Kapitel 5: Chapter 4

I'm immune to such words, but it hurts especially when it comes from him. I swallowed because my emotions rose. I'm not a sensitive person. I can endure any hurtful words and I've never cried just because of words but--

I just noticed my tears quickly falling on my cheeks. I didn't look back at him and started walking again.

I stopped because someone grabbed my arm. Professor Zaiden touched me but I avoided looking at him. I don't want him to see me crying, he might be disappointed and ignore me.

He tried to face me using his hand but I resisted and quickly took my arm from him.

"D-do you have something to say?" I asked while my back was turned. I was holding back my sobs. I heard him sigh deeply.

"I didn't mean anything by what I said to you, Ms. Valencia. It's just that-- what you're doing is frightening. Hiding pictures of a person and stalking them is called an obsession. You're becoming obsessed."

I turned to him and still smiled. "Then, I'd rather be obsessed. I chose this, Professor Zaiden, and you can't take away what brings me happiness," I said and gave a bitter smile. "Are you disgusted now that you know? But even if you are, I won't stop until you accept me, Professor Zaiden. Call me a freak, crazy, or a bitch. I won't mind any of that, but I will make sure that you'll be mine in the end."

Professor Zaiden furrowed his brow, clearly taken aback by my unexpected revelation. He released his grip on my arm, and there was a moment of tense silence between us.

"Valencia, this isn't something to take lightly. You can't force someone to accept you, especially not in such an intrusive way," he said sternly.

I held his gaze, refusing to give up so easily. "But what if being with you is all I want, Professor? What if I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you mine?" I said firmly, my voice trembling slightly.

He averted his gaze momentarily, but quickly regained his composure and looked back at me.

"You know this isn't healthy for you, Valencia. You need to let go of this obsession and focus on your studies, your future," he replied calmly.

"But you're my future, Professor," I insisted, feeling my body tremble with desperation. "I can't imagine a life without you. You know I have feelings for you, Professor. You know it! Please, don't make it complicated between us." I pleaded.

"You're young, Valencia. You'll meet someone else, someone who can give you the love and attention you deserve. It's not me. Please, don't make this hard for yourself."

I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears. "But it's you I want, Professor. No one else can compare."

He reached out and gently wiped away a tear that had escaped my eye. "I'm sorry, Valencia. But I can't be that person for you."

I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces at his words, but I refused to let him see my pain. "Professor, I love you. I really do. Please, accept me." I reached out to hold his hand, but he quickly pulled away and ran his hand through his hair.

Despite Professor Zaiden's rejection, I refused to give up. I couldn't accept defeat, not when my heart yearned for him so deeply.

"Professor, you can't just dismiss my feelings like that," I said firmly. "I know what I want, and I want you. I won't give up until you see that."

He sighed, clearly frustrated. But I remained steadfast. I couldn't back down now, not when so much had already happened between us.

"Valencia, you need to understand that this is not healthy. You're fixated on me, and it's not fair to either of us," he said, his voice tinged with concern.

"I don't care about what's 'healthy' or 'fair.' All I care about is being with you. I'll prove to you that my feelings are genuine, that I'm not just some infatuated student."

He looked away, seemingly lost in thought. But I didn't care about his doubts anymore. I was determined to make him see that our connection was real, that our love could transcend the boundaries of student and professor.

"I won't entertain this any further. Please, focus on your studies and respect the personal space of others," he finally said, his voice firm.

"Respect personal space?" I laughed bitterly. "Maybe you've forgotten what we shared all night long? And you want me to respect? You could have told me before you used me repeatedly. And you want me to move on from that? I don't move past things; I dive deeper into them."

Confusion crossed his face. "What are you talking about? We never spent any time together, let alone the entire night. You're making up stories now?"

I furrowed my brows, feeling confused. Maybe he was just denying it, but I wasn't delusional to make up what we did that night. "But... we really did. I can even remember your touch, kiss, and--"

"Stop!" he cut me off, his face filled with frustration that he had been hiding. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never had such an encounter with you. You're making up stories."

I felt a pang of pain and embarrassment. "No, it can't be. You're lying, I knew it," I responded, feeling exasperated. "I distinctly remember your voice, your expressions. We connected on a deep level. Are you denying it now?"

He sighed heavily, clearly restraining himself from shouting at me. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but I didn't spend the night with you. I have my boundaries, and this is crossing a line."

Confusion filled my eyes as I looked at him, recalling that night. "But... I thought..."

He interrupted firmly, "Enough! This needs to stop. If you're having delusions or fantasies, it's not healthy. Seek help, but don't involve me in whatever this is."

I stood there, grappling with the disparity between my memories and his denial. What just happened? We even have videos together, and he denies it just like that? I wanted to ask him more about it, but maybe he was just pretending because we were in the university.

I took a deep breath and forced a smile. That's okay anyway. This isn't the end.

I walked straight ahead and entered the old library. Ma'am was already seated, tapping her phone with her index finger. She looked like she was tapping on a calculator with what she was doing.

"Hi, Ma'am. Have you been waiting long?"

She turned to me and smiled. "Not too long, dear. What time is your class?"

I approached her and sat beside her on the chair. We were already used to having normal conversations. Sometimes, I even taught her how to do things.

"I have class at 1 pm, so I'm sure we can finish the presentation quickly." I took out her laptop and immediately opened it. It was clear that she hadn't used it because I still remembered how I placed it in the bag.

"I'm sorry for bothering you, dear. You're the only one I can ask for help. It seems like no one is willing," she took something from her bag, and as soon as I saw it, I quickly refused.

"Oh, Ma'am. I'm just doing this for free. Please don't pay me," I insisted.

She took some bills and placed them in my palm. "No, dear. I have to pay you. You made an effort to help me. I'd be upset if you don't accept it."

Reluctantly, I took the money and smiled at Ma'am. "I think I prefer your cooked adobo, Ma'am. That's enough for me."

"Alright, next time, dear. It's obvious that you really love adobo," she said with a smile.

I returned the smile and turned back to the laptop. Of course, adobo was Professor Zaiden's favorite, so it became my favorite too. I didn't know how to cook, and I knew the kitchen wasn't meant for me, so I didn't want to cook again. I had tried several times, but it never turned out well. I didn't want to give Professor Zaiden food that wasn't delicious. He might just throw it away.

"Thank you, Laurenestine. I'll definitely give you a lot of adobo when we succeed in this presentation."

We continued with the preparations, and as I gave her pointers, her nervousness slowly faded from her face. As time passed, we seemed to forget about the troubles in the presentation and became more comfortable with each other.

Finally, as her class time approached, we finished getting everything ready. "Thank you so much, dear. I don't know how I would have done this on my own."

I smiled, "You're welcome, Ma'am. I know your presentation will be great. Good luck!"

As Ma'am left, I immediately glanced at Professor Zaiden's office, but I couldn't see him. I smiled, although I felt the opposite inside. I still couldn't stop thinking about what he said earlier, but I tried not to focus on it.

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