Kapitel 26: Part XXVI

"Huh?" I ask bewildered, letting a dry emotionless laugh escape my lips. "My heart? You must be insane Sean. You wanna know something? I do not have a heart", a tear escapes from my left eye and I wipe it off quickly, refusing to look weak in front of this godforsaken animal. "My heart, was taken by someone who's dead now and neither I nor you can get it back."

"So this is still about him? How long are you going to remain in this state over a dead meat?." He says and immediately, I raise my hand and strike him hard across his face without thinking about the consequence.

"Don't. You. Ever. Talk about him." I say threateningly with so much anger in my voice although I know there's little to nothing I could do to him. "EVER."

Like a flash of light, he tackles me to the bed, his knees on either side of me keeping me in place and his hands pinning mine to the bed firmly with his face few inches from mine, his hot minty breath fanning against my face as he breathes heavily obviously angered by the hit.

"Don't. You. Ever. Do that again. Ever." He threatens me back, glaringly trying to control his fury and before I can even blink, he disappears from the room and I'm left alone with my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I sit up quickly and scan the room with eyes for any sign of him, thankfully finding nothing.

Why did he hold back? He should have beaten me to a pulp, inflicted pain on me. I need some physical pain to relieve me of this emotional turmoil, this guilt and hurt and regret.

"Arghh!" I scream in agony, throwing the pillows on the ground, looking for something to vent out my anger on. Not satisfied with the pillows, I get up and kick the bedside drawer causing the lamp to fall and shatter on the ground, again and again, I kick the drawer and it scatters across the room along with the contents but I don't care right now.

I'm tired of this heavy yoke on my neck, the constant pain in my heart. I close my eyes and see Jake, I blink and see Dylan. I live in constant fear and pain.

Living ain't worth it anymore. I just want to cease to exist.

Frustratedly sitting on the ground resting on the bed, I let the tears flow not holding back any.

Watching the one you love die in your arms isn't something you can be prepared for and being responsible for their death? Now that's just something else.

After few minutes or hours, I recollect myself and get up to arrange the mess I made before Sean comes back when something hard pricks my feet and I yelp, withdrawing my steps immediately to find a silver-like pendant.

Cautiously picking it up and examining it, I see it's more like a locket. It looks really old and ancient but I open it anyways finding a small paper that has something written on it. Sitting on the bed, I concentrate and try to make out the tiny words.

Deep in the pain that is felt,

There you shall find help.

Obedience is key,

But forget not to live.

Laying on the bed, staring into space, my mind reflects back to everything that's happened since the cabin. If it's been days, weeks or months, I can't even tell but I know it's been three nights and three days since I last saw Sean nor had anything to eat or drink.

Horrible nightmares come to play each time I try to sleep that I gave up on sleeping at all. I pathetically tried to leave the room few hours ago and saw the door was locked.

What was I even thinking? Where would I go even if I leave? Slowly, I feel myself waste away physically and emotionally.

My body weak and my soul drained. Chuckling to myself, I remember when I wished for starvation and torture and now that I've got it, I don't even know what to wish for anymore. If this is how the universe wants to exterminate me, I'd gladly accept. I deserve it and more.

Holding the locket I found tightly in my hand, I remember the words, 'forget not to live'. What does that even mean? Who wrote it? Who owns it? I don't even care.

A few more weeks in this state and I'm sure my body would deteriorate and give up on living.

"How have you been holding up?" Sean's voice drags me to reality and I hide the locket under the pillow swiftly and sitting up simultaneously, hoping he didn't notice.

My belly aches from the sudden movement but I refuse to let it tell on me as I glare at him in silence.

"Missed me?" He asks sitting on the couch with a smug smirk on his lips, obviously feeling like he's done something amazing.

"Whaaat? Don't you give me the silent treatment." He says pouting like a little child acting like nothing happened and I struggle with myself to connect this person with the one that threatened me because they seem like two completely different people.

"I'm sure you're starving right now." He says despite my silence, "here" he snaps his fingers and immediately, a tray of really good looking food with two bottles of water and a cup appears on the drawer beside me causing my stomach to grumble loudly making him laugh.

"Eat up", he grins widely looking really handsome with his perfectly white and arranged dentition, "I'll watch you."

How could someone act this good. If it were someone else, I'm sure they'd fall for his charm and charisma but no, not me. I've seen this too many times and I know exactly how it's going to end.

Tearing my eyes away from his in disgust, I look at the food and my mouth waters but I refuse to look pathetic in front of him, grabbing what little food he gives me like a dog while he watches me with mockery in his eyes. I Knock the tray over the table with my hand, it falls to the ground, the food scattering all over the floor, the plate and cup shattering to pieces and the bottles rolling on the ground.

He looks at it in shock, the once happy eyes now looking furious and hurt at the same time. I won't give him the pleasure of mocking me.

He balls his hands so tight his knuckles start to turn white and he looks up at me, his eyes angry and furious. If looks could kill, I'd be with Dylan right now.

Forcing a smile on his lips, he snaps his fingers again and in an instant, the once scattered food and plate, comes back together like it was before onto the table and I look at it amazed. How is that even possible?!.

"Please eat." He says through his teeth, "I'll be back." With that he disappears again and I stare at the food trying to process what just happened.

For the first time in what seems like a long time, I felt something familiar. Guilt.

Only this time, it wasn't because of Dylan's death.