Kapitel 59: 59. Cold Blooded
TW. Graphic depictions of violence. Death.
Apologies in advance for the heavy themes of this chapter..
Saturday
I wake up huddled in the middle of my bed, eyes dry and stinging, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. A light thumping beats between my temples. I try to shake off this disorientated feeling by sitting up. My head thumps harder. I need to take something for it.
After two Panadeine Forts and four glasses of water I sit for a moment. The pain subsides, so I take a shower.
I feel so dirty.
Faint thoughts flick through my mind as I wash. Was life just a massive test? To see how much you can take before you break? What was the point of all the suffering… To make you stronger? To make you appreciate it?
I don't know. But what I do know is that I can tell no one about what happened. The relationship and what was at stake by it breaking down was just too much of an unknown. Who knew what the boys would do if they found out… Even I couldn't say, but I knew they wouldn't just let it slide.
If there was bad blood between them, then their dealings would be put in jeopardy. I didn't want any harm coming to the boys, either. That was worse than me enduring this. Besides that, Joon had told me he was having second thoughts about taking this path. He posed the question, how far until the point of no return was crossed. I wanted to know the same thing.
I got out of the shower, dried up, and got dressed in a pair of leggings and a baggy grey hoodie.
Even though he'd said that... how much of it had he meant? Was it realistic? To pull out of dealing with Reira... With the drugs? I don't know enough about the circumstances to make a definitive call on that. Despite me playing my part working part-time, there's still so much I don't know. Do they keep it from me on purpose?
My questions trace in figure-eight with no answers. It just leads to more questions, so I stop. My thoughts aren't even coherent.
Something to ease my mind, that's what I want. So, I venture down the stairs and make my way to the bar. It's quiet. No one is around. I fumble around in the fridge and pull out a green bottle. Soju would have to do, I suppose.
I take the bottle back upstairs with me. There's a shot glass in the sink, but I don't think I'll need it. The lid cracks as I twist it open. The first few mouthfuls make me shiver.
As I sit there at the coffee table with myself and the bottle, I can't help but find some kind of twisted humour in all of this. Was I fucking joke to people? Was I that pathetic? I'd been the one to let it happen after all. Again, the life choices that I made turned on me. It was my own naivety. Stupidity. I guess I deserve it then. Deserve it all.
I sit there, me, the bottle and my ghosts. The light from outside fades and I'm left with nothing to drink. I get to my feet with little of a struggle; I needed something stronger, that much was clear.
As I wandered back down the stairs and to the bar, the music got louder. But, as I walked into the lounge, it was empty.
Was that weird?
I mean… It's not like I felt like talking to anyone, but it was Saturday night, wasn't it? By now, I should've seen at least one of the boys.
I rummaged through the fridge behind the bar again, but I couldn't find anything I wanted. All the good stuff is in the storage room…
So, that's where I go, hiding under my hood as I slip through the crowd and behind the stage. Going unnoticed, I close the storage room door behind me and go straight for the straights.
But, something catches my footing and I nearly trip. My eyes wander to what it was, only to see the trap door was slightly raised, as though someone hadn't closed it properly behind them.
I'd forget it was there. After the last time, I'd never gone back. Curiosity bubbles inside me. What was down there, exactly? Was it just an empty room? Or was there more?
I'm careful to not make any sound as I lift the door and step down. Just as I had found the door, I pull it closed behind me and descend into the dim hall below.
I hear voices in the distance; they echo off the concrete of the walls.
Should I? Was I welcome down here?
Jungkook was mad when he knew I'd come down here. So maybe not. It doesn't stop me.
My steps are silent, one foot after the other as I get closer. Something feels off. High-pitched cries pierce my ears. It sounds like a girl. They are unnerving, but I keep going, stopping as I reach the corner.
Nothing could've prepared me for what I see. My heart drops in an instant.
A girl is bound to a wooden chair by ropes in the centre of the room. The cries come from her.
Her skin's pale, her hair jet black, and she looks so young. The same age as me. I can't look away. It was like looking at a reflection of myself. So innocent, in pain. Her cries reach and clench at the depths of my soul. She is scared for her life. Yet, they are all standing there. From right to left, like this was a sick circle ritual, discussing something.
Hoseok, Jin, Joon.
Jungkook, Tae, Jimin, Yoongi.
What the fuck is going on here?
My body quivers, my instinct is yelling at me. To run away or do something, but I force myself to stay still and listen.
"Do we really need to do this? She's just a girl…" Tae was not ok. He looked like he was about to be sick. His voice filled with nerve.
"You know we can't risk letting her leave here alive, not after what she's seen. It's just too dangerous." Joon's tone was sombre, but the undertones of his words crawled over my skin.
They couldn't let her leave alive? Did I hear him right? There was no way.
"But…" Jin cut off Tae.
"Joon is right, Tae. As if keeping her hauled down here for an entire week wasn't risky enough, we need to deal with this now." His eyes were cold as he spoke. There was nothing behind them. My palms feel sweaty, my skin feels clammy.
Jimin, was he about to say something? For a moment, the way he'd stepped forward, it looked like he was… But, his expression contorted, like he was battling inner conflict. Biting his tongue.
This has to all be a lie. It's not real.
"As fucked up as this is, Jin Hyung is right." Yoongi bitterly agrees, standing there, arms crossed, studying Tae.
Jungkook is silent, brows furrowed. As though attentively contemplating this insane debate. Torn between whether he was even conflicted or not.
"Fucked up? Hah. That doesn't even begin to describe this." Jimin fires back, running a hand through his hair, as though he couldn't believe the audacity. Then, Tae breaks. Shaking his head from side to side, like he just -
"This isn't right. I can't do this."
In an instant, Tae turns on his heels and staunches right in my direction. Fuck.
Panic hits me. I look around, desperate to hide. Upon seeing a table with a cloth over it to my left, I dive under it.
It was just in time, not a second later, and Tae would have seen me as he escaped from the basement. My heartbeat is hard in my chest. I try to breath to calm down but I just can't shake the panic building in me.
"Shit. I'll go after him." I heard Hoseok's voice and his swift movements passed by. He must've chased after Tae.
My mind races. I can barely catch a single thought.
Who is she? Why is she down here?
The horrific sobs of the girl still piercing my ears are making it impossible to think straight. The tension in the room amongst each of them is thick. It's nauseating. My hands shake, but I pull back the cloth the tiniest bit.
"Sorry about all of this. I really wish you had backed off earlier rather than following me around incessantly like you did." Jin speaks as he steps closer, her eyes widening in fear as he does. He stops right beside her.
"Perhaps we wouldn't be in this position." He raises the gun in his hand and presses it to her temple. The disdain in which his face contorts was like he'd bitten into a rotten piece of fruit.
Jimin looked away, gaze steadily fixing to the far wall, as though not wanting to see anymore.
"But, since we cannot turn back the hands of time, I hope you will understand and find it in your heart to forgive me." Jin's words were bittersweet. He cocks back the safety with no hesitation.
Time slows down, the loud crack of the gun firing echoes. A spatter of red hits the concrete floor on the opposite end. Her body falls forward, limp.
Reality drowns out.
An eerie silence blankets my mind.
I'm finding it harder and harder to breathe.
This isn't real life, it can't be.
I passed out at the bar from drinking earlier. This is all a nightmare.
That's it. Wake up Jia, wake up. You need to wake the fuck up right now.
Desperation overtakes.
My heart pounds dangerously fast in my chest.
Sound drowns back in, are those gut-wrenching cries mine this time?
Flooding in, my surroundings hit me.
The cold concrete under my palms, the ache in my heart.
No control over my sobbing. It pours out and is choking me.
"Jia? What the hell are you doing down here?" The deep rasp in Yoongi's tone is apprehensive.
I peer up, only to be met with expressions of pure shock. Joon rushes over, urgency in his stride.
"Joon Hyung, quick. Get her out of here. We'll take care of this." Through blurring vision I see Jungkook's silhouette move, "Yoongi Hyung, quick, help me cover this from her."
"Shit, come here." Joon kneels, filling my vision. Pulling me up off the floor, wiping my wet face with his sleeve. Deeply troubled lines are etched across his forehead as he peers at me.
This was the Joon that had just witnessed a girl's brains splattering across the floor. My mind twists as I grasp to comprehend it.
"What on earth are you doing down here?" He asks, helping me to my feet. Somehow I stand, but barely. My mouth opened, then closed again. I try to explain, but my throat is tight. I can't.
"Never mind. First things first. Let's get you back upstairs." With that, Joon begins to carefully lead me back to the stairs. He follows closely behind me, protecting me from falling as I slowly fumble my way up.
From there, he guides me into his office, and I collapse on the green couch.
The tension I held dissipates.
Was it calm, or was it a numbness?
I don't know. But, it was enough.
I clear my throat, finding my voice raspy.
But, even if I can manage to talk, just what was there to say?
Everything, but at the same time, nothing.
"Are you… Okay?" Joon took care as he settled down on the couch with me. Gaze searching mine with concern.
"I do not know." I admit, mind still muddled, "I'm trying to decide if this is real life or some fucked up figment of my imagination."
"Well, I guess that's a start." He wrings his hands together, squeezing them together self soothingly.
"Who was she…?" I ask, breaking the small moments of silence between us.
"She was that Sasaeng that's been giving Jin trouble all this time." Joon gives a heavy sigh.
"How does that end up with-" I stop myself.
"I keep asking myself the same thing, over and over," Joon drops his head in his hand and rubs his face before looking back up to me.
"You remember last weekend, the night of celebration we had with Reira?"
"Yeah," I breathed, "It was the night I had a huge fight with Jimin."
"Well," Joon bit at his lip, "While you guys were busy with that, some other problematic situations were going down."
I stay silent. Waiting. Is this justifiable?
"We knew Jin's stalker issue was bad. But that night when we went down to the basement to take care of some business, we caught her down there."
Try as I might, I can't see how that was a problem. "I don't get it."
"We found her with photos she'd taken of the remaining Coke we have stashed down there. Which is still half a brick. There was no way we could just slap her on the wrist and let her go."
It's as though a bittersweet violin melody played in my mind as the pieces fell in place.
The moment she'd walked down those steps and into the darkness of the basement, her fate had been sealed.
"Even without the pictures as evidence," Joon went on, "We couldn't take the risk of her going to the cops and raising suspicions."
A melancholy floated in the air.
I took a deep breath and pushed my hair back, trying to pull myself out of it.
"I see why no one told me."
"Naturally, not for one second did any of us entertained the thought of telling you." Joon relaxed into the back of the couch, glancing at me.
"Still… Finding out like this… What the fuck, Joon." I mumbled.
"Why were you even down there?" Joon's change in topic shifted my mind back to earlier in the day.
"I don't even know," I shook my head, "I swear, I was minding my own business. I went to the storage room because I felt like something strong to drink. Next thing I know-" I stop, shake my head and heave a sigh. It's all just so ridiculous.
"Your timing is impeccable," Joon said. I didn't want to laugh. It was so far from funny but, he wasn't wrong.
"Yeah. I wish it hadn't been."
We sat there for a moment before Joon stood up.
"So, you still want that drink?"
Anything to save me from this feeling.
"Mm. I do."
Joon takes an expensive glass bottle of cognac from off the shelf and pours us each a decent amount. Upon handing it to me, the golden brown liquid swirls around in the glass cup, the ice cubes knocked gently around.
"Here's to…" Joon went to toast but hesitated, "To the eight of us all having each other… No matter how hard things get."
"Isn't that the truth" I raised my glass in gesture before bringing it to my lips and taking a sip. The burn was soothing as it went down. As soothing as I could hope to expect, given what had just transpired right before my eyes.
Joon and I keep each other company for a little while longer, but my mind was exhausted. I excused myself, retreating to the solitude of my room. After a hot shower, I laid on my bed, hoping my mind would give in to its exhaustion. But, as time ticked by, it didn't. Instead, a late-night visitor dropped by.
Jin knocked gently on the door. I looked up. The dim light from my bedside illuminated his face.
"You're awake," He said softly, "Can I come in?"
I slowly sat up. A weary feeling came to me at the sight of him.
"Jin, what are you doing here?" I asked, my voice came out quietly.
"I came to check on you. I know you're a tough little cookie, but I'm still worried." He paused for a moment as he slowly strolled in, carefully sitting on the edge of my bed. I gazed up, eyes meeting his. Even if he was worried, even if I wasn't okay, then what…
"I can't help but wonder, just when did it become like this?" I broke away, looking down at my palms as I collected my thought to continue…
"I remember the 'us', pushing each other on a swing set in the middle of the night. Without a care in the world. The 'us', that would eat Ice Cream and cheer each other on. The dreams…" I closed my eyes, my head couldn't take any more.
"It all sounds so simple when you say it like that. Like we can just go back when we figure out we fucked up somewhere along the way." Jin rested back on his hands and let out a sigh, staring absently at the wall across from him.
"Thanks for coming to check on me. I miss you. I miss spending time with you." I change the subject. He was right. There was no turning back the hands of time.
Jin turned to me. I stayed still, letting him gently pull me in, letting him place a soft kiss on my forehead. He lingered there for a moment. I could feel his warm breath, smell his scent.
"I'm sorry Jia…."
His words left me bewildered, unsure why he felt the need to apologise.
"Is it okay if I stay with you tonight?" I peered up, the ocean swirling in the brown pools of his eyes. I gave a small nod before gently placing a kiss on his soft cheek.
"Maybe… If you stay with me, I'll finally be able to fall asleep."
Jin took off his jacket and kicked off his shoes.
I watched as he unbuttoned his shirt, stood to take off his pants.
He slipped on a pair of track pants I had on the vanity table then climbs into bed beside me. I laid back.
Without words, we huddled closely together. Holding each other.
Notes:
Hope that wasn't too much..
As always, letting me know any of your thoughts is greatly appreciated !
It really helps me knowing what you guys like or don't like when I write future chapters ~
Sending you all lots of love (´,,•ω•,,)♡
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