Kapitel 66: Trust and Bond (1)
Our trip back home was quite uneventful. Fred got very close to Mr. Jonas, and they both even hugged before parting. Tanya and Fred left on friendly terms, except Fred stood at one hand distance from her. It looked strange that they were speaking in such a friendly way from such a distance. Twen woke up after a short nap and was offered ice cream, which he happily gobbled up.
Tanya came and hugged me before saying with a wide smile on her face,
"Thank you so much for coming. See you tomorrow at work."
"See you! Happy birthday again!" I smiled, hugging her back.
Robbie gave Tanya a short one-handed hug and asked her to take care while Mr. Jonas shook hands with him, and Mrs. Teena said warmly to all of us,
"All of you, visit us again. I would love to have you all back."
We all smiled and reassured her that we would come again. Tanya has got such a lovely family. I looked back at them waving at us without being able to hide my longing. I quickly shook my head and reminded myself that I already have a family and there is nothing to be upset about.
Once the three of us came to the street, Fred bade us goodbye.
"How are you going?" I asked, concerned as he came to Tanya's with us and did not bring his SUV.
"Cab," Fred shrugged.
"Why? Come with us. We'll drop you," I said, as I was not sure he would get a cab so late. Even Robbie looked worried, seeing the empty street.
"Don't worry. I'll be fine. I booked a cab online. It is on its way. Also, your house and the restaurant are on opposite sides. There is no reason for you to waste your time," Fred said in his usual booming voice.
"If you say so!" I said, still feeling a little worried.
"Bye, Champ. See you again," Fred called to Twen when we were about to get in the car.
"Bye, Bye, Uncle Fred. Come again," Twen waved at him.
We took our seats as Robbie started the car. As we drove away, I saw a cab making its way to Fred before we left.
"Doesn't he have a chauffeur or something to bring his car? Traveling by cab isn't really safe, especially not at this time," Robbie said, trying to sound irritated but failing to hide his concern.
I smiled. Robbie might be jealous of Fred and my past connection, which he cannot interfere with, but he is actually concerned about Fred. Ever since, spending a few nights drinking at his restaurant and having some secret conversation, they have gotten quite close. Fred has mostly stopped chasing me. It seems like he has no desire to interfere with my bond with Robbie, though, truthfully, we are yet to straighten everything out. On the other hand, Robbie, though bothered by my care for Fred, cannot hide his care for him.
"The SUV is not his but belongs to the restaurant for providing VIP guests a special drop service in case they hold a large party or important meetings. It earns them a lot of profit, so as goodwill, they provide complimentary drop service. He borrows it sometimes, but of course, he can't always use it," I told him.
Robbie blinked in surprise. Obviously, he didn't expect it. He asked, looking back at the road, "Doesn't he own a car? He certainly doesn't look the type who can't get one!"
I laughed at Robbie's bewilderment, "He can, but he won't. He hates flaunting his dad's money. He said he would get a car with his earnings."
"I didn't know he is so down to Earth," Robbie was both impressed and annoyed.
"Fred is the perfect blend of a pampered prince and grounded career-driven person. He can be extremely childish, but he has a mature side to him too," I spoke of Fred fondly.
His gentle, mature heart saved me from my darkest of days, and stubborn, spoiled behavior had given me headaches as he pursued me relentlessly. This is what makes Fred so special. No one can ever hate him. His biggest folly is that he never shows his weakness or his vulnerable side, which concerns me. I hope he will one day find someone to whom he can trust and open up!
"Can you not think about him when you are with me?" Robbie suddenly burst, looking very upset.
I blinked blankly, "What?"
"I know we are not in that position anymore, but at least you cannot think and talk of another guy with me!" Robbie said like a hurt little kid.
I couldn't control my laughter. What is with this jealousy? I spoke, through my laughter,
"I told you, he is my best friend, and I don't see him romantically. It hasn't changed in so many years, and it won't change in the future either."
"Still! Just don't," Robbie grumbled.
"I am not taking orders," I shrugged, leaning back on my seat.
"Take it as a favor to me. I won't force you to do what you don't want to," Robbie mumbled.
I looked at him. His black curly hair was falling over his smooth olive forehead, and his gray eyes were fixed on the road ahead. His hands, however, were gripping the steering wheel more tightly than they should have. Suddenly, I was reminded of Tanya's words.
"Our CEO found his home in you."
Can it really be true? He didn't want me eight years ago. My love meant nothing to him. Neither did my pregnancy. Though he appears more genuine with his feelings now, I just don't know whether to fully trust him or not. I am scared that he will leave me again. This time I want to protect my heart from being broken. I want to give him a second chance hoping he can at least fill the emptiness in Twen's life. I have also noticed his earnestness in trying to mend our relationship and lost time, but I am still uncertain. Am I being too demanding? Or too selfish?
I stared at his beautiful face with several thoughts running in my head. I want to risk it and dare to love him again, but my fear is holding me back. It is not just me anymore, Twen is involved now. I am hoping with all my heart that this time he really is true with his feelings. However, for Twen's sake, I have to keep my guards up.
"Tony, don't stare at me! You are distracting me!" Robbie said, his ears and nose going a little red.
"Oh!" I tore my eyes away from him. My face went slightly red.
I should really stop overthinking!!
The rest of the car journey was spent in silence. I was dozing off too, while Twen was already in his dreamland. When we reached home, it was already around eleven-thirty. I got out and took Twen in my arms when Robbie came out too and locked the car doors.
"You're staying tonight?" I asked curiously.
Didn't he say that he had to prepare for some merger or something yesterday?
"I will work overtime tomorrow and won't be able to visit you. Hence, I thought to get recharged," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder and pulling me to his broad chest.
"If that's so then," I said, grinning naughtily, "Hold him," I said, forwarding Twen to him.
Robbie laughed but didn't refuse. He gently took Twen in his arm and patted him softly on his back. Robbie placed Twen in his bedroom once we reached the quarters. He took off his shoes, cleaned his face softly with a handkerchief, and pulled the blanket over him. He gently kissed him on his forehead and said 'Goodnight' softly. I watched the entire scene with my arms crossed from outside Twen's room. This is something that Twen had always wanted. A father that would take care of him. I unconsciously felt teary, remembering how vulnerable I felt in school just because of my sub-gender and not having my father on my side.
"What happened?" Robbie asked as he noiselessly closed Twen's bedroom door.
"Nothing," I said, quickly turning away and stopping my tears from falling.
Robbie pushed my hair away from my nape and kissed me gently as he wrapped his hands around my chest and said, sniffing on my shoulder,
"I will do what I can for both of you, so don't be sad. I want you both to be happy!"
A smile spread over my face at Robbie's words. He has been so sweet the last few days that I can hardly believe it. However, there is something I have been meaning to ask him, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. But right now, I really want to know,
"Robbie?" I called, hesitatingly.
"Mhmm," he hummed.
"I want to ask you something," I said, plucking up my courage.
"Ask away," he mumbled.
"Why didn't you break our bond after our breakup?"
Robbie's hand on my chest stiffened. I felt his breath pause for a second before becoming normal again. He turned me around, looking me in the eye,
"Why do you ask?" he asked me in a soft alluring tone.
I hesitated to answer. I asked because I wanted to know why he chose to keep the bond when Alphas have the advantage of breaking the bond. He could have just broken it and moved forward, but to keep the bond for eight years... it... it just feels strange.
"You could have broken the bond. Then, you wouldn't have to remain stuck to me. You could have moved forward and gotten yourself another partner-" I was babbling, not knowing what to exactly say when Robbie interrupted me by putting a hand on my mouth.
"Enough!" Robbie's eyes were burning. He held my face with both his hands and said in a stern voice, "Don't ever talk about me not breaking the bond!"
I saw Robbie's melancholic look mixed with anger and felt a little guilty. I shouldn't have asked this question. It must not be a comfortable thing to talk about for him. Then Robbie embraced me and whispered in a trembling voice,
"If you want to know, I will tell you, but don't ever talk about me not breaking the bond. This is the only thing that kept us connected all these years."
I nodded on his chest. He kissed my temple and took me to the bed. He sat down beside me and started after taking in a long breath as if preparing himself for a competition,
"After I rejected you, I became an insomniac. I couldn't sleep. Night after night, all I used to see when I closed my eyes was your grief-stricken face, and your words would ring in my ears. I would wake up in the middle of the night in sweat and short of breath."
Unconsciously, my grip on Robbie's hand became tighter. I listened intently but felt astonished as I heard. Though I have heard Robbie say that he has always regretted rejecting me, for some reason or another, I couldn't bring myself to believe it. When he rejected me, I thought he just continued with his life as usual until he met me and felt he had to make up for his mistake. People say guilt can hurt more than the sin itself. Today, I am hearing a first-hand account of it. Robbie paused as if remembering those days were hard on him. He continued while his eyes remained glued at our interlinked hand,
"I struggled to cope with the guilt of leaving you at that time when you so desperately needed me. I wanted to forget and move on, but it was like my shadow, it followed me wherever I went. I felt like I would go insane if it did not stop. I did everything I could to get these feelings out of my system. I tried every intoxicating thing I came across; cigarettes, weeds, drugs, alcohol, sex, anything that could make my head go blank and make me stop thinking about you. During those days, I wanted to break the bond. I knew that breaking it would make all those feelings go away. It would make me go back to my normal life, but I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. Even though it was killing me inside, I just couldn't break the bond!"
Robbie stopped to swallow his saliva. It is definitely not easy opening up like this. He must have kept all this inside him as he never had anyone to share such personal matters with. I was completely frozen. I had no idea Robbie had suffered in such a way. I always assumed that Robbie felt nothing rejecting me. I took it for granted that he rejected me because he didn't care. What a stupid thought! Not everyone remains unaffected, hurting others. As I was lost in my thoughts, Robbie started speaking again,
"... not until I was in the last year of my college did I realize that the reason I was so traumatized after rejecting you, so guilt-ridden after hurting you, and the reason I couldn't break my bond with you, even after contemplating it so many times, was simply because..." Robbie raised his head to look me in the eye. Strong emotion was oozing out of his eyes, something I have never seen before. He said, his voice firm, "I had fallen head over heels for you. That you had already become a part of my life, a part of me. And just like not having a part of yourself, makes you feel empty and hollow, without you, I was empty... incomplete!"
I trembled. Frankly, whenever Robbie expressed his love for me during these last few days, I always doubted and wondered if I should believe it. The uncertainty in my heart was so great that even after he repeatedly told me that he loves me, there was always a lining of doubt that stopped me from believing him completely. Now, looking into his eyes, where I could see his feelings so clearly and strongly, I couldn't help but believe his words. Robbie got up, and he went on with his story,
"I went to your welfare center only to find out that you left. I hired a detective to search for you, but you had already left the city. I didn't know where to look. Desperate, I ended up even meeting your dad and the pastor from the church you used to visit, but no one knew anything about you. I kept looking, hoping to get some clue about you, and just as fate would have it, you appeared right in front of me when I least expected it! The moment I saw you, I knew that it was not a coincidence. This was fate! You are my destiny!! That's why life gave me another chance to repent for what I did."
This is unbelievable. All these years, Robbie was searching for me, while I was trying to run away from him. Eventually, we did meet. Was this really fate? Was I destined to be with Robbie? Robbie held my face with both his hands and made me look at him as he said,
"Have you heard the quote of Paulo Coelho from his book, The Alchemist?
'When you truly want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it."
I was not a believer of such quotes and lines, that too, from a fictional book, but now I believe it! I believe it ever since I met you again!"
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein