DaoistjJW9a4

It's a good start, but I think the narrative is moving too fast. I hope the pace of the story will slow down a little and you will describe the feelings and thoughts of MC and other characters more, as well as describe the environment in more detail (in many fanfiction, a simple enumeration of the situations in which MC gets into and this makes the characters seem too cardboard). I don't like wish-fulfillment fanfiction, but this story seemed interesting and gave me hope that it would become one of the few good fanfiction on lookism. I hope I didn't offend you in any way, I wish the muse and good luck, I will definitely wait for the continuation. P.S. wrote with the help of a translator, I'm sorry for the mistakes

English is not my native language so I use a translator so I'm sorry for the mistakes. I really liked this story, but of course there are pros and cons. First, the pros: 1 this is the main male character, you can count them on your fingers in this fandom. 2 The ability to copy, I really like this type of ability. 3 Planned sets of worlds, the story will not end on one world (it would be interesting if after twilight ms goes to the game of thrones, I would like to see ms as the same manipulator as Aro. To see how he uses Chelsea's mind reading and emotion control abilities, etc. creates an ally for himself and stands on top of the world) Now, although minor, there are still disadvantages: 1 immortality of ms, not exactly a minus, but it would be better if he accumulated the ability of a vampire and became like Renesmee and eventually brought it to the maximum, it would be more logical than giving him such an abundance from the very beginning (besides pumped to the maximum) 2 short chapters, it is better to combine several chapters into one than to write many chapters about the same thing (it feels like you are reading the same chapter) for example, all chapters with trials could be combined into one, and the chapters of being a slave into another and finish at the beginning of its transformation, and start the next one with ms changes and spend the night revenge , etc . Perhaps that's all for now, I hope the author will continue this story because I really liked it and for some reason I'm sure that over time the author will only improve in the process of writing the work. All the best and I hope to continue soon[img=update]