Kapitel 16: Ashes of the Mind - Finale
Jacob slowly released the hug he was holding with Jean as she began to calm down. With the revelation of her past, Jean had been a bawling mess for the last 10 minutes.
Seeming to regain a little calm she finally moved away from him and once again lay on the chaise lounge. Jacob continued to be silent and only wanted his presence there to calm her. Along with the effects of the therapy room and the quiet environment Jean was feeling a lot better after another few minutes of silence.
Wiping her red eyes once more she looked up with determination to see the rest of the information through, she wanted... no needed to know more.
"What happens after... After I become the Pheonix?"
Jacob gave a small nod as he tapped his tablet. The middle picture that was showing the scene of the shuttle slowly changed to something different. Jean wasn't too sure what she was looking at for a few seconds before it became clear.
Before them was a picture of Jean, but she looked different, it wasn't that she was older, no it was the fact that she was in some type of green formal dress and her hair was done up in a style that she would never be caught in. It wasn't ugly per say, it just didn't fit her style.
It was a bit confusing to her for a few seconds before Jacob started to explain.
"In the original timeline what comes next would have been much easier for you to avoid. After coming out of the shuttle and surviving your ordeal you connected to the Pheonix, this gave you a power boost that made you one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful mutant on the planet."
Jean let out a small sigh, she knew there was a but coming and could already see that such power would attract people that would want to hurt her or the others from the institute. Though she hoped that this time the revelation would not involve anyone that she was close with betraying or manipulating her into such a situation.
She didn't think her heart could take another revelation like that.
'Actually...'
Jean's mind wandered for but a second of why they were talking about the original timeline, it was already established that she herself did not connect to the Pheonix like that universe...
'...No focus, he must be telling me this for a reason, or it is something I might have to watch out for!'
Snapping back just as Jacob continued Jean paid full attention to his next words.
"A society called the Hell Fire Club, which is made up of rich and powerful mutants wanted to use your power for their own. This in turn lead to them creating an illusion and mentally manipulating you to believe you were the reincarnation of one of their wives."
Jean felt a small headache at that preposterous description. 'Could these ideas and schemes be less insane? Why the hell am I a reincarnation of one of their wives? Why not just amnesia or something simple?'
Jacob also shook his head at the outlandishness of comic book plots before continuing, conscious of the time he had already spent in the therapy room. He still had a lot more time with Jean, but there was a lot to talk about, so he decided to speed things up a little.
"I'll skip most of the finer details, but the gist of the matter was the fact the x-men came to your rescue and during said battle with the hellfire club, Scott 'Died', or at least you perceived him to die. This unleashed the 'Dark Pheonix'."
Jean felt a chill go down her spine as she heard the title, she was already wary about the Phoenix and what she would have to do in the future, it was a cosmic being of untold power and the idea that it could turn... dark, was... unsettling.
"Dark Pheonix?"
Jacob gave a solemn nod.
"A darker version of the Pheonix literally and something you want to avoid at all costs. While the Pheonix itself is a being of life and rebirth, the dark Phoenix is all about destruction and power, it would not think twice about siphoning a star just to empower itself, killing whole solar systems in it's pursuit of destruction."
Jean furrowed her brows in disbelief as she looked at Jacob.
"How do you know; it will go so far?"
Jacob looked back at her sadly.
"Because in one universe, you already have."
Jean felt her emotions rise once more in guilt, anger and resentment.
Why was it her that had to deal with such an entity?
Why couldn't it be someone else?
She thought she was getting a grasp on the whole Phoenix situation and what her future duties might entail, but now there was this whole other aspect, it almost seemed never ending her future troubles.
Why couldn't her life be normal!
Gritting her teeth to keep herself calm, her voice came out with an edge, one part anger, the other part desperation to stop such unnecessary killing.
"So, you're telling me this because the Hell fire club could try the same in my universe?"
Jacob let out a small sigh as he tapped the tablet again, the image before them fading. This small sigh made Jean even more nervous.
"I wish it were that easy."
"The Phoenix is connected to you, that has been established. At the same time, you are the most perfect host it will ever have. This is something that I can confirm. None of the hosts before you could completely unleash the full power of the Phoenix, your mutant genes and powers have put you in this position, which is why it connected to you in the first place, not to mention the numerous times it does so in the multiverse."
Jacob stopped for a second making sure Jean was following along, she gave him a small nod..
"By locking the Phoenix power in your body forcefully, Charles Xavier first, mentally suppressed some of your more outstanding emotions. You may not have noticed but you should be less prone to anger, outburst and be relatively calm."
Jean stopped to think about Jacob's words. She knew that she was always a calm person, she was well known at school and in the mansion for being the one that always resolved arguments. She just had a knack for objectively looking at a situation.
She had never really noticed that she didn't become angry, it's not like it didn't happen but it was rare. The last time she could remember getting super angry was at Scott just before the therapy session now, she had been irritable, and it was understandable with all the information she was taking in that she snapped at him.
But now that Jean tried to think back, it HAD been a long time since she had truly got angry. If she had to point to a moment, it would have been when Scott and Duncan had been trying to one up each other to get her attention.
She wasn't clueless to their actions, she had even at the time felt it was a little sweet that Scott was trying so hard for her affection, but at the same time, she had been with Duncan at the time, and both had been acting like idiots.
Why had she thought Scott's actions had been sweet at that time?
He was trying to purposely ruin her relationship with Duncan, her current boyfriend, which he knew about. What had she been thinking?
Jean quickly refocused on Jacob's words as she filed that thought away for later.
"This is caused by the specific spots in your mental landscape that the Phoenix is trapped in. The bad part is that this directly links these suppressed emotions to the Phoenix. It is a cosmic entity that doesn't have such things as emotions."
Jean's mind quickly began to put things together as Jacob continued to talk. If the Cosmic being didn't have emotions and was just doing its job normally... thinking back to the situation that happened with the Hell Fire club.
Jean hadn't become 'Dark Phoenix' before Scott died, whom she presumably liked in the original timeline, then the strong emotions were what created... or rather caused such a transformation...
Jacob's next words confirmed her fears.
"It is a force of the universe not as sentient as a human is individually. When it connects to a host, this is when it can be affected by feelings and other emotions. When those emotions become too much it corrupts the Phoenix and causes it to become the Dark Pheonix."
'But if that was the case...'
Jean's face paled as she understood how screwed she actually was.
She didn't even have a chance to possibly protect herself from the dark Phoenix!
She couldn't prepare!
She couldn't even try to control her emotions!
She couldn't do anything!
Because the professor had chained the Phoenix to her emotions, it had been feeding of them for years!
Though it was still locked up it would have turned into the dark Phoenix years ago!
The second it was unleashed she had no more options open to her. She had no way out.
"But... How....That's..."
Jean was at a loss for words as she tried to come to terms with the danger that was living inside her. She may have had a chance in the original time line, but she was basically set up to fail in her own! What the heck was this!!!!
Jacob could see she already understood what he was saying and continued.
"Yes, you have the worst possible instances stacked against you." Jean looked back towards him, and they held eye contact.
"The second the Pheonix is let loose the resentment it has for the planet and more specifically Charles Xavier will be unleashed. It will try to ravage the planet."
Jean thought he was almost starring into her soul as his words came out, judging her for the atrocities she would commit, though his face stayed stoic and calm.
"In most universes you win, you are too powerful to be stopped. You destroy the planet and then go on to terrorize the universe."
Jean grimaced as the mental image appeared in her mind.
"In other universes you just kill the main perpetrator, Charles, then leave the planet never to return."
Jean knew it was bad to think so, but the idea that the only one she hurt being the professor was very soothing. He reaped what he had sowed all those years ago by telepathically messing with his mind and she didn't kill the innocent people of earth. Though the second that thought went through her mind, the grimace only got worse.
"And finally in some universes the x-men and others on earth stop you. You die in the process and that's what leads Scott to marry your clone."
Jean finally broke eye contact with Jacob as he said those words, a small bark of hollow laughter leaving her.
It had almost come back full circle hadn't it.
The first thing they had talked about when she arrived was that Scott had cheated on her in the future. The topic had come up so she could avoid what was really bothering her... and now look at what she had learned.
She had decided after that point that she wouldn't even entertain the idea of getting with him anymore. That type of problem seemed so insignificant after all she had learned. It felt like something that could just be brushed aside for more important matters.
So yes, she couldn't help but laugh that in the universe where she was killed, Scott cheated on her, though if she remembered correctly, she did come back to life in that universe and she didn't have the Phoenix in that one either.
Jean racked her brain for a second on how that was possible, before remembering that Jacob had mentioned something about her being able to self-resurrect when he talked about her powers. Was that how it happened?
Could she escape her fate by gambling it on this slim option?
Dying and then coming back and living her life.
The thought stuck in her mind for only a second before it was dismissed. She was rational enough to know that was a desperate ploy that she could not gamble on.
But...what else could she do? She was already at the point of no return...wasn't she?
It was as Jean was trying to find some desperate solution in her mind that Jacob spoke once more, his words rekindling a burning hope inside. She had completely forgotten him in her moment of panic.
He was here to help her!
'He was a powerful being that was tasked with helping her. He had already given her this much information, he must have a solution! He must!'
"Thankfully we still have some time to sort everything out."
Jean snapped her head in his direction, her gaze desperate. Rising from the lounge Jean turned around fully as her hands reached out, clasping his own. Ther was a desperation behind her eyes that Jacob hadn't seen all session and one that unsettled him deeply with how hopeless it had seemingly become.
"Please help me, I'll do anything. Just please."
It was at that moment as Jacob looked into her almost crying eyes and heard her fragile voice that he knew he fucked up. He had been telling himself to be careful of the information he shared and how he shared it, but as he looked into her desperation filled eyes, he knew he had failed.
He sometimes forgot as he talked to her that Jean was a real person and not a comic book character. Though he had been telling himself this multiple times, he did forget in the heat of the moment that these fictional characters were now real people that had a very strong vested interest in fixing their problems.
If Jacob wanted to, at this moment right now, he could have manipulated Jean. She was desperate, more than she had ever been, her mind a mess thanks to revelation after revelation. After the final straw that she had likely killed her parents, she was not in the right mental space to receive more bad news. Something Jacob was providing in spades.
That was why when presented with hope, she instantly clung onto it desperately. Jacob could have taken this moment to instill in Jean a dependence on himself, maybe asked for favors or other actions that Jean would have to do for him to help her and she would have done it.
Her words of 'anything' meant that.
She might not have realized this, but he had.
But those thoughts didn't even enter Jacob's mind as he looked back at her. He gave a small smile, one meant to calm, as he gently pushed her to lie back down.
"Don't worry, there's no need for that. I'd help you either way. That's what I'm here for."
Though Jean was reluctant to do so, the second she laid back her mind calmed and the desperation that filled her body slowly began to ebb away.
Jacob waited a full minute for her emotions to calm down as he guiltily thought about his words and actions. He still had a lot to learn when it came to this therapy job he had somehow landed. But he couldn't change any of his actions, he just had to try his best and do right by his patients.
Seeing that Jean had calmed back down Jacob began to provide options for Jean going forward.
"There is no conclusive way to stop you from becoming the Dark Phoenix. But there are a few things we can do that will make it less likely to be a problem."
That didn't put Jean's turbulent emotions at ease, but she stayed quiet as she waited for at least some options that could help.
"Firstly, I need you to understand that you and the Phoenix are now the same..."
"NO we are not! I am nothing like that monster!"
Before he could continue Jean interjected aghast at his words. She and this cosmic entity were NOT the same! Though she wanted to understand where it was coming from, she could not accept what it had to do on a cosmic scale!
All the death and destruction, the lives lost. Even for a good cause it was something Jean just couldn't accept.
Jacob kept his voice level, but firm as he knew he had to get this point across.
"Jean, you are the perfect Pheonix avatar, it has been living inside your mind for years. It has been affected and molded by your emotions. Though it still has its duty of rebirth and life, it is now a part of you, a darker part, but you all the same. Why do you think I referred to it as a split personality?"
Jean pulled up short at his words, she wanted to continue to argue her point, how such a being though connected to her was different, like a parasite that only inhabited her body but... her mind drifted back to just a few hours before, when she was in the mansion.
The words it had whispered in her mind as she finally snapped at Scott.
'You let the real you out.'
Jean's mind went into turmoil again as she thought of the implications. Had the Phoenix been affected by her mind so much it had created a different personality? If it was based off her own emotions and experiences..., wasn't it just another part of herself?
Did she truly have a split personality?
Though she wanted to think otherwise, those words haunted her ever since she entered the therapy room. She didn't know much about people with split personalities and their depiction in the media always left something to be desired, or rather they were always psychopaths.
Was that what she was going to become?
Arguing with herself, losing control of her body, all the evidence and what she had been shown pointed to this fact... no media could not always be trusted!
There were many people who had to deal with this disorder in life and they weren't all psychopaths!
Though that didn't make their lives easy.
'Maybe that why I must accept this fact, it will help me deal with the issues I'll have to face. Denying it at this point would only make matters worse.'
Her mind made up, Jean finally refocused back in on the present and turned back to Jacob. As Jean didn't say anything else after her first outburst Jacob confirmed that she was taking his words seriously before continuing.
"The Phoenix is a part of you and because of that, what you must do is come to terms with this other half, make bridges, mend hatred and rather cliché but, bring balance to yourself."
Jean gave out a small smile as she gave him a look.
"Really, your quoting Buddhism to me now?"
Jacob returned her smile.
"Well, actually I was quoting Star Wars, but I guess you don't have that franchise in your world. The main principles are sort of the same though. A perfection of balance between your body, mind and spirituality will lead to inner peace, of course I don't want you to detach yourself from your emotions. I don't think that usually ends well."
Jean raised an eyebrow at the word Star Wars, trying to figure out what type of franchise would be called such. 'Was it like star trek?' But moved on as she thought about his words. As she continued to think Jacob continued.
"Something you must realize is that the Phoenix is not the bad guy here."
Jean once again wanted to retort but held her tongue after what they had just talked about. If she continued to think of the Phoenix as a bad influence or entity, then what hope would she have of coming to terms with it being a part of herself?
"You must understand that it has been suppressed in your mind for years, connected to all your negative emotions that have been generated over that time. This would almost be like an experience of torture if you think about it. It has had to stay there and take all your negative emotions; it has a right to be angry about what happened and being vilified because of something it can't help won't be beneficial to either of you."
Jean felt a little of her resentment retreat as she thought about what it would be like, only feeling negative emotions for years, not being comforted for a second, or feeling anything akin to happiness. For a person to go through such an experience would change them drastically, for an entity that doesn't feel emotions and possibly only created their consciousness based around such emotions. It was tragic in its own way.
Jacob continued to talk slowly, introducing new ideas and ways for Jean to think about the situation, he hoped that by doing so she could mull over each new idea and create her own impression on each. It might not work, but it was the best idea he had at this moment.
"You don't only have to make peace with the Phoenix, you must make peace with your own emotions. Your connection to the Phoenix won't go away Jean, it is something you have to deal with for the rest of your life. You must learn to live with it and accept it for what it is. By doing this you can come to terms with your own feelings of resentment and bitterness, which any person would have, being thrust into your position suddenly."
Jean let out another hollow smile at his words.
Yes, who wouldn't be bitter or resentful that their life was turned upside down. Jean was just starting to become her own person, starting to truly live with the fact she would always be different and hated because she was a mutant. Adding a universal entity was just trying to kick her down when she thought she had her feet planted steadily.
"Finally, I know this sounds redundant, but you have to reduce the stress in your life..."
Jacob gave her a sly smile and a wink as he continued.
"...I know very hard to do as a 17-year-old but you get what I mean."
Jean gave a small snort as she rolled her eyes at his assertation. 'Men have no idea how hard it is being a woman, see how they feel if they got certain pains every month, not to mention how dense some of them can be. We have needs to damnit.'
Oblivious to what Jean was thinking Jacob continued.
"You need to be able to organize your mind and fix what the professor did to you."
'Yes' Jean thought to herself. Though the betrayal felt almost insignificant at this point with what had been revealed about the Phoenix, Jean knew that she had a lot of trouble to deal with when she went back.
She had to talk to the Professor about what he had done to her mind years before. What he was doing to her mind subconsciously, keeping her in the institute when she wanted to move on with her life, though those plans would have to be delayed anyways as she dealt with her 'tenant'.
The worst part was she would have to completely revamp and remake her mental defenses. They weren't particularly strong in the first place, something that seemed very stupid now that she thought about it. At the same time, she would have to break down and fix any damage that might have been caused by the mental blocks in her mind.
She couldn't trust the professor to help her, and she wouldn't trust any telepath any time soon to help her. She didn't want anyone getting that deep into her mind ever again.
She just.... couldn't let someone that close again.
'Maybe one in the future.'
"I suggest something along the lines of Meditation to calm your mind while also dealing with whatever blocks and seals Charles has put in place. Should the blocks be broken all at once the influx of your emotions will overwhelm you and release the phoenix."
Jean nodded, knowing he was right. There was no way she could completely get rid of the blocks until she settled or at least dealt with the raging emotions that were sure to be released when the Phoenix was let out.
"It'll be hard, but you'll need to start taking to the 'voice' in your head. It's the only way to start making bridges and dealing with the negative emotions."
Jean grimaced at the idea and was apprehensive but receptive to the idea. She wouldn't do it right away, but with her new outlook on this other part of herself, Jean was willing to give it a try and see what would happen.
"And finally, well this is pretty obvious, but you need to increase your mental defenses, train your ability to stop intrusion and make sure that no one can take advantage of you."
Jean gave another perfunctory nod distracted; she had already considered these aspects. Seeing that Jean was preoccupied in her thoughts and hoping to get his point across, Jacob spoke a little more forcefully, gaining her attention.
"Look you should know by now that someone will always want to come and take advantage of you, I can't do anything about it in here, and no one else can really help you in that aspect when people come after you. Sure, they can help, but it will be up to you to make sure that they can't make you do anything you'll regret."
Snapped out of her thoughts Jean turned fully to Jacob and nodded her head in understanding. There was a small part of her that was touched, he truly seemed to care about her well-being. She could hear the concern in his voice. It was touching in a way that was refreshing after everything they had talked about. As if to confirm Jeans own thoughts on how hard he was trying to help her Jacob continued.
"I myself am not a telepath, I can't help you train your abilities, what I can do though is provide you a space to train in the therapy room when needed. Though you'll have to book beforehand."
A small smile graced Jean's lips as she nodded.
"Thank you, for everything."
Jacob was stunned for a second as he caught sight of the smile Jean just sent his way, it was one of genuine gratitude and thanks. Her voice was soft and gentle as she spoke. He felt an emotion well up inside, one of relief and happiness that his hard work and shoddy, but well meaning, therapy session had actually helped her in some way.
It was sobering, but in a good way, knowing this fact.
But he was only stunned for a second, with a small smile and renewed vigor Jacob began to brainstorm ideas. Now that all the questions were out of the way, the rest of the session would be talk about how Jean could deal with the challenges she would face and the actions she could take.
"I might be able to find someone that can help you with your emotions and control..." Jacob's voice was just a little more enthusiastic as he thought about a certain feature of the therapy room he had noted when he first arrived.
"...he's another one of my patients that has years of lessons and experience that can help you in the long run..." Jacob stopped to think once more as he looked towards Jean, who was still showing him a smile.
"...I think you'd also be a good influence for him and his struggles. But I'll get back to you on that after I see him."
Jean was slightly confused at those words but pushed them to the back of her mind as 'the counselor' continued to generate ideas. For the first time since the therapy session started Jean could whole heartidly say she was relaxed and calm.
The difficulties she would have to face in the future were daunting, but she knew with 'his' help and the CONSOL app, everything would be alright. Jean shot a small look at the clock that hung on the wall, noting she still had a few hours left before the session was finished.
Until then, she would enjoy her time here.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
Zevren
Zevren Hey guys, so I basically wrote this whole thing in 1 day. I haven't had more time to spend on this because of uni work, I'm also sick today, which just makes it better. If there are any spelling problems as such just tell me at the bottom. I still think the chapter turned out good and I think my editing should have found everything.
www.pat reon.com/Zevrensden
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