Kapitel 5: Stars, Stripes, and Pointy Ears
When Black Widow enthusiastically recommended a dating site called LEX to him, Captain America was, in fact, reluctant.
Although it had been a long time since S.H.I.E.L.D. had thawed him out of the ice—so long that even S.H.I.E.L.D. itself had gone through a complete teardown and rebuild—the onslaught of the 21st century's changes had been relentless from the moment he woke up.
The internet, in particular, was something Steve Rogers grudgingly admitted was incredibly convenient, but for someone who had leaped seventy years in time, its near-revolutionary impact was overwhelming.
Other than occasionally browsing a website or two, Steve kept a respectful distance from it—even enduring Tony Stark's many jabs about being an outdated relic who refused to keep up with the times.
It wasn't that he was stuck in the past; he simply wasn't in a hurry to rush into the future.
Carrying his shield and walking alone among the towering buildings of the 21st century, Captain America thought about this with calm resolve.
However, unfortunately, when it came to dealing with "old-timers" like him, Natasha Romanoff always had her own methods.
Steve might endure three days and nights of Stark's relentless persuasion without budging, but against Black Widow, it only took a single sentence to make the famed Captain of America give up.
"If you listen to me and try out this website, I won't have to introduce you to any more dates, Rogers."
Sprawled on the sofa while carefully painting her nails, Natasha didn't even lift her head as she precisely intercepted Steve Rogers, who was trying to sneak out of the lounge.
"And if you don't, I might just go ahead and set you up with every woman at S.H.I.E.L.D. You can pick one."
"…"
Even hearing that was terrifying enough.
Steve knew Agent Romanoff always followed through on her word.
Her decisiveness in matters like these was as sharp as her aim, and he wasn't quite ready to turn into a serial dater who looked perpetually unwanted.
So, under the respectful but pitying gazes of others, he quietly opened the LEX registration page, picked the username @StarsandStripes.
He didn't even bother to upload a profile picture, he just opened his account in the platform.
LEX didn't match him with many users, which Steve guessed was because he had entered his real age in the personal information section.
Even though Natasha rolled her eyes at him several times for this, he refused to compromise.
Unfortunately—or rather, fortunately—in the small pool of matches, few of them could sustain a conversation with him for more than ten messages, and none of them progressed to a second chat.
After all, who would want an overly serious, humorless man from the 21st century's equivalent of their grandfather as a pen pal?
"This time, it's not me who are unwilling, Natasha."
Steve exhaled in mild relief, shrugging his shoulder as he tried not to let his obvious sense of liberation show too much.
"Don't think this is the end of it, Captain," Natasha said while looking up to him to give him a smile that was so fake it could've been painted on. "Just wait. Sooner or later, you'll find someone who is suitable for you. Maybe even someone who's an even older relic than you are."
And, as fate would have it, Black Widow's words turned out to be prophetic.
Steve was considering quietly deleting his account when he received a friend request from someone named @PointyEars4Life.
Social media accounts for the younger generation held little interest for him, and entertainment-focused platforms like this felt entirely unsuitable.
He'd even prepared a plan to deal with Natasha's inevitable wrath when she found out about his deletion.
However, the flashing message notification stopped him in his tracks and, as if by destiny, convinced him not to abandon LEX just yet.
[ @PointyEars4Life: Hello. ]
[ @StarsandStripes: Hello. ]
The request clearly stated that the sender was his highest compatibility match on the platform.
Out of courtesy, Steve responded to the greeting.
He hesitated for a moment before he chose to clicked on @PointyEars4Life's profile out of curiosity.
Steve wanted to understand how LEX determined their supposed compatibility.
That's when he saw the personal details the other party had entered—
[ Date of Birth: Year 1047 of the Mother Trees. ]
[ Age: 9,872 years old. ]
Steve: …Excuse me, what?!
Naturally, Steve didn't believe for a second that @PointyEars4Life could actually be that old.
However, unlike the casual irreverence or brashness he often encountered with younger users of this century, @PointyEars4Life's tone was calm and measured.
There was something deeply refreshing about it.
Steve had to admit that chatting with @PointyEars4Life was unexpectedly enjoyable.
It was like speaking with an ocean—vast and patient, capable of absorbing all his unspoken frustrations while gently offering insights that clarified his doubts.
@PointyEars4Life spoke like someone who had seen countless ages pass, exuding a serenity, transparency, and quiet warmth that Steve found profoundly comforting.
Of course, there were moments when this person also left Steve feeling completely dumbfounded—like the time they asked him (Captain America in disguise) for his naked autographed photos.
And now, Steve wasn't sure which was more embarrassing: that request or the rumor that "Captain America scared a robber until they're fainted from fear."
Holding his phone, Steve froze for a long moment, remembering that @PointyEars4Life was likely waiting eagerly for his reply.
The Captain cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling a mixture of amusement and exasperation.
Sure, he genuinely enjoyed talking to @PointyEars4Life, but he was a respectable Captain, and there was no way he could indulge this sort of request so casually.
Thinking this over, Steve extinguished the fleeting idea of padding the request using Human Torch photos since people said they're look very similar.
Instead, he looked down and began typing slowly on his phone, his expression stoic but resolute.
[ @StarsandStripes: Give me your address, and I'll send it to you. ]
[ @StarsandStripes: ...But let me be clear, it'll only be a half-body shot. ]
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein