Kapitel 287: The Heart and Ambition
'Ambition'.
When Yaan thought of this word, he felt a powerful yearning.
He had once had an ambition, an ambition which, although based on misunderstanding and delusion, drove him so strongly that he could fight through anything in pursuit of his goal. By focussing solely on that ambition whilst discarding all else, his heart had been driven by an ever-growing madness which stemmed from his desire to see his path through to the end. However…that ambition turned out to be nothing more than a joke.
He had desired to learn the truth about himself and his place in the world – but after learning this truth, he discovered that reality was too cruel, and the truth of his existence was fated to end with his death and despair.
After learning the truth which he had fought so hard to uncover, he realised just how little it actually mattered. Thinking about it now, Yaan realised just how much he had sacrificed and suffered, for no real reason at all.
Aside from trying to uncover the truth of his life, Yaan had also sought to resist his fate - the cursed fate which toyed with him time and time again, filling him with a sense of unwillingness which only grew stronger as the manipulation of his fate became increasingly obvious as time went by. For most of his life, he had mistakenly believed that every one of his decisions was an act of defiance against his damned fate…
But as it turned out, his so called 'resistance' was all accounted for in the Primordial Sage's plan. Throughout his life, from his birth until his death, he hadn't truly succeeded in opposing a single damned thing.
His entire life, all of his struggles, his beliefs and ambitions, now just felt laughable.
He had discovered the truth – and yet now, he couldn't care less about that truth.
The Primordial Sage was no longer manipulating his fate, not directly at least, but this only meant that his old life's cursed fate was no more; he had nothing left to resist.
Most cultivators lived for the sake of their heart…but Yaan had never done this, nor did he feel like this was a path that he could follow. Instead, living for the sake of a particular goal - an ambition - had always been what drove him. Living by his ambition had once filled his heart with the madness that was needed to progress along the path of cultivation!
Focussing wholeheartedly on an ambition, had always been his way of living…always living for the sake of his ambition, had blessed Yaan with the desire to keep on living…
But, his ambition of the past was now dead…he understood that if he wanted to continue living, then he needed to find a new ambition, one that was not based on delusion and deceit, one that was not influenced by other people or any other external factors, but an ambition that truly came from his own heart.
He was quickly learning more about himself, to the extent that he could already see the vague outline of the path ahead. However, at the same time, this path was covered in thick fog, so he was completely without direction…
How could it be so easy to simply decide on a life-long ambition? An ambition couldn't just be chosen at random; an ambition was born after a worldly person was shaped, twisted, jaded, and eventually enlightened by their life's experiences, allowing them to naturally arrive at a certain conclusion.
He couldn't just ponder for a while, then come up with a new ambition, just like that. Such an empty 'ambition' would have no worth, and it would not be enough to drive Yaan's agonisingly numb heart.
Yaan lay back on the elephant's back, as the mad elephant ran through the air, finally leaving the confines of the desert wasteland. After the mad elephant trampled over the sun in the sky, it found that it was no longer trapped in that place, and it could finally see the outside world!
It mistakenly assumed that it had been trapped by the Heavens, but in reality, the Spirit Plane Lord had removed the restrictions which she had originally placed on this elephant, allowing it to regain its freedom of movement across the Spirit Plane's Central Layer…
The Spirit Plane Lord felt a bit bitter about this. She only allowed the elephant to regain its freedom after being urged to do so by her sister the Sage.
The mad elephant had overcome its Heavenly Fate and no longer needed to walk in order to survive, but it was still a beast of tribulation, meaning that wherever it went, devastation followed in its wake. The Spirit Plane Lord could only watch as the elephant ran through the skies and destroyed everything in its vicinity…she only felt relieved when it finally stopped moving and lay down on a cloud in the sky, at which point, the aura of death, destruction and devastation, which was released whenever it moved, finally subsided and eventually stopped.
The mad elephant had been walking for thousands of years after all…after overcoming its Heavenly Fate, it essentially overcame its own self and its own heart, immediately becoming a unique Rank 9 entity! But even so, it felt exhausted after all those years of walking. It decided that it would stop and rest for a long period of time, so it stopped atop a soft, solid cloud, closed its eyes, and fell asleep.
Just before falling asleep, it glanced back at the child on its back. Even though it was now a Rank 9 being, and this child was clearly just a mortal, it felt that this child was far too strange - it somehow felt that it wouldn't be able to kill this 'mortal child', even if it wanted to.
Yaan's body was just an illusion after all, and this beast of tribulation was born from the Heavenly Dao, which no longer recognised him as a living being. Other Rank 9 beings would definitely be able to destroy his illusory body, which may or may not harm him, but this mad elephant had no way of inflicting any sort of harm upon him.
But even if it did, the mad elephant wouldn't do so. After it calmed down following its successful ascension, it silently decided that no matter what…it would protect this strange, depressed-looking child, who had helped it to finally see the light and overcome its life-long agonising oppression.
It didn't communicate this to Yaan, but it didn't need to – Yaan could feel the mad elephant's intentions.
Yaan remained lying on the beast's back, staring up into the bright golden sky as he fell into thought.
When he thought about his ambition, and about his future, he couldn't help but recall the moment after his death, but before his rebirth…when he was saved by the being that he could only think of as the living embodiment of death itself. He still remembered what that deathly being had said to him, right before it sacrificed itself to save him and facilitate his rebirth, for some incomprehensible reason…
One line in particular that it had spoken stood out to him right now.
'You are yet to discover your purpose in this world, how could you stop now?'
This, as well as everything else that bizarre entity had said, suggested that it knew something about his future. This only left Yaan with even more questions however…
"Sage." Yaan spoke aloud after some time.
A second later, both the Primordial Sage and the Spirit Plane Lord appeared by his side. The Sage knew that since Yaan was speaking aloud and not communicating with her via his Sea of Consciousness, he didn't mind the Spirit Plane Lord hearing what he had to say. And indeed, whilst he addressed the Sage, he really wanted to ask his question to both sisters.
"Since there are supposedly 4 Origin Eras within an expanse of chaotic space-time where the directions of past and future are no different, allowing the Gods to travel to both future and past Origin Eras…and since the various Gods who transcended their home Origin Era before entering another were originally born into different Origin Eras, and they are not all from the same one…doesn't that mean that some of the gods, those from different Origin Eras, know the futures of the others?"
Yaan worded his question carefully, understanding that he was asking something quite complicated right now. After some thought, he decided that it would be easier to make his point by using a real-world example.
"For example, take the God of Defiance…if Defiance is really the only outsider in this 2nd Origin Era who has already experienced the 3rd Origin Era, then in this 2nd Origin Era, Defiance must know about the futures of those Gods who will transcend this 2nd Origin Era, and then go on to enter the 3rd Origin Era…and likewise, when those Gods enter the 3rd Origin Era, they will already know about Defiance, and the danger that he will eventually become…but this all seems somewhat paradoxical, because those who know about the future might take measures to change that future, but if that future is changed, that only raises even more questions about the nature of time, events, and the Origin Eras and Gods. But alternatively, if the future is set…then it's as if everything in each Origin Era is fated to happen in a certain way…"
For a brief moment, Yaan paused when he realised that he was once again seeking answers about 'fate'. However, this fate was very different compared to the fate that he had obsessed over in the past.
He shook his head and cleared his thoughts, then finally finished making his point.
"Is this fated reality the true nature of this world? Is the future set in stone? Is it the case that in each of the 4 Origin Eras, everything that happens within the Origin Era, past, present and future, is predetermined and unchangeable? Is the fate of each Origin Era set in stone, such that even when we know about the future, we are still helpless to change anything?"
This was the most that Yaan had spoken to anyone ever since his rebirth, and it was actually such a complex question, leaving the Spirit Plane Lord feeling a bit stunned. In the end, she sighed and shook her head, whilst the Primordial Sage was the one to actually answer his question.
"You have touched upon a question that every divinity who understands the truth of this world has at some point asked. This is also one of the key questions that the Gods seek to answer by entering new Origin Eras. But in essence – nobody knows. If someone in this Era does understand this matter, then that person would most likely be Defiance, but Defiance would not give away such crucial information for no good reason. He is defiant, but not stupid."
"I see…" Yaan muttered, falling into thought.
The Sage said that Defiance wouldn't comment on this, but Yaan thought differently – the fact that Defiance was openly using the same name in each Era, didn't this suggest that he did not fear the repercussions that might come about due to revealing his identity? It was possible that he didn't fear the possibility of the other Gods transcending this Origin Era, and then entering the 3rd Origin Era, where they would inevitably target his past, weakest self…
No, perhaps Defiance had already experienced this struggle in his home 3rd Origin Era, and because he had overcome this ordeal of being targeted by the Gods despite everything, he neither cared nor feared that his past self would be targeted in the 3rd Origin Era.…
Even though Yaan used Defiance as an example, what he was really thinking about, was himself, and his own future…or perhaps, his own past.
The Spirit Plane Lord had mentioned that some of the outsiders did not know that they were outsiders…could he be such a being?
Well, to be honest, probably not. After all, it sounded like the gods had some degree of control over their reincarnations, and Yaan couldn't imagine why he would want to reincarnate so late in this Era, and as someone else's heart demon no less.
More importantly, he was wondering…could it be that he would eventually transcend this Origin Era? From what he understood, those who were born in and transcended the later Origin Eras would go back and enter the 1st Origin Era next – at least, that was what the God of Defiance had done. Yaan assumed that there was a reason for this, and because of this, those who were born into and transcended this 2nd Origin Era would likely do the same.
If he really did end up transcending this 2nd Origin Era, and then entering the 1st Origin Era…it could very well be the case that, in the 1st Origin Era, he had interacted with many of the outsiders who were currently living in this 2nd Origin Era.
This was the best explanation he could think of, when he considered how and why that deathly being seemed to know him. Essentially, he had been recognised as the past incarnation of his future 1st Origin Era incarnation, whom that being had once known…
In the end, Yaan shook his head. All of this was far too complex, and he wouldn't gain any answers just thinking about it. Aside from that, he didn't like to think that the future was set in stone…because that would suggest that even now, despite escaping from the Primordial Sage's direct control, he could still just be living as a puppet of fate.
However, Yaan couldn't help but ask one more question.
"Defiance has spoken about the gods before…did he ever mention if any gods transcended, or will transcend, this 2nd Origin Era?"
"No." The Sage answered simply.
The Spirit Plane Lord laughed wryly, then added:
"Defiance only brings up the outside world and the gods when he is talking about himself, and when he is mocking the other gods from the 1st Origin Era. The gods who may or may not transcend this 2nd Origin Era have never been relevant to this, so he has never spoken of it. Of course, it's entirely possible that he simply doesn't know. Defiance is knowledgeable, but it's not like he knows everything."
Yaan nodded and fell silent. He didn't intend to speak anymore, but his apparent interest in this topic had roused the Spirit Plane Lord's hopes.
"Brother, since you're asking about this, have you rediscovered your drive to pursue power once again? In the past, you always spoke of how you would definitely transcend this Origin Era…you also promised that you would eventually find a way to save us all, even if we failed to escape the inevitable destruction of this world…"
Yaan could only laugh wryly. He had no intention of saving anyone; right now, he still didn't even know how he was going to save himself.
Seeing that Yaan looked unwilling to speak further on this matter, the Spirit Plane Lord sighed and shook her head, but then smiled at Yaan warmly.
"It's ok, brother, you can take your time. I'm just happy that you've at least rediscovered your desire to live…I don't really understand it, but I do have one slight worry…"
"Hmm?" Yaan looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
"The mortal lifespan is only 600-800 years at most, this is the Heavenly Limit. I assume that due to your rebirth, your time has been reset, however…you have already been living on the Spirit Plane for 600 years now…"
The Primordial Sage remained silent, but she stared at Yaan, her thoughts unknown.
After a long period of silence, Yaan shook his head lightly after thinking this through. He decided that there was no harm in telling them about what he believed to be true.
"I am no longer constrained by those 'Heavenly Limits'. So long as I have Mortal Life Essence, I will continue living."
The Spirit Plane Lord's eyes widened in surprise, and she glanced briefly at the young girl by her side. The Primordial Sage didn't comment on Yaan's bold claim, but she did say something else…
"Your Mortal Life Essence in your Dao Soul is sufficient for you to live for another 30,000 years in your current state. That is roughly until the end of this Era - assuming that you don't do anything to accelerate the usage of your Life Essence."
Yaan nodded slowly, but then paused.
"The end of this Era?"
"The 2nd Origin Era will end in approximately 30,000 years. This is fated and cannot be changed."
Hearing this, the Spirit Plane Lord clenched her fists tightly. Clearly, she already knew this, and she had immense reservations regarding this matter.
Yaan knew that he was probably hearing something quite shocking right now, but he just nodded and didn't say anything else. To these ancient divinities, 30,000 years might not feel like very long at all, but to him, this was still an extremely long period of time.
Rather than worrying about the end of the world, which felt like a far off event to Yaan, he was actually still thinking about what the Spirit Plane Lord had said a moment ago.
'So the Primordial Devil, although arrogant, prideful and indifferent towards all other life, actually truly cares about the three other Primordial Demons. I suppose it makes sense - the four of them spent their entire lives together, and for the first few hundreds of thousand years of this Era, they were the only living beings across the four planes…I can only imagine the bond they must have developed during this time. They even all seem to care for the Sage, who is clearly an emotionless being in the eyes of everyone else…'
When Yaan thought about the Primordial Devil, he was once again reminded of himself, and the fact that he had been born as a result of the Primordial Devil's heart demon devouring the Dao Soul of a normal six year old human child, allowing it to gain a living physical form.
No matter how much Yaan tried to overlook it, the fact remained that his heart…was built upon the concept of opposing the Primordial Devil's own heart. He was born solely to destroy the Primordial Devil, that was the only purpose of his existence, and that was why he felt an overwhelming, almost uncontrollable killing intent, which arose from the depths of his dao heart whenever he laid his eyes upon the Primordial Devil…
'That's not quite right.' Yaan thought to himself. 'There is another side to me, a side that even the Primordial Sage might not have realised; I am the Primordial Devil's heart demon, but I am also a human child named Yaan. And on top of that, I am more than just the sum of these two original dao hearts…my heart has developed in its own direction during my hundreds of years of living…in a sense, my dao heart and Dao Soul are somewhat of a mess, a fusion and overlapping of multiple different beings, experiences, and principles…'
Yaan had already determined that he wanted - no, he needed to find an ambition…to find his purpose. Not a purpose that had been decided for him by the world or by anyone else, but a purpose that was inherent to himself, his true self.
But to realise this ambition, he first needed to understand 'himself'. He needed to understand his dao heart, and his mess of a Dao Soul.
But in his current state, how could he even do such a thing? There were multiple sides to him right now, and they all overlapped and contradicted one another, leaving him feeling confused and uncertain, filled with doubts that could never ben unwound whenever he tried to think about it.
As his mind travelled down this path, Yaan suddenly froze. An idea sprouted in his mind, and as this idea rapidly developed, growing stronger and eventually taking root in his mind, his eyes widened, and he ended up speaking his thoughts aloud.
"My Dao Soul is a mess of multiple different ideologies and principles…a fusion and overlapping of different selves…since this is the case…how about I take a page from the past Primordial Devil's book? Right…if he could do it, then why can't I?"
As Yaan thought along these lines, for the first time since his rebirth, a faint flickering flame of madness could be seen swaying within his eyes. This flame was formed due to him conceiving an insane idea…the more he thought about this idea, the more he felt that it was the perfect way to search for his truth.
The Spirit Plane Lord looked at him uncertainly, but the Primordial Sage's eyes shone brightly, as if she had understood his idea from his vague mutterings.
Yaan finally sat up, then stood atop the mad elephant's back, and he turned to face the Primordial Sage with a serious expression.
"Sage, I'm sure that you witnessed the scene of the past Primordial Devil tearing apart his Dao Soul back then, right?"
"I did."
"Well then…could I request your assistance, just this once…to help me repeat the actions of the past, so that I can tear apart my Dao Soul into its separate components, and live as each part of myself separately and individually?"
As if expecting him to eventually arrive at this conclusion and ask this, the Primordial Sage nodded without hesitation.
"I can. I have already devised a technique for splitting the Dao Soul after witnessing you do this in the past, brother. But let me warn you - the pain and danger from splitting the Dao Soul, will certainly be arduous.
Hearing this, Yaan just laughed.
"If that Devil can do it, then why can't I?"
When Yaan decided to do something, especially now, in his state of fearlessness towards life and death, there was nothing in this world that could hope to change his mind.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein