Kapitel 9: All His Fault

𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 1, 1995

𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒐

I had been trying to make myself scarce. I avoided her at every turn but it seemed that she did the same. But what satisfied me the most is I'm not the only one she avoids. Every time her brother came into the room, along with his friends, and tried to ask what was wrong, she fled.

And the annoyance—the anger that she doesn't share her pain gets on my nerves. 𝐼 want to know what's wrong.

Merlin, I really am a hypocrite. I say I want to avoid her, I say that I don't want to bother with her anymore. Which I can't take back since I said it to her face, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 I'm still mortified by it. I would have preferred to have said all that while I was sober.

But I didn't. So I avoid her—more than before. One would think out of sight out of mind, right? Well not for me. She 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑔𝑢𝑒𝑠 me. I can't get her out of my mind and I'm getting tired of it.

I want to forget the fact she doesn't remember me. I want to 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 forgetting how to breathe when I see her. I want my heart to stop breaking every time I see her in the corridors.

When she looks at me, across corridors or in class, the subtle eye contact we had affected me the same. I looked at her as if I didn't hate her—but she saw me as a stranger... The eye contact doesn't affect her.

I want to hate her, and to some extent I do. But I can't stop worrying. The rumors have gotten worse and I heard some Slytherins say Rose was punished by Umbridge. So if it's true then it explains her behavior.

Four years ago she wouldn't stop being clingy and happy—now she's distant and sad. I need to know who made her feel this way, but it doesn't mean I'll do anything about it. Maybe...

So when it was time for lunch I kept an eye on her. She sat alone again, some Hufflepuff girl eyeing her curiously. It looked like she wanted to talk to Rose but didn't have the gall. Every opportunity was there and yet she didn't take it.

I was miserable looking at Rose acting miserable. Her sad face made me irritated. Merlin, she's annoying to have so much control over me like this. It's pathetic.

I scoff, putting a sliced fruit into my mouth, and chew angrily. I hate these confusing feelings. It makes me hate her.

So I decide to not go up to her. I avoid her like always and when lunch ends I exit the Great Hall, ready for class but that was until I noticed Parkinson started walking up to her. My heart sped up, all the horrific scenarios played in my head.

Everyone knows we used to be friends in first year, they all know we were 𝑜𝑏𝑠𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 with each other. They know she changed me, and turned me into a worse person when she died.

They know how her death broke me...

And now she's back, they're confused as to why I'm not all over her and doing my best to make her remember. They think I would try to corrupt her again, but I truly care for her and that means I shouldn't be in her life again. I shouldn't ruin it; again.

Four years ago, she did her best to hide our friendship because 𝐼 asked her to. She wanted everyone to know her 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 friend, the best person in the world was her best friend. But she was naive, she didn't think that everyone knowing was a problem. She didn't think...that her brother would be angry.

So when he found out and 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑏𝑖𝑑 her to see me, she flipped out. Her emotions became all over the place and she rebelled. She didn't know who to choose.

But she chose 𝑚𝑒. Me. Me. She wasn't supposed to be with Potter that day—helping him. She shouldn't have been there, she wanted to be with me but she said her brother was in trouble. We didn't know that fucking loyalty, the need to help defeat ℎ𝑖𝑚, would lead to her death.

She—shouldn't have been there. It's all his fault. His fault.

I didn't notice I had begun to reminisce and unintentionally got myself to feel sad. My head was fucked up and seeing Parkinson smirk at Rose, slowly start to get closer, made me see red. Does she not know to back off from what isn't-

I immediately stop myself.

And somehow I was closer to them, I was closer and heard their low voices, Parkinson with a scowl on her face. She wouldn't stop talking.

What I could hear were broken sentences. 𝑆𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑣𝑒—𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒𝑑—𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦—ℎ𝑖𝑚. None of it made sense until I was close enough but she grabbed Rose's forearm, eliciting a cry from her. But it wasn't because of how hard she was grabbed, she was ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡. And Parkinson knew that, she knew to grab her forearm and expose it by yanking her sleeve.

Now I saw red, literally. Rose's right forearm had a jagged sentence that was barely scabbing. It was bloody under Parkinson's hand and the friction made it worse, Rose trying to pull away made it worse.

She was on the verge of tears.

That did something to me, it made me go crazy and my voice of reason was blocked. I didn't know why I did what I did next. But I was in front of Rose, hiding her behind me while my hand rested on her hip. It was unnecessarily hard to not grip her harder.

But I don't and scowl. "Watch yourself, Parkinson." It was like I was under the Imperius Curse, I had no control over what I said.

She frowned up at me, adjusts her shirt lower, and deliberately pushes up her breasts by crossing her arms. I gulp, she does have nice tits. And she knows that—fucking prideful bitch.

"What?" She acted innocent. "It's not my fault she disobeyed Umbridge, you know it's the half-bloods fault. She deserved it and you know it. You know that while you were off in your own little world she was being punished, and you did nothing. You were in the dark until now so why do you care?"

She was closer, bringing up my anger higher and higher. I was going to explode, and for the first time, I considered punching a girl.

But then I no longer felt Rose's warmth. I turn around and she was halfway down the corridor, her auburn hair fluttering behind her as she left in a rush. And I follow her, forgetting about Parkinson because nothing matters, not when I know she's upset.

My sleeve gets grabbed, momentarily stopping me. I glare at Parkinson. "Fuck off and don't ever touch her again."

I pull my sleeve from her and caught up to Rose, her sniffles loud in the near-empty corridor. I took a hold of her shoulder, forcing her to stay and she whirled around to face me. I was taken aback by her state.

Redness surrounds her eyes and tears stain her cheeks, she was breathing fast. She looked so tired and broken—so 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑒𝑛. I hated that.

And I hate the way she wants to get away from me.

She looks away from my eyes, my hold on her shoulder tightening. "What do you want Malfoy? Is my life not hell enough?" she asks.

I didn't know what to say. Of course, I don't want to make her life hell. But I don't say that, I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her that. Because she hates me, and she thinks I hate her. But it's the best thing I can do for her right now.

So I put on a scowl. "You don't know what hell 𝑖𝑠 yet. Just keep your pretty mouth shut and maybe I won't waste my time on making your life hell."

I take my hands off her and wipe them down on my robe, making it look as if touching her was disgusting. I made sure to not look at her reaction.

❀𓆙❀

𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 4, 1995

I was surprised to know that Umbridge didn't cancel the Quidditch games. As Hogwarts High Inquisitor I would've thought she'd added 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 stick up her ass.

Walking around with her clipboard and quill, always ready to catch someone in wrongdoing. It only made her more annoying and the only thing stopping me from hexing the shit out of her is that father wouldn't like it. I shouldn't care what he thinks but I do.

I get frustrated with myself for that but the main reason I want Umbridge to suffer is for what she did to Rose. I would love it if she dropped dead.

Someone bumps my shoulder, bringing my attention to the world and I turn to look at Pucey. "What," I snap.

He looks void. "It's time,"

He flew out of the tent and I hadn't realized everyone already left, the crowd was loud now that they were outside. Seeing the stands filled with people always made me nervous but once the game started I was in my own world.

Despite my father forcing me to join the team, I ended up enjoying it. And not only to watch Potter and the Weasley's suffer and lose but because it became an escape.

From 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔. Even Rose.

I fly out and everyone was high up, ready, and waiting for me so when I appeared it immediately started. We go with a new plan every game, making sure that our tactics can't be tracked and are predictable. It makes watching them become frustrated so much better.

When I spot the snitch I race for it, but Potter found it too. I waited too long, I was thinking of our plan and got distracted. Either way, my broom is new and faster.

The snitch left and I followed, being right at its heel and I reach out. The others are doing an amazing job of scoring in the rings and when I realize it's Weaselbee's doing of being a shit player, I only become more determined to win.

Remembering the song they sang to mock Weaselbee makes my day brighter.

I whistle the signal, and I don't have to look back to know that Montague had our new beaters not playing fair. I hate it when they do that. I don't want to win if we're cheating.

But hearing us score another point makes me smile. I reach farther for the snitch. Suddenly Gryffindor scored. I look back. Weasley One and Two's fault.

Fuck my life. The snitch seems farther than before and suddenly Potter slams his shoulder onto mine. We push, trying to let the other fall off course but it's no use. The wind stung my face because of the speed and weather.

I'm basically turning into a popsicle out here and I can't feel my fingers. But I still reach out for the snitch, my heart pounding faster and I clench my teeth.

We duck down, move to the right, and I push him so he runs into the stands but it didn't throw him off. Merlin, is it so hard for him to just give up?

He slams into me, hard. "Oi, what's got your knickers in a twist Potter?" He glares and keeps colliding shoulder to shoulder. "Can't get enough of me?" I ask.

"You wish," he spat.

I smile, urging my broom faster, and I hear that Gryffindor scored again. Imagine the disappointment father will have. He'll tell me I was wasting time here with Potter. He should be glad we've been winning because of 𝑚𝑒.

Of course, he doesn't care.

Snow fell from the stands toward me, making my vision blurry since it flew into my eyes and I actually felt my heart drop. I couldn't believe my luck and even with a numb hand, I rub my eyes to open them and see Potter holding the snitch.

❀𓆙❀

Father was mad, of course. He only wished I could've not been incompetent and caught the snitch quicker. I almost scoffed but I let him give me dirty looks. If I would've won I'd have to give him a fake smile than my now real frown. It's better than giving a false smile.

It's hard to remember when I gave him a real smile. And it sucks to say I miss it. But he's an asshole. I don't miss my father. I don't miss the memories.

Merlin, I just ruined my day even more. No matter how good the Weasley's played today, I feel like having my own win.

We're all down on the pitch, walking about, and the others, unfortunately, follow me like lost puppies. It gives Potter comebacks on how I need guards, but only if he knew.

Weaselbee was going to flee the pitch at the beginning of the game when he heard us chant "Weasley is our King", but he was encouraged to stay. What a mistake. Now the team chants it again as we go up to them, and he fled. He was not convinced to stay, perfect.

"I wanted to add your parents to the lyrics, Weasley's. But then again, that song fits perfectly for all of you." I snicker.

"Knock it off Malfoy," said Weasley Two, which is George.

I go on and on about his family, his disgusting parents, and suddenly his house. And it seemed to hit the three hard but Potter and Weasley Two started walking. I just laughed, thinking they would do nothing like always—but they didn't.

They were on me in seconds, throwing punches that wouldn't even let me see their faces. I pull my arms up to block, the hits falling there. My face throbs and I try to hit back, the feeling of blood trickling down my lip has my rage going off the roof.

How dare they. I kick Potter away and earn myself a face full of Weasley, and then I notice Fred is where they were in the beginning but held back by his whole team.

Ridiculous. I punch back, making Weasley lose balance for one second but it was all I needed. I was up from the ground and seething, my limbs aching but I didn't care.

We all scowl, and we all go in for another fight but Madam Hooch intervened. And we're sent to our Head of House, but I knew with the grin Umbridge gave me as we walk back to Hogwarts, I was off the hook.

The crowd going back to Hogwarts was horrid. It was full and cold outside, I didn't want to be here. I just hope that father saw nothing of it after he left.

Either way, the pain brought me back to reality, and at first, I didn't want to fight back. I wanted to feel pain because, for some unknown reason, I thought I deserved it. I always thought I should be punished after breaking the promise I made.

Suddenly, a ball of people formed ahead of me. At first, I wanted to go around and avoid the commotion but it seemed as though it was no use. I was pushed so I stand my ground, willing my body hard so that when someone collides with me they bounce back.

When I got closer to the people, I was thinking they were witnessing a fight just as they gawked at us on the pitch, but they weren't.

A person was on the ground passed out, and my whole world did a flip when I saw her red hair. Her face... She's so pale and thin, her cheeks flushed from the cold and I couldn't help but be angry because what happened?

These idiots are just staring, calling out her name as if it'll wake her. Fools, all of them.

I push past the crowd angrily, scowling at no one in particular as I fight my way through to her. I just need her in my arms safe and sound, she needed to be warm and in 𝑚𝑦 arms. It has been too long since I've held her, and right now is the best excuse-

Rose was in someone's arms, looking very petite in them and shivering. She subconsciously held onto him, burrowing her face in his neck. And then Fred Weasley walked off.