Kapitel 70: Guilt

What did I just see, I can't take it out of my mind, I can't talk to anybody about it either! That scene was out of my expectations, I couldn't lift a finger or being able to stop it. What is he planning to do to her?

When they told us to wait for the grown-ups to finish their work and stay in one of the halls inside the palace, I was heading there filled with rage and broken pride. "I am still anxious about what happened inside the court, my shoulder was exposed for everyone to see, judge and laugh at my 'childish action'".

Everyone was looking at me and laughing, even the servants in the hallway knew what had happened and didn't waste their time glaring at me and giggling with each other. Looking clueless at them, I pretty much knew that everything which included gossip and news about something embarrassing inside nobility was easy to circulate around through the thin walls of the palace.

They knew and didn't care if I noticed it, even my title was no use when the one who attacked me in the first place was their master. In that way, they not only had the one-on-the-lifetime opportunity to joke and pity an aristocrat, but they had the right to do so. Still, I felt cornered and mortified to walk past so many of them doing what I couldn't stop. If I did, that would have probably caused a bigger scene and uncontrollable laugh, so I just kept walking and didn't turn my head for any of their words.

'At the time I was sure that his highness did that to provoke, cause physical pain, humiliate and put a big wall between me and Raelian, but the ending was devastating. It wasn't something that I could have predicted and denied when they all took his word and insisted to look at it. That was not fair at all, he played dirty with me, my family's name and their minds. He even played with Raelian, the one he told me not to touch, the one he addressed as "his".'

Now they all know and are sure that I snitched and made a big deal because I "lost" when he was clearly threatening me. Not only did he humiliate and made me look like a pathetic nobel who doesn't have the idea of social rules, but my family will pay for the trouble he caused for creating the whole meeting. All the weight is on my shoulders and more to the one which he scared and showed to everyone like a piece of evidence. My whole body will remember this, the wound will continue to ache and burn even after it heals and leave just a bitter memory of my past actions, for the rest of my life.

"I will remember this Alastair Viotto Aleader, I swear in my family crest that this event is not going to keep me under pressure for too long. Someday that demoralized person, who doesn't know what to do and curses at the causer the same as I am doing now, is going to be you. I promise!"

Waiting there with all the others was a living hell! No one bothered to talk about what happened since they were more fascinated by his highness's indifference to the queen's words. Even the boys were acting different than usual, like they were interested in him or something. It was nothing new for the "innocent beauty" of Alastair to mesmerize those who looked at him, but I felt uncomfortable listening to them even though a part of them were my friends from the academy.

'What do they like about him anyway? His actions or his face? I know that he is pretty, but I am one hundred percent sure, that they are not going to admire his face when he struggles them to death.' Having such thoughts and looking at them at the same time with a straight face, I felt disappointed in myself and asked for forgiveness even though that was just me trying to forget what I thought. But it was tiring to hear so much praise for the likes of him, so I also wanted them to keep their distance from me so I could clean up my thoughts a little.

It was hard to focus with a bunch of girls in one corner being upset about the group's setup. They required a different room for them to rest since their number was less than us boys, but no one gave them what they wanted so everyone could feel the tension. A fair few of those I also had in academy, looking different now dressed up and with their coat of arms put on, but their attitude is more or less worst than before. Finding them so irritating and dense was going to put me in a bad position if they suddenly felt like talking to me about what happened, so even though I was standing apart from everyone else, I drifted away in the corner.

'Passing time like this, particularly hiding, is going to be unbearable at this point. I wish the time would go a little faster and get this over with!'

Time passed and there was nothing new. I was still trying to be invisible in the eyes of others. That put me under a lot of stress for keeping up with each of the group movements, and I changed places so many times. It seemed like the time had stopped, I got pretty much sleepy and bored for waiting that long with only the purpose to get out after the meeting was finished. Their conversations were dried out, no interesting topics, nothing to look forward to, their interests included only parting, dueling without a reason and showing off the prettiest or most valuable possessions they had.

'It never crossed my mind when I was there between them before, but this type of conversation doesn't make any sense. Showing off their possessions and then after that is going to be a scandal for stealing or losing it. This is kind of disappointing and confusing at the same time.'

Because it was so calm and things were going more smoothly even through pointless conversations, it was easy to notice a small group shifting on the other side of the hall. From the beginning I was concentrated on how each of the groups moved and rotate to avoid encountering them, so this one's movement caught my attention.

I noticed that one from that group was from my class, a famous troublemaker that enjoyed teasing others for fun, but it was mostly girls in a relationship or those who had an unrequested love interest.

'I remember that on campus circulated one or two rumors about him messing up only with girls who were committed to someone. One because he liked them and wanted to draw attention. That was the most consarning thing thinking about how many girls he had pranced. And two, because he was jealous. To whom, no one had any idea, but looking at the facts and his behavior, this is still a good reason.'

He stopped doing that in the last year before graduation because of some family problems or probably because he would have been expelled, but still him going out of his way to go somewhere now, was suspicious to the ones who knew who he was. And it was not too long after they went near a window and stayed there before things got messed up pretty badly.

Certainly, I wasn't the only one who knew and saw them go there since they started to draw attention little by little. 'What is happening now? Don't tell me they started doing it again, here in the palace?' all the girls were crowded together so it didn't make sense why they would mess with someone else out of the blue. I also was on the other side so I couldn't probably tell what was going on over there, but the situation was getting worst. He raised his voice, "Na-Nameless person? Don't you know how I am?", making all the eyes look there, staring in silence.

I was partly relieved, because from the way he sounded it didn't look like he was trying to mess with someone or put out a prank on them. I let it be and stood there satisfied about the others having their mind on something else, as that changed mine and the mood of the room. But my chest started to hurt at the sight of those silver hair. I shook my head and looked at it again in disbelief, because I totally forgot that she was here with us… in the same room… at the meeting also.

'She was also here? Stupid, of course she should be, but isn't it soon for her? She became duke's heir just yesterday after all.'

"W-wait where are you going? You didn't give me a chance to talk!"

My heart dropped! I was sure now that he was going to play a prank on her, and she wouldn't probably know that because it hasn't been that long since she entered aristocracy, but what was his purpose in doing so? Making her look bad…just for fun…or was it another motive? She stayed calm, showing no other emotion except disgust and made it clear that she didn't want to listen to his talk. Soon after that, she left the hall and his friends apparently tried to console him.

"Damn it, she didn't even give me an opportunity!"

"Don't worry about that! All of them saw it but I don't think that they heard all the staff that you said. If we tell them that: "We wanted to talk but she was rude and disrespectful to us, even though we wanted to be friends with the new girl who was lonely", they are going to believe it. She would be the one at loss and not us."

Suddenly all of them had a grin on their faces. They still found an opportunity even though she didn't give any other opening to start a scandal here. That made me angry, seeing them smiling about what was obviously a lie, reminded me of who he used to be…and he didn't change…

"Greeting young viscount Mezor! What a pleasure to meet you here."

"Oh, greeting to you too, young duke! The pleasure is all mine!"

…they hide what they want behind lies and a painted smile. All of them do this to satisfy their sick pleasure and look at the people suffering, with an innocent face. I can't do that…I can't just ignore it either. My dream was to be a knight and help anyone who needed my help and this kind of people are the first ones that should be helped. Help by erasing this rotten society…with or without blood loss.

"So…childish wasn't enough for you, now you are going to ask forgiveness from Viscount for beating up his child?"

"It wasn't my fault, they started to talk dirty about me. And also…what are you doing here Nasya, I know that you are not here to console me."

Well it wasn't addressed to me, but still…they talked badly about a person who they know nothing about. And what that boy told me when the fight ended was concerning. "I didn't approach her because I loved to anyway, my father said to be on good terms." In that situation I don't think that he would be lying and giving the blaim to his father, but why does the viscount want his son to be on her good side?

"Well, that's what friends are for, right? Even though you won the fight, you still got hurt yourself. And I, as a good friend, am going to help you clean up before your dad sees you like this."

'Where is the point anyway, he is going to find out about it when Mezor goes to complain to his father about what happened. Sigh! What am I doing this, Raelian is not going to appreciate this even if I did it for her. Does she hate me?'

When I got out of the hall, my head hurt from the loud noises the others were doing while we were fighting and everything was spinning. That took a lot of time and Raelian wasn't there anymore, no one saw her…not in the corridors…not outside. It looked like she vanished into thin air. I had a lot to think about as the time went by, and I knew that it was a rush decision to assume that Raelian would be friendly with me all of the sudden. She doesn't know who I was, and my first encounter with her was so short that I only run into her by accident, but still it let me quite the impression of seeing how pure and innocent she looked. She was like an angel…a sweet and warm feeling for the dry eyes. I wanted to see that again!

"Hey are you all right, why are you smiling all of the sudden?"

"I was just thinking about something from the past, don't mind me!

'Nasya is my best friend…someone I can trust…she always took care of me when I got hurt while training, but she doesn't understand what I am doing. How can she when I can't understand myself? The only thing is to clear things out.'

"Nasya, I am sorry but I have to go!"

"Wait, I am not finished treating you. Where are you going?"

'If I can not do it myself then I have to go to the source of my doubts. She must still be here somewhere waiting like all of us. If I could find her and talk normally like I do with Nasya then it can shed some light on this mess I have put myself into.'

I run…I run everywhere I could think of a place where Raelian would be staying. The garden…the greenhouse…every place I searched, she wasn't there. I asked the carriage man if he had seen her come out of the gates and go to the city, that was the last place she could go imagining that no one would leave her inside the palace, but he didn't see her go outside.

I panicked! My mind was full of bad senarius. If she was still inside the palace territory, she would probably be in some place I didn't search. Nasya also went inside, if I knew that it would be so difficult to find Raelian, then I would have asked her for help. I was tired after the fight and the run I did had me totally dried out of energy, so I gave up on that thought and tried to go back to where I was, sitting down on the front stairs of the palace. The only thing was, that she came up to me…right when I was peacefully trying to rest.

'The thought of it still makes my blood boils on how shameless his highness can be. I found out in the worst way possible why Raelian was not in any of the places I looked for. She was unconscious and he satisfyingly was carrying her in his arms. I was blankly looking at her, it was so close and still so far away. But he didn't lose the chance to shove it on my face, the same word he told me at the party.'

"Looking you from up here is quite the scene, young duke. I would have greeted you properly if I could, but as you see I am kind of busy right now. I expect you to get up and move out of the way or you can stand there and see. I don't have a problem with that as long as your eyes are not on her."

'What happen to his words, "Don't you dare look or touch her ever again…don't dream about her…don't imagine things that aren't real, and even if she came up and greats you, you have to back off on your own", from yesterday? He clearly is saying the same thing but differently. Is he that happy to hold her, that is giving me the option to back off without a fight or stay and suffer? You two-faced prince, it was not enough for you to make them laugh at me but now you also want to shatter my heart?'

That scene...I couldn't tell anybody about it. No one would believe me even if I told what I saw. He went inside with her, who knows where, and I still thought that she would come out after the meeting was over and everyone would go into their home. I waited there, desperately for her to show up as nothing happened, but that left me with a bitter aftertaste. She didn't come out even after her foster father and everyone else left the court, and the blame for not stopping his highness was on me. It was totally my fault for leaving her with him when I know exactly what he was after. I only hope that nothing bad had happened and to have the chance to see her again someday.

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