While the prologue is a little slow, Chapter 1 jumps into action quickly. I'd like to see a little more of the boy before he recovers. I think the contrast between the inflicted boy and the astute man would make for terrific character development. However, the ML comes across as strong and wise, someone I'd be willing to follow. I particularly appreciated how much the father cared for the boy and the efforts he took to protect him. Keep writing. This story has a lot of room for development and surprising twists and turns.
What did he do to deserve such punishment? Nice setup otherwise. Fast read with plenty of detail.
Aw, I should be the one giving you gifts. You've been so supportive. It helps keep me motivated to write more. Thank you so much for everything.
Working on that today. Thanks for the suggestion. I see now the extra spacing isn't doing the trick.
The Trigger was a trendy bar downtown. On a busy night, maybe a hundred people could squeeze in, but when I arrived, there were only about ten people hanging out.
Urban · CaseysPen
Apparently, extra spaces between POV changes aren't working. I'll go back and add subheaders. See if that makes it clearer. Thanks.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
Urban · CaseysPen
My dear reader, you are my hero. Thank you for your corrections. I appreciate your eye for detail.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
Urban · CaseysPen
Welcome back. Love your paragraph comments.
Aw, how sweet. Thanks for enjoying.
Not at all. Yeah, he's one of those dads.
Gay and sleeping beside her. Making babies with her. Fucking her. Telling her he loved her only to leave her with a note that hardly said more than it was all fake, and he couldn't do it anymore.
Urban · CaseysPen
Nice setup for the next chapter.
Re: God of Formation.
Eastern · _EverSmile