Kapitel 43: How Terrible Could It Get?
[KIYOMI]
"There, there, baby," Kiyomi cooed as she watched the Lycan queen's eyes go from concerned and defeated, to unsheltered and soft and then to safety.
She could see the moment when Sakura realized that Kiyomi was never going to leave and it was a joy for her. She had wanted this for the longest time. She had wanted to hold onto the queen like this and now here she was with the girl after her heart.
"You're so beautiful, Saki," Kiyomi said as she shifted positions, so that Sakura was lying on the bed beside her.
She could feel the shivers on Saki's skin and she wanted to chuckle at how nervous the mighty queen was with her, but then she realized that this wasn't the Lycan queen. This was just the girl. Sakura Watanabe.
"I—" Sakura began, only to be interrupted by the good doctor.
"You don't have to say anything, my beautiful. If you're worried about the sheets, I changed them when I changed our clothes," Kiyomi said and Sakura stared at her, before she realized she was once again clothed.
She was tempted to protest, but when she realized she was in the good doctor's shirt, she went silent. She would leave here smelling like Kiyomi Kimura and boy did she love every bit of it.
"But I want to… please," Sakura pleaded in earnest as she leaned closer to Kiki.
"C'mere," Kiki said as she pulled Saki closer to her, so they were snuggling, while Saki's head rested on her arm like a pillow. They were so close, oh, so close that they were breathing each other in.
"Tell me, my beautiful… What is it," Kiki asked softly as she pulled sheets over them. She knew that Sakura was feeling insecure, which was quite the turnaround for a woman who had been so confident and one who is known for her wolf habits.
Then again, perhaps Sakura felt vulnerable with Kiyomi like this, because this woman was speaking to her heart and not just her body. This woman was making her want to live and experience life differently.
Oh, Saki.
"I… promise me you won't be mad at me," Sakura said and that got Kiki's attention. They had been doing so well, so why would the wild woman think that she would be angry, or was it something that she did?
For a moment, Kiyomi's thoughts drifted to the worst possible things and she watched as Sakura flinched at the sight of her changing face. It was then that she realized that she had to think positively if this was going to work for them.
"I won't. I swear, on my honor," Kiyomi said and Sakura relaxed.
"I… I always dreamed of finding someone like you," Sakura began and Kiyomi mused.
"Like me? A rogue?" she teased.
"Titles never mattered…"
"Oh, baby."
"I know… it's stupid—"
"No, it's not stupid, love. It's not."
"I always knew I couldn't have what I wanted…"
"Love…" Kiyomi said and Sakura just nodded simply.
"But seeing you, unlocked something in me, something that got me selfish. I wanted to be wherever, with you, even if you hated me… I'm not strong enough to live in a world that doesn't have you in it, petal," Saki admitted as she looked into Kiki's eyes.
"Sometimes, life doesn't always go the way you want it to."
"So, I've learned."
"But I'm glad the chaos led us to this moment, baby," Kiyomi said as she kissed Saki's forehead gently and held onto her tightly.
"Aren't you scared?"
"Scared? Of course, I am. I am mated to the Lycan queen with a thousand and one enemies who might want to use me as bait to get to her," Kiyomi said and Saki's shoulders sagged. She should have expected this.
"But I love you, baby… so very much, it's probably unhealthy, but it is what it is. We can't change who we are, but we can make the best of what we get to be, no matter how hard the road gets. I want to cherish every moment and walk that road with you, Saki.
"I want to learn things with you, I want to experience life and love with you, the one I love. If the world will cast stones at you, I'll shield you. If they fight you, they will have to go through me. If they try to break you, I will break them first.
"I won't leave, and I need you to always keep that in mind, no matter what happens along the way. Sure, we come from different worlds, and we have things that will draw rifts between us, but I'll always find my way back to you, if you let me," Kiyomi added.
"What if you realize I'm not good enough or that I was never with the effort you intend to put in me? What if all of this turns out to be just a phase and someone messes with the both of us? What if we never make it out alive?" Saki asked.
She was scared of what life would be like for the both of them and Kiyomi understood her a little too well. She knew what it meant to be in a world filled with people and yet still be alone on the worst of days.
She knew what it felt like to have no one to rely on and while she was taking a great risk with the woman in her arms. This was one decision that Kiyomi Kimura didn't see herself regretting in any lifetime.
"Oh love… you really don't know a thing about love, do you? But don't you worry, I will walk the walk with you. I fell in love with you, the broken version of you, the ruined version of you, the unloved and the uncertain version of you.
"But that doesn't mean that I don't want to experience a life with you that doesn't have you looking over your shoulder all the time. I want to be there with you, every step of the way, because love is not naive to the burdens of life.
"It doesn't matter what happens along the way, and there isn't a day that I will come to regret loving you. Love doesn't work like that my beautiful rebel. I love you, for you. For who you are now, who you were back then, and for who you will be in the future.
"I will love you until my very last breath. Whether you're the queen of the wild Lycans, or just the simple girl who managed to sweep me off my feet. Whether you're the barbaric woman everyone is scared of, or the girl who tries all that she can to get my attention and love me.
"I will love you, until the very end. And if the lifelines don't allow us an eternity, then I'll make sure to ask the goddess to let me reincarnate into the one who loves you and gets to be loved by you, Saki.
"I love you; I love you so much it makes me want to explode," Kiki said.
Sakura stared at her in shock.
She had heard of stories about love, and what it meant.
She had read confessions and what people in love did with each other and for each other, and while she had never been brave enough to let herself love or be loved, hearing Kiyomi say that was like the ignition to a flame she never knew would ever bloom in her.
Here and now, she was not the Lycan queen. Here in Kiki's arms, she was a girl in love and a girl who was loved. And even though she was scared of what the future would look like for them, she wanted to experience it.
She wanted to love and be loved and if Kiki was that for her, then Saki wasn't about to object to it.
"I'll be better. I'll try to be a better person. I'll learn what it means to love, however scary it could get. I won't let you down, I promise. I will do my best," Sakura said and Kiyomi smiled at her.
"Don't be too hard on yourself, Saki. Love is not a project, or an assignment you need to be best at. We might fall back in line, but as long as we have each other, we will prevail regardless of what happens.
"Together, my love. We will walk the roads together," Kiyomi reassured and Sakura breathed in relief.
Perhaps this wasn't a terrible idea, right?
AUTORENGEDANKEN 
she_osprey
she_osprey *author goes to sleep happy and giggling like a chipmunk lol... anyways, night night people, may we have sweeter dreams that Kiyomi and Sakura tonight yhii
Update Schedule
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Kapitel 44: Happiness... Queens Couldn’t Have, No?
* Happy New Month of October!
[SAKURA]
Happiness was a foreign concept for Sakura Watanabe.
It was showing with each moment that she had been beside Kiyomi since her confessions and her decision to take a leap of faith into the bond that she had grown to love already had her walking on eggshells, a lot.
Kiyomi had told Saki to be herself and not have to worry about anything, she had told her to be who she was because that wasn't supposed to change at any point.
Kiki never wanted Sakura to change because of her.
If Sakura wanted to change, then she could just do it, but only because she wanted to, but damn, all those seemed to be hungover Sakura's head, given she was stiffer and more timid than she had ever been in her entire life.
And she had had a relay on childhood and upbringing.
"There you are… I've been looking for you all around," Kiki said excitedly when she saw Sakura outside the apartment.
She was next to the pool, probably contemplating what the fuck she needed to do. It was obvious from her face that she was stressed out a lot and boy was it something that was giving her countless headaches.
"What happened, beautiful. Why do you look so down?" Kiyomi asked earnestly.
"Oh great, finally you're here. Can you please tell this psycho to go back to being the big bad Lycan queen, because this version of her is stressing me out more than her normal self? It's crazier than all the mad things she has done!" Elif said frustratedly.
She looked like she was trying at her wit's end with Sakura and was about to throw the mad queen into the pool before her. Perhaps there was more to this, right?
"What happened?" Kiyomi asked and Sakura lifted her head to look at her.
'She didn't ask what I did?' Sakura asked herself.
She was always used to being blamed for anything and everything. She was always the black sheep, the defective Lycan, the unloved, and the one who was never wanted.
Everything terrible that always happened around her was always blamed on her for some reason and anything good she tried to do always managed to fuck up a lot of people's lives.
The truth was a long and hard one and finally, it was frustrating, but right now, she wasn't sure she had hard Kiyomi well.
What happened to blaming Sakura?
What happened to her being blamed for whatever had fumbled Elif? What happened to Kiki pushing her away and recoiling? Oh, but Saura had been waiting for the time ticking bomb to go off for three days now, and everything was smooth.
A little too smooth for her.
"She's too kind. Too helpful. Too nice. She looks like a normal person. She has been helping a little too much, so I forced her to take a break and she didn't want to because she wanted to be useful.
"I don't know if she's been a slave all her life, but this is too much even for me. Please tell her to snap, or be mad at us, or do something the whacko we have known for the past few months could do.
"This girl, she makes me like her and that is not cool at all," Elif ranted and Kiyomi stared at the two most important women in her life.
She wasn't sure if this was food then or if she was risking everything by keeping them together, but the fact that Sakura was trying a little too hard was room enough to tell Kiyomi that Saki had grown up in hard times.
"Isn't that a good thing" Kiyomi asked and Elif stared at her and then at Sakura.
"Well… I guess it is, but you know she's supposed to be—"
"Give her time, Elif. She's just trying to be normal. It won't be easy for her, but we can make that easy for her. She's not a threat to you or me, I swear it. If she were one, I wouldn't have let her in, you know that too, right?" Kiyomi said and Elif sighed.
This was a new Sakura and she was scarier than the rowdy mad woman she had known; but perhaps this was the one time that they would have to see the broken girl for who she truly was, right?
It shouldn't have been so hard for them to adapt to what life was like for them despite all that they were risking at the moment.
"You defend me?" Sakura voiced softly and Elif stared at the queen intently. This time, she didn't have any prejudice and she didn't want to think like she had been. For the first time she looked at the queen and she saw an equally broken girl.
Their lives had been fucked up one too many times and they had been forced to become things that they never wanted to, but right here and now, perhaps there was hope for a better future for the lot of them, right?
"Of course. I love you, Saki. You're the love of my life. I live for you, I breathe for you, and that's also how I know that you're trying to be normal. It's hard enough for you to not be defensive all the time, which is all-new too," Kiki said and Sakura stared softly.
The woman had been nothing but nice to her, and even Elif had changed for her.
It was creepy in some way because Sakura was always used to war, to being needed elsewhere, to being the one who did everything because she didn't trust anyone, and yet as she sat there by the pool with the two women, she was almost hopeful that her life was better.
She was hopeful because even she knew that she had a past that demanded her death a thousand and one times without fail. It was the one thing that scared the living daylights out of most people and she had enemies who would come after these two because of her.
"You people are going to make me sick," Elif said as she grabbed the water hose and began spraying the Lycan queen and her erasthai like this was the only thing she could think of. Then again, she couldn't be blamed.
She had been there the entire time.
She had watched them go from wanting to murder each other to worrying for each other to whatever this was. Of course, it was obvious they wanted the happiness that was given to many and it was comforting to an extent to know that even then they were reaching out.
"Don't make me do something that we both will regret," Sakura said as she looked at Elif. Even though her eyes were gentle, there was a warning benign for them, a warning that wasn't even for Sakura herself but the warning that was for Kiyomi.
Sakura could take on anything as long as her erasthai wasn't hurt. She wouldn't stand by and watch Kiyomi be hurt by anyone, not even her best friend. If Elif tried that, she would be gone faster than she could blink.
"Dammit," Kiyomi cursed, as her stomach growled, making the two women who were staring at each other turn to her. They both knew that Kiyomi had distracted them from the tension, but they were both thankful for it.
"Let's put some food in you, petal," Sakura said with a smile and Elif relaxed.
AUTORENGEDANKEN
she_osprey
she_osprey
Isn't this a little too good for them? It makes me uneasy then when they are hating each other, sigh.
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