Kapitel 26: Hey

Penelope wanted to apologize for snapping at Roman and being overly sensitive but she ultimately decided against it. An apology might lead to a heart-to-heart chat and that was the last thing she wanted.

Her heart was decidedly different from his actual wife's and it might be a dead giveaway that there was something wrong with her. So she pushed through her guilt and continued avoiding him to the best of her ability for the next couple of days.

During that time, she read through the journals up to age twenty-two, when Roman and the other Penelope got married. The entries were so carefree. The worst thing that happened to her during that time was stressing about schoolwork and internships.

Being able to have her parents pay for her dream school, there was no need to take that volleyball scholarship. LAIAD didn't have a team anyway. She occasionally went to the beach to play volleyball with people there if she had time but for the most part, that era of her life was over.

Penelope couldn't even remember the last time she played volleyball. It might have been before she quit school. There hadn't been time or anyone to play with since then. The difference between the two women's lives grew more staggering the further she read.

She was determined to finish these journals and the home videos Percy had lent her before the end of the week so she would be all caught up on the other Penelope's life before going back to work on Monday. She needed to recognize who everyone was at the very least.

It was easier to keep working now that she felt a bit better. Naps weren't needed as frequently as time went on and she was slowly weaning off of the pain meds.

Since she was largely avoiding Roman anyway, she barricaded herself in the bedroom when he came home from work pretending to nap and continued reading. Did she feel like a horrible person? Yes. But if she was going to make this act convincing, she had to know everything she could.

After graduating from college, other Penelope and Roman spent an entire month touring Europe for their honeymoon before coming back and job hunting. She was so excited when she got a job with a mid-sized advertising agency.

The entries talked about work about as much as they talked about Roman and the things they did on the weekends. Friends and family were mentioned here and there too.

It seemed like she had a well-balanced life at first. As time went on, the entries focused more on work than anything else. And the closer Penelope got to reading about the recent past, the more arguments about having children started cropping up.

To her surprise, she agreed with Roman's side of the argument more. He had offered to be a stay-at-home parent for a while and his wife still said no because she was more concerned with getting a promotion, even though they had agreed shortly before getting married that they would only wait a few years to have kids.

She frowned at her other self's logic. Why was she such a workaholic? She had wonderful friends, a complete family, and a husband who adored her so how dare she have her priorities wrong?!

If Penelope had even half of her opportunities in life, she would cherish them. But that was probably because of the difference between their lifestyles. Penelope Cross had become spoiled by having it all.

Since she didn't know how to struggle, she didn't know how to properly appreciate what she had. It actually made Penelope pretty angry. She wanted to find the other woman and shake her.

She was so pissed off when she finished the journals that she went downstairs to get herself something cold and cool down. She saw Roman sitting forlornly in the backyard on a porch swing and her heart ached for him.

He didn't deserve this. Not the other Penelope's selfishness or her own distant behavior. She needed to apologize on behalf of both of them.

Opening the sliding glass door, she hesitantly joined him on the swing. "Hey," she greeted awkwardly.

"Hey."

The single word hung heavy in the air and the guilt burning her up only increased. Roman wasn't happy at all and she couldn't blame him. He probably hadn't been all that happy even before his wife unknowingly got swapped out.

"Listen…I'm really sorry about my bad mood lately. I'm in pain and haven't been myself," Penelope said truthfully though he wouldn't understand the full impact of her words. "I shouldn't have acted like that. You didn't do anything wrong; you didn't deserve that."

He exhaled heavily and didn't look at her. "Harry is smarter than I give him credit for."

"Harry?" She knew who he was but how did he factor into this?

"Without giving any details, I said something about you felt off since you got home from the hospital. He said it was probably because you were in pain, not because you were mad at me from…before."

Had they fought again right before his wife had to go to the ER? The last mention of the ongoing when-to-have-a-baby argument had been a week before the entries stopped. It seemed to be the only thing they ever truly disagreed on.

"I'm not mad," Penelope said softly.

Not at him anyway. She was mad at the situation she was in, at her own conflicted feelings, and at her alternate self for being such a selfish brat.

How could she take such a wonderful man who loved her for granted in favor of her career? She had everything Penelope ever wanted and then some!

"Why didn't you say anything?" Roman asked, suddenly turning to look at her with traces of heartache in his eyes. "I can't understand if you don't tell me. I'm not a mind reader. Avoiding me without giving a reason made me feel like it was my fault."

Penelope's guilt grew even worse. She had been trying to prepare herself to better handle him but she had hurt him instead. She really was a terrible person.