Abzeichen 5
Moments 58
Sure, just let me know. And you're amazing! Keep up!!
I understand that - but I think it can be condensed more. I think we are really moving away from the theme itself, and we can always have those hatred elements incorporated without dragging that much. But that's a personal preference. It's just that the author needs to consider the level of interest of each chapter.
ch 21 A Clandestine Society and The Victims
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Divorce, honey. If they are too much, divorce 🙄
"Why isn't there a single day without a problem? Now he went and caused another problem that even shook the nation? This humiliation and embarrassment, how do you think will look on my spotless career? You two...can't you just leave me alone? I've been feeding and clothing a walking garbage that turned now into an immobile garbage and now I have to pay from my pocket for the problems he caused."
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
💯💯
She took her seat and arranged her books, notebooks, and pencils. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone. However, without looking she could feel some of them were hesitating to come forward. To end the awkwardness, the teacher came in and started giving lessons as if nothing happened.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
The drama is too dragging. I’m not sure if I’m reading something from a telenovela or what. Since this is just the prelude, I understand. But we’re straying away from the main theme. I hope we get the chance to discover more.
ch 21 A Clandestine Society and The Victims
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
I just want them to face the consequences. Really can’t wait for that.
She took her seat and arranged her books, notebooks, and pencils. She tried not to make eye contact with anyone. However, without looking she could feel some of them were hesitating to come forward. To end the awkwardness, the teacher came in and started giving lessons as if nothing happened.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
I mean there are other ways for her to move forward. She needs therapy, not another session of trauma.
"And that's what they want you to think. You can run away to another school but what if there are bullies worse than this? If you don't find the courage to fight back, you may never lead a normal life again."
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
‘Attraction’ i mean…
"What is this?" she smiled again, "Am I going insane now?" Was it an overwhelming opposite attraction? This never happened to her before.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Mistaking such feeling for love, I’ve seen this many times. Let’s see how this goes
"What is this?" she smiled again, "Am I going insane now?" Was it an overwhelming opposite attraction? This never happened to her before.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Finding someone experiencing a similar tragedy…feels comforting in a way.
"Would he know what I should do?" She smiled. For a second she forgot all of her sufferings. Only the boy came to her mind. Suddenly, a different kind of emotion overwhelmed her. Even in this dire situation, her cheeks blushed and she felt shy. In her heart, she felt an unknown powerful pull of a thousand strong magnets toward the boy, "What's this new emotion? I've never felt this before!"
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Love the improvement here!
ch 13 A secret admirer
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
The horrors of saying no, really.
She was always afraid of being retaliated against. She feared if she left the gifts then the pride of those boys may get hurt and they could turn from docile lover boys to mindless torture machines. Fear came naturally to her and she could not help it. However, no one had any problem.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Instead of s/he, use they. Since she has more than one sibling. Hence, they is more appropriate.
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
It's just a tip. No due diligence?
When everything was going all out of proportion, the boy who kicked Tom over the rooftop railing was having the evil laugh of his life. After all, it was all his idea! It would never stick till the end but the time he would get, was enough to remove all traces of violence and tie all loose ends.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
"Only if I were given a second chance," Seems more appropriate and emotional. And then include Aboron in his internal thoughts. But that's just my preference.
"Only if I could go to Aboron! This really was unfair!" That was the last words he said. Within seconds his whole life flashed before his eyes.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
I love it when the protagonist acquires new skills. Reminds me of Rimuru.
He heard a voice in his head, "New ability acquired: Battle Instinct. Level 0."
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Nope, not yet. That's really saddening.
"That sounds about right. Today we will do a collaborative beatTheTom seminar. Call up our peers...let's have some fun time at the rooftop."
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
Dmn, police are nonexistent in this world.
The gang heads gathered on the rooftop discretely. There would be a 'Murder' today. This was when they broke students physically and mentally and took obscene pictures so they could blackmail them later whenever they wanted. Mainly they milk them of every penny. Many students stopped coming to school, while female students later had to enter the prostitution market. The gang would pimp them out to rich clients by showing those QUALITY videos and photos. One thing was clear - the party was getting ready for TomAss.
title removed
Fantasy · ToufiqUlAlam
The mystery enveloping Kaesu's story in pursuit of answers about her grandfather's death is enough to rouse curiosity. Although there are numerous aspects that need improvement, I can see potential for this to evolve into a beguiling novel. Furthermore, the author has shown remarkable improvement with their writing and storytelling - kudos to that! Regardless of the score I've given, I can envision this becoming a piece in its own right. Well done, author!
SHE'S THAT UNFATHOMABLE
Teen · YennuiXiel