Kapitel 3: Sevice Club [3]
"Hikigaya. How many years has it been since you last talked to a girl?"
The question came completely out of the blue, destroying my train of
thought.
She's so rude.
I'm pretty confident in my memory. I remember the minute details of
conversations that anyone would forget. So much so that girls in my class
have treated me like a stalker. According to my superior hippocampus, the
last time I'd talked to a girl had been in June, two years earlier.
Girl: It's seriously hot right now, huh?
Me: More like humid, eh?
Girl: Huh? Oh…yeah, sure, I guess.
The end.
Something like that. I mean, she hadn't been talking to me. It had been a
girl sitting diagonally behind me.
I remember people to an uncomfortable degree. Even now, every time I
remember that in the middle of the night, I want to yank the covers over my
head and scream, Aahhhhhhh!
While I'd been off on that particular bad trip down memory lane,
Yukinoshita had launched into a loud proclamation.
"Haves giving things to
Have-nots out of the goodness of their hearts is known as volunteering.
Giving aid to developing nations, running soup kitchens for the homeless,
and letting unpopular guys talk to girls… Lending a helping hand to people in
need. That is what this club does." At some point, Yukinoshita had stood and,
from that vantage, was naturally looking down on me.
"Welcome to the Service Club. We're happy to have you."
Her words didn't sound in the least bit welcoming, and hearing her made
me tear up a bit. She hit hard, right where it hurt, and kicked me while I was
down.
"As Ms. Hiratsuka says, great people have an obligation to help the less
fortunate. I have been entrusted with this and will fulfill my responsibility. I
will correct your problems for you. Be grateful."
I guess what she was implying some sort of noblesse oblige? Which
meant something about the duty of nobles to help the poor or whatever.
Yukinoshita, standing there with her arms crossed, was the picture of an
aristocrat. And actually, when you considered her grades and her appearance
and all that, calling her an aristocrat wouldn't even have been an
exaggeration.
"You broad…" I just had to say something. I had to explain to her using
the best words I could that I was not someone to be pitied. "Listen, this might
be weird to say about myself, but I'm not so shabby at academics, either, you
know? On the aptitude test for humanities, I was ranked third in Japanese in
my grade! I'm one of the smart ones! If you leave out the part about me not
having a girlfriend or any friends, I've got pretty high specs, basically!"
"That part at the end included some rather fatal deficiencies, you know…
But your ability to deliver it in all confidence is somewhat amazing in its own
right…you weirdo. I'm creeped out already."
"Shut up! I don't want to hear that from you! You freaky chick."
She really was a freak. At the very least, she was nothing like the Yukino
Yukinoshita I was acquainted with through hearsay. Though having never
actually spoken to anyone, I'd really just overheard it…
I guess I considered her an aloof beauty. At that moment, she wore a cold
smile. To elaborate, it was sadistic. "Hmph. Based on what I've seen, the
reason you're all alone is that rotten personality and those twisted
sensibilities of yours."
Yukinoshita clenched her fist as she spoke passionately. "First, since you
clearly feel so uncomfortable here, let's give you a place to belong. Did you
know? Just having somewhere you belong can save you from a tragic end
like becoming a star and burning out of existence."
"'The Nighthawk's Star'? How obscure can you get?" Someone with
lesser academic prowess than myself, ranked third in Japanese, would never
have gotten that reference. Plus, I like that story, so I remember it well. It's so
sad, it actually brings a tear to my eye. Especially the part where nobody
likes him.
Yukinoshita's eyes widened in surprise at my retort. "That's unexpected. I
didn't think an average, mediocre high school boy would be reading Kenji
Miyazawa."
"Did you just slip in a remark implying my inferiority?"
"I'm sorry. That was going too far. It would be correct to say below
average."
"You meant you were going too far in the positive direction?! Didn't you
hear the part about me being ranked third in my grade?"
"Bragging over a mere third-place ranking alone marks you as an inferior
individual. Trying to demonstrate your cognitive abilities through your
grades in a single class alone is imbecilic."
How rude could you get? She was treating a boy she'd only just met as an
inferior being. The only other person I can think of who does that is a Saiyan
prince.
"But 'The Nighthawk's Star' suits you. The appearance of the nighthawk
in particular."
"Are you saying I'm disfigured?"
"I couldn't say that. The truth can be too painful to hear sometimes after
all…"
"You basically just said it…"
Yukinoshita's expression turned serious as she patted me on the shoulder.
"Don't avert your eyes from the truth. Look at reality…and a mirror."
"Hey, hey, hey! It might be weird for me to say this about myself, but my
face is well proportioned. My own sister's even told me, 'If you only kept
your mouth shut…' It would be more accurate to say that my face is the only
good thing about me." That's my sister, all right. She's got sharp eyes. The
girls at this school really have no taste compared to her!
Yukinoshita pressed her hand to her temple as if she had a headache.
"How dumb are you? Beauty is an entirely subjective measure. In other
words, here, where you and I are the only people present, what I say is the
only truth."
"Y-your logic is ridiculous, but for some reason, it kind of makes
sense…"
"And even without taking into consideration your difficulties, when a boy
has rotten fish-eyes like you do, it's inevitable he'd give off a bad impression,
anyway. I'm not commenting on your individual features. It's your
expression that's ugly. It's proof that your heart is twisted."
Says the girl with the cute face and all that nasty stuff on the inside. She
had a look in her eye like that of a hardened criminal. Maybe we were both
what they call the utterly uncute.
But for real, were my eyes really that fishlike? If I were a girl, I'd spin
that into something positive, saying something like Huh? Do I look that much
like the Little Mermaid?
While I drifted through my escapist fantasy, Yukinoshita swept back the
hair on her shoulders and announced triumphantly, "I don't like people who
boost their egos through such superficial metrics as grades or looks, anyway.
Oh, and I don't like that rotten look in your eyes, either."
"Enough about my eyes already!"
"Indeed. There's nothing you can do about them at this point, anyway."
"It's about time for you to apologize to my parents." I could feel my face
twitching all over the place.
Yukinoshita's expression fell as if she regretted her words. "You're right.
That was a mean thing to say. Your parents are surely suffering the most."
"Fine! My bad! Or rather, my face is bad." When I pleaded to her on the
verge of tears, Yukinoshita finally sheathed her sharp tongue. I was now
enlightened to the fact that there was no point in saying anything to her
anymore. And while I indulged a vision of myself meditating cross-legged at
the foot of a linden tree and attaining nirvana, Yukinoshita continued the
exchange.
"Now your practice conversation with an actual person is complete. If you
can speak with a girl like me, you should be able to speak to most ordinary
people."
Smoothing down her hair with her right hand, Yukinoshita's expression
beamed with accomplishment. And then she smiled. "Now with this
wonderful memory in your heart, you'll have the strength to go live your life
alone."
"Your solution to my problem is beyond bizarre."
"But that in and of itself isn't sufficient to satisfy the teacher's request… I
have to address the root of the matter… What if you quit school?"
"That's not a solution. That's just like putting a Band-Aid on a pimple."
"Oh, so you're aware that you're a pimple?"
"Yeah, because everyone calls me a pain in the butt—and shut up!"
"You're so annoying."
I smiled at last, having said something witty, and Yukinoshita glared at
me with eyes that asked, Why are you alive? I'm telling you, she's got a scary
look.
Then it got quiet enough to make my ears hurt. In actuality, they probably
also hurt from all of Yukinoshita's insults. The rude sound of the door being
roughly pulled aside rang through the room, breaking the silence.
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