Kapitel 92: 12. I Want Break Free.
Damon went back to Mariella, who had released the men, and they had disappeared somewhere. All the bump tanks had been moved to Medbay for recovery and would be analyzed when there was time. Mariela had tasted that bump that Charles had made for Mimi, and she was so damn jealous still. She just did not understand why men had been angry with her.
Charles and Adam had been yelling at her. They had wanted Mimi to do that to them and now Mimi was being punished for something that was not a bad thing. Mariella could say nothing to them and Lepard had been quiet, too.
It seemed that she had read the situation a little wrong and now it was too late to rectify it; she wanted those men to apologize to her but she could not tell Damon they had not been distressed but eager participants and it had been sex game in progress and their jealousy had taken over them. She thought maybe they should clean the alpha power of those four and then they might get sense back and see that they saved them from Mimi and her mishandling them. She had been torturing them, right?
Damon closed his radar on Mimi and said, "Miss is now being treated, which includes an IV and is visible. Actions and consequences."
Mariella was silent and didn't bother defending Mimi, but she knew it would traumatize her or reinforce her resistance to medical procedures. But actions and consequences. Damon should start learning his lessons, too.
They went to the bedroom for a little unloading first, and then after four days, they cleansed their alpha power, first from each other, and then they helped the others. Those four had been not in a good mood at all and they had already cleaned themselves before Mariella and Damon had come out of the bedroom.
Two and five were tricky to clean, but if you were persistent, they cleaned up. A week had gone by when they had cleared them all, and now they had another week to recharge and prepare for the cleansing of the lady and then the alpha power merge.
Mariella's silence hung heavy in the air, intensifying the glares from the four individuals surrounding her and Damon. The boys, Adam and Charles, had been furious with them the whole time. They did not want to witness Mimi being tortured. The tension was palpable as if a storm was brewing just beneath the surface. Damon, perhaps sensing something amiss, chose to ignore it, refusing to confront the issue head-on.
Then, reality crashed down upon them unexpectedly. Mimosa, with her relentless curiosity, had stumbled upon Mimi's hidden library from Moldova. She had managed to retrieve books about alpha power, unearthing a treasure trove of knowledge. Mariella, eager to learn, delved into the pages, only to be met with a painful lesson.
As she read a particular book, a suspicion arose within Mariella. It seemed that Mimi could never combine her power with Damon, as the book showed it required both individuals. It spoke of a sacred bond between alphas, where a true alpha male would never doubt or harm his female counterpart. Combining powers was an act of love, a sacred and beautiful union. It was not solely the responsibility of the male, and given Mimi's traumatic experiences, Mariella doubted it would ever work. Trust was paramount, the foundation of their relationship.
By joining forces with Damon, Mariella showed the depth of their intimacy and closeness. She understood that complete devotion and love were necessary for the couple to succeed. Damon had always chosen Mariella above all others, never suspecting or hurting her unless she deserved it.
However, the way he had treated Mimi in the past and present clarified that such a bond would never materialize. The magic they had experienced during their own combining was undeniable, but Mariella knew she paled compared to Mimi's strength.
After their intimate moment, Damon lay beside her, sighing with disappointment.
"I suppose this won't work with Mimi," he admitted. "I could see that, especially given where I've put her for the past two weeks. It's best not to even try. Well, we can cleanse her power."
Mariella sensed Damon's deep disappointment and couldn't help but reflect on the consequences of their actions.
"These actions and their consequences, it's a harsh lesson," she confessed. "We've done wrong by her. Those men we thought were distressed, they weren't. It was my jealousy and pettiness that clouded my judgment. Mimi's trust in us has been shattered, and now, her medical care seems impossible."
The weight of their mistakes hung heavy in the air, casting a shadow over the once hopeful bond between them.
Damon laughed bitterly and said, " I sensed it, too. We were wrong, and I was jealous. Yes, it is such a bloody, stinging, and unpleasant lesson. And I was so hoping things would work out with Mimi, but now I guess she will not unload with anyone again. And when comes to her treatment, you are right, we have traumatized her fully. That I can sense."
Mariella stroked Damon. This pack was a pack of its own, and it worked the way it worked. Damon lay still for a moment and then stood up.
He said, "Come on, let's go and have a shower and a bite to eat. It's almost time to clean the lady's alpha power. At least we must do that."
Mariella took a frantic shower with Damon, and then they went to dinner. Mimi's cleansing would be tomorrow, and the lady was said to be in the right state for cleansing.
Every day, I lay in the cage in chains. Jelly-filled. Day by day, I could feel the drugging getting worse. How my resistance crumbled, how I couldn't fight the muscle relaxants, how it kept my muscles limp. My sense of touch was sure sensitive and most of the time was in pain but utterly unable to help myself, only sensing that pain.
The memories started coming back to me from the very beginning. I hid myself deep in my mind, where my memories were whirling, in distressing arrays of nightmares and vague images.
I remembered how I woke up in a hotel in a daze when I was still human. Brainwashed, I didn't even realize it at the time. I didn't look in the mirror then. I wondered when I first looked in the mirror and saw my new face. I don't even remember. And, somehow, this whole thing. This life, where was I thrown into? I just took it for what it was. I didn't start questioning, and I didn't start wondering. I couldn't afford it.
I was not sure why I was that. Was it because of the programming? Was it just some kind of coping mechanism? Was it me? Am I the kind of person who questions nothing but just takes it all and moves on, tries to cope and goes with the flow?
Was it better for me to just move on and not fight? Would fighting have helped me? Not after those experiments. Not after the torture that created me. I remembered our time on the ship when I was still human. I remembered the smells, the sounds, my weakness, but I also remembered my friends and my carers.
How did Adam hold me in his arms and control me? Samuel made sure I always had clothes on. That I eat, Bran too, how all three of them watched, nursed, and washed me. I was human, but I was not human anymore, not entirely as they had done something to me. Was my mind being molded into what I am now back then? But how has everything changed nowadays?
My little management job was to be gentle with the men, make them wild, and free them. I wanted them to experience to exhilarating feeling of being utterly powerless and the mercy of pleasure. That was no more in my grasp. Then, I helped them unload me. But no.
Damon and Mariella must, by now, have changed their minds about me being a wildcat again. They must have thought that I wanted to hurt when I hadn't wanted to hurt. My wildcat side has not come out, not anymore, as it is my vampire side. She has her appearance and that wildcat, who left nails in the wound, does not exist anymore. But it is nice to them to assume that side still exists within me.
I'd like to unload, but that need is gone now. I knew I had pathos. I needed to unload, but I couldn't again. Now if Damon would come and tell me to come to medbay and have a health checkup, knew I might think about it for quite a while. I would not go, not voluntarily.
Of course, with my flank organ loaded, I would not have a choice, but then again, they would have to knock me out to get on medbay. I was well prepared for that. It was nothing new to me to have a fear of medical procedures and drugs. I had lived with that most of my supernatural life.
But I knew soon they would start torturing me to cleanse my alpha power. But I wouldn't combine it with Damon. And if Mariella had read the books that I had read, Damon would have figured it out by now. Because like I said to Mariella, we don't have that kind of relationship with Damon we never will have. There are rules about what is needed when they combine that power. I was not fit for it. And then what comes of it? I didn't know.
I just believed that Damon would abandon me again, and he would only be with Mariella. Bitter and remorseful, full of self-loathing, and yet loving towards Mariella. I kept thinking that it would be so damn good to eat in peace. All this gelling caused my pathologies to grow because I was so freaking helpless, so fucking vulnerable, and I had to control myself completely, including the contents of my head.
It was difficult to be me and with my load of shit in my mind, this was no fun and games. I was pissed off because the pack would never get this. Never. They could be sedated and it wouldn't be anything nasty because they had trust. I did not have trust. I had been betrayed one time too many and done so nasty things to me while I was helpless and drugged that this was something that I could not tolerate, not at all.
Somewhere deep down, in a place where Damon had never been and didn't know it. I could reel these things in, to be helpless, to hate being there. What freaking use was this whole fucking thing, then? Well, at least my alpha power would have been cleansed; at least I didn't know what I was going to do after this.
My power would not be fully clean. It would never be until someday it could be cleansed in a way where pleasure could be part of. I had read that too. To get Alpha power fully clean cleansing needed that pleasure and there was none in my cleaning, and it would be like that for years, or course it would get dirtier faster because this was traumatic, but the pack had not read everything about Alpha power. For my plans after this, well, one thing was for sure, though, at least to recover. I was in good shape before this.
But after two weeks naked in a cold cellar, I weighed well less than 60 kilos. My muscles had atrophied. I wasn't in anymore good shape and I was also very susceptible to infections. My spleens had been removed, my thymus eaten, and my body weakened beyond the point of no return.
I didn't keep my blood sugar up because I recognized the feeling that comes when the sugar drops. My consciousness faded from time to time as my sugars crashed properly. That's how I know. I wonder what my temperature is, whether I'm still 40 degrees. I don't know that either.
But they'll learn. I wasn't as strong as they thought I was, not even close. At least physically. Because I held myself together so incredibly by forces, my powers have evolved over the years as well. It was not my physical being that kept me going. And the jelly completely blocked my access to them, so I was just relying on my body, and it wasn't as fucking strong as everyone expected. Well, soon, they would see it.
Mariella and Damon then went to cleanse Mimi's alpha power, and Damon frowned at how weak Mimi looked. The jelly had been nourishing. She had been in peak condition when the jelling started, and Mimi now only weighed 51 kilos. Her weight had plummeted in the last two weeks, and Damon now couldn't understand how. She was out cold as they had gotten into that cellar and then she had slowly come to, her face slack, drool dripping from the corner of her mouth.
Her temperature was 37,5 degrees Celsius, and her blood sugar was low, but they continued the alpha power cleanse, and Damon wondered if it was just some kind of fucked up reaction. She drifted in and out of consciousness as her blood sugars dropped during that cleaning, too. It took five days before the force was completely cleansed as well as possible again. They had cleansed Mimi with energy and went to eat and rest.
Then, after a 24-hour rest, they fuck furiously. Damon now didn't think about Mimi, as he knew he had obviously made a mistake somewhere, and Mimi was paying for it again. When nothing goes the way he planned, nothing goes at all. They had both made an enormous mess of things and now Damon knew that there were not them. He had done it to Mimi once again, and this was the result.
After five days of torture, I lay in bed and didn't sleep. I was just trying to get the drugs down, myself to work because, once again, the lone wolf in the pack. Instead of Damon having the nerve to check me out and try to talk to me even telepathically, no was like he was an ostrich again. All the salvatores were.
Adam and Charles and the boys were with wolves, and they did not come to me either. I would just have to be patient, get myself right, and hope for the best to get my fitness and strength back on track. Best of all, hoped like hell that I would not get sick. When there is still no talking in this pack, there is assumed, and that's what the problem is, nothing else.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein