(TED and KEVIN walk into Applebee's to catch up with one another after the two months. TED now has a missing arm and is on a wheelchair. KEVIN still seems to have the EYEPATCH covering his eye.)
KEVIN: Damn.
TED: Damn.
KEVIN: Got run over again?
TED: Eh, yes and no. Some girl in a black Toyota got out of her car, kicked my crutches down, stomped on my ankles, then ran me over afterwards.
KEVIN: Damn.
TED: Indeed.
KEVIN: How about the missing arm?
TED: Huh? Oh this? Oh, Russian spies came to my house and took my arm after raiding our house for the eighth time.
KEVIN: Why didn't you guys move?
TED: I don't know.
KEVIN: Damn. Fuck Russia.
TED: Indeed.
(Awkward silence.)
TED: Seems you still look normal.
KEVIN: Huh? Oh no. I got an injury too.
TED: Damn, what happened?
KEVIN: I had a girlfriend for like a week before she thought I was cheating on her so she ripped my right ball sack and ran with it. Still on the run I think.
TED: Damn. Why did you cheat?
KEVIN: I didn't. She said she dreamed about it and it felt too real. I said you're crazy then all of a sudden, I blacked out.
TED: How?
KEVIN: I think she said she was a 6× Double MMA Champion and 10× Heavyweight Boxing Champion.
TED: Damn, she is a strong girl.
KEVIN: Yeah. She fought the men in the division she was in too.
TED: Damn. What happened after that?
KEVIN: She stole my car. I think it was a black Toyota. Heard she used my car to run some poor man over.
(Awkward pause.)
TED: Damn.
KEVIN: Indeed.
(More awkward silence.)
TED: Reminds me of a story how I saw that same Black Toyota that ran me over drove full speed at the ice truck and collided.
KEVIN: It exploded?
TED: Nah. Ice Cream truck only took a small dent. Apparently it was a secret Chinese spy van that created Ice Cream to change someone's genetics into Chinese. So I saw the girl solo them all before she got tazed.
KEVIN: Damn.
TED: Yeah, she was throwing cars at them too. Apparently she was mad that they gave her the Batman Popsicle instead of the Iron Man one.
KEVIN: Damn again.
TED: Indeed. Happened a month ago. I think he still sells ice cream too.
KEVIN: He does. I just saw him a week ago. Gave me a Superman popsicle instead of the SpongeBob one like I asked.
TED: Damn.
(Even more awkward silence.)
KEVIN: You know, that reminds me when I saw my dad get revived as a zombie and held me hostage to lure in my grandfather.
TED: Damn. How'd he come back to life?
KEVIN: I think when he took the bite of the ice cream, his genes turned Chinese and automatically learned Kung-Fu so he used some very cool sacred art to steal souls from the grave and came back as a Kung-Fu Zombie.
TED: Geez. What happened after that?
KEVIN: My grandpa stole my grandma out the hospital and strapped bombs around her.
TED: Then threw her where you were?
KEVIN: No. He exploded the hospital so he can kill himself and come back to life by stealing their souls because they said it was a fair 1v1.
TED: Fair 1v1?
KEVIN: Yeah, he said it was unfair for him to be a zombie and him to be a regular human so he turned himself into a very strong zombie. I just kinda walked out while they were fighting and throwing grenades at each other.
TED: Damn.
KEVIN: For real.
(Even-even more awkward silence.)
TED: That reminds me, I remember when my Russian Grandparents came down to assassinate me and my father.
KEVIN: Damn. Why?
TED: I don't know. I don't speak Russian but I think they were yapping about how my mother wasn't completing her mission and how this ain't a Romeo and Juliet movie?
KEVIN: For real?
TED: Yeah.
KEVIN: What happened after that?
TED: American troops sent coordinated missiles and it instantly killed my grandparents. Put my mother in a permanent comma and my father got crucified for marrying a Russian.
KEVIN: Damn.
TED: Indeed.
(Even-even-even more awkward silence.)
APPLEBEE'S WORKER: Welcome to Applebee's! May I get your order?
KEVIN: Yeah. Can I get that Blackened Cajun?
TED: Yeah and I'd like to have Chicken tenders.
(APPLEBEES WORKER stares at the two with widened eyes and shock.)
KEVIN: Is there something wrong?
APPLEBEE'S WORKER: (Taps on her earpiece.) 敵人被發現了.啟動炸彈
KEVIN: Uh oh.
TED: Damn. The Chinese government found us.
(A large hulking figure bursts through the roofs.)
KEVIN'S ZOMBIE GRANDPA: Stop right there, Chinese government! You won't China the American Dream no more!
APPLEBEE'S WORKER: (Takes out poison needles and gets in combat position.)
(Everyone starts to scream and run out of Applebee's before a person in a black cloak stands and reveals a revolver, taking off the cloak to show that she's a woman.)
TED'S MOTHER: Stop right there American and China! We can negotiate without war!
APPLEBEE'S WORKER: 吸吮我不存在的雞雞 .
KEVIN'S ZOMBIE GRANDPA: You folks won't replace my beer with vodka! DOWN WITH RUSSIA AND CHINA! FREEDOM FOREVER!
(TED and KEVIN walk out of Applebee's with annoyed looks on their faces.)
KEVIN: I guess we should just order McDonald's then.
TED: I guess so. Damn.
KEVIN: Damn.
The End.
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