Kapitel 29: Love On Borrowed Time

[Adrian's POV]

He's unsure which answer upset him more when he told Johan he loved him; his silent hesitation or the forced 'I love you too'. As he lied on his back, pondering about it in the waking hours, Adrian found either option stung.

Johan nestled beside him, half-naked, a flimsy bedsheet coiled around his waist. Even when asleep, he kept a stoic face, but the faint orange glow from the lampshade made him look erotic. It made Adrian wonder if he's really sleeping or he's actually faking it.

A fond smile stretched the corner of his lips. Using the back of his fingers, Adrian caressed the sleeping face with feather-like touches. He travelled to the shoulder littered with kiss-mark he left himself, making Johan squirm. Adrian's smirk widened as he slid his fingers down to his chest.

"... Stop it..." Johan mumbled. "... It tickles..."

Oh, was he awake? Adrian teased the surrounding of his nipples, and the groan he gave was sent straight to his groin.

"I said stop it..." Johan pushed his hand away. "Raymond..."

Adrian froze. His eyes shot to Johan's face with a bewildered look. He was still sleeping soundly. Johan mentioned a name in his sleep, and it wasn't his. Adrian's heart twinged, and he slumped back to his pillow, coming face to face with the blank ceiling. Dejection sunk him further to the mattress.

Who was Raymond? His ex-boyfriend? One of his one-night stands? Would Johan tell him if he asked?

The coldness coming from the air-con seeped into him like ghostly talons. Adrian reached a hand to circle around Johan's waist, but hesitation made him drew it back. The warmth he always yearned, the warmth that can pacify his troubled heart; it was inches away, yet suddenly, it felt a million miles away from his grasp.

———

3:51 AM

Johan stirred in his sleep and rolled to his side. He came face to face with Adrian, his nose bumping against his own, and his bleary eyes fluttered open. "... Morning."

The slow blink made Adrian smile, although it came a little strained. "It's still early in the dawn. You should sleep more, Han."

"Why aren't you sleeping then?" Johan asked, nuzzling their nose together, removing the bed sheet around him. He reached for his arm and pulled him to lie on top. He always found the gesture odd. While he wasn't complaining, Adrian was curious why Johan liked being weighed down with his body. He had a feeling it got to do with 'Raymond'.

"I just woke up too," Adrian said, although he's been awake for the past hour. He sighed at the warmth the skin contact provided. It dissolved the ugly feeling of cold doubt and uncertainty.

Icy fingers slid through the garter of his underwear. And Adrian jolted when Johan squeezed his butt. "Han?"

Johan only responded by rocking their hips together, making him groan at the friction as their morning wood pressed through the material of their boxers. Their gazes locked, and the movement stopped. Johan removed his hand. "Sorry. I think my hands are cold."

"It's okay, Han. Your body's warm."

Using his other hand, Johan cupped his cheeks, caressing it. "You're warm too. Everything about you is warm that I wish you're always here every night."

"Do you like me here?"

"Yeah. You're the perfect human blanket."

Adrian gave a slight laugh. "Is it me you're seeing right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Adrian dipped his face to rest beside Johan's, lips on the soft pulse in his neck. "Let's go back to sleep?"

"Hmm?"

He felt Johan's hands slithered back to his boxers, and small laughter quaked his chest when he crammed it to his crotch, cupping him. The coldness tickled Adrian. "I said let's go back to sleep. What are you doing, Han?"

"I'm just warming my hands," Johan said in a playful tone, squeezing him. "You're so big."

"I'm gonna tease you about this later. You groping me."

"Don't." Johan chuckled, pressing harder that made him grunt. "Stop bringing what I do in the bedroom or any sexual stuff outside."

"That makes me want to do it more."

"Don't be naughty, Adrian."

"Says someone who's holding my dick right now."

When Johan withdrew his hands, Adrian couldn't help but miss the sensual touch he got. Fuck. He's teasing him too early in the morning. Just as he thought Johan has had enough, he felt him scrubbed his now warmed hands in his face.

Adrian jerked up in reflex and Johan laughed at his baffled expression. It's not that he smelled, but it's kinda gross. He dug his fingers to his exposed thigh in retaliation, earning him a yelp. "You wanted to play, huh? Let's see. You think I forgot you're ticklish?"

"Oh, God! No!" Johan tried to escape his clutches, but he pinned him down on the bed. The giggles that followed brought happiness to his chest. Adrian leaned down to kiss him, but Johan whipped his head away. "Wait. I haven't gurgle yet."

"I haven't too."

"I'd rather not exchange saliva in the morning."

Adrian rolled his eyes. God, Johan's so uptight he's unsure if he should be amused or annoyed. He leaned down and breathed out a lungful of air to his face as a revenge for what he did earlier.

"Stop! Stop! You pig! You're killing me!" Johan squirmed from his grasp, laughing.

"What? You think I have a bad breath?"

"Yeah. Did you swallow a dead mouse?"

Adrian stared down as the man beneath him sniggered at his own joke. If it wasn't for the attractive grin present on his face, he would have been offended. As he looked back at all the memories he had about the brunet, he never saw him smile this much.

"Hey. I'm just kidding." Johan seemed to take his silence the wrong way. "Sorry. I just thought you look a little sad earlier so I'm trying to make you laugh."

Johan's perceptive, as always. No. They're both perceptive of each other that it felt like they've been lovers for a long time. However, there were still secrets barricaded between them he's yet to remove and uncover.

Adrian looked away with pursed lips. "You could have just said you don't want to kiss me anymore."

"Adrian." Johan wrapped his legs to his waist and pulled him down. He placed a small kiss to his neck. "Your acting skills are crappy and we both know it. This is why Diego's hot on our trails."

Diego, again? Now he felt offended for real. Why does he keep bringing that man up?

"Seriously, Han. I hate it when you're mentioning someone else's name when we're together." Adrian pushed himself up, but Johan locked his legs around him, keeping him in place, on top of him.

"Okay, listen." Johan wriggled his arms from his grasp. He cupped both Adrian's cheeks in his palms and forced him to look at him. "I'm not interested in him, okay? So stop being jealous. Do you see me getting all worked up when you're with Rhia?"

He's got a point. But sometimes, Adrian wished he'll get a little jealous like he does. Jealousy was a sign that you're in love, right?

Johan's thumb moved in a circular motion against his cheekbones. "I know my place, Adrian. That's why I prefer to stay away when you're with her. I've already intruded enough. I can't get anymore greedy than that."

"But, Han—"

"That's why," Johan cut him off. "If you see Diego or any other guy around me, ignore it. Pretend that you don't care."

Adrian closed his eyes tight and breathed in. It flashed back in his memory how Diego put an arm around his shoulder, to his waist, and how he gave him a taunting smirk at the parking lot. It's as if he's silently telling Adrian he's taking Johan away soon. He shook his head. "I don't think I can ignore him putting his hands on you, or anyone for that matter."

"You have to."

Grabbing the hand caressing him, Adrian opened his eyes. "But what if he does something to you? I swear—"

"I can take care of myself, Adrian. I can handle Diego."

"But—"

"You promised!" They both winced when Johan raised his voice. He unlatched his legs around him and shoved him to the side. Johan continued. "When I agreed to this relationship, you promised you'll tell no one. And what I mean when I said not to tell anyone, it means I don't want you giving people hints about what we're doing behind closed doors. Fuck, my neighbors found out about us because you came here in broad daylights, not to mention you gave me a visible bite mark when I told you not to!"

His chest heaved at his little outburst. That was the longest speech Adrian heard Johan gave. And he's not too sure if he liked it. But he can't argue either. Johan sat and combed his hair up in frustration. "Diego's suspecting us too. And he's scheming something to expose that we're together."

"What?" The revelation had Adrian sitting up as well. "Why are you only telling me this now? Han, I—"

Johan glared. Then he sighed and pulled his knees to his chest, resting his forehead on top of them. "I was meant to tell you the last two days, but I got... distracted."

Adrian didn't need any light source to know Johan blushed as his voice dwindled into a whisper. Still, he felt bad now that he's realizing the mistake he'd done. "Sorry."

"It's annoying that your possessiveness frustrates and arouses me at the same time."

Giving a sigh of his own, Adrian reached for Johan's arm and beckoned him to move closer.

Johan didn't resist and crawled to his lap, embracing him. "I'm trying my best to protect what we have. I'm expecting you to do the same."

Protecting what they have. His heart swelled with affection upon hearing that. Adrian buried his nose to his neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of summer flora. The fabric conditioner used on the bedsheet had rubbed on Johan's skin. "Han?" He hesitated to ask, but Adrian pulled away to look him in the eyes. "What are we?"

Johan returned his gaze. The low incandescent light gave his eyes a soft, amber glow. He smiled. "We're happy."

AUTORENGEDANKEN
K_Contiello

And I'm happy at how this chapter turned out. I hope you do too!

Anyway, I'll be going through the previous chapters to make some copy and line edits. I hope you guys don't mind because no matter how seriously detail-oriented I am, little plot holes and grammar issues are bound to occur.

Having myself as my own critique and editor is quite a headache. Haha!

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