Kapitel 14: Ashes of the Mind - Part 4

Jean felt a mounting horror build inside as it was all but confirmed that the professor, a father figure that she had looked up to for years was telepathically affecting her mind.

The lounge activated once more as it tried to calm Jean's mind, but unlike the rest of the session her emotional turmoil could not be quickly doused. Her mind was a mess beyond comparison as question after question appeared in her mind, trying to determine what was real, what was fake... what to believe.

Jacob gave a small grimace at the clear distress reflected in Jean's eyes but knew he had to give her this information. Without the information from the (Jean Grey – Dossier), he himself wouldn't have known about Charles's inadvertent actions.

Charles Xavier was in Jacob's opinion quite a controversial character in Marvel comics. If you looked online, you would see multiple threads about how he is a bad person, manipulative, controlling and basically a complete villain.

This was attributed to various actions he had taken over the decades he had been a comics character as well as actions alternate universe Charles Xaviers have practiced, the worst Jacob had ever heard of was when he mind controlled female members of the x-men to gain political favors, in exactly how one would imagine.

Thankfully he was sure this was just an internet rumor, or he rather hoped so.

This vilification of Charles was argued back and forth by comic readers, trying to highlight his philosophies and good intentions, of course good intentions are not always for the benefit of a person and can come off rather evil in nature.

One of the major arguments that was always pulled up to disparage his name was the phoenix sage. If Charles hadn't locked up and suppressed the phoenix, then Jean wouldn't have gone crazy. But in Jacob's eyes all he had to say to such an argument.

What else was he supposed to do?

He's supposedly one of the brightest minds in the world and probably the foremost expert in telepathy and he didn't know how to solve her problem. Though at the same time he should have told Jean and helped her when she grew older, but then you live and learn.

The only other time Jacob had seen such vilification was with Dumbledore from Harry potter.

Truth be told if Jacob hadn't been thrust into the position of counselor, he wouldn't have worried about this information at all, but that wasn't the case.

In the situation right here and now, Jacob's own ideas and biases about Xavier can and could easily sway Jean's opinion of the man, for better or for worse, he had to tread carefully with how he handled this.

Thinking of what needed to be said and what didn't Jacob spoke up.

"Now before your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios. As I can tell you have already figured out, Charles is affecting your decision to go to university, but...."

He paused, making sure Jean was paying attention; which she was, though from her pained expression this new information weighed heavily on her.

"He is doing it subconsciously."

Jean stared at Jacob as he finished his words, her mind still blank. Though the words registered with her, and she knew what they meant, it wasn't enough...

"That doesn't make it ok!"

Her voice raised as she almost shouted back at Jacob, her hand gripping the lounge. Jacob let her vent her emotions through her actions. This was the first time in the session Jean had raised her voice and in the back of his mind a small voice had to wonder what her reaction would have been like if she wasn't currently on the chaise lounge calming her down.

Jean was hoping that the counselor would have reacted differently to her outburst, maybe have shouted back or said something, but he didn't he just sat there and took it. Emotions of anger, betrayal and hurt spread through her being and she wanted to funnel that at someone, but she... she couldn't.

Not if they didn't rise to the challenge.

Not if they didn't fight back, that wasn't who she was.

So, all she could do was sit there and stew in her emotions, words coming to her lips and leaving them without anything being said.

To Jean, it was like her world was falling apart.

It had started when she first saw that message, it had only really gotten worse with everything that had been happening in the therapy room and now.... now it was truly crumbling to the ground knowing that the most prominent figure in her life was controlling her.... manipulating her...

A shudder went through her body as she thought of her own mind, her most private thoughts and feelings that had been tread upon....

...Violated.

Jean had been taught by the professor from a very young age how to control her abilities.

To never intrude on another's privacy

To not abuse the power she had to investigate another's mind

The sanctity of such a place.

A telepath had a great deal of influence over a person, an influence that only the strongest wouldn't abuse.

Something she always had to struggle with.

Something she always looked to the professor as an example of, dedication, willpower, trust.

That was now gone.

And she wouldn't be able to get that back.

"You're right, that doesn't make it ok."

Once more Jean was pulled from her thoughts by the calm voice of the counselor from the side. She didn't think what he would say could possibly change her mind on her new opinion of the professor, but maybe, somewhere deep down she was hoping that his words would somehow redeem the father figure in her life, make the sting of betrayal, hurt less....

"But Jean you have to understand humans don't truly understand the subconscious. They are the thoughts buried so deep down in one's mind that even they don't know them, they can even lie to themselves at times in this aspect."

Their eyes met once more to get the message across.

"What Charles did.... is doing. He doesn't mean it. He is the same man that has taught you for years, everything that he has told you is the real him. Just because he can't control his powers doesn't mean you should completely vilify and estrange yourself from him. Should you talk to him, tell him what he is doing, though it is not guaranteed he can change his subconscious actions."

It wasn't totally obvious if it was the effects of the lounge, or if it was her own emotions calming down but the anger that dwelled in Jean's body started to simmer down as she thought on the words. She mulled over them as she tried to reach a conclusion and though she could possibly move past this... talk to the professor and make sure that he does change... she knew it would never be the same.

But it did make her feel a little better.

Jacob stayed quite a Jean slowly came to her conclusion, though it took a few minutes he had time and she needed space. All he could do was give her information and let her figure out what she would do in the end.

'Though she is not going to like this next part. Well better get the ball rolling.'

"There are 2 main reasons I'm telling you this."

Jean felt the emotions almost run from her body as exhaustion rushed to fill its place. Fully lying down on the lounge, she tried to relax her body as Jacob spoke, she was going through an emotional rollercoaster and wasn't sure how much more she could take... but she still had so much she needed help with.

"Firstly, People don't understand their subconscious and they can't control it. That fact becomes dangerous when it comes to telepaths. And that brings us to the second point."

Jacob let his words settle as Jean gave a slow but small nod, letting her relax for a few more moments. He started to press different buttons on his small tablet, he needed a lot of information for the next part.

"When I mentioned that, (The bald bastard messed with your mind), I wasn't talking about this; and what he has done makes the subconscious mind a very important matter."

Jean felt her breath hitch for a moment, her arms once more tensing and gripping the lounge as her body followed suit. Her mind drifted to 'that' voice, her mind starting to piece together what it was if only vaguely. She wanted to look in his direction but decided not to as she waited.

"Yes.... It's time we talked about your main problem, even if you wanted to put it off and to make this easier, I guess I'll have to give you a few explanations."

Jean wanted to give a small laugh at the obviousness she showed in trying to avoid the subject and almost considered just leaving the therapy room to avoid the topic, but it would be so much worse out there.

An unease spread through her as 'its' words rang once more in her ear.

'You let the REAL you out.'

"Now do you believe in god?"

"What?"

That question threw Jean off and in her befuddled state she replied after a few seconds.

"Yes."

She wasn't overly catholic or anything, but she had been raised by her parents to believe in something greater, even after they were taken from her, she held a small belief that didn't waver, though she didn't show it much.

"Good, Cause he's real."

…..

…...

Jean didn't think it was possible for this to happen with all she had been hearing throughout the session but hearing those words did shut her brain down for a solid few second.

"Not only that, the afterlife, gods, demons all real. Though I guess you might have seen Thor going about New York, so gods wouldn't be much of a surprise. But unlike Thor, I'm talking about the heavy hitters, the ones that make waves on the universal scale."

'Holy Mother Mary....' Jean's mind was still trying to catch up with the revelations.

"Now don't freak out, there is a hierarchy of beings in your universe that make sure it works properly with 'The One Above All' or 'God' ruling everything. The only reason he doesn't interfere or interact with others is because he believes in the right to free choice, something I think we can both appreciate"

'The one above all? But why the name? Is he the Christian God. I knew that Thor was a hero, but if he is a god, what other religions exist.'

'What type of level is the Counselor at that he can casually talk about someone supposedly ruling my whole universe!!!'

"Beings that make sure the universe works are called Cosmic Beings such as 'Death', she makes sure that death comes to all in the universe at some point, it is something that has to happen."

'Ohh great now 'Death' in an actually person that will be coming for me at some point, what's next gems that control reality, time and space?'

Jean could only nod back numbly, her mind almost completely worn out at this point. Noting the dazed state Jean was in, Jacob quickly tried to bring some levity to the situation. He realized a little late that though his explanation needed certain aspects, dropping everything on a person at once was too much.

"I mean most people would be thrilled to know that God is real, really stops all those existential crises and all that."

Jean finally snapped out her daze at his words and slowly turned from her spot on the chair to look into his eyes. Jacob gave a small cough as he caught sight of the deadpan, she was sending his way, not at all amused.

Keeping that stare on him for a solid minute Jacob dropped his smile and quickly moved on, giving an awkward laugh as Jean finally turned back and rested her head.

As she turned around Jacob gave a small smile.

After having that small respite in the conversation/ info drop/ religious – reality destroying information, Jean finally started to sort out her thoughts and finally came to one questions she just had to voice.

"Why are you telling me this, what does this have to..."

Jacob didn't even let her finish as he continued the small respite from before gone, his voice serious.

"You connected to one...."

Jean's eyes widen to the size of saucers.

".... and in Charles Xaviers hubris he decided to 'mess with your mind' and put a mental block on this connection."

Her face turned as pale as snow.

"This not only could have mentally suppressed certain emotions and feelings which is not healthy, it has pushed this 'entity' into your subconscious and as we just discussed that is a very dangerous thing to happen. Especially combined with said suppressed emotions of.. Anger perhaps?"

Notes: I really wanted to end the chapter where Jacob just casually drops that God is real.... but I'm trying to get this whole session done in the next 2 chapters. 1 Chapter dealing with everything Pheonix, and then another chapter just having her leave the therapy room and completion of the first session. I don;t want to drag this out any further.

Also side note, I really have no clue why this novel is so popular. Like really I don't get it. I don't update a lot, I don't focus on it a lot, etc. Just boggles my mind.

Having a surgery at the end of the month, so next chapter not for a while.