Kapitel 59: 57 : Not worth it

The room was noiseless, though the people inside were not. Or, at least their thoughts.

Gordon and Yuto were reunited in Thomas's office. Sitting in front of each other, they were holed up in their silence.

Gordon was looking at his mug of hot tea. The green tea was pretty good. He remembered that Zaizen had gave him the same tea the first night he came to his house. Gordon had felt comforted.

He actually wasn't really fond of tea. He was more into coffee. Because of his work, he needed his fuel to keep going even when he's too tired to remember his own name. Gisele's mother had introduced him to tea. He had never liked it but he forced himself to drink it because Yuto seemed to like it.

The green tea Zaizen had served him was the first he really appreciated. It was sweet and sour and the smell was soothing for his heart. He could still remember Zaizen sitting silently next to him, without giving him words of comfort. He didn't even pat Gordon or hug him. He just stood still and listened to Gordon's crying before he finally gave him a cup of hot tea, saying : " If you intend to keep crying, at least drink this. You're going to run out of tears at this rate. " The next day, Zaizen told him again : " Eat something. You need strength to cry." Now that he was thinking about it, Zaizen's thoughts process was kind of funny. Gordon smiled.

Yuto was watching Gordon. It's been weeks since he had saw his husband. He had no intention to sign the divorce papers but he still came because he wanted to see Gordon.

The beta man seemed better that he thought. A part of him was sad to see that he didn't look pitiful just like him, but another part was silently appreciating the fact that he was doing well.

Yuto couldn't help but admire Gordon. His husband. His family. He felt so stupid for what he did. He couldn't even remember why he did that. Why did he do something that hurt Gordon ? He couldn't remember. He had to. Because, when Gordon will ask him, he had to deliver an answer, whatever it was. He didn't want to break the man's heart again.

Thomas stood up from his desk with the file and sat on the available chair. The small table separated the three of them.

Yuto had been the first one to arrive at the office. He arrived earlier than expected, thirty minutes before the appointment. He didn't talk much and just wait while drinking his coffee. When Gordon finally arrived, Yuto stood up as if he wanted to hug the beta. But to his disappointment, Gordon just sat and asked to have a drink.

The whole time he was preparing the file, Thomas kept glancing towards his friends. Yuto was just watching Gordon. And the latter had his eyes fixed on his mug. Compared to Yuto, Gordon seemed inattentive.

Thomas sighed.

" - I took a look to your statement," he started.

At last, Gordon looked up.

" - There will be no complication," Thomas said. " You both can process to the divorce without problem. You don't share any goods and property. Gordon's clinic is at his name and the shareholder are mostly his two mothers and the Ogata. Yuto's apartment is at his name so there won't be any problems there too. The only thing could be the house you both own in the countryside. "

" - It was a gift from both of our parents," Gordon said.

" - I see. You can discuss how you will manage it. You can sell the house and split the money or you can just give up to it and let one of you take it. It's up to both of you."

Yuto frowned. He opened his mouth to speak his thoughts but Gordon shocked him by saying :

" - We will sell it. "

" - I refuse !" Yuto almost shouted.

Gordon sighed and finally lay his eyes on Yuto.

" - So what ? I'm not going to give you the house. My mothers paid half of it. "

" - That's… that's not what I mean…" Yuto said dejected.

" - Great ! Then let Thomas put it to auction. "

Yuto scratched his head annoyed.

" - Look, I don't want to divorce you. "

" - And I don't care," Gordon said coldly.

" - Babe !"

" - Don't call me like that !" Gordon growled.

" - Let's talk more before taking any decisions, hum ?"

" - Talk about what ?! There's nothing to talk about." Gordon frowned.

" - Babe… you're not making it easy for me too. I want to…"

" - I told you to stop calling me like that," Gordon sighed. " Are you deaf now ?"

" - I'm… I'm sorry. I know it's selfish of me but I don't want to divorce. We can't. We're not going to sign it," Yuto said to Thomas.

Gordon couldn't even remember why he loved this man. Yuto was rude and childish. He didn't want to divorce ? After what he did to him ? Is he crazy ???

" - It's my choice ! And I want to divorce. " Gordon said.

" - How can you just decide that like that !? We need to talk first ! "

" - We already talked, right ?! So what else do you want to say ?"

" - You didn't hear me ! You ran out before I can even explain myself !"

" - BECAUSE YOU FUCKING TRIED TO RAPE ME ASSHOLE !!!" Gordon shrieked.

Yuto froze. Gordon's face was red and his eyes were shooting daggers.

" - So tell me ? Hum ? " Gordon said out of breath. " How can we have a conversation when you're forcibly trying to shove you dick in me, hum ? Help me understand why I shouldn't have run away in this situation ?"

Yuto took a moment to think. His memory of that night was different. He got violent, he admitted it but it wasn't his intentions to… Just, most of time, after a fight, Gordon and him would make up like that. They would indulged in each other's body. He thought Gordon would calm down after he embraced him, he never knew that Gordon saw it like this…

" - I didn't try to… Look I just wanted to calm you…" he stuttered not knowing what to say.

" - By forcing me ? Are you stupid ? " Gordon shouted.

" - We are married," Yuto said.

" - So what !? Because we are married you can do whatever you want !?"

" - No ! What I want to say is…"

" - Assault is assault. Rape is rape. Married or not you can't just force yourself on someone without is full consent." Thomas cut him.

Yuto fell silent.

Gordon took his mug and gulped down the cold beverage.

" - Gordon's statement is enough to put you in jail," Thomas said.

Yuto closed his eyes.

" - Is it why you want to get a divorce ? Because…"

" - Because you're not worth it anymore. " Gordon said.

Yuto's heart shrank.

" - Babe… Please… Give me another chance," he started to sob. " I can't loose you. I don't want to…"

" - Sign the paper or go in jail for some years. You choose," Gordon said.

Yuto felt his heart exploded. How could his kindhearted and cute Gordon became like that ? Was it his fault ? Why… why did he ruin his life with Gordon ?! Why ?

Yuto decided to sign the papers after some minutes. He couldn't afford to go in jail. He had a job and his old father was sick for years now and Yuto was the one paying the hospital fees every month. His parents needed him. He knew full well that Gordon gave him this choice because of his parents. If it wasn't for his family, Yuto would probably be locked up since that night.

Gordon signed the paper after Yuto and an agreement to divide the money after the house will be sell. Yuto had to agree to pay a pension to Gordon for mentality damage and physical abuse. And he also had to sign a paper stating he will keep his distance from Gordon. It were the conditions Yuto had to accept unless he wanted Gordon to file a complaint against him.

Gordon retrieved his copy of the divorce papers and the agreements' documents before he stood up in front of a disheartened Yuto.

" - Why are you not asking me about my affair ? Don't you want to know why I did that ?" Yuto asked with a weak and trembling voice before Gordon leave.

" - I told you, " Gordon said while he opened the door. " You're not worth it anymore. "

He left and closed the door behind him, light-heartedly. Meanwhile, Yuto was breaking down and crying over the relationship he had just lost.