luster of the skin is what?? first mob second his body is buff.. shouldn't it be buffed? large muscles with muscles like a swollen ballon... your point is conveyed on the first part... buffed . then large muscles then swollen.. redundancy at its finest... proofread edit peer review could be nice.. that is why even best selling authors has their editors
ch 12 First Encounter With Criminals
Fantasy · MadScythe
heaving up and down .. is diff from caving in..when your chest caved in . it just means that your sternum is broken .. owls sound like whoo . kroo kroo kroo is for ravens. stick to one language . instead of stances and kata.. use stances and forms... you used kata for the word form which it is not mind you.. Kata is more of showing the memorization of certain movements... a lot of Jargons.. this makes the piece not reader friendly and as a practitioner... I believe that it is not the stances and forms that differs from style to style.. it is their overall approach and execution that varies ..
ch 11 Hellish Training and Strong Determination
Fantasy · MadScythe
Flashing scabbard... I thought that it is a quick draw or iaido.. turns out to be a flying knives sort of skill which makes no sense for the name.. meter is way too long during a battle.. unless you have monstrous long arms it would be so long... a meter is almost or a little more than 5 feet... lapu lapus blade is called Kampilan...
ch 10 Flashing Dash and Flashing Scabbard
Fantasy · MadScythe
Divine incubus? how can a Demon be divine? please... read before you write...
ch 0 1 The birth of the Demon King of Lust
Urban · Kira_Kazuto_4040
the Title is interesting... yet the story us dragging...
ch 19 Silverstream Mine
Games · Seven Dopplegangers
a lot of loopholes.. a Billionaire made from scratch yet still getting outsmarted by an ancient man? come on...
ch 0 4 Reputation is a Double-Edged Sword
Eastern · Wise_Weed
too dragging
ch 0 4 Reputation is a Double-Edged Sword
Eastern · Wise_Weed
this novel is too dragging.. lost interest after 10 chapters.
ch 19 Guess Why I'm Going to the Commercial Street
Urban · Acting Hooligan
not extravagant .... yet cooking Shrimp sinigang... lol and this flat form hosts multiple countries better explain some terms and make them specific like your peso... and jeepney . constructive critism dude/dudette God bless and keep grinding
ch 0 7 System Mission
Fantasy · YouthGod
tenses of the verb.. using the same words... redunduncy... try checking for possible synonyms... avoid filipinism... instead of putting why not use placing... yan po napansin ko sa first chapter... hope na ma improve mo sya
ch 0 1 Chapter 1
Games · TheUnknownEntity
succubus... it suggests that a person is a flirt or a seductress.. yet you said that girl is approachable yet civil....
ch 0 1 Chapter 1: Encounter with a Goddess
Fantasy · Nickaido
commas could be used as well..
ch 0 1 Prologue
Fantasy · Nickaido
breaking the wall gone fcking wrong... not effective
he charged them quickly... what did they buy? do they have a credit from MC? it is waaaay far from he charged at them.. since pinoy ka... charged them quickly pinagbayad niya sila ng mabilis or mabilisan niya silang pinag bayad charged at them.. translates to sumugod siya sa kanila or sinugod niya sila
ch 13 First Kill
I Can Upgrade My Talent In Everything
Fantasy · MadScythe