Kapitel 19: No Room
Amara wasn't kidding when she said Claire might burn down the house.
Her carefree way of cooking left me flustered as she nearly put dishwashing liquid into the bowl, and put the bowl of batter into the oven.
I assumed she couldn't read Japanese despite being able to speak it....as for the bowl...Let's give her the benefit of the doubt.
As I followed the instructions I found on the internet, I found making the macadamia cookies surprisingly easy.
Claire chewed on the nuts, while she watched me after I had exiled her there to the bar stool counter.
"Do you bake a lot?"
"No... actually, this is my first time."
"Forreal? I thought you might know how to make chocolate for like Valentine's day or something."
"... That's a girl thing."
I didn't quite know what she was talking about but I took a guess.
"Then you've never celebrated white day?"
"I mean... I usually just bought something for my Mom."
Her eyes curved at me.
"Don't tell me, your Mom is the only one who gives you chocolates on Valentine's day?"
My ears reddened. "Hah? No, no...I've received chocolates before..." And from Izanagi's older sister!
I have in the past but it was nothing compared to Utaka, (my half-french former bandmate piano player, what with his flower boy appearance.)
"Oh, thank goodness. That wouldn't make any sense since you're hot. I was about to ask if you went to an all boy's school."
"Eh?"
I took her in then.
She was watching me, with her chin rested on her palm.
She was a pretty girl, a really cute girl but her eyes had a certain gaze that felt dirty... so... when she licked the leftover batter from the bowl, some part of me began to feel flustered.
She was dangerous, dangerous.
I focused on baking cookies. Whenever she said something I kept my back to her and responded.
I heard the door click open, assuming she had left.
But then I heard the rustling of bags and Amara's voice which at the moment had the same effect of someone playing a triangle instrument.
It was a strange sort of feeling, like a child whom's Mom came to pick him up on first day of grade school, sorta like that.
When my eyes fell on the truck ton of bags though, my feelings took a nosedive.
I'm here baking cookies while she's walking across town with these.... this much... she would have probably had to carry them with both arms.
"Ooooh!" Thinking nothing of it! Claire eyes glittered as she inspected the bag's contents.
I tried to remain calm. "This... is a lot..."
"Well, men... have a big appetite and for some of the ingredients the portioning was too small so..." Amara fished in the bag, and fished out the macaroons and chucked it at Claire.
"Agh, my boobies!" Claire made a face like a thumb, but her eyes glittered when she saw its contents. "Eeeee!"
I had been so busy baking cookies I completely forgot about the macaroons. Some part of me felt useless and slightly bitter...
Amara, fished something else out of the bag, Some fries...
"Compensation." She put it in my hands.
Seeing it only made me angrier.
"You... traveled the whole damn world didn't you?" I muttered.
"Hm?" Amara cluelessly tilted her head. Seeing how calm she was only made me more upset. I slammed the fries down on the counter.
Startled, Claire and Amara looked at me.
"Kaga- what's wrong?"
"Did you really walk across town with all these bags? You even stopped at street stalls?! While I've been here baking these damn cookies?! At the very least you could have taken Claire with you!"
Amara didn't waste a second. "Nah, it's for my peace of mind. She whines too much."
Claire didn't refute her claim, judging from the expression on her face she probably didn't even want to shop. She just wanted her sweets and netphlix. But that's not the point.
I deeply sighed. How could I explain this to her?
"...Wait, hold on?" Claire's eyes widened in realization. "You mad...because she carried all these bags...by herself?" Judging from her tone Claire didn't see anything wrong with it.
I sighed.
Claire's jaw dropped revealing her braces, she shut it. "You're so... sweet, I can see why she calls you sugar boy, now."
"!" Amara frowned. "That was a one-time thing, I don't always..."
Claire didn't care. "Nah, I'm calling him sugar boy now."
Was I making a molehill out of nothing? Amara was quietly observing me, it seems like I had startled her because she was keeping some distance.
This made me feel worse.
I tried to convey more feelings more calmly. "It... made me feel useless. I'm right here but you don't use me... since... we're friends, if you're having a hard time, I don't mind helping you- I mean, I'd like to help you. Use me!" I ended up yelling the latter.
Amara's face remained unchanged. Her mouth slowly opened but no sound came out.
"She's buffering." Claire commented.
"I... don't like using people, also, you're a busy person... especially these days..."
"But I said I was free today."
Amara blinked. "Having a person wait while I try to shop, I mean... I wasn't in a good mood and being alone, shopping alone... it... calms me. I don't want people feeling on edge around me, that makes me feel guilty so..." She squinted, perhaps conscious of Claire or something else and her gaze shifted to the floor.
Ah... come to think of it... I rarely saw her with her Mother together unless they were at the salon or coming out of her house, she was always by herself. This dawned on me for the first time today.
Always... Even I still go out to eat or shop with Mom every now and then if she has something she wants to buy or doesn't feel like cooking. I mean, I'm sure she hangs out with her Mom when I can't see. Right? That'd be pretty unnatural if she didn't... like...
Amara seemed to be thinking some more but then her eyes widened as her gaze flickered to the time on the oven(they had an electric stove).
"Take out the cookies, also I don't have the time to talk right now. At the end of the day, I did what was best for my own sanity."
I felt as if I was being swept aside.
"Amara... we're friends right?"
She hastily began to unpack her haul. She paused, a sigh escaped her.
What she said next left me speechless. "Listen, I hate having expectations of people because the moment they let you down, even if it's once it makes me feel like shit... even if I can understand whatever excuse someone gives, my emotions aren't developed enough to get over that absence."
She quickly unpacked the bags like a convenience store cashier.
"There's no room for you here right now Kagami. I can't expect of you what you want me to expect. But... I also don't want to make you upset." When she finally looked at me her expression was blank. "I'll consider you."
My mouth opened but no sound came out.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein