Kapitel 13: A Game of Compromise

...Sebastian's POV...

I can't. I can't do this anymore. I am doubting myself. Kati is doubting too. Who was I fooling thinking I can handle this. I have never been a failure in my life. Now it hides around every corner. I can't make her happy anymore. I can't give her everything that she wants. What more can you give the women you love that's slowly dying inside

It is time we are honest with each other. So it is with this in mind, I enter the kitchen where Kati and my mom are having their morning coffee.

"Morning, mom. Morning Kati."

"Morning, my boy

Then Kati faces me; she has a concerned look on her face, "Morning Sebastian."

My mom sees that I have a serious look on her face, so she excuses herself. "I think I am going for a walk."

But then Kati offers to go with, "I can come with?"

"No, sweety, it's fine."

With that, my mom leaves the kitchen, and I take Kati by the hand, "Kati, can we go sit outside on the porch?"

"Don't you want to drink something first?" I can see Kati is avoiding the conversation, and I am doubting if we should be having it. We both are hurting; we have to.

"Have I done anything wrong, Sebastian?"

"No sweety, not at all. I think we should just talk for a minute. We used to talk all the time; we don't talk anymore."

"I am sorry, Sebastian. I have messed up your head and your heart and your life."

"No you have not. I choose to be here with you. We are starting to make bad decisions, sweety."

I can see the confusion on her face; I think she has an idea where this conversation is headed.

"What do you mean, Sebastian?"

"I think you should go to the hospital. I don't know how to do this. I can't do this."

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I don't know what I am going to do when you slip away. I don't know if it is going to be in my arms or your sleep. If you are going to fall down in the kitchen or slip in the shower."

I look at her with pleading eyes; I know that she is probably hurt by what I am saying. I need her to understand that we cannot do this by ourselves. "Please, Kati, let me take you to the hospital."

"No, Sebastian. If you feel like this, then you should go home."

"I won't do that. Can you not see how much I love you. I am worried. Have you stopped noticing that I care? You have given up even before you have given it a chance."

Then I see the tears start to trickle in the corner of her eyes, but I cannot give in; I have to finish what I need to say.

"You have given up on a miracle. You have given up on yourself. And I don't know what to do to make you happy anymore. Can you stop this? You are not the Kati I fell in love with anymore. And do you know what is the saddest of all? We don't have the time to get her back."

"But Sebastian, I thought everything was going fine?"

"Sweety when last have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You are a skeleton of the woman you were before."

"I know. I know I am dying. What more do you expect me to do? It's not all smelly roses and everything sweet. You don't know what I am going through. I cant care when I have no future."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then you have a future. Kati starts fighting. It's not too late."

But she continues to fight me. She is the most stubborn woman that I know, but my heart breaks as she says these words.

"No, Sebastian, it is. You can't fix something that is already broken. There is no magic wand that takes the cancer away."

"Kati, I beg you. Please go to the hospital."

"No!"

"I don't know what to do for you anymore. You are killing us both."

"Sebastian, I just want to die in peace. If you can't deal with it, then go. This is my decision, and until you have walked in my shoe for a minute, then you can make this choice.

"Kati I don't want to fight, please."

"Sebastian, just leave me alone."

"Kati, stop! It's time you act like an adult, or I am going to go! You are selfish! You have people that care about you, and you don't give a fuck!"

…..Kati's POV…..

Sebastian is right.

I am being selfish. I don't care how other people feel. I say I do, but I don't really take notice.

I have become a whining cat that only seeks attention. He is very mad at me. He never curses, and he just did.

"Sebastian."

"No, Kati. I love you, mom loves you, but you want to sit here and die."

"I am sorry. You are right; I have lost myself. I am being selfish. I have not respected what you want as well; I made it all about me. I made you fuss over me, and it was the last thing I wanted."

"Kati, please."

"Okay, I will meet you halfway."

"What do you mean?"

"I stay here, but we get a nurse."

"No, Kati."

"Yes."

I can see that he is getting frustrated with me being so stubborn again. He is not about to give in.

"No, Kati."

"Yes."

"Do you ever listen?"

"Sometimes."

"Are you going to argue with me again?"

"Yes."

"You know I am going to win."

I softly start to chuckle; he is so cute when he gets so mad. But I am not giving in either; even though I know, I probably will not win.

"I know you are going to win, Sebastian."

"Why bother then?"

"I like it when your ears turn so red; it's cute."

"Are you trying to distract me?"

"Yes, is it working?"

"No."

"Then I will have to try something else."

With every breath, every wink, every inch, I move my lips closer to his. The anticipation of what is to come makes him close his eyes. I close that final gap between our hesitating lips. Hesitating, not truly, for I really want this with every craving bone in my body. And it is those cravings that make me place my lips gently against his. This feels even better than before. His lips are so damn soft; it feels like a thousand feathers are tickling my lips.

Then ever so soft and sensual, I brush my lips against his. I bite and nip and nibble, and he returns the pleasure with a low moan. But as I slide my tongue, threatening to slip through his seems, he grabs me by the shirt and growls.

He takes my face between his hands and tangles his fingers in my hair. I go to scrunch my fingers in his hair and pull his lips even closer into mine. This time when he moans, I am right behind him, answering him with my very own whimper. I can see his eyes are burning with lust and a deep hunger.

Unable to contain myself anymore I pull him into a fiery and passionate kiss. All my thoughts are obliterated, and the world gives away. It is a sensual dance of lips...but this...I want more. I slip through his lips and entwine him into a deeper kiss.

The kiss is growing greedier, our mouths are locked together, and it feels like I am walking on air. Nothing around us matters; it is just me and him engulfed in this moment, in this perfect kiss.

After what seems for more than a natural ten minutes, we finally pull away. He looks at me with a big smirk on his face.

"Do you think that is going to work?"

"Yes, I do."

"Maybe if you do it a couple more times."

He starts to edge a little closer to me, by the wicked smile that plays around his lips. He reaches out and wraps his arm around my neck and lays a gentle kiss against my forehead.

"I told you it will work."

"This is not over."