Kapitel 18: Alone, III

It was quiet.

It was quiet for a long time.

I was not particularly feeling anything, emotions or pain.

It was dark, it was warm, I did not hear anything, I could not remember anything...

"..."

A white ceiling? I thought to myself as the darkness from my temples was now disappearing.

I said noiselessly "Was I sleeping?" when a surge of pain hit my whole body. "Gah!" I grimaced from the stings I felt.

It seems that Luke is in the room, "Oh you woke up, thank god." He said relieved.

"Uh, where are we?" I asked, confused as to why I was laying on a bed.

"Yeah… About that, we're in a hospital." Luke answered my question with slight awkwardness.

"A hospital huh…" I said as I looked down at my body, I could see nothing but bandages covering it. My fingers especially were all covered in casts and splints.

"Yeah, you were a total mess when I first found you laying in the snow. The doctor said that your fingers were broken, and uh some of their tendons are almost torn off, so it's going to be…" Luke started explaining the situation and by the end of it he trailed off.

"Hard to ever use my fingers?" I finished the sentence for him and continued.

"It is okay, don't feel bad. After all, it's the result of my recklessness in the first place…" I trailed off and a silent mutter came out of my mouth, "If only I hadn't used Super Augmentation recklessly."

I noticed that the dumb duo was not in the room, and so I asked, "So, where are Sean and Seren?" Luke's eyes widened a little as if he understood something about me.

"Don't you remember? You and Layla left Sean off at a restaurant, sleeping, and then continued your date… But she isn't here anymore…"

"Huh?"

'Layla' that name? The real name of the girl I love. The real name of the girl I have spent every day with ever since coming into this world. The real name of the girl who was there for me every moment I needed her…

Memories of the last moment before my world darkened, suddenly sprung up in my mind.

"Ah--" tears started rolling down my face as I remembered Se-Layla getting Impaled with an earth spike from behind her chest.

I couldn't stand holding my head high and so I bowed… Seeking forgiveness, validation, consolation…

"I-I… It was my fault… I should've been the one… If only I hadn't…" But Layla wasn't here anymore.

***

"IF" what a small word that has wide use. The word 'IF' could be used for possibilities... And the possibilities are 'Infinite'. So it was useless for Elias to keep dwelling on "What If-s".

He still wasn't good at being rational, and for that sole reason, Elias is now in this hospital room, showing nothing but how pathetic a human being can be.

He's crying, wailing, anguishing, hurting, longing, thinking, "What if I could save her?"

"What if I wasn't so rash?"

"What if she was by my side now?"

"What if she was all fine and healthy?"

"What if she was energetically smiling in front of me?"

"What if she also returned her feelings to him?"

"What if he confessed earlier?"

"What if they never went to spy on Luke since the very beginning?"

"What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if" "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if", "What if".

"What if I just di-kgh".

What if I just die? He was saying it out loud when he felt a slap across his face.

***

The right side of my face was burning when I noticed a presence to my left.

"You stupid shit, What were you about to say!?" Sean was right beside me…I didn't notice when he got here.

Sean lashed out at me "Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? Letting Layla die off and now you… The first words I hear from you are 'What if I just die', you fucking piece of shit, take responsibility for your actions!"

He fell to his knees, "Layla isn't here anymore, and after not waking up for over two weeks… To be saying that, it's just cruel.

I've been asleep for two weeks?

Tears rolled down his well-refined face, grieving for his friends if not family, "At least…" He began hiccupping, repeating the same words "… Try taking responsibility for your actions."

"B-but she's gone Sean, forever… I will never see her again!" I burst out too, even more tears coming out of my eyes, or so I thought… My eyes were dry and burning… Luke isn't even here anymore, it's also nighttime… How long has it been?

"I'm never going to see her again. I'm never going to hear her pleasant voice in my ears. I'm never going to see her smile. Do you have any idea how I felt seeing her body go limp in front of my eyes? Crawling to the ground so I could get a hold of her. I couldn't!" Anger overcame me.

"I reached out my hand and yet I couldn't touch her, I screamed towards her and yet got no reply, I could only stay in the same place, shaking my head, trying to not accept reality. In the end, she told me her name as blood blasted off her mouth and ears."

"She smiled as red tears overcame her face, she grinned, showing me her teeth which were all bloodied over. Do you… Do you have any idea how I felt…" I grasped my chest, my voice low, and tears overcame me again.

I sniffed my runny nose, I didn't even try to wipe off the tears falling from my eyes.

"I don't know how you felt, and I won't." Sean talked slowly.

"So, what if you don't see her again? I won't either, days ago I also lost a dear person to me, one whom I know much longer than you, and now another one who just came back from death, wants to also be gone? Come back to your senses, Elias!"

Full of hopelessness I said, "B-but I'm alone now, I have no reason to keep going anymore."

"You're not alone, Elias."

"I truly wish you would understand that and get over your self-hatred."

"Huh?" How does he know that?

"You are not alone. You have your seven students, me, Luke, and both classes you went to in our school."

"B-but…" My eyes blurred as Sean grasped me into a hug.