Kapitel 22: Ocean - Dulling The Pain Part 2

Ocean

I had already had at least eighteen beers by the time that I realized Makai made me nervous. It was probably the alcohol calming me down that made it easier to think and understand it all.

That didn't mean that I knew what I was going to do about it though. I wanted to be able to swim at my best when the guy was around me but that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon. I wanted to be able to not hate when my team all sat together at lunch. I wanted to join in with them all when they laughed and joked. I wanted to get back to my happy and carefree life I used to have.

This was senior year for crying out loud. It's supposed to be the best time of my life. I was supposed to be having fun, making memories, going to parties. Instead here I was wallowing in my own self pity. This needed to stop as well. I needed to be a man about it and stop moping.

While I was thinking about all of this stuff, the jumbled thoughts were trying to sort themselves in my mind. I almost felt like I could see the problems in front of me.

There was Brittney, her annoying laugh, better than you smile, and expensive clothes. I saw Makai, his pale skin, dark hair, and green eyes. He was a unique person, someone who shouldn't waste his time on Brittney.

I wasn't seeing them together right this second. As my mind tried to picture them they were separate from each other. Brittney was with her stuck up group of bitches that she always hung out with. Makai on the other hand was by himself.

Now that I thought about it, Makai was usually alone. He hung out with the team at lunch, and he was with them all during practice, but aside from that he was always by himself.

He was by himself and staring at me.

I often caught him glaring at me with anger and other dark emotions in his eyes. The heat from them was almost physically tangible when I walked near him. It was clear that there was something he didn't like about me.

I couldn't help but think about him now though. The way he looked at me. The way he looked in general. That seafoam green of his eyes that somehow just made me want to stare at them. Then there was that interesting color to his hair. It was dark brown, yeah common enough, but those highlights. Those couldn't possibly be real could they?

Well, I guess they could be. My hair was black but when the light hit it just right you could see blue highlights in it. So it was completely possible that Makai would have those bright cherry red highlights when the light hit him just right.

He and I were similar heights, he was just a little bit taller than me. We had similar builds though. The same broad shoulders, narrow hips, very strong but with those long sinewy muscles that gave us a slender look.

It was a really good look. It was a look that many people envied, a lot of people lusted after, and several tried hard to accomplish. The image in my mind was very vivid. I was seeing Makai in many different ways. He was climbing out of the pool at practice, water glistening off his toned body. Then he was laughing with the team at lunch, a calm and easy smile on his face. Finally I saw him as he stared at me, his hand under his chin and the heat pouring off of him while he watched me from across the classroom.

Why was I seeing him everywhere right now? It was like I couldn't get him off of my mind. I was even seeing him walk down the beach toward me. He was wearing a pair of cargo shorts similar to mine, only they were khaki. His blue t-shirt was thrown over his shoulder. And he seemed to be carrying his sneakers in his hand as he walked along the edge of the water.

This was the most vivid image of his so far. I could see the sun glistening on his chest, water was dripping from his wet hair and trailing down his chest. There was even a shadow that looked to be moving along with him as he walked.

God dammit, why was I seeing him everywhere? Why was my mind making me look at him? What the hell was the matter with me? Looking at a guy when he was half dressed, or even when he was just wearing a tight speedo that left nothing to the imagination. That was just plain wrong of me. What was I doing?

I couldn't help it though. I just kept watching while that imaginary Makai walked along the line in the beach that seemed to separate the sand and stones. Sure enough I could feel my heart racing and my palms sweating already. That floating and spinning sensation in the pit of my stomach that made me nervous and excited at the same time was also present.

It was strange to have a physical response to an imaginary image. I was truly pathetic, wasn't I?

"Why are you here?" I asked the image that was walking toward me. "Did I bring you here because I was thinking about you?" For some reason the image stopped and looked at me like it was confused. That was different. None of the other images I saw of Makai seemed to react or respond to me. This was like some interactive or virtual reality shit.

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