I really couldn't help the laughter.
Alright, maybe I could have, but after a rather grim night, I was more than happy for the distraction.
When I had entered the room, seen Joffrey, saw the way he looked at me…
Well, let's just say I had been preparing for the worst as far as he was concerned. Some violent outbursts, some petulant whining, some blatant examples of his true nature beneath the veneer that Eddard had taught him to keep.
Honestly, I don't think I had ever believed what I told my father just moment's before, that I might not need to fight Joffrey.
Ever since he was ten, no, even before that honestly, I had just considered it a given. He was a little shit with a lot of power, and he and his mother would inevitably hate me.
Inevitably.
But, when the boy finally opened his mouth, when he finally spoke to me after all that time?
All that came out was an innocuous question and a fair one at that.
So subverted were my own expectations of the boy, I could barely stop laughing to answer the question, and even when I did deliver the words, it was perhaps with more joviality than they deserved.
Much more, given the look Lord Eddard was giving me.
"The Apocalypse?" The boy asked, and I found myself flat-footed again, though at the Stark's glaring I silenced any more laughter, schooling my face down into something more respectable.
"Sorry, sorry, it's just ah… Well, what do you know about the Long Night."
Joffrey looked puzzled for a moment, then spoke. "Isn't that when the last hero beat back the Others beyond the wall?"
"Well, the wall hadn't been built yet" I quickly corrected, "but yes, it's that and so much more, at least if the little Birdy is telling Lord Eddard here the truth."
"I wouldn't-" the Stark cut in, no doubt to correct my terminology, but he sighed in defeat a second after, rubbing between his eyes as he turned to Joffrey. "I had a vision last night, of sorts. I am fairly sure that I was forcibly warged somewhere. That is, my soul was made to posses a wolf."
The look of surprise on Joffrey's face was almost as comical as his question earlier, but perhaps that was my own good mood playing tricks on me. Nevertheless, Eddard continued.
"I spoke to… a Greenseer, all dug through with tree roots, and a child of the forest as well I think. Though mostly they spoke to me. They told me that the long night is coming and that-" his gaze turned abruptly towards me, "certain factors mean that this long night will be worse than the one that came before it. They told me to prepare, to see that Westeros was prepared."
Joffrey just kind of sat there looking like a dead fish, so I decided to take the initiative. "Today, I was thinking we ought to plan out how to tell the court." I said plainly, "and a rough idea of what our long term plans ought to be in general. I can't imagine anyone who fought at the Red Plains calling us liars."
Eddard nodded at that, his gaze suddenly growing distant, "Aye".
I steepled my gloved fingers in front of my face, "then our primary concern should be convincing those who didn't campaign with us. We ought to have five or six years of summer and autumn at least, the smallfolk will not love the austerity that stockpiling would mandate."
Eddard paused at that, thinking, but before he could speak Joffrey cut him off, this time with a far more desperate sort of outburst.
"But why tell me this? I'm just-"
"Just the crown prince." I cut in. "Obviously you're on the short list." I glanced askance at my supposed cousin. "The responsibility is going to fall to you and Uncle Robert more than anyone else. In Westeros at least. I suspect it will be on my own head to deal with what of Essos I hold."
The boy obviously took offense at my flippancy. He turned to stare at me, his nostrils flaring, and I turned to meet his gaze full-on with my own, my greater height making it a somewhat lopsided affair as I stared down at the little blond bastard.
Our glares were broken by Eddard's growl.
It honestly wasn't a sound I ever expected to hear from the man.
I met his gaze quickly, his eyes fixed harshly on me, though I did note that he had firmly taken hold of Joffrey's shoulder.
"That is your future king you are speaking to, Prince Arthur." The words left his mouth precisely, annunciating the threat behind them as clearly as possible, he was lifted from his seat, his icy blue eyes full of danger.
I sat back, honestly not out of fear as much as a surprise. It was the first time I had seen such an expression directed at me in… well, a very long time. Whether it was my size or my magic, most people seemed cowed in my presence.
Still, it was enough for me to reconsider my behavior, and I quickly found that it might have been a tad childish, especially with such a serious topic of conversation.
My good mood dampened, I sighed into my collar, slightly inclining my head. "So it is… my apologies Joffrey, I was surprised that you did not see it as your place to be here, but I shouldn't have expressed it as I did." I put my hands back to my thighs. "We cannot afford to be so hostile, due in no small part to the dangers I am here to discuss."
Ned nodded, his hackles lowering as it were, as his own gaze moved towards Joffrey, who seemed caught like a dear in the headlights.
A wild thought raced through my brain, that perhaps the boy had built up at least as much of a dreadful expectation of me, as I had of him.
The thought slid into a notch in my head, and suddenly a dozen other actions and motivations fit perfectly into place as the motors hummed away.
I had a sudden impulse to run my hand down my face as Joffrey seemed rather unresponsive to Eddard's unsubtle nudging.
But if it was a misunderstanding, if we both had made such wild assumptions, then how should I address it? How should I…
'oh, what am I thinking?' I chuckled, before speaking again.
The answer was, as usual, to just ignore the frippery and cut the stupid knot in half.
"I believe Lord Stark, that Joffrey and I may have rather severely misjudged each other." I kept a neutral face as the man's head whipped around faster than a loose windlass in a storm. "I think the best way to deal with this might be to speak directly of our motivations towards each other, and perhaps our intentions for the future. I think we may perhaps find that out agendas are closer to each other than we suspect, and that much of the source of conflict between us is rooted in our own assumptions."
Eddard looked surprised for a moment, then nodded turning back to Joffrey, who, if anything, looked even more paralyzed than before.
Still, in a feat that honestly surprised me, the boy managed a small nod, even as it looked to me like he was going to swoon into his mentor's arms.
Perhaps there was a bit of Robert in him after all.
Still, before we got into that, I did have one more concern.
"Although" I raised a finger. "If we are to talk of such things, I would prefer we speak on the balcony. While I have no desire to prevent Varys from being aware of the coming doom, I do not particularly wish to share my personal goals with the tongueless children he has running through the walls."
I kept my finger raised, listening carefully in the silence that followed.
Just on the edge of my hearing, the sound of small footsteps rang, quickly in succession. It was evident that my words had panicked at least one of the spymaster's young informants.
This of course, was why you didn't use child soldiers.
From the dark look on Lord Eddard's face, he had heard it too, and it had confirmed my words to him.
"I will need to speak to Lord Varys about this." The man said, a grim tone in his voice. "But yes, I think the Balcony will do, though I will accompany the two of you there. No tossing each other over the side."
It sounded like it was meant as a joke, but the grim tone left an implied threat that I noted sharply.
Thankfully, the Balcony's of the Red keep were lavish things, kept under Yellow and Black awnings and decked with soft and well-made furnishings. They would be perfect on a sunny day, though the dark clouds above us might drive most people inside.
To me at least, they felt like home.
I sat down across from where Eddard had chosen to stand behind Joffrey, guiding the shellshocked boy into a chair. I watched as the Lannister blinked once, twice, and then scrunched his nose up as if he smelled something rotten.
When he finally opened his mouth, it was my turn to be caught flat-footed.
"If you aren't a monster, then why does your soul look like one?"