Kapitel 25: Liza: Diary Entry ( Bye Jo)

Dear Diary,

When Joan came over today, I couldn't contain my emotions. I ran up to her and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and hugged her hard. I don't know how long we stood that way. It was soothing, her hug. I felt a sense of peace and security.

Today was our final day to be together. I'll be leaving for London soon. Joan freaked out and said she was gonna miss me like crazy. We promised to keep in touch and to text everyday.

When I asked her about love, she equated happiness with love. She even confessed that she loved my smile. She was such a sweet innocent girl but as for me, I am no longer innocent. I am living the life of an adult in a kids body, hiding my pain and faking a smile.

I did utterly something stupid after that. I went way out of line. I couldn't resist myself. I did it. I asked her if she loved me? She didn't give me a direct answer. But the way her face blushed like a red rose when I placed a kiss on her cheeks, the way she flinched and began to shiver, the way she kept gazing at me with her puppy eyes, the way she parted her lips inviting me for to kiss her, was all the answer I needed. Joan did love me. Maybe even more than a friend...

Before leaving , Joan gave me a final glance and spoke, "I love you Liza." At that very moment, I felt my heart shatter into thousand pieces. The way she gazed at me with those pained eyes was unbearable.

I wanted to run to her. Hug her. Kiss her make her mine. Tell her I loved her too... more than a friend. I wanted to say it out loud then and there, that very moment but I couldn't. I mean there is no point in saying that now, is there?

I would just be holding her back. I've made up my mind. I've decided to let her go, to roam free... It wasn't an easy decision to make bit I had to do it for her sake.

I will miss her everyday. I don't know if I would be able to unlove her or forget about her but I have to try.....