Kapitel 20: Confessions
Celeste
Though I played the humble, erstwhile guest to perfection in public, private audiences with Oriana grew more ominous. Her overt benevolence toward me never quite disguised the watchful calculation in her crimson eyes. She questioned me without mercy about my background, my family, where I came from, all in the guise of getting to know her guest better. But I knew better than to ever let down my guard around her. Underestimating her intelligence or cunning could have my throat ripped out in the blink of an eye.
I worked hard to gain her trust, however, and it was not long before she drew me into her inner circle, sending me out on "errands" essential to maintaining control of her fractious court. She found my seeming guilelessness a help to her Machiavellian contests of power between her nobles, and I found myself immersed ever deeper in the palace's endless intrigues.
My skills at subtle sabotage and pilfering sensitive documents kept rivals perpetually dancing upon strings. In return, Oriana rewarded me with extravagant gifts, an even more sumptuous apartment than the one I had first been brought to by Commander Malachor, and near unlimited access to her stronghold's hidden recesses.
In truth, I provoked more chaos than absolutely necessary in playing my part, hoping continual disorder might produce cracks in Oriana's operational security. But her counter moves remained ever opaque, staying five steps ahead with ease. My quest for actionable intelligence continued meeting dead ends while the court's cruelty caused my spirit to wither by slow degrees.
The one bright spot lay with Caspian, assigned as my permanent escort. In public, we maintained a careful distance, exchanging only cordial pleasantries. But stolen moments alone sparked the embers of our strange connection into undeniable heat. What began as subtle flirtation progressed until, one night, passion overrode all caution.
I sank onto plush cushions with an exhausted sigh, the day's covert "errands" for Oriana finally complete. Sabotaging a rival lord's import shipment took more intricate planning than expected. The sooner I could escape this viper's nest the better, but I seemed to be no closer to finding the key to bringing down her empire.
A sharp rap at my chamber doors roused me from brooding. I waved permission for the visitor to enter, pulse quickening as the little maid, Thalia, opened the door. Caspian strode into the candlelit room, his tall, dark frame seemed to bring the very shadows in with him.
"Leave us." He waved a dismissive hand to the little maid, and she scurried out the door without delay.
Caspian shot the bolt behind her with a flick of his wrist. I had not quite figured out where his magic was from. Other vampires could not do the things he did. Or I hadn't observed any that had any magics other than the legendary assassin.
"Working late again I see," he remarked, gesturing to the surplus of paperwork littering every surface. "You know Oriana would not look kindly on you burning candle at both ends overmuch."
I rolled my eyes skyward. "Yes, well, our beloved queen fails to recognize borders between day and night herself. Summoning me past noon to decipher some obscure bit of information intercepted from Aurelian's court tries one's patience."
Caspian raised a sardonic brow. "Speaking as one often tasked with such intercepting, I salute any who take on interpreting the fruits of our labors." His gaze suddenly heated and red flashed in his normally bright green eyes. "Although if you find the work overly taxing, perhaps easements could be … negotiated."
I cocked my head, intrigued by his shift to coy suggestion. Our flirtation had danced along a knife's edge recently. "Oh? Did you have specific ideas for securing my relief, sir?"
Hunger sparked in Caspian's normally practiced gaze as his eyes traced the graceful line of my throat. I could practically feel his touch on my skin from across the room. He prowled closer. "I may know some methods for relieving stress quite thoroughly should her ladyship permit a demonstration…"
A sudden shift of air and he was next to me, drawing me flush against his rock-hard chest, his touch igniting familiar sparks along my skin. Normally taunt lips felt warm and soft grazing my ear, sending pleasurable shivers down my spine. "Just say the word, sweet one, and I shall help you forget all else tonight."
Temptation warred hotly with lingering hesitation. I pulled back, searching his face. "You play a dangerous game with me, Caspian. What if your mistress learns you've strayed to another's bed?" My nails bit into his wrist. "Oriana does not suffer divided loyalties kindly or share her things, as you well know."
The shuttered look passing over Caspian's features gave me pause. He clasped the nape of my neck with one strong hand, holding me in place as he stared down into my heavy-lidded eyes. "You speak true, we court ruin if discovered. But the queen's volatility of late makes me … question much I thought steadfast." His jaw hardened. "Including whether her rule remains our people's best recourse."
I sucked in a sharp breath. Voicing such doubts aligned with treason. But sensing the roiling disquiet behind his stoic facade, I softened my stance. Could this be the in I had been searching for? Could Caspian's feelings for me be real and strong enough that he would betray his Queen for me? I knew I had to tread carefully in that moment.
"That may be, but change cannot be rushed blindly. What future do you envision beyond Oriana's regime? And, if I may be so bold, what future do you see for us?"
Caspian abruptly released me and turned aside with a harsh laugh. "You ask the impossible, my lady. I know no other life save killing at the behest of my Queen. I have never tried to hide what I am from you." His tone gentled again. "If I could only learn what untapped horizons exist beyond these castle walls at your side, my dream would be a reality." Another harsh bark of laughter escaped his beautiful mouth. "But that is truly fantasy. We would be hunted down like dogs unto the ends of the earth. As you say, Oriana does not suffer divided loyalties or disobedience."
He drew me close once more, his vulnerability breaking past what I had imagined were ironclad defenses. "I ask only to forget old chains awhile wrapped in your arms. Grant me that, my goddess, I beg you…"
Seeing his private torments so akin to my own reflected back at me in that moment cut through any lingering reservations. [RA1] I pulled his mouth fiercely down to mine in answer. And for a few gilded hours at least, the world held only beauty and bare skin between silken sheets.
Caspian continued to be my steadfast companion in navigating the vipers that surrounded us during the nights, shielding me from the worst excesses. In return, I soothed the gnawing doubts my handsome assassin secretly harbored toward his controlling mistress. Planting the seeds of rebellion with my words and tending them with my body. As weeks passed, he confessed more and more misgivings regarding Oriana's escalating bloodlust and capricious rages that left grievous collateral in their wake.
I also glimpsed the churning self-recriminations behind Caspian's stoic mask as Oriana forced him to commit ever more reprehensible acts against his conscience. He began accompanying me on benign errands simply to escape the torture chambers' echoing screams through the eastern wing for hours on end. And in the shelter of my lavish apartments, he would lay his tormented head in my lap while I stroked the demons from his dreams. He was a killer, yes, but not a torturer.
My cautious heart wavered, its steadfastness being chipped away by Caspian's soft lips and strong arms. I longed to fully submit to the dangerous refuge he offered. But hesitation yet plagued me. Could Caspian truly mean to defect from his sworn mistress? If so, perhaps together we held power enough to finally topple the tyrant whose iron fist clenched all in reach—vampire and fae. I longed to reveal my true purpose here, to openly strategize and bring righteous justice against noble and tyrant alike. But uncertainty stayed my tongue each time temptation arose.
The decisive moment came during grisly revelries celebrating another brutal victory against King Faelon. Caught up in bloodlust, Oriana began indiscriminately slaughtering not just enemies but random members of her own court. None dared intervene as her fury crested to near insanity. Except Caspian. Gathering me close beneath his cloak, he urgently rushed me through deserted servant passages until we burst into my bedchamber.
I had never seen his invincible composure so shaken. He began pacing, raking hands violently through his hair. "Merciful gods, each day her vicious madness grows, completely unchecked! What was this pointless waste of loyal guards and servants? How long before we all find our throats torn out and our heads on pikes upon her whim?"
He stopped before me, grasping both shoulders with bruising force. "Celeste, you must escape this place! I can provide you coin and passage to wherever you want to go. I must stay and try to control her in some way. I cannot witness more innocents ground beneath her insane whims another day!"
I gaped, thunderstruck at Caspian's fervor. If there was ever a time to take the chance, it had to be now. Swallowing hard, I retrieved the small plain flask concealed amidst my possessions. "I must confess something to you, Caspian."
My heart rate skyrocketed, and I could discern the barely visible tremor in my fingers as I held the seemingly innocuous vessel in my hand. "I'm not exactly who you believe me to be." I let my glamour drop, showing him my true face and nature. Every muscle tensed, ready to flee if I had to. Not that I believed I could get very far. Everything depended on his reaction in the next few seconds. "I came here at the request of the Seelie Court to gather information and try to find a way to bring down Oriana before she completely destroys my people."
His face went utterly blank, and I suppressed a shudder. His assassin's mask. I was afraid this was a huge blunder after all, but I raced on. "The Alchemists granted me this rare toxin distilled from Faerie nightshade. Just a few droplets administered covertly will fell even an ancient vampire within seconds." My hands clenched white-knuckle tight around my last desperate hope.
"We must choose the moment well to make the attempt. But with you now at my side, perhaps ending her blood-soaked reign soon is not as impossible as…" I trailed off as I searched his face beseechingly. "Say something, Caspian. Will you stand with me to shatter this altar she has built on the innocent bones of both our peoples?"
Grim purpose hardened Caspian's expression to stone. Shock stole my breath when his arms whipped out and drew my body fiercely against his intimidating frame, claiming my mouth in a kiss that answered all my questions. We clung together as drowning souls suddenly gifted with a raft to make it to a distant shore. When we finally broke apart, Caspian rasped a fervent oath into my ear. "We end her tyranny or perish in the effort! Now come, I need to strategize swiftest route and means."
My chest heaved as the oxygen returned to my lungs. My trust was not in vain. Together, we would destroy Oriana and her cruel reign giving both our peoples hope anew.
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