Kapitel 4: Chapter 4...Trust me, hyung

"Wake up" I heard a faint voice calling me. It felt like the person was my only hope to be rescued and I didn't want to loose it but I just couldn't escape. "It's okay.... I'm here" I heard the voice again and it sounded like Yeol.

I suddenly opened my eyes only to see Yeol looking at me with worry "Hyung..."

"You okay?" He asked helping me sit up.

"Yeah...thanks"

"Nightmare? Or trauma? Just asking because you're really shivering right now"

"Both" I replied wiping my sweat with my sleeves.

"Care to share?... it's the weekend and we can sleep in. That's if you want"

"I trust you but I have a request" I really need this right now.

"What is it?"

"Can we like...c-cuddle. It's okay if you don't want to" This is stupid. He'd never agree. Perks of being as straight as a ruler.

"Wouldn't you find it weird if we do that?"

"I'd say I'm with my big brother"

Yeol looked at me and smiled. "No matter how much I get close to you, I can't tag you as my brother for some unknown reason"

"And I don't feel offended.... but can you give me an answer" I'm literally dying to know what's going on in his head.

There was no response from him so I concluded that he hated the idea of cuddling.

"You must've used a crystal ball because saying no to you is almost impossible." He said wrapping his arms around me.

"Signs of being a good hyung"

"It ain't late for me to push you away"

"Okay sorry...now are you ready to listen to me?" I asked and he nodded to say yes.

I took deep breaths because telling a secret requires courage that I don't have but I trust Hanyeol. "Alright... when I turned 3, my father started hitting me and my mom. What's worse is that I found out I had a twin who died in my mom's womb because my father hit her and me who survived got hit and locked up whenever he's angry. 'He's a junkie that's why he's doing this. It's just the drugs' I always say to myself to stop me from hating him more

"That explains the whip marks on your back. You didn't sue him?" Hanyeol was really looking furious.

"We were scared but my mom managed to fight for a divorce but I still get nightmares about getting hit every time his birthday approaches"

"It's okay... and if he comes back for you, I'll protect you with my life" Hanyeol assured me ruffling my hair.

"Can I really trust you? You don't seem all that strong"

"Oh? Wow you wanna try me?"Hanyeol started tickling me and I ended up begging for freedom which I got before we returned to our normal position.

I felt lighter after telling him about this and it's a totally good feeling. If I had met Yeol earlier, I wouldn't have attempted sûicide and would've learnt to trust more people. Yeol is simply a rogue angel to me.

"I'm getting sleepy" I told him.

"So soon?"

"You were stroking my hair and humming a lullaby,who wouldn't get sleepy...." I asked smiling and taking his arms off me "... and thanks for agreeing to cuddle"

I tried freeing myself from the embrace but he just wouldn't let me go "I said I want to sleep..."

"Then do so" He replied smiling at me. Wait! It's a smirk!

The moment I thought the troublesome Yeol was gone, he came back. "Thanks for agreeing to cuddle....Let! me! go!"

"Just stay this way I don't want you to have nightmares plus you're not strong enough to break free from my grip"

"Whatever... let's go to sleep, hyung"

...

Later that day I joined aunt Sujin and Saebyeol to clean while Hanyeol went to hang out with people he calls his 'crew'. Whatever I don't care.

After a long day of cleaning,we were left with the room I was forbidden to enter. "Aunt.. I'll take a raincheck on this room"

"Is it because Hanyeol scolded you the last time" Aunt Sujin asked.

"That also and this room brings up too many questions in my head.... I don't think I have a right to the answers"

"Mom... isn't Yul joining the family? We can't confine the truth for so long"

"You're right, Saebyeol.... Seoyul come in"

I went in and took a sit when aunt started explaining. "I'm sure you've heard about my sister's death.."

I nodded in response.

"well Yujin Unnie was alright but all her arguments with Daesik made her start drinking and one day when we came in to check on her,she was lying lifeless with drugs scattered around the bed" Aunt Sujin wiped her tears and turned to me, smiling. "...Yul, don't get angry at Hanyeol if he ever does things to you, he just haven't gotten over his mom. I want you to also promise me that you'd always be by his side"

"I promise, Aunt but can I see a sample of Hanyeol's mother's drugs." The smell of thiamine is unbearable for me.

"Why?" Saebyeol asked holding a puzzled look.

"I'm not trying to be rude but I detest the smell of thiamine and it's used to treat Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome"

"Can you elaborate..."

"Alright listen... Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome is a brain disease caused by alcohol addiction and the first time I entered the room, I perceived the drug used to treat it. So I just want to confirm"

"Alright here it is" Aunt Sujin handed me the drug container and I was right. I froze at the thought of what could've killed Hanyeol's mother

"What's wrong? Yul stop keeping us in suspense" Saebyeol shook me bringing me back to reality.

"Where's uncle?"

"In the living room..." Saebyeol replied looking at me intensely.

I ran out of the room and to the living room to find Uncle Daesik and my mom sitting there and Hanyeol who just entered the room. "Uncle, what are you hiding from everyone?"

"What do you mean, Yul?" He answered confused.

I took deep breaths. "okay, I'm glad everyone's here.... can we sit down?"

"I'll take a raincheck on that" Yeol raised his hands but I pulled him to sit next to me on the sofa. "Trust me,hyung"

"Is there anything we don't know about Yeol's mother" I rephrased the question and it seemed uncle got it now.

"I understand your question.... this is something that I've been trying to explain but it'll just be like I'm making excuses. Yujin had a brain disease called Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome caused by excessive alcohol intake. She liked drinking even before we got married but I tried to help her stop but it was too late,she already developed the symptoms and yeol was just 12. The most visible was memory loss and mix up and it was the final stage. I tried to help her as a doctor but there was no cure in Korea, then I tried searching around and it turns out that a cure was in progress in Japan so I discussed with Yujin and transferred to help get the cure.

One day when I was in the theater when I was called that She died from an overdose of thiamine. I thought she forgot, her dosage but the text she sent to me the prior night confirms that she thought overdose of thiamine 100mg would help her not forget her son" Everyone was silent.

I looked at Yeol and he had red eyes "So why didn't you attend her funeral".

"Yeol.... I'm sorry. I was at the airport when the Japanese government announced an emergency two week lockdown and I couldn't do anything about it"

"And you had this bottled up for two years... did you enjoy my hatred for you, father?" Yeol fumed running into the bedroom. Aunt Sujin and Saebyeol ran after him while I stayed to help uncle Daesik keep calm.

Few minutes later he was calm so I ran to Yeol.