Kapitel 164: 4. Vulnerable.
I was alone in my office, while Wulfe went to the main hub to handle some tasks. Several Salvatores had moved to other bases closer to their missions, and Mariella and Damon had gone back to the pack's house to spend some time together. The wolves had gone with Tina and Nina to the jungle. Adam, Charles, and the boys were at the central hub, working on some things, and Alaric and Magnum had gone to Alaric's office to sort out the warehouses. Meanwhile, I was focusing on my own mission.
It was a massive location with many victims, which meant I would need a large amount of supplies and a bigger crew than usual. On top of that, this mission was in Brazil, so I had to make arrangements to move there. However, there were a few things I needed to take care of first. Driving over a thousand kilometers was not an option, so I planned to use the portal in our houses to get to the base. No one else was going to Brazil, as there were missions in Ecuador, El Salvador, Colombia, and Bolivia. This was currently the only mission in Brazil, although there were upcoming ones on the list.
I was very selective about who I chose for my missions, so I needed to go to the base, see who was available, and assemble my crew. We also had extensive lists of sniping victims, so there might be some additional tasks related to that. But only time will tell. If I have time or actually if I have to go sniping spree for myself too. There were also some procurement matters that needed to be addressed before I could focus on actual field work and not be stuck behind a desk all day.
I sat there, muttering to myself, "I wonder, Brutus, what you might have to say if you see me now, being 80% of the time a freaking desk jockey."
I would eat whenever someone brought me food, but I always had coffee and chopped fruit available. I made it clear to my people that I liked them. Of course, my protectors were very careful about the fruits they put in my bowls, but there were always fresh chopped pieces for me to enjoy. It was only certain fruits that I was getting and in certain proportions, mostly citruses like oranges, and mandarins, not grapefruits, and only lemon or lime juice was squeezed on top of them.
I was in the middle of comparing guns when someone knocked on my door. I grumbled something, and Dexter and Murdock entered. I could see that both of them had bite marks on their necks, which meant Salvatore had turned them into his pack members. I had been bitten as well while we were working together. I had no idea what he was going to do when he walked behind me, but the sudden pain in my neck made it clear that he had taken me as his alpha female.
This pack was strong, but despite that, I was stronger, strongest than almost all of them, and I had to control my power flow to avoid overwhelming everyone. It was the main reason Damon and Mariella decided to have some fun, as my power was a bit too much for the very greedy Salvatore. He had pushed his feelings for me through the bond mercilessly, so there was no doubt his very deep feelings for me.
Dexter sat on the sofa while Murdock came to see what I was planning to get, he sat next to me as there was an empty chair next to me. I was lazy, not moving it but putting my stuff all over the desk, so if someone would come back to work, they might be slightly irritated, but it was just what it was. I was getting more guns for us. I had several offers for us and again it was up to me to decide what we needed and how much. I was thinking of using several suppliers.
Murdock started to look specs on guns that were offered to us, and he focused, sat down, took some papers and started to grumble under his breath. He had not before done paperwork but my guess was packbonds made him realize what I was doing. He asked this and that. I had to tell to him then logistics and other stuff what I was part of getting guns to us; it was just not like go to market and choose what you want. Every offer there was some good and bad, too. It was just a matter of finding the best option for us. Murdock's expertise was clear as he chose quite fast three offers and wanted, all three of them. Well, I could have gotten us guns what was needed from one offer if I were to order more, but he wanted these three and told me just how much for each. So I let him place the order for himself, make him to do some paperwork too.
Wulfe's words were ringing in my ears from earlier that this was our business, not just mine, and I could make these guys do some paperwork too. I trusted them and it would ease my burden if I were to delegate.
After that, Murdock was very happy and he, with Dexter, went to check what guns we had here and make sure that they were okay. I continued with my paperwork and planning my mission same time, always waiting for confirmation of this and that so I get things going forward. It was not fast as I had to wait around certain satellite pictures or reports from electric companies, surveillance reports. Time went by. I did not pay so much attention as Wulfe said that he and Magnum were on the move to go on their missions and several salvatores were gone as well. My little plan of keeping the pack busy was going on as well as I had planned it.
There was another knock on my door, and before I had a chance to say anything, it opened. Damon walked in, locked the door behind him, and pushed a trolley full of food and drinks into my office.
I looked up and said, "Oh, it's time to eat, fine." I piled my papers haphazardly on my desk.
Damon remarked, "I see you've gotten your desk back," his voice dripping with sarcasm. I just shrugged.
I soon had some space to set down the plates of food and drinks, and I began to eat. Damon came to his side of the table, started organizing my papers, and sorted through them. Some he placed on the bookcase, while others were moved to the other table. He was effectively clearing my desk.
After that, he sat at his place, took my laptop, and started looking at what I was working on. I was planning mission lists for Canada, trying to match who was available for each task. Damon tapped away at the keys, and, seeing the matches, he sent the information forward to whoever was receiving it.
I had almost eaten the whole damn enormous meal when he leaned backwards and said, " I mean, I know this is bad. These damn facilities are everywhere, but have you ever found out how it got this bad? I must admit, I never paid so much attention and then as I met you, the whole thing was new to me."
I took a breath and said, "Well, it started about 2020-2030 when it was getting more fashionable ban animal testing, as they declared that there were better ways to test drugs. Then around that time, there was a real boom of new diagnosis on celebrities, ADHD, autism spectrum, etc, it was almost every day when some celebrity told media about their diagnosis. Of course, it was part of the supernatural, keeping their existence secret. It is easier to be an eccentric vampire when you can tell everyone that you have a so-called diagnosis to explain your behavior. Or the same with shifters, demons, you name it. Of course, there were humans with these conditions too, but supernatural piggybacked in this way, not anyone getting too suspicious. But there were those scientists who were less happy animal testing was banned, and they kidnapped homeless, tested stuff on them. People went missing. Who would suspect anything? And then they got sometimes supernatural as subjects, found out about them, and it was born. They soon knew how to hide their illegal facilities and how to keep testing. As supernatural were coming out, it was easy for these scientists to get more subjects as they had evidence just how far removed supernatural are from humans, to get The Human Act to be law."
Damon was silent as he listened to me and said then, "It was so easy, just them to brand us, not humans. "
I said to him, my voice jaded, tired, "It was easy. Give Congress and other pro-human activists evidence about vampires about 500 years old, their anatomy, and physiology, and get a few psychologists to state their mental state. How he was not thinking like a human, or get them to entrap one shifter, like a tiger or lion, force her to change shape, give again video evidence of how she hunts, ate her prey, and a few tests showing that she is not human."
Damon shook his head slowly, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "We will see some change at some point; just have faith in me," he said, his voice steady.
I looked at him, determination shining in my eyes as I replied, "I've already seen some change. It may not seem like much, but it's a start. I just need to hold on to my faith and summon the strength to keep moving forward. I will keep pushing for change and refuse to let them win."
He gazed at me intently, his admiration clear. "You are truly amazing, you know that? You're fighting a war that many would shy away from, yet you've managed to create significant change along the way. I want to be part of this journey too; I want to help bring about those changes."
I met his gaze, my expression turning skeptical. "You are so idealistic. Just give it a few years, and I can promise that most of your idealism will fade away, replaced by a tough cynicism."
Damon smiled softly, shaking his head. "You may think of yourself as jaded and all-seeing, but I see you as an idol. You've ignited something in me—I want to carry that determination and the will to make a difference. Even if it means relinquishing my ideals. But let's not forget, I'm over a thousand years old as a vampire lord; how can you possibly see me as an idealist?"
I turned to Damon and said, "You know, in this line of work, everyone begins with a sense of idealism—much like Wulfe. Initially, we all hold on to dreams of making a difference. But then, as the biting sarcasm of reality sets in, it's time to discover who is genuinely suited for this demanding world. Our vetting process isn't flawless, but after a handful of missions, those who struggle reveal themselves. It's in the aftermath that I learn the most about a person's character."
I was actually the first time talking out loud to someone about my little classification that I had made in my mind over the years. Maybe it's partly done by the pretender side too.
My voice was quiet, still pretty jaded. "First, there are those who appear unaffected, simply brushing off failures as if they were nothing. They charge ahead to the next mission, seemingly indifferent. I like to call them comets; they blaze across the sky, burning brightly for a short time, but their fire extinguishes quickly because their relentless drive doesn't hold them up for long. Then we have the dreamers. After a mission goes awry, they wear their heartbreak like a heavy cloak, often retreating from the field. If they do stay, it's typically behind a desk, buried in paperwork—important tasks, certainly, but a far cry from the action and adrenaline of the field."
Damon tilted his head as he listened to my voice. I was sharing with him what I had never told Wulfe even.
My voice did not falter at all. "The most troubling category is the angry ones. These individuals struggle to cope with failure and are quick to assign blame. They need a reason, any reason, for disappointment. Unfortunately, life doesn't always offer explanations, and they find themselves consumed by their rage, burning out far too soon. Lastly, there are the cynics, like me. We've learned to accept that things happen—tragic, chaotic things. We deal with them, move on, and focus on learning from our mistakes, regardless of the outcome. I don't claim to be the best among us, but I'm certainly someone who perseveres. The truth is, this job is grueling; it's far more challenging than being merely an interrogator or a government operative, so one must be careful."
Damon regarded me thoughtfully, a slight smile creeping across his face. "Let's see if we can categorize a whole new type of operatives," he suggested. "We might call them idealistic fools or masochists—the ones who cling to hope against all odds, believing in a brighter future no matter the circumstances."
I couldn't help but smile back at him. His eagerness to usher in change was palpable, and I genuinely hoped he could sustain that passion without succumbing to burnout. But the uncertainty gnawed at me; I had witnessed too many people flame out, leaving only shadows behind.
People like Harrison had imprinted something on my soul—an unsettling mixture of regret and profound loss that I couldn't quite articulate. I felt a surge of frustration directed toward Nick, the one who had taken Harrison away. Yet, deep down, I knew people would always choose to leave; that was simply part of this life we had chosen.
Damon said to me, "I feel the connection we had in the hive. How is it possible? It's not really there, but I can still feel it. Do you have anything to share about that, baby?"
I sighed and thought for a moment about what to say. Fuck, I didn't want to lie, but telling the truth was complicated. I needed to find a way to minimize its importance.
"The hive exists," I finally said. "It can never be extinguished. I've withdrawn all its power and put it into a kind of hibernation, in stasis. Since you're telepathic, you can sense it too, just like Wulfe did, but I didn't say anything to him. The hive is dangerous, and you've noticed my unruly vampire side. She would love to have her hive back, using it to enslave, say, five evil Sarks. The plan would be to infiltrate the evil Sarks' collective and bring them down, which means the Sarks would bite other Sarks, drawing them into my hive. Before long, I could have a hive made up of hundreds of evil Sarks. But honestly, that's not really feasible."
Damon nodded and said, "I will help you with vampire side, you can be sure about that, as soon we get a little more free time, it might take week or so in bed, baby, you know just how good I am. We will see which one of us will end up being on top?"
His voice was very seductive altogether.
He looked at me and said, "it might take a holiday on our island. I reckon good unloading would ease too and on top of that little fucking therapy for Wildcat. You are soon back in your former glory."
I rolled my eyes and said, "Oh, you are so eager to get in my pants. Are you not getting enough from Mariella?"
Damon said to me, "You are my Eleanor, my Mount Everest, my force of nature. Oh my god, I miss you, baby. I miss us."
I smiled at him and focused on the few strands connecting us to the hive, letting my will flow through them. I reached out and activated those strands.
Damon gasped, and I said, "Like I mentioned, it's just stasis. I can activate any strands I need to give you power, my feelings—whatever it takes. But I haven't shared this with everyone because I don't have a good enough reason to take the hive off yet. It is just too important for everyone to feel to hive if I were to activate it again."
Damon thought for a moment, and I felt him exploring my mind as he touched those strands.
His brows furrowed slightly as he muttered, "I wonder if I can... I need to ask Wulfe."
He looked at me and said, "I have to ask Wulfe if I can take these strands and kind of imbue them into pack bonds. I need to know what it would take. Then they would be mine to control, at least partially, which would mean your vampire side wouldn't have such control over everything."
I wasn't sure if that would be successful, but I was ready to try anything.
Damon sat next to me, allowing his love for me to flow through our connection like sunshine warming my soul. I felt that every single creature yearned for this kind of warmth, but I couldn't help but wonder if I was worthy of it. I saw myself as a monster in every sense of the word, but maybe this monster was capable of being loved, too. In our relationship, perhaps I was the beast and Damon was the beauty.
Damon spoke directly to my mind, "I have to focus on my missions, and you should pursue yours, but always remember our connection. If you need me, just ask, and I will be there for you, always and forever."
I looked at him and said, "Thank you for loving this monster."
He replied with a hint of sarcasm, "It takes one to know one. You see yourself as a monster, but you're really just a young vampire learning to navigate your nature. While you may feel the need to be cruel, you're not alone in feeling this way. Every vampire goes through a phase where they see themselves as monsters. Some of us have just learned to embrace that part of ourselves."
I turned to Damon, my voice steady but filled with conviction. "I have encountered true monsters before, and you are not one of them," I said, gazing deeply into his eyes. "You are a saint and a savior in your own right. Being a vampire doesn't label you as a monster; it simply makes you a predator. Think about it—a lion is not a monster; he is just a powerful predator, embodying the wild. But me? I am the monster. I share that predatory instinct, too. If you truly wish to witness the darker side of me, I can certainly reveal it. It's not rooted in my rage or darkness—not in the way you might think."
Damon met my gaze, determination shining in his eyes as he replied, "I'm ready to see all the different facets of you, so go ahead and show me."
I said to him, " Fine, let me just get things under control here so you can witness my nasty side. My five have seen this side of me. They know me. You have sometimes maybe glimpsed, but this is it then. You might be less loving for me once you see this."
Damon just smiled, quite beastly too.
He said, " Can I bring company? So others can see you too. "
I nodded and said, " I sent you an address tomorrow where to come, coordinates so you know then, you can choose who to bring."
He nodded. He worked with me for a few hours and then he had to go to the central hub to make sure that specific explosives were reserved for his mission. I gave him calling cards of those NSA agents as he wanted to all them and discuss things with them.
I got up and walked to my bathroom to take a shower. I knew I would have all night to unload my thoughts before Damon saw me in the morning, but I needed some time to let go before he arrived—as he might try to stop me when he witnessed my little hobby. After all, I had my own torture shed located about 50 kilometers away, where two Krychecks, three Sarks, and three other nasty scientists awaited me. They were my toys, and this was one thing that helped me cope. When I got to unload my frustrations on these fuckers.
Not sure what Mr. Salvatore or others would say. Wulfe and Magnum usually put a stop pretty soon, not letting me have my fun, but Colin, did not, he wanted to have his part too. I was rubbing between my eyes as I thought those fuckers, oh I was already making substances to them. How perfect. Number four was aware that I had places, but that this was my hobby still, not sure if he was aware of that.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein