Kapitel 1: ONE
At times I wonder "Am I the star of a story or a hero in a movie?" Everything was ruined by just one night. Every time I try to remember how I got here; I just give up because I can't. All I have is this indescribable feeling that I'm searching for something. Even with a twenty-year blank behind me, I still feel changed and calm...curious but calm.
All my life, I inquisitively went place to place searching for answers. Weirdly, the first person I remember is a doctor, a sweet and kind doctor. I was held on trial, still bed-ridden. I faintly remember why I was held. But I hear the doctor was the one who saved me from being served. Ironically, the doctor I remember doesn't have a name, at least in my mind. After the shock treatment, I was released. Released to the unknown mystery we all call "the real world". Enigma filled the atmosphere, I didn't know where I was from or why I got a treatment or, screw it, not even who I am.
My life is just an ordinary, boring, everyday life. I wake up and do the usual morning stuff and then I head to the Gym. I go out to do "Statistical analysis and data reconfiguration" which is really boring but that's what gets me paid to continue the ordinary, boring, everyday life. Returning pretty late, I'd head to the bar next to my workplace sit alone drinking beer, and head home.
But I always think about my blank twenty years before I slowly drift away to the fantasy everyone calls "sleep". I don't even feel like getting up at times, but the alarm clock just makes a ruckus that I can never ignore and hence another day of the ordinary, boring, everyday life begins. Again, after the whole boring day, I lay back down on my comfy bed wondering if I was really the person with every day as a different adventure before this crap and again slowly drift away to the wonderland with an actual backstory. Maybe, I'm a pirate with family waiting back home, for me to return with a treasure or an archaeologist who had been looking forward to discovering something game-changing. But the next day the alarm clock goes cuckoo leaving an abyss in my heart. I never forget a dream, each one of it cherishes in my mind while showering the morning or working out at the gym or even when I'm just sitting at my table staring at my computer doing something that usually annoys me, called work.
It was mid-December; I could see the snowfall and the people starting to decorate their houses and belongings with lights. Today, I woke up thinking "I will break the system of repeating codes in my head which is forcing me to follow the same process every day" But alas, that day went exactly as the last three-quarter of the year. I was pissed at myself for not keeping the word to 'break the code', but I started noticing people after a long time and also saw that I was being noticed. Today a group of college students even asked me for a selfie when I was out drinking at the bar like always, talking about a Christmas miracle. I now started to wonder if I was a celebrity for my first twenty years. I know that I'm making a wild judgment based on rare coincidences but I feel like that would be possible for the feeling I had that I was a person with everyday adventures. I thought of any way I could get to know myself, but all was a waste. I got nowhere thinking so I decided to take action the next day and as I wished I would be capable of actually taking action. I felt a dizziness 'Must be the booze' I thought as I went to a place where it is was pitch black and the next thing, I remember is the alarm clock making noise to get me awake.
'I woke up?' the fact that I woke up was not amusing but the part where I didn't remember what I dreamt was peculiar. It seems like I was getting a helping hand pulling me back into reality. I never ever forgot a dream I saw before and yet. Again, for a change, I woke up with a feeling of unknown pleasure, it's maybe because I was secretly glad, I didn't recall my dream. Thinking back, this was the first time I've been happy for not remembering something.
"Today's gonna be different, I know it" was the only thought that hung onto me every time I went down in a push-up or every second, I stay idle during the plank. The same thought followed me to my workplace too, I walked right into the office and instead of turning left to where my office was placed, I went to the right side of the office, which was exclusively meant for the rudest and most infuriating people on the face of the earth "Bosses". I came out with a smile on my face and also with a box full of my stuff. I'm not sure where to start but I'm glad, I did the right thing because sometimes the bold step we took will be more than enough. But it does not end here... I know it.