LarcsytSalu

22 days ago

Commented

See this! I just gifted the story: Inspiration capsule

ch 25 Chapter - 25 Panicked Pandemonium

Runaway Omega

LGBT+ · NuckinFuxNix

LarcsytSalu

25 days ago

Commented

I think this sentence would sound (flow) more fluidly written as either "…it all felt so surreal." or "…it was all so surreal." instead of "…it was all felt so surreal."

Raelynn nodded mutely, trailing behind him as he approached the front doors. She couldn't help but glance around as they walked, her eyes drinking in every detail. The towering columns flanking the entrance, the fancy carvings on the doorframe, lanterns' faint glow lit the stone steps with warm light—it was all felt so surreal.

My Baby Daddy Isn’t Human

Fantasy · seohyangchen

LarcsytSalu

28 days ago

Commented

Delcain's thought re: Tristan being able to "talk a man out of wallet and keys", has me wondering when & how often that occurred during the years after they escaped from the facility

She was right, Tristan was always strong at the strangest of times, and could talk a man out of his wallet and keys. I had to find a way to protect him within 48 hours, and I would do it for my naive older brother, without fail. I left my room and headed for the first floor, and then I ran into Meyhymn on the stairs.

Runaway Omega

LGBT+ · NuckinFuxNix

LarcsytSalu

28 days ago

Commented

departed & left essentially mean the same thing in that sentence, this it's repetitive & unnecessary to use both

As soon as the doctor departed left, the room fell into an awkward silence. Raelynn glanced at Elion, her eyes flicking up to his face, trying to read his thoughts, but he remained tense, his expression like stone. It wasn't until Kade let out a low whistle that the silence begin to fade.

My Baby Daddy Isn’t Human

Fantasy · seohyangchen

LarcsytSalu

28 days ago

Commented

a bit repetitive mentioning Elion's eyes . I think this sentence would sound (flow) more fluidly written as either "Elion's eyes narrowed a bit, then…" or "Elion narrowed his eyes a bit, then…" instead of "Elion's eyes narrowed his eyes a bit, then…"

Elion's eyes narrowed his eyes a bit, then let out a soft laugh. "You're really trying hard, aren't you?"

My Baby Daddy Isn’t Human

Fantasy · seohyangchen

LarcsytSalu

1 months ago

Commented

😱😱 serves her right 😸😹🤣😂🤣😹😸😂🤣😸😂

Countless threads on her white uniform suddenly loosened and tore into pieces. The fallen garments included even her inner innershirt, resulting in her lace bra getting revealed in public.