Kapitel 48: Inner Perplexity

"Our armory is empty", Theon who used to keep guard at the armory said at the meeting.

"Where were you?", Matt asked.

"I was with you guys. I thought you might need us", Theon said.

"Damn it. It's all because of me. Have I not brought Allan here...", Matt said.

"It's not your fault. Its not like we don't have weapons. We were carrying most of our weapons with us", Nathan said.

"The question is, was he alone or was there anyone else with him. Cause there can be more of them among us. We welcomed a lot of people here", Damian raised his doubts.

"It's true. There could be more of their people here", One of the people attending the meetings said.

"I doubt those who came with their families has anything to do with them. But those who came in alone, they can be one of those bastards", other one said.

"We don't know that. But your worries are correct", Nathan said. "We will take necessary action to find out if there is a mole among us", he gave his word.

"Where did he go? No one saw him leave", the man asked.

"We found out a broken fence at the back of the farm. He must have run away from there", Nathan said. "Well, it is done. Now, we have to see what we can do next. Let's meet again tomorrow", he said and the meeting got adjourned.

Damian walked out of the Stokes' house and walked towards the infirmary. There, Dr. Cleveland who saved Kayla was sitting outside, smoking cigarette, on the staircase.

"Doctor. How is Kayla?", Damian asked as soon as he got close enough.

"Oh, Damian. She's safe, by god's grace. The bullet missed any vital point in her body, though it'll leave a scar on her. She also got conscious for a minute before going into sleep again", the doctor said producing a puff of smoke.

Damian thanked him.

"No need to thank me. It was my job. Anyway, if anything were to happen to her, all the weight will fall on me", he said joking.

Damian said goodbye and walked in to see Kayla in patient's room.

After entering the room, he stood there and kept looking at her from there for some time. Then slowly, he walked towards her without making noise. He sat there in a chair to the side of her bed and held her hand with his.

Kayla slowly opened her eyes to see Damian sitting silently looking at her wound, his face showing concern for her wellbeing. A wave of guilt passed through her eyes, something she hid from Damian. Something she was so ashamed of that she had started distancing herself from Damian and helped Elizabeth get closer to him.

"How long have you been here?", she asked Damian.

Damian noticed that she was awake and said, "Not long. Thank god you're alright".

Kayla put on a little smile and said, "Yes. Although this time, it wasn't you who saved me".

"But it was me who found you first", Damian said pretending to be playful.

"That is right. So, in a way you did save me this time as well. It's your third time saving me", she said as she looked at Damian who looked confused wondering something.

She said, "The first time you saved me was from the soldiers in the hospital".

"Oh yes. I remember. Although I doubt you were in any danger there", Damian said.

"Who knows. I would have died the next day or the day after that. It was luck that you found me and took me to that farm. I never thanked you for that", she said.

"And you don't need to. As you said, it was luck. But I'm glad it was you I found, not some old doctor in his 50s. Or I would have had trouble crossing the wall", Damian said and they both started laughing.

Kayla looked at Damian, the person put his trust on her, maybe more than herself. "There is something I haven't told you about that night", she said.

"What? Which night?", Damian asked.

Kayla knew what she was going to say would probably break their relationship but she couldn't hold it to herself anymore.

"The night walkers attacked us in the farm", she said and continued. "I... I am a coward. That night, when we saw the walkers approaching ran outside to get in the vehicles. I was outside, sitting alone and saw walkers entering the farm. I was afraid. Then I saw Amy running out towards the RV. I thought she was going to bring the RV to the gate and help others escape on it. So, I ran behind her. After we entered the RV, she looked back at me and...", she said and the story goes back to the night of the walker attack.

...

"When did you get behind me?", Amy asked.

"I wanted to help", Kayla said.

Amy looked at Kayla and said, "Alright. Close the gate and shoot the walkers from the window", as she handed Kayla, her gun.

Kayla looked at the gun and then looked at Amy, cowering, "What? Aren't we getting others in RV and leaving the farm?", she asked.

"No. We are going to run over some walkers and lead the rest", Amy said as she sat on the driver's seat and started the engine.

Soon, she followed other cars who were leading towards the farm and started running over the walkers. Kayla, although afraid, tried to shoot at the walkers through the window of the side seat. Few shots hit the walkers while most bullets missed the head. Then, Daryl, came to the RV and said, "Yo, there is someone in the barn. It could be Rick or Shane in there. Maybe they're trying to get out back! Why don't you circle around? Go", Daryl asked Amy.

Amy took a look over at the burning barn, and said, "Okay", and started driving towards it.

Watching Amy leading the RV towards the midst of the walker herd, Kayla got freaked out and out of cowardice, she started going back in the RV and hid herself inside the lavatory, closing her eyes and ears with her hands trying to think that she was in a nightmare. Soon, she felt the RV stop and someone jumping on the roof. Kayla opened her eyes and suddenly, someone knocked on the door.

"Kayla, open up", Amy shouted as she banged on the door. But Kayla who was afraid to her core, couldn't was frozen inside at that moment as her mind went blank and the next moment, she heard Amy screaming as the sound of walkers biting and groaning inside the RV filled Kayla's ears. She stayed there, without making a sound, just listening to the walkers munching on Amy, who had now stopped screaming.

Next morning, when she saw Damian in the RV, in front of Amy's corpse, she remembered what she did last night. She tried to forget it at first, hide it from Damian, thinking that she did it to save herself. But, soon, she realized that Amy died because she was a coward and that revelation made her feel even more guilty when she started sleeping with Damian just so that he wouldn't abandon her. Although later on, she started liking him more and more. He taught her how to survive. He taught her how to not be afraid, although she doubted she got any braver.

...(present)...

Damian listened to Kayla with patience. She was apologising at the end while her tears ran continuously from her eyes. Damian didn't wipe off her tears, but didn't say anything either. He couldn't process that at all. His mind was confused and he couldn't decide what he wanted to do at that time.

"Damian, I know you won't forgive me, but please don't hate me", Kayla said.

Damian avoided looking at her and stood up from his chair. "I don't know. I... I need some time alone", he said and walked away without looking back.

Just outside, Elizabeth found Damian walking out from the infirmary and said, "Damian, I was coming to look for Kayla".

Damian didn't look at her direction and just said, "She's inside", before pacing away.