Kapitel 4: Chapter -04

Heili:

It has been a year now I lost them. Still I can't believe they are not alive & I am here living alone. After losing them, Days got more harder.

My parents weren't rich, hadn't left any money or property for me. I had to go to orphanage as I am still a teen, nowhere to stay.

Also it didn't matter whether it was an orphanage or jail,my happiness was my parents,already I lost them.

After their death, I lost my all motivation, motivation for work,study,outing. I lost my smiles too. I forgot the last time I did a smile. When I try to smile, I feel there's a deep pain.

I am very shy & conservative in nature. It was hard for me to make quick interaction or conversation. I felt there's only my parents who did understand me.

They knew my nature,my obstacles,hurdles everything. Now I have all my problems with me, none to share.

I am good in studies but I left my school. I didn't want to go there anymore. I just didn't want to do anything I used to do. I feel nothing normal. There's always a loneliness in my heart.

During my orphanage days, I used to have terrible dreams. I screamed almost every night & couldn't sleep anymore. I had insomnia,back pain,bad headache. I was consulted with many doctors they did prescribe me. Nothing worked.

Well that's not true, I never used to take medicines they prescribed for me. I was almost gone mad.

My mind was full of stress, I was disturbed inside, couldn't show to the world. Couldn't tell anyone how disturbing the world was to me. I skipped meals,none here to scold me & feed me. There was no pressure. I had little guidance. It was just a lifeless life you know.

There was no guardian, I have never seen any relatives coming to my home. Only my parents & me. Maybe no grand parents on both side, I don't know.

I knew one of my mother's friends, She frequently came to home when I was little..Aunt Keira. She was my mother's best buddy. We used to talk.

Anyway I didn't tell her about my parents or go to her. I didn't want to bother someone. Who knows maybe she would be bored,annoyed too as everyone. Not a good idea.

Aunt Keira got to know about my condition actually, don't know how she did. She came talked to me. Asked me why I hadn't called her once. I told her the same. She was hurt maybe.

I started living with aunt since then. She did bring me at her home.

She's really talkative & extremely talkative. But she's kind & she remembered me. I felt thankful.

Well,my insomnia hasn't gone..I have bad dreams too. I feel disturbed inside still. Life's going on.

Aunt Keira took me today at her friend's house. Said it was a birthday party. I didn't want to come. She forced me saying it would be fun.

' FUN!! ' is it really a word? - I chuckled in my head.

Eventually I agreed. I wasn't happy as always,felt bothered.

The woman I mean aunt keira's friend was really good. She behaved really nice. It was her son's birthday. Her son probably is at my age,felt no urge to talk to him.

Nice family I guess.

I tried my best to communicate with guests as much as I could. It was lesser than enough though. I felt they were looking at me as if they pitied me. It was painful. I never wanted that feeling. I hate to be pitied.

Aunt keira is really amazing, She's like my mother, she was taking good care of me. No way to deny. But I just feel lost & sometimes I want to run away. Run away from every thing-my life,my loneliness, my pain,my anxiety. I just want running far far away.

Hey,thank you :3 :3

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