Capítulo 19: Telepathic Girlfriend - FInal
Talking to Judie helped Ann to make a decision. She figured out that if Marina was still avoiding her, she needed to go after her herself. She didn't try it by phone. That was a matter she wanted to settle in person.
In their next workday, she tried to approach Marina. When she called for her, Marina brushed her off, saying she was busy. That was frustrating, but Ann wasn't ready to give up yet. Each time Marina was alone, she tried to call her. Each time, Marina gave an excuse and walked away.
Since Ann herself didn't have many customers, as most were avoiding her, she could keep trying. After some time, she realized Marina wasn't around anymore. After asking her co-workers, they told her Marina had gone to the back of the store. Ann followed her. They would be alone, so that was her best chance.
She found Marina sitting on a chair with a glass of water in her hand. They could go there to rest for some minutes when they were tired. Marina rarely did it, but she looked more exhausted than normal.
"Can we talk now?" Ann asked, approaching her.
Marina ignored her. She avoided looking at Ann's face, while still holding the glass.
"Are you really ignoring me now?" Ann grabbed Marina's arm and forced her to look in her direction. "Look, I said I'm sorry. Now, will you listen to me?"
"You don't need to give me an excuse. You don't owe me anything. Let's just forget all of this, okay?" Marina said with a serious face.
"Is this still because of what I thought that day? I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling well, but I can explain."
"Not only that," Marina said and turned her eyes away. "I was thinking if you really want to be with me," Ann gave her a confused look, but Marina continued. "Like when you held Julie's baby. You wanted a child yourself, right? You looked really sad, so I was thinking if you regretted to be with me…"
"What? That?" Ann gave out a laugh. "Was that all? Damn, love, you're stupid. Look, come with me after work and I'll explain everything…"
Ann reached Marina's arm, but Marina slapped her hand away. Ann looked at her confused.
"Have you ever tried to date a man? Maybe you just think you like girls or made you believe that…"
With an abrupt movement, Ann clenched her teeth behind her lips raised her hand and slapped Marina's face. The sound of glass hitting the floor echoed through the room.
"Are you an idiot?" She yelled. Then, realizing what she had made, she covered her mouth. "No, sorry…"
Marina had a startled face, which soon became wet by her tears. She tried to escape, but Ann grabbed her arm.
"Wait, I'm sorry," Ann said with a sorrowful voice. "I didn't want to do that, I…"
"Let me go!" Marina shouted, pulling her arm while trying to free herself. "Let me go! I don't want to…" She paused. Her eyes full of tears looked straight into Ann's eyes. "I don't want to see what's inside your mind right now. I'm afraid. I love you. I don't want to lose that."
"Stupid," Ann said and pulled Marina by the arm. "Don't be afraid and look inside! You're getting these stupid ideas because you keep getting incomplete information. You can see what I'm thinking? Great! But you can't see why I'm thinking."
Ann sighed and calmed her voice.
"Want to know why I was sad by being unable to have a child? It's not because I want to have sex with a man. Don't be stupid. We can have kids in other ways, nowadays, even if there are difficulties. But not me. I can't get pregnant. I don't even have my womb anymore."
"W-what?" Marina looked surprised.
"Yeah, stupid. I suffered a lot with it in the past, so it's something I don't like to think about. See? Incomplete information. Just like that, I did think you were annoying and I wanted to be left alone when I was upset. That doesn't mean I don't love you and that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you anymore," Ann hugged Marina. "Because I love you a lot and I miss you."
Ann felt Marina bury her face full of tears in her shoulders. She could feel her clothing getting wet and Marina's body shaking as she held her. She caressed her girlfriend's hair.
Then she looked around and realized they weren't alone anymore. All of their co-workers had come to the room, probably after hearing sounds of fighting or the glass breaking. Ann gave a nervous smile. She knew they were in trouble.
***
The manager let them out with another warning. That night, Ann invited Marina to spend the night in her home. There, they lied on the bed and Ann hugged her girlfriend until she calmed down. She was still shaking a little.
"I think I'll change jobs," Ann said.
"W-What? Is it because of me?"
"Yes," Ann said and Marina gave her a fearful look. "But not in a bad way. Well, I don't feel like I'll be able to grow more while working there. And I have the looks and smarts to get any job I want."
"Not the humbleness, it seems."
"Being humble is for the ones who can't be anything else," Ann smile, but then her face became serious. "By the way, why did you have to ask?"
"Oh, that," Marina moved her pupils away from Ann's face. "It happens sometimes. It's rare, but when I'm too upset my own thoughts cloud any external thought I should hear."
"Oh? Did I have that effect on you? Actually, even better, does that means I can think anything right now?"
Ann held Marina's hand and squeezed it hard.
"Let me tell you why I can't have children then," she said. "I had ovarian cancer when I was a teenager. A lot happened and, well, I literally can't have children now."
"What?" Marina gave her a surprised look. "So young…"
"Yeah, I was surprised, too. It was really painful both emotionally and physically, so it's not something I like to think about. I always avoid thinking back on it. So yeah, you wouldn't know. Or rather, how much of an idiot is you?!" Ann raised her tone and Marina flinched. "If I wanted to have children, being into women or men have nothing to do with it. The science is on our side. Well, maybe not really our biological children, but who cares?" Ann paused, then she gave an embarrassed smile. "Actually, I did save some of my eggs. The doctor said I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, but when I said I wouldn't have sex with men anyway, they suggested… Well, I just accepted it. I don't really know why."
"Such a narcissist."
"Well, so be it. Who cares?" Ann paused, then she said in a harsh voice: "But that's why you shouldn't assume things. You can read minds? Fine. But you know what, we can't. And we can't control what we think, either. I tried to do it through these last few days. It was exhausting and I don't wanna do that again. I want to feel safe and comfortable around you. So, maybe I'll think something that makes you upset. Maybe I'll find a girl hot and maybe I'll think something unpleasant to you about her. I don't know. Maybe I'll think something that makes you afraid. I can't know. I can't control it. But I want you to ask me about it instead of just close yourself. Maybe you'll get angry at first, but please, talk to me when you feel better," Ann's voice became more calm, as she added: "In college, we learn about data and information. You have data by listening to our minds, but you don't have information until you can process it. You need the source to process it, do you get it?"
Marina nodded in silence.
"And that's not just about me," Ann kept saying. "I wonder how many people you misjudged because of that. Sometimes people are assholes, but sometimes they're just having a bad day."
Ann caressed Marina's face and kissed her lips. She looked calmer, but her eyes were still red for crying.
"Have to say, though," Ann said. "This vulnerable side of you is surprising."
"Did I let you down?" Marina asked, timidly.
"Hum, I like it. I love this cute side of you, too," Ann said, kissing her again. "Actually, are you still unable to hear my thoughts?"
"Kinda. I can hear a little, but I'm still a little upset, so that's not enough."
"Is that so?" Ann gave an impish smile. "So this is my chance to surprise you," saying that, she got on top of her girlfriend and kissed her. "I'll enjoy your rare cute reactions through this night."
***
On the day of the baptism, Marina showed up with her best clothing. A white shirt and black mini-skirt. She had her hair done and was better dressed up than Ann, who just had her casual clothes.
"And you don't even believe in god," Ann said while they walked to Judie's house. Her girlfriend's look was delighted to her.
"That has nothing to do with it. We were invited, so I should do my best," she said, with a serious face.
"You're not doing that to please Judie, right?"
"Ugh…"
Days before, when Ann asked what kind of thoughts Judie had when they meet, Marina said that to save their friendly relationship, she wouldn't tell. "But if I can say just that, it was a little scary," she said at the time.
After their fight, Marina started to study psychology books by herself. "It's not something I want to do", she had said. "I don't think it would be very healthy to me. But I feel like I should understand the human mind better if I can hear it".
When they knocked in the door, Judie seemed distressed. She had her son in her arms as she greeted the two girls. When she kissed Marina in the face, Ann realized her girlfriend's body flinched.
"Actually, now that you're here, can you take care of him for me?" She said, passing the baby to Marina. "Stupid Glenn is late and I can't do anything while holding him. Thanks for that."
Saying that Judie walked inside. Ann and Marina entered the living room and sat on the couch. Marina's eyes gleamed as she looked at the baby.
"You really like children, too," Ann said with a smile.
"N-Not particularly," Marina said, trying to undo her smile. "It's just, I don't know, peaceful."
"Is that so? What babies even think about?"
"Well, that's hard to explain. Actually, I can't explain it either."
Ann started to play with the baby and Marina looked at her girlfriend's smile.
"You're thinking I would be a good mother, though," Marina said.
"Yeah, true," Ann said, still playing with the baby. "But don't go thinking anything stupid. If you ever want to have children, I'll be their mother, too."
Marina smiled. But soon her semblance became serious.
"I'm not sure if this is the best time, but I had been thinking. I never thought about that before, and to tell the truth, it's a little scary. But I think I want a child."
"W-What?" Ann asked, startled.
"But I wanted them to be your child. You said that's possible, right? I can carry the baby in your place."
Ann paused and looked down. When she opened her mouth to talk again, Marina interrupted her.
"Yeah, I know you think it's selfish of you to agree. But it's not only you. That's something I want, too. And if you still feel bad, we can have another child later. But I still want to have your baby."
Ann squeezed Marina's arm and leaned against her. Her eyes were moist of tears welling up.
"Okay," she said, her voice weak. "But you're wrong again. It won't be 'my baby'. It'll be 'our baby'."
And Ann gave Marina another kiss.
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