Not convincing enough
He felt pain, anger, bitterness… Waves of emotion crashed down on him like a raging hurricane as he stood there, frozen in shock.
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
Somehow... She is a mother seeing her son in danger Its motherly instinct
Somehow, she had escaped her own shock as she dragged him across the living room to a section of the house he wasn't quite sure existed.
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
Dialogues should have a start and an end not a paragraph inbetween Instead do something like this: ... "Good day to you all, my little mortals, today is your time for ascension out of your little cresspools..." a being said via the recording. "I have a treat for you today, one you all would love" The being continued ... Something like this is enough to make a long speech feel shorter
"Well, well, well, look at you all! My beloved little mortals! Gather 'round, because I've got a real treat for you today—yes, you heard me right! See, I've been watching you scamper about, clutching onto your little routines, thinking everything is just fine and ordinary. But that's about to change in a way you'll never forget, believe me!
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
It's an icon not a menu
Written across it was a menu that spelled "Audio of Impending Doom". Another smaller menu to the bottom right was written "Click Me".
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
Overall Chapter review: Your first chapter should introduce us, the readers to your character but we just know the name, Max. Who is he? What is his full name? How tall or fat is he? What is his full name? .. These should be in your first chapter and maybe even spill over
She is an older woman at least in her thirties A full name is required Remember, you aren't just creating characters, you are creating a person A person that exists in a world you created in your book Same with Max
Max's mom, Sally, stared at him from across the bed with those deep blue eyes. He was basically a photocopy of her looks and charm, sporting blonde hair like hers that settled on his scalp in curls.
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
Oh.. Should have read this part as well
Of course, he only cuddled with his cat. Who didn't?
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
Ayo... Is he f-ing the cat
She coiled her body around his arms and he hoisted her nimble form up on his bed. Maybe one day, it would be a woman he would be laying with, but for now, his cat would do perfectly.
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
Not a good introduction for a novel. It should introduce Max to us as a person not a concept ... Recommended style is to describe him in a building or doing something relevant Not waking up unless it is relevant to the set up
You know that moment when you're in a dream, but you're so self-inserted you fail to register it ain't reality?
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo
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original I own 15% of the World
Kürzlich aktualisiert
What happens when an ordinary man becomes richer than nations? With $3.27 trillion to spend and only two years to do it, David Williams must reinvest his staggering wealth back into the world’s economy—or risk financial catastrophe on a global scale. Outspending nations might sound easy, but navigating power, greed, and the challenges of wielding immense influence could cost him far more than money. How does one even spend that much in time? Or is David destined to fail? --- Please leave a review and don't forget to support the book with power stones and Golden tickets if you enjoy it56 Chs 687 Sammlungen
Update Time
Will update two(2) chapters per day at 5:30 pm CAT.
- original
Deus: We are all Lords
4.01 Kürzlich aktualisiert
My name is Kingsley Seth and I, along with all 7 billion+ people on Earth got transferred into a planet said to be 50,000x bigger than the Earth. Having no choice but to listen to a system whose only defining feature was it's absolute fair judgement. This is a story of how we try to overcome the dangers of this new world. Not just physically but also mentally... well, this is a story of how they survive. I live in a massive castle and it is served by beautiful maids and incredibly powerful guards. I hope they survive187 Chs 8.8k Sammlungen
- original
The Codex Eternal
Their duty is to record the story of the various worlds in the multiverse. Explore the unexplored in search for an explanation. They keep records of all that happens, however, they can never interfere in the lives of mortals unless directly related to such an event. They possess power far above even the greatest of Gods as they are objects of worship even for the gods. With the Codex in their hands, they shall remain omniscient. They are the Akashic Librarians. .... Ascending into a whole new plane of Existence, Richard finds himself in a situation far above his pay grade. Follow as he tries to defend his Universe from the powers that may be... If he can.41 Chs 228 Sammlungen
- original
Primagen
Primagen: A crystal-like fruit created by the Progenitors. Considered to be an agent of evolution used in the creation of the Kree and the Cotati. ... Join Oliver as he tries to accomplish his task to dominate the Universe in a universe where people that can rewrite reality, erase all of Existence, evolve and devolve people at will etc, exist. .... If you want to read ahead, you can do so on my patreon. @patreon.com/King_frosh You gain access to about five (5) or more chapters ahead22 Chs 742 Sammlungen
- original
Marvel: Psychomimetic
3.93
Reborn with a pseudo-telepathic ability into a world of Gods, Mortals with the Power of God's and smart men who creates gods. Richard is but a normal man trying to not just survive but make a place for himself ==== Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this book apart from my OC. All other characters belong to their respective owner which in this case is Marvel. If you want to read ahead, please go to my patreon @patreon.com/King_frosh43 Chs 10.4k Sammlungen
- original
Marvel: Elysium (Old)
3.84
As You all know, A guy gets killed in a fantastic way Meets God Reincarnates with Gifts becomes ridiculously OP Turns the entire world into his plaything cause he knows no one can hurt him Please Note, It has been rewritten under the name/ Elysium [Marvel] === === === here's my Patreon for those who like the book and wish to support my work ko-fi.com/5imply_lucid130 Chs 10.8k Sammlungen
- original
Empire: Titan's Rise
[Welcome to Titan] Those were the words that started it all for a young Tau. Appearing in an unknown world and tasked to lead an unknown people. He will lead and he will survive no matter the cost. However, why stop there?4 Chs 17 Sammlungen
- original
Cosmic Editor
4.34
[You are now the Editor] The administrator said in a proud tone "Okay... so what exactly are my duties as the Editor, I doubt I have to review people's work" [That's the simple part, you edit] "What?... I just edit, what does that even mean" [That is up to you to figure out] ... What do you do when you are given phenomenal power and authority over what is possibly, all of creation. Armed with a literal omniscient being as a servant. Facing an unknown event prophesized to possibly end all life. Follow as David uses his newfound power and authority to survive and also save as many people as he can. ==== Please do not forget to leave a review so I can improve my writing72 Chs 2.8k Sammlungen
Nope Describe the voice as cold and flat... Almost as though a machine was speaking
Max seemed to be hearing a voice in his head. It sounded like some female AI with a hint of sass.
Beacon of Light and Shadow
Fantasy · Tonye_Alalibo