Kapitel 15: ch 13: I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you.
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Anna's POV:
I was still in his arms he pressed me against his chest, placed a kiss on the top of my head and inhaled deeply, followed by a small chuckle. It felt heavenly.
I fell in love with Edward.
The realisation came crashing down on me. I was in love with him, we kissed and it was the most wonderful kiss ever, I was in his arms and it shouldn't be me. Well at least not according to the books.
At that I pushed myself away from him and looked at him in horror, only for a moment before I went into my panic mode.
"No, no this is wrong. It shouldn't be me it should...….." I muttered to myself feeling scared and confused.
When I looked at Edward his face went from concerned as I gave him the horrified look to relieved and amused what made me angry at first but quickly I felt defeated, helpless and above all I was confused.
I was in love with him and he was meant to be with another woman. The knowledge of Edward's and Bella's love story was a unbelievable heavy burden in this moment.
I fell in love with someone who was meant to be with someone else and I knew their love for each other. I read about it and I saw it on the screen.
Seeing Bella and Edward together laughing and getting to know each other did hurt. All the times I had to see Bella and Edward standing together and chat, I felt something break in me a little bit more. Every smile he gave her was a stab in my heart.
I put up a strong front. I knew that this was meant to happen but that knowledge didn't stop the pain in my chest.
That kiss just now changed everything. The hope I so desperately fought down inflamed again.
I was scared. I was scared to dare to hope that maybe he felt something for me, only to have my heart crushed in the end but the possibility that Edward may ruin his only chance at happiness terrified me.
I closed my eyes to clear my head and when I opened them I looked at him with pleading eyes and said.
"Edward please you have to think about this. You have only one shot at happiness and I don't want you to make a mistake. Forever is a dam long time to be alone and heartbroken."
Edward was about to say something but I beat him to it, starting pacing around the conservatory. I had to get the words out before I wouldn't be able to speak anymore.
"Edward I'm not saying these things for your sake only but also for mine. I don't think I could survive this if you now told me that you loved me only to realize later that it is Bella after all.
In the books you and Bella were like Romeo and Julia only without the six feet under part. I want you to be happy Edward. Please for your sake and mine you have to be sure." I pleaded my last words.
I was agitated, confused and shaking slightly. I was in love with him but here I was trying to reassure him that he should and would fall in love with Bella. I didn't know what to do or to feel anymore.
On the one hand I wanted to jump into his arms and tell him that I love him and kiss him again but on the other I was scared. A quiet voice chanted in my head "What if he will fall in love with Bella after all?" A voice I couldn't make to go away.
"It is not Bella it is you. I love you. I know you read those books and a lot of the thinks you read there are right but one thing the books got wrong. Bella isn't my mate you are." He protested sternly.
Ice cold shivers were running through my body I wanted to believe him but I was scared for me and him.
"How can you be sure?" I breathed out shakily. My heart was beating hard against my ribcage in fear.
It was hard for me to breath by now. I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep myself together. Edward came to me and led me to the edge of the fountain, made me sit down, kneeled before me, let out a sighed. He looked directly into my eyes and said.
"I just wish I could show you how much you mean to me that you are my life. And you should know that the future isn't set in stone. Want to have a chat with Alice about this specific topic?" I had to smile at that. "I know what you told me about my future the one I should have according to the books but the thing is you weren't there in the books but you are here. I made an effort to get to know Bella she is a nice girl and maybe if I hadn't met you I would have fallen for her but that's the point I have met you.
When the accident with the van happen and Alice had a vision of Bella being killed, I was only worried about not exposing my family but when you where in front of that van."
It was hard for him to end the sentence. Pain masked his beautiful face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he continued in an anguished voice.
"My whole world was shattering right in front of me. Never in my existence was I so scared before as I saw you laying there unmoving on the ground. That was when I first realized that it's you. You are the one for me. The one I have waited for so long.
You are like none I have met before. You are not scared of what I am. You are not blinded by my looks. When you look at me you are able to see behind the Vampire, the perfection you see the man that I am. You see me, you really see me and you won't let me get away with my mistakes. You challenge me. You intrude me. You don't let me hide behind my fears and insecurities. You make me human. You are brave, smart, funny, selfless, caring, full of life and hope, beautiful, a little bit crazy and I love you. I'm in love with you Anna. I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. Please believe me."
The sincerity in his voice as he spoke was overwhelming.
My breath hitched, my mind was blank I stared into his beautiful topaz pools that looked at me with such intensity, sincerity and love that it completely took my breath away.
The whole time he was holding my hands I slipped them out of his grasp and put them on each side of his face. I held his face in my hands searching his eyes, stroking his right cheekbone slow and soft with my thumb.
As I was looking at him, seeing the nervousness and anxiety in his face while he was waiting for me to say something I felt my resistance melting.
My worries.
My insecurities.
My doubts.
It was all washed away in the moment I looked into those two golden orbs. I loved him and nothing beside that mattered any more.
I'm so sorry Bella. Was all I could think before I breathed with a small smile on my face and with my tears betraying me.
"I love you too."
As soon the words left my lips it seemed as a huge weight has fallen from his shoulders, his face lit up, he took me in his arms and kissed me again.
He pressed his lips hard on mine and my body into his. Everything disappeared there were only Edward and I until I felt him pulling away. He smiled a brilliant smile at me, held me in his arms and he was looking absolutely happy and content. I couldn't help but smile back. After a while he looked a little more serious and asked.
"Does that mean that you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?"
I only laughed at that stepped closer to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. His lips on mine it felt perfect like they were made for each other.
It felt so right. I decided then and there in Edward's arms never to doubt his love for me. I was in this with every fibre of my being.
My worries, my insecurities and my doubts were still there so was the little voice that told me that he might still fall for Bella after all but I was sure that with time it'll all go away.
I wouldn't let my self doubt stand in the way of the best thing that ever happened to me.
He chuckled against my lips and said.
"I take that as a yes."
Before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him and brushing his marble lips against mine again. This time he kissed me with more force it was a hot and passionate kiss. I wrapped my hands around his neck and knitted me fingers in his messy bronze hair.
Edward had his hands on the small of my back again trying to press me as close as he could to him. His lips were closed but he moved them against mine. When my need for air became uncomfortable he broke away from my lips only to attack my jaw line before reunion our lips again.
All the training he did to get used to my scent in the past weeks was put into very good use now.
Our perfect little make out moment got rudely interrupted when Alice suddenly stood next to us and said.
"That's awesome you are finally together. It was about time, really but now you got to go Edward, like now!" She said urgently, showing Edward something in her mind. Edward only nodded turned to me giving me a quick kiss before saying.
"See you soon, love." And he took off.
As soon as Edward was gone I heard the front door open and Kevin say.
"Anna, I'm back."
"Hi, Kevin we are in the conservatory." Alice called out happily.
Kevin came into the conservatory and as he saw the room his eyes went wide and his lips formed a perfect "O".
"Wow this is amazing girls. Wow just wow." Kevin said in amazement looking at the sight before him.
"Thanks it's nice to know that our work is appreciate." Alice said to him and Kevin only nodded going around and looking closely at everything.
"Ah…Kevin." Alice said in her sweetest bell like voice wrapping him around her little finger. I immediately knew she wanted something from him and she would get it, he had no chance against her.
"Anna already did her homework and you see we would like to go shopping tomorrow. What I mean to ask is can Anna sleep at my place tonight that way we could start early. It's such a long way to Port Angeles. Please." Alice looked at him with her big eyes. He was positively dazzled and only nodded.
"Ah and would you mind if she spend the whole weekend at my place." She asked sweetly again. Kevin stuttered.
"Yeah, ah….that's alright. I guess."
"Great." Alice chirped excited, grabbed my arm and dragged me off to my room. We packed a few of my things for the stay at her house, said good night to Kevin and sped to her place in Edward's Volvo.
As Alice parked the car in the garage. Edward was at my side instantly and opened my door.
"I missed you love." He said as I got out of the car. He pulled me to him and brushed a light kiss on my lips.
Alice already grabbed my stuff and rushed inside the house with it. Edward and I made our way into the house as well and were met with four ridiculous happy Vampires who were trying to hide their excitement and were failing miserably at it. Emmett's booming voice echoed through the house as he said.
"That took you long enough kiddos!"
Then Emmett came close to me and pulled me into one of his bone crushing hugs.
"Welcome to the family little sis."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rosalie standing at the side, she shook her head at the whole commotion but acknowledge our relationship with a nod and a small smile while Alice and Esme looked ready to explode.
Edward's smile was so wide that I thought his face would crack any minute, his eyes were glowing. Esme was looking overjoyed at Edward and pulled him into a hug.
When Emmett finally released me and put me back to the ground Alice and Esme came flying at me and pulled me into a tight hug.
"I'm so happy for you tow. Welcome to the family Anna I wanted to say this for so long now. I hope you know that I love you like a daughter." Esme said in an emotional voice.
"Thank you Esme I love you too." I said with a huge smile on my face and hugged her tight.
Well I guess it's official, the Twilight plot as we all know it is out of the window now. It left the planet and is never to be seem again.
I don't really know what I'm in for or how long it will last. The only thing that I know is that I'm in love with Edward, that he wants to be with me and that I will appreciate every moment that I get with him.
xoxoxoxox
When it was time for me to get ready for bed I said good night to everyone and started to go to the guest room I was normally staying in.
Alice, Esme and Edward went with me pushing me past the room I slept in the last time I stayed over and led me in the direction of Edward's room.
"Ah guys we are past the room I'm staying in. Where are you taking me?" I asked them slightly confused.
"That's not right, we only past the room you stayed at because that was the room before you were Edward's girlfriend and now that you are, you are getting another room." Alice sang excited.
"Wait you knew that Edward and I would tod….." But I didn't have the chance to finish my question.
"Well it was a possibility I was determent to make into reality. I planned this little set up and it worked out perfectly. I knew that today you tow would have the perfect chance to voice your feelings and come together." I only looked at them and before I could say anything we stood in front the room that was set ahead of Edward's room. Esme opened the door and I gasped. The room was amazing.
It had a king seize bed, a desk with a lap top on it, a love seat, beautiful paintings on the walls and a huge the glass wall window. It was all light pastel-coloured. I loved it.
"It is beautiful but it is way too much. You didn't need to go through so much trouble."
"It wasn't any trouble at all dear you know I love it to design and decorate. I hope you like it." Esme said.
"Like it? I love it Esme. Thank you but it still too much." I told her while giving her a hug.
"Come on Anna it's just a room, you didn't even see the best part of it, yet. And beside it's not like you are going to stay here for long I have already ordered a bed for Edward's room it will be here on Monday. This room is needed for the appearance when Kevin will come to check on you before he'll take off to London. So now you are about to see the best part of the room and why it is really needed. Ready?" Alice told me while dragging me inside the room stopping in front a double door. She opened the doors and behind the doors was. Any guess....?????
"A walk in closet!?" I said while being dragged into the huge walk in closet, it already had a few clothes hanging in there.
"Of cause your closet is a joke. That tiny thing at Kevin's house can't be even called a closet. We need space for your new wardrobe." Alice stated with a serious expression.
"Alice I do have clothes and my wardrobe isn't that bad." I do like shopping and clothes but there are healthy limits to it and the way the Cullen's dealt with money was really hard to get used to. She acted as if I hadn't said anything and went on.
"Tomorrow we need to buy new clothes, shoes, bags, accessories, coats, oh Victoria Secret….." Alice was going on and on.
O.K. I knew we had a big shopping trip ahead of us but I had no idea it was going to be this big. I was shopping with Alice before but I think the status of me being Edward's girlfriend had somehow given Alice the idea she could go way overboard with shopping for me.
Esme was only shaking her head, smiled at me and gave me the look saying "don't even try to fight it". After she wished me a good night, she left.
I was about to say something to Alice about all the things she planned on buying but Edward was immediately at my side, put his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear.
"Don't even try love. We all tried to stop her and we all failed. She is going to fill this closet up if you like it or not, there is simply no helping it." I sighed and nodded thinking about how to put some sort of limits to tomorrows shopping insanity. There just got to be a way to put this little shopping addict in her place.
After a while I laughed to myself as a thought crossed my mind.
Edward sighed frustrated and asked.
"Please tell me what you think!"
"It is just that, it is funny I have no problems with you guys being Vampires and I have arranged myself with the fact that I'm stranded in another world and everything else but the way you guys deal with money is something I can't get used to. Even though I read about it and knew what to expect." I said while shaking my head.
"Money is something we have plenty of and it is there to be spent." He shrugged it off as if it was nothing.
"Not helping at all." I pouted at him.
"You'll get used to it." He laughed.
I rolled my eyes while he led me to another door.
"What another closet." I asked in mocked horror.
"No, don't worry. It's a bathroom. I hope you don't mind that we have to share it. The bathroom connects our both rooms." He said while opening the door and showing me the big bathroom that looked like it belonged into a 5 star hotel.
"No, I don't mind at all. I'm actually going to use it right now to get ready for bed so out." I said giving him a peek on his lips and pushing him out the door. Before I could close the door Alice was at my side in a flash handing me my pyjamas before saying good night and disappearing.
I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, put my pyjamas on and went back to my new room at the Cullen mansion.
Edward was already lying on the king seize bed and greeted me with his crocked smile. I slipped under the covers and asked him.
"Are you going to watch me sleep like usual?"
He was shocked I caught him off guard with that question. After composing himself he asked.
"You knew?"
"Not for sure you just confirmed my suspicion."
"Are you angry with me?" He asked concerned.
"That depends. Do I sleep talk?"
"No, well only once but I couldn't understand what you said." He laughed at my expression and sighed frustrated.
"I thought I could read your mind when you sleep but as usual nothing. The one mind I really want to listen to and I have no access to it." I smiled at him.
"I'm sorry that you are frustrated because of it but I'm happy you can't hear my mind."
"Why?" He asked curious and demanding.
"Well first of all because now you know how the rest of us, not mind readers, feels and second don't you enjoy the silence. Besides being able to read the thoughts of others is not your right but a privilege." I smiled teasingly at him.
He looked thoughtful at that. After a while he looked serious and pained at me and asked.
"I don't understand you know all my flaws and weak points how can you still…" But I cut him off.
"Isn't this, what real love is about, to love everything about each other the good and the bad side and to help each other to overcome the flaws and weak points. It is easy to be in love but a relationship on the other hand is a whole different matter. It's about more then just being in love that is only the foundation. It is about trust, faith, honesty, understanding, passion, compassion, being able to master the every day life together, making compromises, to evolve together." At this point I sat up.
"Edward I want you to promise me not to see me as an angel or a perfect creature. I also have my flaws and weak points. We are in a relationship and I want us to be equal partners, this is how it is suppose to work. Yes, I know that you are over 100 years old and that you have a lot of experience and because you are able to read minds you think you know it all. But I tell you this. You don't.
I will always listen to your opinions but that doesn't mean that I will always follow them. I'm a person of my own with my own thoughts, my own opinions and I have my own mind.
Yes, I'm younger then you, a lot but it doesn't give you the right to take my decisions away from me or keeping things away from me only because you think you protect me with it.
I want us to be able to talk about everything. You can't protect me from everything and I don't want you to."
Now he was about to protest but I put my finger over his lips.
"Listen failing, getting hurt is a part of growing up. If I'm not able to make my mistakes I will not learn my lessons. I know that is the hardest part about it, to let someone you love get hurt but sometime you just need to, for this persons sake.
If you want to protect me, be there when I get hurt, help me stand up again and help me to learn from my mistakes.
I'm sorry to say this but you are an arrogant, spoilt brat in more then one regard who wants to control everything. If this relationship between us shall have a future I'm not the only one who needs to grow up.
Edward I love you more then you will ever know but I will not sign up for Edward-knows-best. I know that is a lot to take in but that's me and you should know what you are in for."
There was silence for a while. Edward was slightly shocked and deep in thoughts.
"Well I'm going to sleep now and you think about it."
I said laying down while he was watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. He didn't leave just sat there and I could feel him staring at me before I fell asleep.
Edward's POV:
After Anna fell asleep I took a walk in the forest thinking about everything that she said. I knew that she was right I knew this all, I never wanted to admit it even to myself but I always knew my weak points.
The hardest for me to grasp is that despite the fact that she knows how messed up I am she still loves me and wants me.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear when Carlisle arrived.
"Are you alright, son?" He asked concerned.
"I guess."
"Well she is quite frank and direct, isn't she." He attempted to lighten the mood.
"How can she want me knowing all this?" I asked him not understanding it at all.
He came to me, stood in front of me and looked directly into my eyes.
"Because she loves you. We all do, son."
"I just….I don't know I thought the whole time that I was the mature one and now it turns out that she is right I am an arrogant, spoilt brat."
"I love you Edward and you know it but I can't deny that she is right with what she said. I turned you when you were only 17 years old it was early, to early I'm afraid. Do you want to know the real reason why I was hoping that Rosalie could be your mate?" He asked all of the sudden. It caught me completely off guard. What had this to do with Rosalie? Was there more to it then I knew about?
I looked at him with my wide eyes, urging him to answer.
"Because she is a strong person, she got her own mind and is able to stand up to anybody. I wanted for you to find love so you wouldn't be alone but the more I was hoping you would be lucky enough to find someone who is able to bring out the best of you. Not someone who is blinded by the perfect cover you build but someone who is able to see through it and help you to evolve.
I know you for so long now, you are a bullethead. You have many issues and of the top of that you think that because you are the man you need to be the strong one. The one who makes the decisions no matter what." He smiled at me sadly before he continued. "An equal and balanced relationship. This is what the relationships between Esme and I, Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper makes so special and strong. We all see each other as equal partners and we do not put each other on a pedestal. Well Rosalie was obviously not the right one for the job."
We laughed as we remembered what a bad start Rosalie and I had.
"But Anna is the one. I know you don't have faith in yourself and you feel like you don't deserve her but you do. Have faith in her, trust her I know you tow can work it out. She is good for you. She is a really special girl."
"Yes she is, yes she is Carlisle!"
He hugged me and went back to the house while I stayed behind to think some more.
Anna's POV:
I woke up and when I opened my eyes I saw Edward lying next to me smiling his crocked smile.
"Good morning love. How was your night?"
I sat up, looked eye wide at him and asked.
"You are still here?" His face fell at that and he asked pained.
"You don't want me here?"
"No," I almost yelled "but after what I told you last night I thought you…." But he cut me off.
"You won't get rid of me that easy. I have to admit that it was not easy for me to hear all those things you said yesterday because you hit the nail on the head. I know it won't always be easy but I know we can make this work. That is if you sign up for so much work with me?" He said shyly and afraid that I would reject him.
Stupid Vampire.
I jumped at him, wrapped my arms around his neck, hugged him and whispered in his ear.
"I love you."
He pulled back and looked into my eyes. I could see his love for me swimming in his golden pools. Slowly and tenderly he placed his marble lips on mine and kissed me passionate.
His hands were running up and down my back and he held me close to him.
After kissing a while I pulled back. I just had to ask him.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything!" He breathed.
"I thought after what I told you yesterday that you would be angry or that it would take longer for you to deal with what I said."
"Well to be honest at first I was angry, shocked, mortified, embarrassed and very uncomfortable but then I had a talk with Carlisle, a night to think about it and most important, you love and want me despite knowing all this. I can't really explain it but it's like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders. God, I don't know I need to figure out so many things. Anna will you wait for me until I have it all figured out?"
I looked into his eyes, stroked his cheek and said.
"We'll figure it out together."
"Together." He repeated nodding before kissing me again.
Wow, I haven't thought that this would go over so well confronting him with all of this but I had to.
First there is no chance in hell I'm doing New Moon and second I want him to treat and see me as his equal partner and not as a toddler he has to look after.
We were in bed, kissing and I wanted to stay this way forever but all of the sudden Alice came bursting into the room.
"O.K. you love birds. It's time to go shopping and no Edward you can't have her only for yourself. Out of bed or it is going to get ugly. Hurry up Anna I need to get you ready for the shopping trip." Alice said in a warning voice, Edward and I sighed in defeat and got out of bed.
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