Kapitel 22: Even if

The rest of the day, Thorne carries on as if everything is fine, but Noelle knows better. There's a storm brewing beneath his composed exterior, a darkness that's always lingered in his eyes but seems more pronounced today. It's there, just beneath the surface, threatening to overwhelm him.

As night falls, they go through their usual routine, taking a bath together, the warm water doing little to ease the tension in the air. Noelle watches him carefully, sensing the unrest that Thorne tries so hard to hide. It's in the way his muscles tense, in the fleeting glances he casts toward nothing in particular.

When they finally crawl into bed, the room cloaked in darkness, the atmosphere is thick with unspoken worries. Noelle can feel Thorne's restlessness, the way his body shifts ever so slightly, unable to find peace.

"Thorne, you can talk to me," Noelle's voice whispers softly through the darkness.

"My brightest star, it's nothing," I reply, trying to keep my voice steady, but even to my own ears, it sounds unconvincing.

I feel the bed shift as Noelle moves away from me, creating a cold, empty space between us. The distance is unbearable. I roll towards him instinctively, my arms reaching out to his waist, pulling him back into my embrace. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent, letting his familiar pheromones calm the storm raging inside me. For a moment, he's stiff, resisting, but then he melts into my arms, his body relaxing against mine.

"I hate it," Noelle says after a long pause, his voice tinged with sadness. "The way you push me away and keep me at arm's length sometimes."

The weight of his words crushes me, and I can hear the hurt in his tone, feel it in the way he holds himself.

"I don't," I start to protest, but my voice falters.

"Don't even lie, Thorne," Noelle cuts me off, his voice firm, edged with frustration. "You'll make me angry."

I fall silent, unable to argue.

"When you treat me like this, I get afraid," Noelle says, his voice trembling with emotion. "Am I not important to you? Am I a nuisance? Am I nothing to you? Am I something you can just throw away? Is that why you can't let me in? Am I untrustworthy?"

Each word is a dagger to my heart, and I feel it shatter into tiny pieces.

"I don't have a family, Thorne," he continues, the pain in his voice cutting through me. "The day I got married, you became my family, my everything. When you treat me like this, I feel like maybe I'm not your everything. I can't help it; it hurts me."

I squeeze him tighter, desperately trying to convey through my touch what I can't seem to say with words. I never meant to make him feel this way. I've never really had someone so close to me before, so I don't know how to be anything but strong. I've always been strong, always held everything in.

"I..." I start, but the words fail me. I can't explain the mess inside my head. Noelle tries to pull away, to stand, but I hold onto him tightly, like he's my lifeline—because he is.

"Noelle, I'm sorry," I whisper, my voice thick with guilt. "All my life, I've had to be strong. I don't know how to not be strong. Emotions... I've always perceived them as a weakness. I've been told they are weak, being who I am."

Noelle stops struggling, and I feel him relax into my embrace once more. His warmth grounds me, pulls me back from the abyss.

"But I was wrong," I continue, my voice barely above a whisper. "It's not that you don't mean anything to me—you're everything to me, Noelle. It's only been a few months, but I can't imagine my life without you. If you left me, it would destroy me."

I nuzzle deeper into his neck, needing the closeness, the reassurance that he's still here with me.

"I guess that's why I want to show you my best parts," I confess, my voice trembling. "I'm scared that if you see how broken I am, physically and mentally, you'll realize you deserve better than me. And honestly, you do deserve better. But I don't want to let go of you, even though I know I should. I don't think I can."

I feel Noelle shift, turning in bed to face me. His head rests against my chest, and I know he can feel how fast my heart is beating.

"You're an idiot," he murmurs, his voice soft but firm. "If I wanted to leave, I would have left by now, you know."

"I mean, it could be because you're a really nice person," I say, trying to explain myself. At that, Noelle scoffs.

"I'm not the angel you think I am," he says with a slight edge in his voice. "If I wanted to, I would have left ages ago. Trust me."

He pauses, and I can feel the weight of his words settle between us.

"I chose you to be my husband, my alpha, and the universe chose us. If I was meant to be with someone else, I would have been."

His words are like a balm to my wounded soul, but doubts still linger.

"Even if I could never walk again?" I ask, my voice barely audible.

"Even if," Noelle replies without hesitation.

"Even if I'm prone to these dark thoughts?"

"Even if," he repeats, his voice steady and sure.

"Even if I'm not able to give you a fancy home?"