Kapitel 1: I.
In a normal world, this would have never happened. Jean-Claude, damned be his mother for this outrageous turd of a name, was on the tip of his feet whilst leaning forward, with his hands on the wall in front of him. He was valiantly trying to parkour his way through the pigsty that were the gender-neutral toilets newly built in his school. Piss on the wc, floor and even walls, with shit adorning the top of the flush.
'I fucking knew that it was a bad idea, no man ever raises the damn seat'
He had assumed that the root of the problem was that men basically were too bothered to care since they didn't have to sit. The thought naturally charged a third of a fictitious aneurysm gauge inside of him. Such superficiality…
'I don't even blame those spider girls for climbing the walls and squirting down hell' he thought annoyedly.
'Had they found a cleaner wc they probably would have used the seat'.
JC, as he preferred to be named, had currently been holding a shit so sharp, hard and dense it could have probably traveled down the earth's core and create a black hole should it be ejected through natural defecation. In case of surgery though, for such a dangerous weapon the name Excalibur would fit to a tee.
He had been food poisoned the day before.
He went to dinner with his "friends", at the Thai restaurant, in hope to find some girls to socialise with with the help of a group covering his overall strangeness and social awkwardness.
The possibility that some pests or spoilt food were in the kitchen endeared him much more than the thought of the dumplings' mystery meat being some dog or something.
Fast forward to today and the graveness of a much unneeded social death by shat pants won over his ocd and germ phobia.
"Urghhh."- he said as his foot, now being used as leverage against the wall, slipped down and almost caused him to tumble down the toilet.
***
A few minutes and many more tries later, he looked as focused and impassive as an arhat. He was struggling… more than this and anal prolapse was objectively in the cards. A shiver ran through his mid-air suspended body at the thought.
Then after who knew how long, his face went from looking like a tortured viet kong prisoner to something akin to worldly transcendence.
'Annnhhh; now that was epi- *UGHHHCHOOOO*
"Noooooooooooooooo-"
*Crack*
***
"I'm sorry the kid is dead"
"We couldn't save him"
"Okay we will call his parents and tell him that their son has passed after breaking their neck against the toilet"
"No. That wasn't the cause of death… he-…"
The principal frowned at the field doctor and accentuated a nod as to prod him to continue.
*sigh*
"He choked on his shit".
*Blearghhhhh*
*gaack-eckkkk*
***
Everything was dark, nonexistent.
"Who am I?"
A conscience was wandering this abyss of darkness. For the time to come, which it couldn't hold the count of, it just floated there. Its first memory, ironically, the taste of the gargantuan leviathan sized shit that killed him.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
Mystery_Seer
Mystery_Seer scatman world. see ya next chapter.
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