Kapitel 13: FINALLY!
"Hokage-sama," bowed the tiger-masked ANBU.
"Tiger-san. Report."
"Actually, I'm not Tiger-face," replied the ANBU with a chuckle, before he grew in size and changed color.
"Wow," replied the Hokage. "You had me going for a moment there, Domen-san. What do you have to report?"
"I found a really big security hole this morning - only an hour ago, actually - and I'd like to bring it to your attention."
"Certainly. What is it?"
Domen simply walked forward and set his hand on the stack of paperwork that had accumulated on the Hokage's desk. "This."
The Sandaime cocked his head, a little confused. "The report about the death of one of the Chuunin Examinees? Namely Kinuta Dosu?"
"Think more broadly."
"Er... um..."
"Paperwork, Hokage-sama."
Hiruzen did a quick genjutsu canceler, just to be sure. He was feeling a bit lightheaded too.
"Excuse me, you said paperwork, right?"
Domen chuckled. "Yes, Hokage-sama, I did. You see, much of this is just legal filler, that if you took enough time to read through, you'd no doubt notice that some of these are authorizations for you to relinquish what powers you have and give them to the Council, particularly the civilian parts of it."
"Do you have proof of this?"
"Just my experiences with human nature. Remember how I said I was an actor? Basically a really expensive stage performer?"
"Yes."
"Well, I had an agent for a time... I fired him because he kept trying to slip little things that would give him more money than he was due into the contracts I was signing. Eventually, he was making more money than I was, so I fired him. I have learned to go through the fine print..."
"But the amount of paperwork I have..."
"Correct. So much of it is legal filler that is boring, that you'll miss the little sneaky tricks they put in there. There is nowhere near enough time to go through it all, at least, not at the moment."
"Well, I do thank you, Domen-san..."
"Didn't the Uzumaki kid say that his Shadow Clones give him the knowledge that he learns with them to his real self when they dispel?"
"Well, I'm not sure how that is... related..."
Domen grinned widely, which was almost as disconcerting as when Joker grinned.
"I'm such an idiot," deadpanned the Hokage.
"If you say so, sir. I do suggest getting rid of this paperwork problem after the Finals."
The old man puffed on his pipe. "I have been too lenient on the Council. Thanks again, Domen."
Domen shifted back into being the tiger-masked ANBU. "By your leave, Hokage-sama."
The gray monster rolled with the boot to the head that he received from Might Guy, tucking his legs in and spreading his arms. Though Croc's taijutsu form was terrible, he did primarily fight by brawling method, meaning that he was rather chaotic and unpredictable. Also, he let his thick hide absorb most of the impact when he got hit. Completing the roll, he managed to return to a standing position and caught Guy's follow-up roundhouse kick with his left palm. He then ripped Guy from the ground, despite the green-clad man trying to get a grip with his chakra, and swung the taijutsu enthusiast over his head a couple of times before hurling the man into a tree. Guy flipped in mid-air so that he could safely catch himself with his legs. Just as he was about to leap at Croc with the rebound, he noticed that Croc was charging, surprisingly quickly. He only had just enough time to get out of the way as the larger man smashed into the tree, splintering it and felling it easily.
Just to get a point across, Guy threw a kunai at Croc's back, but was surprised when the stabbity object bounced off of Croc's thick hide.
"Hey, Lee!"
"U-Uzumaki-san!" The miniature Guy was confused as to why Naruto would be paying him a visit, of all people.
"You ever hear of Jiraiya? The Toad Sage of the Sannin?"
"Of course! What are you... ?"
"After the Chuunin Exam Finals, he and I are going to track down Tsunade, the Slug Princess of the Sannin. I'm going to make sure she fixes you up, because I can see the potential you have and would hate to see it go to waste!"
Before Lee could process that information, Naruto had left the room.
Jiraiya was actually standing outside the room. "So you told him? Why?"
"Connections, Ero-sennin. Sure, the boy is not from a clan or anything, but he's going to rival Kakashi and Guy one day. A ninja who is that strong as my friend..."
"Investing in favors rather early, eh?"
"I'm going to be Clan Head one day, so I gotta make sure my connections are strong."
"We're still going to help out your girlfriend today, right?"
"Silly Sennin! Of course we are!"
Naruto was surprised to see Hinata sitting up this time, drawing in a sketchpad.
"What'cha drawing there, Hinata-chan?"
She grinned widely at his approach, and he could see the small traces of madness in her eyes that had not been there the last time he saw her up and about. He returned the grin.
Jiraiya realized that Hyuuga Hinata was delving into the insanity that was everyday for the Uzumaki family... and he found himself not very inclined to report this development to anyone, least of all her father.
Hinata flipped her sketchpad to the first page and showed it to Naruto.
The crazed blonde looked at it for a minute, before he realized what it was. It was a drawing of her father nailed to a crucifix in the middle of the Forest of Death... and covered in barbecue sauce.
The next picture was a self caricature - but Hinata was in a dominatrix outfit. Naruto blushed a bit at that.
Some of the pictures were of horrible or funny things happening to people that Hinata did not like... others were of her in very sexy positions. The one that really turned Naruto on was one of her naked - and all that covered her naughty bits was a fox laying on her stomach, its forepaws covering her breasts and its tail covering her nether-region. The fox... it grinned much in the way Naruto did, and Naruto realized that the fox was supposed to be him.
His face was beet-red at that point, and when Hinata noticed this, she giggled perversely. Her giggle was answered by Jiraiya's giggle. Naruto turned to see that the old pervert was writing things down on a notepad.
He cleared his throat, his embarrassment turning to anger.
Jiraiya merely looked up. "Don't worry, Naruto. I'm changing the names drastically."
Naruto, shaking his head, turned to Hinata to see the veins around her eyes bulging - she had her Byakugan active - and she was licking her lips hungrily at Naruto. It was at that time that Naruto realized he still had a boner.
"H-Hinata-ch-chan?" Then, Naruto realized something else. "Hinata." His voice was stern. "You're not supposed to be using your chakra."
She went wide-eyed. Slowly, she bowed her head, her bloodline limit deactivating. "I'm... sorry... Naruto-kun. I... I forgot."
The blonde maniac sighed. "Look, I don't want you to hurt yourself like that. You'll be able to use chakra again in ten days, okay?"
"Okay..." she muttered, still melancholic.
"But after that... you can ogle me all you want!" He ended with a grin.
She looked up and grinned back, blushing a bit.
"Fourteen days left until the finals, gaki. How quickly can you pop the rubber ball?"
"Ten seconds. Should have it down in another couple of days."
"So, you going to use the Rasengan against that Hyuuga?"
"Nope. Got something special planned for him..."
"It had better not involve a banana peel."
Naruto chuckled. "... dammit."
"C'mon, Eddie! You can do better than that!"
"Quiet, Joker! You're ruining my concentration!"
"You're going to have to get used to it, Gimonfu," retorted Harley. "You're going to have to be able to draw on your chakra at a moment's notice in the heat of battle eventually."
The green-clad man grunted as he picked the leaves up again and tried to stick them to his body with his meager chakra supply.
Anko and Ivy were going around the Forest of Death, discussing the various plants in the Special Jounin's favorite place. Both ladies were well aware of the ANBU detail following them... but they thought the ANBU were there to make sure Ivy was loyal. Most of the ANBU thought that too, but the fact of the matter was that Yamato simply wanted to watch Ivy, even if it was from afar.
Meanwhile, Osore and Ibiki were discussing the effects of fear on their "customers" and how effective scare tactics were in getting people to spill their guts without having to resort to Joker's methods of literally spilling their guts.
Osore lifted the tea to his lips, having rolled his burlap mask to above his nose so that he could drink it. "I have noticed that customer seven is resisting all traditional methods, and has withdrawn within his own mind so well that Joker-san can't get at him."
Ibiki nodded as he ate his crackers. They were sitting outside the cell of prisoner twenty-five, within full view of the woman. Her chakra draining chains glowed as her eye twitched. She hadn't been fed in two days and had received nothing to drink in the past twenty-four hours.
"What do you propose?" asked the Head of the ANBU Department of Torture and Interrogation (ANBU DTI).
"Well, I suppose the man may be afraid of mice or spiders or something. I propose we post a D-rank to collect fifty live rodents and another to collect five-hundred live spiders, but with C-rank pay attached."
"If that fails?"
"Get me some peanut butter."
"... Excuse me?"
"Arachibutyrophobia. It is the fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth."
Ibiki cocked his head.
"Don't look at me that way. It's more common than you think. Barring that, we can go with a genjutsu based on helminphobia - the fear of being infested with worms. A fairly common phobia that most people don't even know they have."
The woman in the cell repositioned her legs.
"And if that doesn't work?"
"Soceraphobia."
"Sounds interesting."
"It's the fear of one's parents-in-law."
Ibiki snorted. "No."
"Hmmm... lachanophobia - the fear of vegetables."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Yeah, but some people do have it. Hmmm... You don't suppose he might have linonophobia?"
"Do I want to know?"
"The fear of string, amusingly enough."
Ibiki stared at the burlap-masked coworker for a full minute before responding in a deadpan. "Osore, get serious!"
"Well, supposing he doesn't have musophobia, arachnophobia, helminphobia, or arachibutyrophobia, I suppose he might have apiphobia (bees), spheksophobia (wasps), virgitivitiphobia (rape), anophelophobia (painful sexual intercourse), proctophobia (rectal disease), taeniophobia (tapeworms) -" The female prisoner twitched almost imperceptibly. "- asthenophobia (weakness), hemophobia (blood), necrophobia (corpses) -" She shifted uncomfortably on her cot. "- ophidiophobia (snakes), parasitophobia (parasites), pyrophobia (fire), or hydrophobia (water)."
"Necrophobia sounds like our best bet, actually." The woman swallowed.
"Shall I ask Joker-san to procure us a corpse or two?"
"Sure. Why not?"
The kunoichi felt like crying, especially since she realized they were talking about her and not some other prisoner.
Joker had to duck the moray eel his son tossed at him. To determine how much Naruto had improved under Jiraiya's tutelage, and with only seven days to go before the finals, Harley had suggested a spar.
The elder clown charged forward to plant his open palm in his son's face, but the boy simply lunged forward, dodging the attack and getting inside his father's guard. He attempted to raise his knee to hit Naruto in the nose, but felt pain in his foot instead - his foot had been nailed to the ground with a kunai! How did Naruto fall so quickly!
As he snapped his other leg forward, catching his son in the throat and launching him some distance away, he felt the remnants of wind-oriented chakra in the air.
"You little sneak," commented Joker as he pulled the kunai out of his foot. He had to quickly backpedal as his son's shadow clones went for an all-out assault, attacking at different speeds, at different times and angles, while still being in tandem.
Joker had to cast the Caustic Barrier just to get them to stop, and before they could get away, he used the Caustic Bomb, eliminating most of the shadow clones... but some of them remained. Joker realized that they were akuna-no-kagebunshins (shadow clones of poison) and had simply absorbed the acid from his attack.
The clones then leapt off of the ground, each one of them manipulating the wind as best as they could to move through the air faster than what Joker thought would be possible. Didn't the old pervert say that Naruto was primarily wind-natured, and they had trained mostly in chakra manipulation?
The green-haired man simply pulled out a potato peeler and began dispatching the clones, until there was one left. He then attacked that final Naruto with a rubber chicken.
POOF! It was gone.
So startled was the clown, that he didn't notice Naruto rising up out of the ground behind him. The blonde swiftly kicked his dad in the balls from behind.
"GAH-HA-EH!" squeaked Joker, before falling over. Harley and Naruto began laughing.
"What jutsu was that, son?" asked Harley as Joker tried to walk off his injury, grumbling but smirking the whole time.
"Huh? Oh, it's the other jutsu I learned from the Forbidden Scroll - Hiru Banshou: Bouka no jutsu." (Leech All Creation: Attack Prevention no jutsu)
"Why have you never used it before?" inquired Naruto's mother.
"Didn't have enough chakra control to use it reliably, either in or out of combat, until now."
"What does it do?"
"Well, I can sink into objects, such as trees, the ground, large rocks, or buildings, and travel stealthily through the area. Only the most chakra-sensitive people can detect where I am, though I will try to improve my control further so that my chakra signature is spread throughout an entire area."
Harley chuckled. "They'd be able to tell that you're around, but not pinpoint your location, right?"
"Yup!"
"So tell me, when is your girlfriend getting out of the hospital?"
"Three days left before she does. She'll be completely healed too."
"Her muscles will have atrophied a bit," mused Joker, as he walked up to his family.
"Yeah, it'll be a couple of weeks before she's in any condition to go on missions."
"Oh," began Harley. "Jiraiya-san told me something interesting about Hinata-chan."
"What's that?" asked Joker, noticing Naruto's embarrassed look.
"He said, and I quote: 'The Hyuuga princess is almost a bigger pervert than I am!'"
"Mo-om!"
Both parents laughed at their son's discomfort for a bit. Still smiling, Harley decided to ask a question.
"So, when do I expect psychotic grand-babies?"
"DAMMIT MOM!"
Shino laughed mentally as his father, the Clan Head, Aburame Shibi, checked all of his son's kikaichu insects. The elder Aburame was getting stressed out as he discovered that the kikaichu in his son were a new, venomous species that injected their host with various poisons on a routine basis. What he didn't know was that such behavior was the result of a command from Shino. The boy had spent enough time in the presence of the Uzumaki Clan, that he developed a weak version of their bloodline, and so he had sent his kikaichu to gather toxins to inject himself with to strengthen it.
"Son," began Shibi, completely monotone. "Your kikaichu seem to have mutated -"
"At my direction, father."
Shibi silently analyzed the situation and the information he had.
"Why?"
"Did you know that the Uzumaki kekkei-genkai is transferrable through non-invasive means?"
The elder Aburame's brow twitched, which was the bug-user's equivalent to Sakura screaming "WHAT!" at the top of her lungs.
"One just has to spend an extremely long period of time in their company - in the neighborhood of nine-thousand-and-one hours."
Shibi nodded. It would allow the two clans to have a stronger alliance in future generations while strengthening the members of both clans.
"What about your Jounin-sensei and other teammate?"
"Kurenai-sensei actually doesn't spend enough time with us, and she tends to detox herself regularly, it seems."
Shibi nodded, signaling to Shino that he should continue.
"Hinata-san is developing it much more slowly, due to the fact that she's spent less time among Naruto's company. She has only been to the Uzumaki Estate once that I know of."
Shibi also saw the political opportunity there. "You will protect her from discovery until she is strong enough in the bloodline for it to be irreversible?"
Shino chuckled at that, startling his father with the amount of emotion he was showing.
The day Hinata was released from the hospital was the day Naruto finally got the Rasengan. Now, it wasn't fully mastered, even in its incomplete form, but he could keep it together for all of five seconds before the sphere of chakra fell apart. Jiraiya declared him finished and congratulated him... just to distract him long enough for the tackling hug that the Hyuuga Heiress sprang on him to hit. The hug quickly devolved into a playful wrestling match, as both kids were excited for each other and for themselves.
The next day, because Hinata was a little worried that she might be getting left behind, a training regimen was set up with Kurenai (to help her chakra reserves), Joker and Harley (to help with her unconventional tactics; and secretly to help with her development of the Uzumaki bloodline), and Hyuuga Shishou (for more medic-nin training). The more intensive parts of her training would happen after the Chuunin Exams were finally over, as all of her teachers had to help with making sure the Finals went without a hitch - especially since Joker was the Proctor and Harley was the Announcer for the Finals.
Naruto spent the remaining days visiting the various members of the Gotham Rogues that were now ninja of the Leaf. He found Domen to be rather friendly, though far too sane to want to spend much time with. Ivy was nice, but she sometimes wasn't very patient. Gimonfu was kind of fun to be around, though he didn't quite have the grasp on chakra yet, and gave far too many confusing riddles to the blonde. Croc was fun to be around, but the guy was a workaholic (which helped Guy take his mind off of Lee's injuries for most of the day). Osore didn't actually like any of the Uzumakis (he only came to Konoha because he was offered unlimited research without much in the way of restraint), so Naruto wasn't really welcome unless he was going to help torture the prisoners.
And the day finally came...
Eight Chuunin-hopefuls stood in the center of the arena, with Joker standing at their head. The roar of the crowd was enormous, and many foreign ninja had shown up for the spectacle of the thing. The Hokage, Kazekage, and some woman who was the self-proclaimed Otokage were sitting up in the Kage Box, where the village leaders got to watch the proceedings. Each Kage had a brace of ANBU from their respective villages guarding them; a pair of snake masks for the Otokage, a hawk mask and an elephant mask for the Kazekage, and a rat mask and tiger mask for the Hokage.
"Otokage-hime," began Sarutobi Hiruzen. "I am surprised that you showed up today - none of your village's contestants made it to the Finals, especially since the one that did was found dead."
She laughed softly. It was a disturbing sound that slightly unnerved the Kazekage - but the Hokage was unaffected (he spoke to Uzumaki Joker on a regular basis). "I still wanted to see how the exams would turn out, especially since all of Kazekage-dono's children are participating."
"Really?" asked the Yondaime Kazekage. "I was under the assumption that you wished to see the Last Uchiha fight, first-hand."
The Hokage laughed. "I'm sure you'll see more interesting things happen with some of the other Leaf Genin. The Uzumaki child, in particular."
"Oh?" asked the Otokage.
"What makes you say that, Hokage-dono?"
"You should know already, Kazekage-dono." At this, the Kazekage cocked his head. "Uzumaki Naruto-kun is much like your youngest son - in more ways than one."
The Kazekage nearly gaped at the Hokage at that.
"Huh," began the Otokage. "The Uchiha is missing. How about we move his match to the end? Many feudal lords are here to witness him specifically, so we may as well allow it, or else our villages may not get as much business."
The Hokage sighed. "Very well."
"So," Joker began. "Since there are only nine participants, and the one that's still missing will likely be late, the chicken, this is the new order of the matches." He directed their attention to a large board on one side of the stadium.
Match One: Hyuuga Neji vs. Uzumaki Naruto
Match Two: Sabaku no Temari vs. Aburame Shino
Match Three: Sabaku no Kankuro vs. Nara Shikamaru
Match Four: Uchiha Sasuke vs. Sabaku no Gaara
By means of random lot, Akimichi Chouji will fight one of the winners.
"All of you who are not fighting right now had better scram."
Harley's voice could be heard over the loudspeakers. "Welcome, one and all, to the Chuunin Exam Finals! My name is Uzumaki Harley. In other words: GOOD MORNING KONOHAGAKURE NO SATO! We bid welcome to the various foreign dignitaries, particularly the Kazekage and the self-proclaimed Otokage!" There was some cheering at this. "And it's just about time to start the first match too! It is between my son, Uzumaki Naruto, and a prodigy of the Hyuuga Clan, Neji! All we are waiting for now is for my husband, one Uzumaki Joker, to get this show on the road!"
As the cheering continued, Joker just smiled. He made no move to start the match. Soon, the enthusiasm began to die down.
"HONEY! GET MOVING!"
Joker laughed. "Always fun to rile her up. Okay, maggots; on my mark, start killing each other." Naruto crouched low while Neji got into the Juuken's standard opening stance. "MARK!"
Naruto leapt straight up to dodge Neji's forward charge, seven meters into the air. While he did this he began a familiar seal sequence: horse and monkey. Neji had to dodge as Naruto's hand swiped at where his head used to be, but some of the hairs on his head weren't so lucky. They melted away at the point where Naruto touched them. Neji continued to spin away, getting out of Naruto's reach as the blonde kicked and punched at him with all the grace of a drunken bull. Neji, perhaps to prove that finesse beats power, tried to weasel around Naruto's guard faster than the blonde should be able to react.
But, Naruto was not there, as he was suddenly backpedaling to gain more distance. Neji didn't understand how the other boy could change direction so quickly, but he didn't ponder on it. Instead, he pressed his attack, forcing the clown child on the defensive and not allowing him to utilize his acidic chakra, and soon enough, the jutsu petered out and fizzled. And then, the unthinkable happened - the arena suddenly had a mass of black-clad blondes appear all around Neji.
The Hyuuga was astonished by the amount of chakra poured into the field around him and the amount of control it must have taken to create that many solid clones in the positions they were in. Still, he managed to keep up the original and struck the other boy in the shoulder... only to have it pop as it was dispelled; Naruto must have used kawarimi to switch with a random clone. Neji turned, anticipating an onslaught from the other clones, but he began to cough. The smoke from the clone was much too sweet-smelling to have been normal... Neji was a bit sleepy, but he dove away from the gas cloud before he could inhale any more of the poison. It was at this point that the closest clones began kicking at him while many of the other clones were hurling shuriken at him.
Seeing no other alternative, Neji dove further forward, rolled to a standing position, and initiated the Kaiten (Heavenly Spin). A dome of chakra erupted with him at its center, spinning like a top. All of the clones and projectiles in range were annihilated instantly. Once he stopped spinning, one of the remaining clones threw another at him with incredible velocity, forcing him to side-step to dodge. But the flying Naruto managed to tap Neji on the upper left arm.
The prodigy's world became pain for a short period of time. His arm hung limply at his side... and the chakra pathways had been jumbled. They actually spelled something... "Eat at Joe's" they read. Neji glared at the clone that had sped past him, as all the other clones were gone, so this undoubtedly was the real one.
Meanwhile, all the Hyuuga in the audience were shocked to see the Uzumaki brat using a bastardization of their taijutsu style. He must have learned it when the Heiress used it on him in their spars.
"Wary of getting close to me now, eh?" guessed Naruto. Neji merely glared. "Don't worry - I don't think we'll be going steady for a while, if ever." The Hyuuga's glare became more menacing.
Laughing, Naruto suddenly shot his hands towards Neji, using the Sen'ietajashu (Hidden Shadow Many Snakes Hand) to shoot six snakes towards the other boy. Due to the angles at which the snakes had come out of the blonde's sleeves, the Hyuuga had to dodge to his left. But the snake closest to his right arm exploded in a mass of chakra, destroying the other snakes and striking his good arm.
The same sensation of his coils being re-arranged came over him briefly. Both of his arms were now useless, and one of them now spelled out "This Space for Rent".
"So," began Naruto, still chuckling. "Do you think you're destined to win now?"
"I can still beat you, even with just my legs. You are destined to lose, and I will prove it."
But, before Neji could act on his words, Naruto's hands began twitching. Suddenly, Neji's arms began to flail about, unbalancing the older boy. As he stumbled, he kicked a rock at the blonde. Surprised by the sudden projectile, Naruto couldn't move before it hit him in the head... and he popped like a balloon, leaving more sickly-looking smoke behind.
Neji did a quick check, but wasn't fast enough as Naruto melted out of the ground right next to him - apparently, the boy had been there the entire match - and Juukened both of Neji's hips, further throwing him off-balance. The older boy finally fell over as Naruto pulled himself out of the ground.
"You guys have difficulty looking into the soil?" asked Naruto, sounding disappointed and curious. "Hinata-chan never seemed to have that blind spot..."
The spectator Hyuuga, especially Hiashi, pondered the possibility that Hinata's eyes might be strong in ways different from the norm. What it actually was, her Byakugan was interacting with the weak Uzumaki kekkei genkai she was developing, and the two bloodlines were having unexpected effects on each other.
Neji was furious, especially since the coils in his legs spelled out "Property of the..." "...Flaming Dog".
Naruto grinned and popped his knuckles by interlacing his fingers together and stretching his arms above his head.
"Now," he began, lowering his hands as if he were going to play the piano. "Time for some art."
Naruto's right index finger twitched, and so did Neji's right arm. Naruto's left ring and Neji's left leg. Naruto then began moving his hands much more quickly, forcing Neji to stand.
"You will pay for what you did to Hinata-chan," stated the blonde as if he were discussing what lunch would be. He then began to sing, twitching his fingers to make Neji dance.
"Ne-ji, Neji of the Hyuuga Look out for that tree-ee! LOOK OUT FOR THAT -"
BAM!Neji's forced dance routine took him towards some of the sparse vegetation on the arena floor. He found his entire body making a Neji-shaped impression in the bark prior to falling backwards.
"Ooough!" the crowd collectively winced, sympathetic to the pain the Hyuuga prodigy must have been feeling.
"- tree," finished the blonde, putting his hands into his pockets, grinning like the proverbial cat who ate the canary.
Joker, Harley, and much of the crowd found the humiliating defeat of Neji hilarious.
Naruto simply walked up to his dazed and incapacitated opponent. "Hey, Neji-teme. Did you win?"
"... shut up."
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein