Kapitel 54: Lover Number 7.5
Li Jie pondered Hong Tao's words, the weight of their implications heavy on his mind.
It was a conversation that had haunted countless monarchs before him, the balance between ambition and benevolence, cruelty and compassion.
The cold winds of the palace gardens seemed to echo with the whispers of past emperors and their deeds, both noble and nefarious.
"Then what would be the difference between me and all the incompetent emperors before me?" Li Jie mused, his voice tinged with a mix of resignation and irony. He didn't feel elated, but a twisted humor welled up within him, compelling a laugh.
Hong Tao kicked at the dirt beneath his feet, a telltale sign of his discomfort. "No matter how good an emperor is," he began, "us nobles know well that there will always be a dark history behind them. It doesn't matter if you start by throwing dirt all over the country, it doesn't matter if you sacrifice your innocence over it—the end is what matters."
Li Jie's gaze turned contemplative, drifting across the moonlit courtyard. He found solace in the cold, unfeeling stones that had borne witness to generations of palace secrets.
"As long as you're a wise ruler who would lead this kingdom to its glory," Hong Tao continued, "then no one will look back at what you've done before. Public opinion is something that can be easily swayed by pain and comfort."
Hong Tao smiled, a bitter twist of his lips. "You can make people desperate with pain," he said softly, "then you can be the knight in shining armor who gives them the comfort they need."
Li Jie's bitter smile mirrored Hong Tao's, and he couldn't help but admire the depth of thought behind the young noble's words.
I'm already doing that, Li Jie admitted to himself, his thoughts running wild. But does that make me a wise ruler? Or am I just as foolish and blind as my father?
The question lingered in the air, a profound uncertainty that gripped his heart.
The sun continued its watch over the courtyard, a silent sentinel to their shared turmoil.
"I thought you didn't know anything about politics," Li Jie finally remarked after moments of contemplative silence. He changed the subject swiftly, the weight of their previous conversation still heavy in the air. "You were crying just a few minutes ago. It's hard to believe that you're the same person who's giving advice even better than Shi He."
Hong Tao grinned, his features suddenly appearing much younger than his actual age. "I said I never learned about politics in my household," he replied. His eyes sparkled with newfound wisdom. "But it's not difficult for nobles like me to pick up things, even after spending just one day inside the palace walls."
Li Jie finally released a genuine laugh, the melodious sound echoing in the quiet night. "That... makes sense," he admitted, a brief respite from the weight of his responsibilities.
"Were the tears fake?" Li Jie questioned, his voice carrying a sense of melancholy.
"No," Hong Tao chuckled warmly. "Nothing related to my lover will ever be fake."
The conversation took a different turn, one that Li Jie didn't expect. "What would you have done if I was actually the kind of person you thought I was?" Li Jie's exhaustion was evident, his frustrations and complexities laid bare. "If I had asked you to accompany me to my bed?"
Hong Tao let out another laugh, a weight lifted from their shoulders as the walls between them crumbled. "I would have cried, and I would have tried to run away," he confessed. "I'm a coward when it comes to love, and I would have chosen death if I thought I wouldn't make it out."
Li Jie's throat constricted as he struggled to find words. "You... You are a coward," he uttered with a melancholic chuckle, tears of frustration forming in his eyes. "After your death, what would you think your lover will do?"
Hong Tao looked down, his heart heavy with the realization that he couldn't provide an answer. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice trembling.
Li Jie's frustration was palpable as he continued, "You'll sacrifice yourself in the name of love. But what about the lover you abandoned in this world?" The question lingered, a poignant reminder of the complexities of their intertwined lives and choices.
"What if you were the only one for him!" Li Jie's voice trembled with suppressed rage and frustration.
He couldn't fathom the tumult of emotions coursing through him. The anger he'd harbored was firmly rooted in a love that refused to fade, no matter how much time had passed. His heart was like an infected wound that would never fully heal.
"You're a selfish coward who ran away instead of staying!" Li Jie's words erupted from him, his tone rising involuntarily. "If you were going to leave, you should have at least left while you were still alive, not when you're dead!"
What had been a conversation tinged with sweetness had taken a bitter and terrifying turn.
Li Jie's anguish coursed through him like a never-ending storm. The emotions that had been smoldering within him for so long, buried beneath a veneer of royal duty and cold aloofness, erupted with a fiery intensity.
His love for Parsa had been a consuming fire, a passion that had defied the boundaries of duty, class, and even reason. It had been the most profound and tender connection he had ever known. It was a love that transcended the constraints of their society, a love that had dared to challenge the norms of their world.
And yet, despite the depth of his love and the genuine bond they had shared, Parsa had left him. Not through a simple parting of ways, but through the ultimate act of abandonment - death.
He had chosen to abandon Li Jie, to leave him alone in a world where he was the sole survivor of their love, the last keeper of their shared memories.
Wasn't it reasonable for Li Jie to feel resentment? His heart had been ripped apart, the love of his life torn from his grasp. The world had conspired to take away the one person who had filled his life with warmth and meaning.
It was a profound injustice, a tragedy that had stolen his happiness and left a void that nothing could ever fill.
The tears that streamed down his face were not just tears of anger; they were tears of profound grief, of a love lost and a future shattered.
As per the last few years, the weight of his sorrow was still as unbearable as day one, and the knowledge that he could do nothing to change the past filled him with a sense of helplessness and despair.
"Li Jie..." Hong Tao's soft voice cut through the storm of Li Jie's words.
Li Jie suddenly became aware of the tears streaming down his face, the dam he had built around his emotions finally breaking.
Taking notice of Li Jie's words and actions, Hong Tao had a good idea of what had transpired in Li Jie's past. He didn't want to disrupt this moment of self-discovery and catharsis for Li Jie.
"Come here..." Hong Tao smiled bitterly and opened his arms to embrace Li Jie. Though they had known each other for a shorter time than anyone else in their lives, their shared wounds and pain would bind them for the rest of their days.
In the warmth of Hong Tao's embrace, Li Jie's tears flowed freely.
The suppressed emotions and the love and anger he'd bottled up for so long finally found release.
He cried and cursed Parsa, the one who had left him alone in this world as its sole survivor, pouring his heart out until the sun dipped below the horizon.
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
SagharShirazi
SagharShirazi AND THAT'S THE END OF CHAPTER 7~
I feel like I have to clear some things in this chapter...
Hong Tao IS NOT Parsa's reincarnation and he already has a lover which we will meet soon
Hong Tao and Li Jie's relationship and feelings will FOREVER remain platonic and pure friendship till the end, from both sides
Honestly, I really like it when a seme and a uke form a PURE friendship! I'm so tired of every one of uke's friends always having a crush on him in every novel and manhwa...
And Li Jie... He's not exactly angry... More like... He's just left with survival guilt and mixed with his grief, he has finally found someone who, though not in the same situation, knows his pain and struggles
While Han Yasheng and the Huang siblings are Li Jie's family indeed, they won't ever understand how it feels to lose a loved one like that
Hong Tao is the most similar to Li Jie and I really look forward to their friendship blossoming~
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein