There are some loopholes where sometimes the author establishes something but forgets to make use of them later on. Those I can somehow tolerate, what really gets me is the fact that the author wants things to go badly for the MC, where anything that could go wrong will result in the worst possible version and the follow-up is watery at best (e.g. Dumbledore clearly did not give MC the antidote the moment it was made available why was there no repercussion, or why did dumbledore allow visitors when MC was petrified--> cause rumors to spread? just a plot point so that rumours will spread? How did the rumours come to be? there seemed to be only a limited number of people who got him to the hospital and visited him in the hospital, were they tattle tales? If Dumbledore has the prophecies, why did he not interact with MC more delicately initially (lol ik writing can be a pain if u haven't planned everything out initially so I'm not calling you out, I semi-enjoyed the book, it can just improve plot-wise)). Sadly, I'm already emotionally invested and kind of want to see how this situation plays out because at this point it is just full-on depressing.
I feel like there is a whole conversation missing. The shift from his organization newcomer to reality was very abrupt, and the beginning of the chapter was obviously the end of a conversation. So was there a technical mistake?
I would like to somewhat disagree with you there. I have no experience or deep knowledge of it, but logically, I feel like if you were to treat the five years undercover as trauma, then the fact that he as you said "is acting like a child" makes sense since it can be attributed to the fact that he finally has people who he feels safe with and can therefore put down his so-called macho personality that he used to survive with the gang. Although I will say your point has SOME merit, the author is not very clear on why he doesn't like big guns, is it because he was shot with big guns or did he have that fear before he went undercover? plus I feel like for someone who just came back from 5 years deep in enemy territory, he should exhibit more symptoms of PTSD, such as being easily startled, having emotional outbursts, and so on. Right now the character feels somewhat flat because all we are reading about is what other characters are doing and not really what the MC is doing. So in conclusion, the storyline is A-OK (in my perspective) and we just need a few sprinkles of detail to make everything much more realistic (e.g. loud laughter outside could have startled him, when he learned about the suicide of the hostage he could have overreacted, and other little details). P.S. Author, I am not at all a writer so take my suggestions with a grain of salt.
As they left, they greeted a small gaggle of SWAT officers outside. They had already made themselves known by loudly talking and joking with the officers outside the room. Daniel 'Hondo' Harrelson, Christina Alonso, Victor Tan, and Dominique Luca shared some pleasant greetings with Andersen and Grey, then came inside Ben's patient room.
LATV: The Life of Detective Ben Weiss
TV · Nuclide
The story is very fast-paced and no insight into the mc's character, like what motivates him or what he is striving for, is given. The story only glosses over what the MC does and doesn't go into why, or how which makes his absurd magical abilities like the unforgivable curses feel forced. The whole thing feels forced, not flowing like a real-life situation and even special plot points like the troll incident are glossed over, making the story feel incomplete. I will admit, I stopped reading early so it might get better later so read it if you feel it has potential.
Boooo, dont litsen to them. I am a big fan of the deranged giggling, mwahaha. I feel like people act seriously and dour because they are putting on a mask (or they went through trauma) and since this mc's greatest wish is to be free, being able to get rid of the mask and be his inner child is the greatest proof of his freedom. So ride on, deranged giggling, you are a symbol of freedom!
The baffled expressions of the rest of the nobles is far too much for me and I burst into a fit of childish giggles.
Skyrim: A Sorcerer's Tale
Video Games · Rastislav
Well, it might just be because women had wider hip-bones during medieval times, requiring less pushing, allowing them to recover faster. On top of that, babies today have wider heads compared to medieval times due to larger brain sizes. These two evolutionary trends work synergistically against mothers today and make birthing more difficult.
'Damn! Talk about culture shock! I can't even begin to imagine a 21st century woman just popping out a baby, latching it on to her titty, and then sitting down to start shucking corn!
Reincarnated Into The Witcher Universe: Sorc'n It Up, Witcher Style
Video Games · ChaosSlimeGod
correlation between the two, not coloration.
"I don't see the coloration between those two, but I'll see what I can do."
Minecraft: loading new world
Video Games · EnderStar
tiered= tiredpowder not (forgot what's there), and let the heat of the campfire (your sentence sounds awkward without campfire)
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Minecraft: loading new world
Video Games · EnderStar
I think the word you're thinking of is "pained" instead of painted. plus at the top, maybe you can say "attract unwanted attention" or "attract the attention of some unpleasant people" instead.
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Minecraft: loading new world
Video Games · EnderStar
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original Beyond Your Imagination
A story where all the crazy is unleashed. anything can happen and it doesnt have to make sense (though i will try to give a fantasy explenation).1 Chs 2 Sammlungen
I believe you want to refer to the "central nervous system" because I'm pretty sure the term "cerebral nervous system" is not an existing one. If u wanted to refer to a specific structure, like cerebral cortex, cerebellum, or etc you would need to be more specific. But if you wanted to refer to the brain + spinal cord, then that's the central nervous system. If you just wanted to refer to the information entering the brain, then the spinal cord or specifically, the brainstem would be the target since those are the information highways. LOL sorry for getting so technical for a fanfiction.
"So you have a basic concept. But let me correct you here, Genjutsu does not directly influence a person's mind. What genjutsu does is use chakra to affect another's chakra flow in their cerebral nervous system, which lets one control the senses. Once you control the chakra flow of their senses, you can proceed to make them see things that don't exist, hear things that aren't real, and feel things that never happened to them. Any questions?"
The Senju Shinobi
Anime & Comics · Bob_Kizmet_5542