Kapitel 47: Undying Love, Yearning
[ Chapter 47 - Special ]
There were so many types of love, and yet the one she chose is— one sided love.
The kind of love that many people say as the most pure, beautiful, and yet so painful.
It was pure and beautiful because you are just there, loving the one you love silently, without expecting anything in return, unconditionally.
There is a sense of unsaid loyalty that binds you.
The kind of love where you have no complaints and no demands.
Only love… Pure Love…
You wished only the one whom you love to be happy with whoever he is.
But it was so painful,
It would be a lie if you say that you are not expecting in return, not expecting the one you love to return the same amount love you have for him.
It was more painful when the one you love is not even knowing that you are there, silently loving him.
But sometimes love is not always being together,
Sometimes love is about letting go, when you want to hold on tighter.
One sided love is pure. But when it turn into an obsession and ruin the one's life you love, it becomes a sin. One sided love may be true, only when you respect the feeling the one you love.
The more she loves him, the more she had to let him go. That is why in the end she chose to leave.
It was not because of her love dying, it was the otherwise. Her love for him only grows stronger as the times passed by, and she was afraid that everything fall apart because of it.
It has been a years of her loving him, silently. He was her childhood crush and she loves him as a brother, or so they thought about her. The truth is she had loved him the moment he entered her world, at first sight.
She remembered it clearly like it was yesterday, thirteen years ago when she met him. Like any other girls who dreaming about their prince charming in the shining armour. Him as a seven years old boy was so charming and dashing, even more better than any prince charming in the movies.
He was always on the limelight, partly because of him as the heir of the most prominent family in nation, but mostly because of him as a boy was always so breathtaking and eye-catching. He was always good at almost everything and always scored the highest points in every courses he takes.
He was also a kind and warm like the boy next door to everyone. He was also good at socializing as he befriended both girls and boys warmly without discriminate the status they hold.
In the highest society where banquet was held many times, his father and mother known as the most dashing and noblest couple in the Nation. Both of his father and mother had always brought him proudly to almost every banquet gathering. In the circles of high society the little him was known as every little girl first crush.
Her as the little six years old girl was no different from the others. She always would nag her parents to bring her to every high society banquet, and wear the best dress she had, only to meet the little handsome and charming of him.
Every seconds and minutes of her being with him was one of her best memories. She could not help but smiled when remembering the little girl who always treasured the dress he touched, never wear it again as she stored the dress like the most important possession. The little her was so silly, she laughed.
Long story short, it seems that god heard that little girl's every prays before sleep. She managed to stay close to him and become his best friend. Four little boys and three little girls, she was so happy that finally she could spend more times with him.
He said that he only have a bossy elder sister, and he would love to have a lovely and cute little sister in which, she happily agreed to become his sworn little sister. The little her still did not understand the complex thing called love. Little did she knows that her choice lead to complicated thing called 'sister zone' in the future.
As their relationship became closer, she finally comes to know that he was not always be the prince charming and warm boy next door the world assumed him. He has the other side that was very cold and heartless, at first the little her was so afraid and scared of him, not expecting her prince charming for to have such dark and frightening side.
But after comes to know his confessions that the other side of him is some kind of survival instinct his family tempered him, she finally accepted the whole of him. Honestly, she was also happy and relieved to know the real him, it means that she was close enough to had him told her his story the world would not know.
She finally knew that behind all of his perfect achievements, he had been trained in most unbearable and unimaginable teaching by his family. A noble born he might be, but he was also a hard working person. She cried, knowing how hard the life he lives. When every pairs of eyes were focus on every of his actions and everyone expecting the great in him. As the son of the most powerful man in the Nation he has no choice but to shoulders all his born responsibility and working hard to live up his family expectation, and most importantly is to make his dear mommy to proud of him.
Unfortunately, as the times goes by and she was old enough to know about love.
Everything was too late.
There is other woman who owns him.
He had betrothed to another, there is someone who owns and completely claimed the whole of him.
he was betrothed,
so did,
her.
Much to her misery, her family had her arranged marriage to someone she did not even know, and she was betrothed to someone without her consent. All she could do was accepted her family choice but never did she considered herself as someone's fiancee.
Only him, the one she loves that could owns her.
Sadly, she could accepted the truth that he was someone else's fiance.
But,
She felt that her heart was broken into pieces and so painful as her tears could not stop from raining down her face when she comes to know how deeply in love he is with his fiancee.
As a woman and a person who fallen in love herself, she knew how he loves his fiancee dearly. The way his eyes was shining and his face was smiling when he told her about his fiancee was really like the lightning that broke her world apart.
She cried,
Silently,
Without him, even knowing,
She cried hard.
In the end she chose to try, for the any tiniest hope of him love her back.
But she afraid, that the relationship she build with him for years to fall apart because of it. That was why she has to try patiently, no rush and patiently waiting for the any chance to close to him,
As a woman,
Not a sister.
The way he loved and treated her as a sister was really painful for her. What would he thinks of her if he comes to know that she sees him as a man and never did regards him as a brother. Would he be disappointed with her? The more she thinks about it the more she feels insecure.
He was a passionate and gentleman. It was not a secret that countless women had seduced him and he treated them warmly, never did he deny or push their advance on him.
Many assumed him that he had bedded countless women considering how amorous the man he was with women. He was a man in his youth full of vigor so it was not surprising, looking at how hot he looks, his libidos must be extremely high as well.
She had often seen how aroused he was. A man like him tend to make any women sexually aroused just because of the mere of his presence. She get used to women clinging themselves on him. And she gets irritated at them as some of them even did not hide the lust and shameful expression they made near him, she could have swear that they must be wet and damp in between their legs, because,
She herself was moist and wet because of him.
As a healthy woman in her youth, he was really dangerous for any healthy women. He was known as a man who have the highest sex appeal, as his mere presence could make any women in heat and moist their panties. There is no way a girl like her could resist his charm.
Sadly, all she could do to release her sexual frustration because of him is to touch herself. She was grown and accustomed to this shameful habbit. Because only he alone that deserves her, even if she has to do it countless time, then so be it. Like almost every women, he is the best and most satisfying masturbating object. He is her sole sexual fantasy when she was touching herself.
Casanova he might looks like. But she knew that he never go as far as sharing a bed with them.
She cried inwardly, is his love for his fiancee that strong?! That woman even could control him like that, without of her being present he still chose to loyal to her.
Sad, and frustration. Another years had passed and the way he looks at her never change. Her love for him only grows firmer yet the pain she felt only grows stronger.
And the reality was really cruel for her.
Being his so-called little sister made her realise that he will never sees her as a woman. She was trapped in what they called 'sister zone'.
Much to her hopeless love live, the fate seems to play another cruel joke to her. After so many years, despite her never ending rejection to every of his advance. Her so-called fiance was a very persistent man, he has been wooing her for more than eight years.
She never give a false hope to him because she knows how painful unrequited love is. She had confessed to him that she has another man, and she could not imagine herself to stop loving him, ever. But still, he said that he will never give up on her.
Honestly, she was aware of how ideal woman herself is. Being a mixed between Huaxian and Korean, her mother was once a miss Korea. One could expect how stunning and breathtaking she must be. As she literally could have almost every man in if she wants to, except him, the man she loves.
Beautiful and appealing, in the high society she could be considered as the most beautiful woman in her peers. That because, the infamous cold and domineering princess of the Longs and his fiancee never attend to any of high society gathering.
Rumor said that his fiancee is able to owns him only because how close their families. Some said that his fiancee did not deserve him. His fiancee is every women enemy, a woman like her who owns him as fiance is tend to become every women in the nation's enemy. How could they let go of her after she unreasonably claimed their dream and most ideal man, at least let them taste how tasty the piece of him!
And surprisingly, to her poor broken heart. Upon seeing his fiancee, she could not help but admit that she was a few points ahead of her. Physically, she was a bit better than her. Maybe because of that that he loves his fiancee so much.
Sometimes she could not help but thinking, is it better to let go of him and give her persistent fiance a chance?
He was kind, gentle, accomplished, handsome, and most importantly he loves her. Maybe give it a try?
But in the end her heart could not let him go. She has been loving him for the long as she could remember, her first crush, her first love.
After been for years advancing herself on him.
She knew that he was aware of her love for him.
Not as a sister, but as a woman.
Yet,
He pretends not knowing it and continued giving her his brotherly love.
She knew that was his answer, there is no hope for him to love her back.
There is no reason for her to confess her love him, because the answer is right before her very teary eyes. Only their relationship will fall apart if she chose to advance more on him. In the end she accepted the truth that they will together no more than brother-sister relationship.
At least he loves her,
Even as a sister,
She content,
Satisfied,
She cried,
Inwardly.
She loves him, yet she could not do anything to own him. He was like the warm wind in the summer night, it hugs her and she could feel its warm, so close, yet she could not touch it, own it, only to let go.
Even if the times was rewind to where its begin, she would do the same, even if she knew the future that awaits her, she would do the same.
She was hurt.
She was disappointed.
She was heart broken.
But if someone asks her is she regret it,
Regret for loving him,
She would answer resolutely that never in the slightest did she regret it.
For the amount of unmeasurable happiness she has for loving him.
She could say it proudly that,
Loving him,
Is the most beautiful thing that happen in her life.
She would leave,
She would let him go,
But she would not stop loving him,
As her love for him is her reason to continue to live.
Sometimes love is not always about being with him.
Sometimes,
Love is about let him go,
She would love him for the rest of her life.
Even if she never owns his heart.
He is the sole possessor of her heart.
She is always his,
As she had loved him silently,
Loves him silently,
And would always loves him.
Unconditionally,
Never will she says that she will love him till the death do end her love, or for the rest of enternity.
As her love is a pure, only the times will prove how true her love is for him.
She could accept that there is another that owns him, spend her time with him, and enjoy the happiness of being loved by him.
But she refuses to believe that there is another that loves him more than she does.
She would prove, to him, to herself.
Even she could not owns him, she still could have her true love.
Him,
Her childhood crush,
Her love,
Her only love,
Her true love.
Him, who dearest to her.
Only times could tell.
She has no regret,
No demands,
But if the god hears her prays,
Please let her be a selfish at least once.
Please grant one selfish wish of hers.
. . .
Rays of moonlight beamed through the windows and illuminated the two naked and peaceful figures who were entangled each other in passionate and intimate embrace.
A beautiful and long silver hair splayed across the pale white skin illuminated by the dim of light. Her beautiful and exquisite face looks so blissful and soothing.
Her eyelashes twitched slightly as the lids began to open. She groaned softly as she tried to shut her eyes again, refusing to awake. Her dream was so good she did not want to wake up to the sad reality that awaits her.
The pair of attractive and lovely emerald-like eyes opened slightly, her green irises adjusting to the light around her, as her head lifted slightly from the soft pillows.
Her eyes widened from the sight beside her as tried to fight the tears that threatening to escape albeit she failed, her tears streaming down through her flushed cheeks.
She slanted her eyes she looked around nervously only to found her naked body. Lifting her body upward to sit up and she could not help but whimpered, she felt intense amount of pain from her entire body. She looked down and found the stain of red mark in the bedsheet.
It was not a dream.
Another tears escape from her moistened eyes as she smiled happily.
She then tilted her head and her eyes gazed at the heavenly sleeping figure beside her. His dark dishevelled hair, his thin pink lips, and his extremely handsome face was so peaceful.
Her gaze then traveled over his strong, prominent jaw, down to his tantalizing adam's apple. His insanely delicious and sexy body beyond description is presented in the fullest for her to gawking and drooling at.
His pale white skin glows under the dim of light. He has a slender yet well developed masculine body where the sharp lines of his muscles were fatal temptation to any women. Her face could not help but blushed crimson when her eyes traveled lower to his inviting abs down to his sexy Adonis belt. She did not realise that she was having a nosebleeds when her eyes gawking at his humongous and shaven member. She clearly remembers how tempting and vigorous it looks like when it erects, it looks strong and adorned with alluring veins wrapped around it.
How unfair and illegal! Even the manliest part of him looks so sexy and attractive!
His face alone was extremely handsome and tempting beyond description, his masculine body was so sexy and delicious, and even the manliest part of him was so charming and alluring!
But, from all of the sexy parts of him she loved most is his Adonis belt, those V-line was really dangerous! She could not stop herself from moving her hand to touch it, sure enough! A stream of pleasure shot through all her body up to her spine the moment her delicate fingers touched his sex line.
How can a simple touch from her fingertips to his V-line gave her such unimaginable pleasure. She felt herself drenched and wet.
She bit hard her luscious lip. If she remembers it rightly they had been doing it for more than three hours. It was miracle that she still is able to move her body, considering how beastly he was when ravishing her body.
From what she heard from him, though he had done countless intimate acts with his woman, he said that they had not really done it.
It means she was his first, and he was her first,
and her last.
A soft sigh escape from her lips as a sad smile appeared in her face.
Her eyes were resolute and would live the love she chose.
Looking back at the delicious and sexy man beside her, she could not help but aroused once more, she was so jealous of his fiancee. Having a man such as him is the early paradise to every women.
Now or never! She gritted her teeth as she let herself becomes selfish, at least once.
'Jin-gege, assume it as my only and last wish from you. I have been loving you from a long time yet you only see me as a little sister. How cruel of you.'
'But I could not help but love you more. You are the only for me. If the god hears me, I promise I will take care of ours.' She thought silently as her eyes gazed at him with both love and lust.
She rose and got out from the bed, she bit her lip trying suppres the extreme pain on her womanhood. Reaching on the floor she grabbed her bag and search her phone.
Unlocking the pattern on her phone she opened the camera app.
How shameless. Shameful! She laughed at herself heartily.
She did not even know that she have such a shameless side. Maybe because how long had she been suppress herself, both of her emotions and desire burst out.
Turning on the bright light. She had her camera pointing at the innocent figure who was sleeping peacefully on the bed, she giggled at herself. She was about to take advantage of the devastatingly handsome and devilishly sexy man in every women's dream. Any woman would cough out blood if they come to know about it, and she would become a sinner. She laughed heartily.
Flash
She had to make sure to capture every single of his angles.
His handsome face. Flash
His sexy biceps. Flash
His masculine chest. Flash
His alluring abs. Flash
His strong thighs. Flash
His tempting Adonis belt. Flash Flash Flash
His cute manhood. Flash,
Wait a moment,
What she wants to capture is his vigorous dragon roars, not his cute little cat.
Sure it was cute! But it was limp!
Approaching closer to the bed where his sleeping figure was rested. She bit her lip and brought her hand nervously as her fingertips pat at his manhood.
Sure enough, with just a single tap from her his dragon awoken and a stream of pleasure shot through all over her body like the lightning bolt that that forcefully break her self control. God, she was so damn wet.
Roars! His cute little cat transformed into the mighty dragon that standing proud in showing all its glory.
His hardness look so strong, vigorous, and angry.
Its 8.5'' length and humongous size was so mighty and perfect as it was adorned with the tempting veins that wrapped around it.
She gulped, swallowed hard her saliva and she did not even realise that she was having a heavy nosebleeds. How could her tiny entrance accomodate such a huge and mighty hardness of his?! Now she knew from where the extreme pain between her legs came from.
Blushing, wet, drenched. It was so dangerous for the little rabbit who just lost its virginity like her. As much as she wants to ride him, she could not as the clock kept ticking.
Back to where she left. Pointing again her camera on his mighty dragon her hand kept pressing the click button while her nose kept dripping the nosebleeds.
His vigorous hardness. Flash Flash Flash
His sexy naked body. Flash Flash Flash.
After satisfying herself with countless sexy pictures of his, she immediately save her phone as if it is her most important possession. At least he will be there with her when she misses him, arouse for him, even if it is only his pictures.
She was sure that he will not wake up anytime soon because she had him sleep forcefully. She had her bath and got dressed.
Getting closer to the bed she sat beside him. She brought her hand and gently touch and caress his face. She tried to memorize every detail of his face. This could be the last time she would be with him.
A bitter smile fleeted across her lips as the tears flowing through her cheeks, she cried to her heart's content soundlessly.
She had to let him go.
But never would she stop loving him.
Leaving him behind. Her heart ached at the thought of never seeing him again, but she had come to her final decision.
Bending down she closed her watery eyes, capturing his lips with hers, kissing him, held with love and yearning. Her tears streaming down to his sleeping face, watering it with its warmness.
Slowly, she moved away from him. Standing up her eyes looked at him lovingly and sadly.
She touch her tummy. Caressing it with full of hope and love.
Giving him one last look, she silently slipped away from the room. Never in the slightest did she ever think about coming between him and his love. It is just for her last wish and her selfish self she did this.
Her happiness is witnessing his happiness, even if his happiness is being with another.
Her love is such a simple love,
As she has always been silently loving him,
Has always been loving him from afar,
She wiped her tears as a contented smile blossoming on her beautiful face.
Farewell, My love.
That fateful night was the last time he had seen her as she had silently erasing herself from his life. From that day onwards there will be no her in his life. She chose to leave as this way is the love she chose, her way of loving him.
. . .
Sun was warm and cozy. Flower emitted soothing fragrance in the air while birds chirps outside, asking people to wake up.
A forlorn yet beautiful figure was sleeping peacefully in the bed while a pink pyjamas and pink duvet wrapped around her delicate figure in its warmness.
A ray of light leaks through the blinds and assault her eyelids. She turn her body, breaking the seal of her warm imprint on the bed. A looming glow invades the room, darkness turn to soft shadow, the day is about to break free.
A bead of tears softly escape the moment she opened her beautiful emerald-like green eyes.
She smiled, happiness spilling from her face as she remembered the memories of him.
A pink blush graced her beautiful face the moment she found herself was wet.
Her eyes were moist, so did the lips between her legs.
A faint of moan threatening to escape while she suppressed it as her lips gently biting each other.
Giggling, for numbers that she could not count anymore, she had another warm and wet dream about him.
Suddenly, an angelic and childish voice was sounded,
"Mommy"
She will never get enough of this voice no matter how many times she heard of it. The voice that always brought warm into her heart.
In the end she found her happiness,
Her life never been as happy as the moment a new love hugs her with its warmth.
A motherly love.
She is her everything, her entire life,
She loves her more than anything else, more than herself, even more than the man she loves.
With a gentle smile slipped from her lips she turned her head to peek at the little angel standing by her door.
Her smooth and beautiful silver hair draped over her shoulders. Her petite eyes were blinking cutely while looking at her. She wore a pink hello kitty's pyjamas and her tiny hand clutching her favourite pink teddy bear.
But the part she loved most about her is her eyes,
She has pair of pearl-like bright black eyes.
That reminds her of him.
Her love,
Her dearest,
Unconsciously,
Her eyes slowly welled up,
As another beads of tears slid down her cheeks.
"Mommy." An angelic yet wavered voice was sounded.
"Mommy." She tossed her teddy bear.
The little girl whined as she ran towards her mother, her delicate feet taking her closer to the side of her bed and her petite hand pulling the sheets tightly, trying to climb the bed.
Seeing her daughter running and climbing the bed. She could not help but panicked. She hate herself from showing the tears in front of her daughter.
Rising from the bed, she immediately hold and lifted her up. Pulling her closer she embraced her.
"Mommy, don't cry." Looking up, she moved her delicate hand to wipe the tears on her mother.
Bending down, her eyes looked at the little girl lovingly. She chuckled at how cute her daughter looks like at the moment.
Seeing that her mother crying, the little girl was holding back the tears that threatening to flood out from her petite eyes. She did not want to cry because that would make her mother more sad. Albeit she failed as she could not stop herself from crying as well.
"Mommy, don't cry." She repeated between her sobs as her hands kept wiping the tears in her mother cheeks.
"Mommy is not cry anymore, so my niannian don't cry anymore okay." She smiled as she wiped the tears on her daughter's face with her thumb gently.
The little girl blinked her eyes and nodded her petite head cutely.
"Good. Now mommy will make your favourite Tarte Satin and Blueberry Cheesecake." She announced as she kissed her forehead lovingly before she picked her up.
Clutching her tiny hands around her mother neck. The little girl's face immediately brighten up and her eyes sparkled with anticipation. She nodded cheerfully.
The angel-like little girl's name is,
Little Niannian, Lin Nian.
Nián - in Huaxian, meant year. Represented her yearning for him,
Nian, from the latter of his name. Represented her love for him,
Nian, from Jin|ni|an and N|an|. Represented theirs.
[ End of chapter ]
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
BlaccLotus
BlaccLotus This chapter is worth almost five chapters mass release, 5K words.
I spent a lot of time and effort to write this chapter, and i hope you get what i want to deliver and like it.
What do you think about her? i think she's lovely woman.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
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