up to ch 155. Up to the whole marriage arc, which is **** btw. Anyhow. Translation- (which I consider grammar in this case) 3 stars. While the author won't get any rewards for his writing, it is readable. Although some parts are so messed up you won't get a notion of what's going on without reading few paragraphs. Stability of updating.-5 stars. I'm rating purely speed here. Although now it slowed down, I remember days when there would be mass releases every three or so days, so yeah, good job. Story development. 1star.- while some people would say this is unjust, I would say it's well deserved. The MC goes and does whatever he can wherever he could without worry for consequences. Half the time he's chasing skirts, the other time he is conversing with his system for few chapters straight, after which he gains power-ups but still gets his butt kicked. Character design 1 star.- again, it's just in my opinion. The MC is shallow paedophile, there's no denying that. He goes around and humps 10-year-olds or so girls because can't keep it in his pants. His 'parents' are cheering while he goes and humps two young teens on the second floor. The father is a typical idiot, who half the time talks sex jokes, the other half says creepy things, like what position they used. The mother has no substance, the only emotion she has is a worry for her op son. The other characters, namely his harem, just want his D and that's it. His enemies, namely Madara, goes to his side after one conversation. The whole plot revolves around one village. World background. 1-star. The whole plot stays in one village. That's it. No political games, no ninja that act like a ninja, everything falls into mc's hands without struggle, while the written colours of the world might as well be grey. Finally, I'd say an author should go for quality over quantity. Cuz, while he gives two chapters or so to his titles every week, they are unsubstantial and bad filler material. Also, the ego of author is...bad....

LV 4

MrKeyFox

You should know the history of the Naruto world if your writing a story based in it and stick to names that match the setting you terrible "writer".

LV 5

Ian_wolfanger

I want to go on the record saying that so far, all of the series that have been posted by this author are absolutely wonderful; as such, I truly expect nothing less. All of the fan-fictions have stayed true to the over all theme of the story but has the mc edit and change the story to their whim creating scenarios enjoyable to read. Thanks for reading Good luck

LV 2

ahmed_tanim

I would like to ask people with sane minds to report this story. this story contains a high-level pedo and advocates child abuse. this can create a psychopathic mindset among people. Normalizing and advocating crime is also a crime. If this author wishes his life to be full of 5-6 years of kids as wives, he is a potential criminal. Let's not advocate crime and step forward to stop it from spreading as one day our little sisters could be the victim of this.

LV 7

Maxinonor

like the other stories from this author like the other stories from this author like the other stories from this author like the other stories from this author

LV 13

Space_Fox

Terrible, wtf is that writing style, full of ??????? and !!!!!!!!! at the end of each FUCKING sentences, are you a 8 years old boy? Like wtf is that it's extremelu annoying

LV 4

Saadido

"Horrible, grammar. Unreadable, text. Hotel, Trivago." Nah but seriously I can't read this sh*t so I'm gonna have to give ya a horrible review. Learn at-least high-school English before writing a novel in the language.

LV 5

ShuYme

Very bad story, mc gets basically unbeatable after 40 chapters,Tsunade falls in love with a SIX YEAR OLD CHILD while being 11. The writing style is sloppy and chaotic and the premise behind the story is ridiculous. Half the chapter words are pseudo math about bloodline drops or Smt equally ridiculous. The story introduces new oc’s then immidiately skips any dialogue and or draws wholly unreallistic plot lines to Further the non excisting plot in order to make this sh**show of a story. Gary sue mc, not worth the time i wasted on it.

LV 5

Devil_Hex

Pretty dumb fanfic. MC is given an overpowered system. Really no suspense in the story thanks to that. Too much harem. Dude wants to bed each and every beauty from Naruto 🤦

LV 15

glo_antttt

writing quality- 3 stability- 3 SD - 1 why? he spends most of his time doing stupid shxt it's obvious author-san doesn't put to much thought into this CD - trash, the mc literally doesn't think about anything he does, he's one of those characters that just blatantly shows off his abilities while being weak, also sharing everything with others making them op early on. he's one of those mc's that realistically would die day one (literally read the story im sure Danzo would have killed him) WB - trash, the timeline he picked is ****ed(not going to explain to much) he just basically chose it to **** tsunade 🤷‍♂️ which to me is pointless i'd fuck the old her she doesn't have to be young with her techniques! plus you could probably just give her a beauty pill🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♂️ I rated it a 5 though because of naruto world

LV 4

behind_your_sister

let me die god plz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its even embarrassing to read man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Uzumaki lenley what!!!!!!!!! uzumaki serena!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uzumaki pedro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kill me kill me kill me

LV 4

gilgamesh_heroking

mc is bipolar, a pedophile and author forces everything. the mc grooms children into being his wife when they grow up and the civilians cheer him on for some abstract reason sometimes he cares for people an does stupid things to save people he doesn't even know others he's a plain creep???

LV 6

SURPASSEDEMPEROR

Fuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book CoverFuck change the Book Cover

LV 13

ChosenEternally

Xaaxaxaxaxxaxaxaaxaaxaxaxaxa well needless to say that I will be reading this 10\10 for linley Morreeeeeeeee thaaaaaaaaannnnn 140 characterrrrrrrrsssssssss