Kapitel 34: Mind
"And until you change this yourself, we are not going to start any internal cultivation."
The moment I heard this, I felt a pang of desperation. "But how do I change this? How do I overcome these mental barriers?"
Master stood up, his expression stern. "You must find that answer yourself. Meditate on it, reflect on your past, and challenge your fears. Only then will you be ready to move forward."
He began to walk away, leaving me with my thoughts. "Remember, if you try to deceive me, it will not end well for you."
I swallowed hard, feeling a sudden chill. For some reason, I sensed that Master was far more dangerous than he appeared. His calm demeanor hid a depth of power and experience that I could only begin to comprehend.
As he disappeared into the night, I was left alone to grapple with my thoughts.
The path ahead was daunting, but I knew that if I was to unlock my true potential, I had to confront my inner demons and change my perception of myself.
********
The next week was a grueling test of endurance and self-reflection.
Each day, I spent hours meditating, trying to confront the mental barriers that had hindered me for so long. The process was slow and frustrating, but I persisted, determined to find the answers within myself.
In the mornings, I would wake before dawn, sit in the cold air, and focus on my breathing, visualizing the flow of energy within me.
The darkness I saw in my mind was no longer a sign of failure but a canvas waiting to be understood. I tried to see the walls and barriers for what they were—manifestations of my fears and insecurities.
During the day, I trained with my new squad, though it was clear that I was an outsider. They made no effort to include me, and their distrust was palpable.
The constant reminder that no one wanted to trust their back to me was a heavy burden, but I refused to let it break me.
'I need to get rid of these thoughts.'
Slowly but surely, I was starting to see the reason why those barriers existed in my head. Whether I did it intentionally or not, all those moments and events that came successively took a toll on my head.
It was inevitable that I would feel lost.
'Feeling lost.'
I remembered how it felt when I was disbanded by my family. The crushing weight of rejection, the disbelief that they could cast me aside so easily.
When my mother called me a disappointment, it was as if she had driven a stake through my heart. Her words echoed in my mind, a constant reminder of my perceived failures.
I always reminded myself of the memories of my past, the fleeting moments of pride when my father looked at me with approval, only for those moments to be overshadowed by his disappointed gaze.
Each time I failed to meet his expectations, the weight grew heavier, reinforcing the barriers within me.
'All those things were pulling me back.'
The realization hit me with startling clarity. Every harsh word, every dismissive glance, every time I felt inadequate—all of it had contributed to the walls that now stood in my way.
I had been carrying the burden of my family's expectations and their subsequent disappointment for so long that it had become a part of me. The fear of failing them, of being the weak link in a lineage of warriors, had seeped into my very core.
'But what if I let it go?'
The thought was both terrifying and liberating. What if I could release the hold these memories had on me? What if I could move forward without the weight of their expectations dragging me down?
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. The darkness in my mind no longer felt suffocating. Instead, it felt like an empty canvas, ready to be painted with new experiences and realizations.
'You are more than their expectations, Lucavion.'
Slowly, I began to dismantle the walls, piece by piece.
'That is right.'
Somehow, I felt something.
A pang of feeling.
A memory surfaced in my mind.
A memory of someone speaking to me.
'Never forget.'
The voice in the memory was clear, resonating with a calm wisdom. "Never forget what has happened, for it is part of who you are. But do not let it weigh so heavily on you that you neglect the present and fear the future."
Who was this person? I asked myself. The sound was crystal clear and something that felt like I was accustomed to.
However, at the same time, the name of the person nor the face came to my mind. It was all blurry as if a foil was covering it.
'As if something is blocking me.'
I knew there was a part of me that was different from the Lucavion. A part of me knew about the novel Shattered Innocence.
Yet, at the same time, that part of me was unknown to me, as I couldn't remember anything. Neither the name, the face, or the life.
Yet, at the same time, I felt a bit scared because it was unknown.
'Fear the future.'
But, the quote constantly rang in my head, reminding me of the words of a philosopher that I had read in a book when I was going to middle school.
"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself, and in no instance bypass the discriminations of reason? You've been through the elements; you've suffered much from your disposition. You must realize that by now, and not be like a child, but an adult who is no longer a child, and one who is no longer moved by the conditions he is subject to."
'Middle school…..'
It was a word that did not belong to this world. Something from the other part of mine.
But before I could ponder any longer, the memory faded, leaving me with a profound sense of clarity. The past had shaped me, but it did not have to define me. I could honor my experiences without being chained by them.
Piece by piece, I continued to dismantle the walls. Each barrier I encountered was acknowledged and then gently set aside. The process was slow, but with every step, I felt lighter and more in control.
On the battlefield, I was forced to survive on my own. The lack of coordination with my squad made every skirmish a desperate struggle for survival. I relied on my instincts and training, pushing myself to the limit. Each fight was a test, not just of my physical abilities but of my resolve to keep going despite the odds.
One particularly brutal day, I found myself separated from the others, facing a group of enemies alone.
My body moved on autopilot, blocking and parrying their attacks.
Maybe because I felt more lightheaded compared to the time before, maybe for another reason, the flow of the fight became much more clear to me.
'Indeed. The first key is moving forward. Believe yourself.'
Each strike I landed was fueled by the determination to prove myself and take a step further every second.
I could see the movements of the enemies more clearly, and even though the weapon in my hand was a spear itself, I somehow did not feel repulsed by it any longer.
Rather than forcing myself to accommodate the spear, I made a small change and forced the spear to accommodate myself.
However, the results were not as good as how this sounded since I was just a beginner, and my strength was not sufficient for me to effectively deal with a number of enemies.
"Arghk-!"
Filled with wounds, I sat on the ground, leaning against the wall at the end of the brutal fight. My body ached, each cut and bruise a reminder of the battle I had just endured. I closed my eyes, taking shallow breaths to manage the pain.
As I sat there, my thoughts drifted back to my childhood, to the times when I would practice endlessly. Back then, I was afraid of something—pain. The sting of failure, the physical discomfort of training, and the fear of not living up to my family's expectations.
But now, as I looked at myself, battered and bloodied, I realized how far I had come. The fear of pain that once held me back was no longer a barrier. I had faced it head-on, pushing through the agony to become stronger. All this time, I had been improving, yet I had never acknowledged it.
My mind flashed back to those endless hours of training, the times when I felt like giving up but didn't. The determination that kept me going back then was still with me now, driving me to survive and fight another day.
"You're not the same person you were," I muttered to myself. "You've changed, Lucavion. You've moved forward."
Just then, a shadow fell over me. I looked up to see a soldier standing there, extending a hand. He wasn't from my squad, but we often fought alongside each other on the battlefield, on the borders between our groups.
"You did well today," he said, his voice filled with genuine respect. "Thanks to you, we were able to get over today's hurdle."
And the moment I saw the hand, I felt something inside me breaking.
–THUD!
As if a spell that was binding me broke.
I felt relieved.
And the river in my head started flowing down, no longer blocked.
-----------------------
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Kapitel 35: Cultivation
When he saw the boy, the feeling of wanting to protect something arose deep inside the old man. What did he want?
Did they want to protect the innocence of that young soul?
No. He would no longer be able to do that. Since that sense of innocence was far gone at this point.
Then what could he do?
The old man wanted one thing.
'To clear the path.'
This young was a particular one. A kid who had suffered more than many adults in this world. At the age of 14, he had experienced far more cruel things than many others.
He had learned to take a life.
Those innocent hands learned how to take a life at such an age.
He had learned how to be alone and how to not rely on anyone. And as he was about to regain his sense of belonging, that was also taken away from him.
The old man pondered. When such a thing happened, what would become of the boy? The answer was evident in the boy's demeanor and the dark shadow that seemed to loom over him. The boy, like any other person, would do one thing to escape the wound—he would try to look somewhere else. He would use another goal to patch the wound that had been created.
He did it when his family abandoned him, too. He patched the pain of abandonment by setting a fragile goal of clearing his name, and he would do the same again. The old man did not like that. It was a temporary fix, one that did not address the root of the pain.
Thus, he guided him. But just as he was about to guide the boy, he suddenly saw something. A slightly eerie energy inside the boy. An eerie energy that covered the boy's mana core and extended to his mind.
The old man's eyes widened in realization. There was a reason why the boy was always like this. Why he was blocked, and why his thoughts were always a mess. It was because of that dark energy. The old man also realized that if the energy did not go away, the boy would never be able to cultivate his energy properly. That dark force would always become a burden to him.
Thus, the old man wanted to make sure that the boy would be freed from this energy. But as he tried to intervene with the energy by using his own, he was not able to do such a thing.
The energy, or the spell that was engraved on the boy, was a peculiar one.
'As if it is directly linked to the mind of the target.'
The old man then realized if there was such a thing, only one solution would remain.
'That kid….He needs to overcome this on his own.'
The mental blocks. They were not solely because of the fact that the kid had put that on himself. No, it was because of an external influence.
But what could be the reason?
'For which reason such a strong spell was put on this kid. And by who?'
And then the old man remembered how the kid told his story.
'Was it them? What an evil bunch…..'
The old man's mind raced back to the boy's recounting of his past, the pain and betrayal etched in his words. He remembered the specifics—the abandonment by his family, the unfair accusations, and the malicious framing.
'This framing is far more complex and compounded than I initially thought. It runs deeper than anything I have encountered before.'
He realized the spell wasn't just a random curse but a calculated move, likely designed to cripple the boy's potential and trap him in a cycle of self-doubt and helplessness.
Whoever had done this wanted to ensure that the boy would never rise, that he would always be shackled by his own mind.
The old man's eyes narrowed as he considered the boy's tormentors. 'They must have feared the things that he knew.'
And then he sighed.
'To think that that place is still the same. Filled with betrayal and schemes.'
He particularly remembered a certain day.
**********
I returned to the place where Master had instructed me to meditate. As I entered the clearing, I saw him sitting in the same spot, his eyes closed in deep meditation. I quietly approached and sat down across from him, taking the lotus position.
The mental barriers that had once hindered me were now gone, replaced by a sense of clarity and focus.
Master opened his eyes and watched me for a moment before speaking. "It seems you finally got rid of the thing inside your head," he said, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
I stopped my training and looked at him, a sense of accomplishment filling me. "Yes, Master. The walls are gone, and the river flows freely now."
Master nodded approvingly. "Good. If you can now make the river flow freely in your mind, that means you have understood the basics of the meditation itself. It is about imagination and the mind."
He leaned forward slightly, his gaze intense. "Never forget, disciple, the mind is what commands the mana that you accumulate. Your imagination shapes your perception of energy. If your mind is clouded by doubt and fear, your mana will be hindered. But if your mind is clear and focused, your mana will flow effortlessly."
I nodded, absorbing his words. "So, it's not just about the physical training. It's about mental discipline as well."
"Exactly," Master affirmed. "The physical and mental aspects of your training are deeply intertwined. To command mana effectively, you must master both your body and your mind. Meditation is the key to achieving this balance."
He stood up, motioning for me to follow. "Come, we will now begin the next phase of your training. You have cleared the first hurdle, but many more lie ahead."
I rose to my feet, my body still sore from the recent battle but filled with a renewed sense of purpose. As we walked, Master continued to speak.
"Meditation will help you understand the flow of energy within your body. It will teach you to control your breathing, calm your mind, and direct your thoughts. This control is essential for manipulating mana and achieving higher levels of cultivation."
We reached a quiet, secluded area in the forest, where the air was thick with the scent of pine and the sound of rustling leaves. Master turned to me, his expression serious.
"Sit and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing and visualize the river of energy flowing through you. This time, imagine drawing mana from the surroundings into your body. Feel it merge with your own energy and circulate through your meridians."
I did as he instructed, sitting down and closing my eyes. I took deep, steady breaths, focusing on the sensation of air entering and leaving my lungs. I visualized the river of energy within me, now flowing more freely than ever before. With each breath, I imagined drawing mana from the air around me, feeling it merge with my own energy and circulate through my body.
But just like before, I still did not feel anything. As if the mana around me was not even there.
"Do not falter. Keep your focus straight."
I nodded my head, determined to continue focusing. I kept my breathing steady and my mind clear and tried to feel the mana around me. Yet, despite my efforts, I still couldn't sense it.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back. Master's touch was firm and grounding. "Do not lose your focus," he warned. "The Mana Accumulation method that you are going to learn starts like this. I will show you how to circulate your mana."
His voice was calm and reassuring. "I am going to inject a bit of my mana into your core. Pay close attention to how it moves through your body and circulates through your meridians."
I nodded again, my anticipation growing. I focused on the sensation of his hand on my back, waiting for the moment he would begin.
Then, I felt it. A warm, tingling sensation spread from the point where his hand touched my back. The warmth flowed into my body, moving steadily towards my core. As it entered my core, I felt a strange, almost surreal sensation. It was as if a new world was overlapping with the one I had always known, and an intangible matter was pressing against my skin.
The mana.
I could now sense it. The warmth spread through my core and then began to circulate through my meridians, guided by Master's steady hand.
I focused intently on the path it took, feeling the flow of energy with a clarity I had never experienced before.
"Good," Master's voice came, filled with approval. "This is the sensation you must learn to recognize and control. Feel how the mana merges with your own energy, becoming one with it."
I focused on the merging energies, feeling the mana blend seamlessly with my own internal energy.
The sensation was incredible, unlike anything I had ever felt. It was as if my entire being was coming alive with a newfound vitality.
But as I was drawing mana into my core, suddenly, in my mind, something appeared.
It was a star.
And that star blinded my light.
Following that, suddenly, just like what happened on the battlefield today, the dams were opened wide.
But this time, it was the river of memories that flowed down.
'Bruce.'
It was my name from Earth.
-----------------------
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