Kapitel 17: Chapter 15
AN: webnovel Customer Service still hasn't reached out to me about the cover photo issue. They did ask me if I used Inkstone or the app... I am using the app, I work on my phone, and I'm poor ok? But it sounds like an issue on their end right? Why have that option in the app if others can't use it?
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1926
ROBIN'S POV
It took a little over a year of me processing all my shit before I finally was able to get myself back together, accept, and move on. I still resent whatever higher power that kept torturing me, I still feel hurt when I remember all the things I've been through in both lives, but I've come to accept and move on from it.
No, I didn't have a Bella moment where she was just there and the seasons changed around her. It's not for the lack of trying, I wanted to do it, just mope around and wallow in self-pity, but I still needed to hunt... Kinda robbed me of my moment, to be honest.
I didn't even feel like celebrating my birthday. But I did get gifts from everybody. My favorite was the guitar and violin... Eddie gave me the guitar and said he hoped that we could do a duet with him on the piano, and my parents gave me a violin because it could also be paired up with the piano.
I usually had my family hunt with me, but the Denali's decided to join us occasionally. I guess after they heard my story including THAT, they felt for me.
But what really helped speed things up, was me venting it all out by yelling at the sky and belting out angry songs, I figured out that it would help release all the feelings I had when I remembered about the bird friends I had. It was something alright, I let it all out, the Denali's were amazed at the extent of my gifts, and my parents who already witnessed me singing it out were no different, it was different.
~~
Flashback
It's not going away, the feelings just keep piling up it's suffocating me. It's hard to even control myself so I don't lash out at the people around me. Just because I'm unwell, doesn't mean I get a free pass to be a bitch to the people around me, especially if said people are just trying to help out of pure love and concern for me.
I remember that I've experienced something similar... Yes, the birds... When they left I was sad, and there was a build-up of emotion and then I sang, and it went away.
Let's do that, I need to do that.
I stood up from my chair and went to my mother who was in the kitchen chatting with Carmen while they were preparing food for me.
That's a lot of veggies, where's the meat? I'm a growing child mom! I internally rolled my eyes.
They sensed me come in and halted their activity for me.
"What is it, sweetie? Are you hungry? We'll be done soon." my mother asked. Oh, my sweet sweet mother, I love you, I do, but why do you insist on a healthy diet? Internally sniffles.
"Do you need to hunt? You just went yesterday... So I don't think that's it, or did something happen?" Carmen asked concerned.
"Did you get injured badly again? Is that why you need blood?" Mom asked with a bit of panic, I think she remembered that when I get injured, I get thirsty, by how thirsty, depends on how injured I was.
Ok, I have to say something before she starts to dry sob because she thinks she let me down again by not stopping me from getting hurt again.
*No Mom, I'm fine, I wasn't hurt. I just need an open space, preferably away from everyone. I need to yell and sing. It's not gonna be safe nor pretty for everyone, so somewhere I can go all out if there are boulders or trees I can destroy too, that would be nice.* I explained to her with my eyes furrowed.
"I know a place, there isn't anything around to destroy, but we can get some and just put it there," Carmen suggested.
Unfortunately, everyone was home, meaning everyone heard them talk, they obviously couldn't hear me, but what the two older women said was enough to pique their interest.
"I know the place that you are thinking" I heard Elazar say from somewhere in the house.
"We'll help gather boulders and other things," Tanya said, clearly sounding curious and expectant.
So they are planning to tag along... Haaah... Have you all thrown out any sense of delicacy when you turned undead? I just released an inaudible sigh.
"Sweetie, I think it would be best for them to come and witness your gift." my dad said when a response wasn't her from the kitchen.
"If you're worried about accidentally compelling or hurt us, don't. We can handle ourselves. Just do what you have to do" Edward followed up.
So I didn't have anything more to say, so I just gave my mom the ok sign, and everything went like a blur and here we are now located in an open area, with a couple of adult-high boulders and some trees.
I looked over to them to relay something very important.
*I'm really sorry about what you're gonna see and feel. I will get hurt, but remember that I will heal fast, so please don't stop me.* I gave them a pleading look and waited for them to agree, mostly directed to my family, I know how overprotective they are of me.
They all agreed, albeit reluctantly.
Getting their confirmation, I turned my back to them I turned on a melody...
-Fuck you by Silent child-
I screamed... I screamed louder than I have ever screamed in both lives...
🎶Am I wasting my breath on you
Feels like my words are never getting through
I've never said I hate you to someone
So much before
I'm light-headed when we're talking
And you shut the door
God damn
Like what are we still talking for yeah🎶
I sped up to one of the boulders and punched it, I kept punching and my fists bled, I heard the bones on my fists break, but I didn't care, I kept screaming and punching.
🎶Oh yeah
Oh oh
Woah
Oh yeah
Oh oh
I really hope you don't see tomorrow
I tried to play nice with you
Cause all you ever do is try to fuck up my day
And you were successful
I know you don't have anything
Better to do
Everything you ever loved
Has tried to escape you
So why would I want
Anything to do with you
Fuck you🎶
My family and the Denali, felt it all, they were crying without tears, and regardless of gender, they all cried. Hearing and seeing all this was torture, but they held on, they knew they needed to witness this.
My dad held my mom in his arms, holding her back from trying to reach me.
They weren't even remotely tempted by her blood, they were all just worried and hurting for the broken girl who was finally letting herself get fixed.
🎶I've had
A bad day
And it's all because of you
I've had
A bad day
And it's all because of you
I'm not
Ok
After what you put me through
Woooh, woooh yeah
Woooh, woooh
You broke me
Fuck you
Yeah, yeah
Fuck you
Woooh, woooh yeah🎶
And then I stopped, my chest kept exaggeratedly going up and down from my breathing, I was livid... I was enraged... I Looked up to the sky...
[AN: And seeeeeeee... I'm just a poor boy... Sorry, I had to do it. Couldn't help it]
I started to calm down, my breathing slowly came back to normal... I kept breathing in and out for a while... And then I opened my lips and started singing a new song to the sky, to whoever kept hurting her.
-Silence by Marshmello-
🎶Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter (fighter)
'Cause all my life, I've been fighting
Never felt a feeling of comfort, oh
And all this time, I've been hiding
And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah
I'm so used to sharing
Love only left me alone
But I'm at one with the silence🎶
They remembered what I'd been through before joining the Cullen coven. They couldn't even begin to imagine how I even survived, how much I suffered, but I made them, they felt it with every word.
🎶I found peace in your violence
Can't show me, there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long
I found peace in your violence
Can't show me, there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long
I've been quiet for too long
I've been quiet for too long
I found peace in your violence
Can't show me, there's no point in trying
I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long
I'm in need of a savior (savior), but I'm not asking for favors
My whole life, I've felt like a burden
I think too much, and I hate it
I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring
Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence
I found peace in your violence
Can't show me, there's no point in trying🎶
I finished singing, and let out a loud and heavy sigh in relief. I pointed my hands towards the sky and gave 2 middle fingers.
Haaaaah... That felt good. That felt waaay too good. So I guess I'll be doing this a lot, way better than therapy.
So here I am, all bloody from my own self-inflicted injuries, my hair a lot disheveled, with a relieved and happy smile plastered on my face.
I turned around to finally look at them, they looked worried and worn out, well emotionally worn out.
I met eyes with my family, gone were the dull pink eyes devoid of hope and life... Back were the sapphire pink eyes that seemingly sparkled with happiness and playfulness.
I gave them the most beautiful, well I'm tiny so it would be the most adorable smile I could make.
And ladies and gentlemen, arrows, arrows everywhere! Pssssh..swoosh! Straight to their heart, no one spared.
A lot of "so cute", "she's so adorable, how can someone so adorable exist!", "it's a crime to be this cute!", and "I wish she was our daughter", the last one was from Eleazar, and he received threatening glares from my family, which just made him smile sheepishly.
And then I remembered something... Fuck...
I looked down, hands behind my back, right leg digging holes in the snow... And I looked at them with wide upturned eyes, releasing my hand from my back to sign...
*I'm sorry, I have a potty mouth* I looked at them apologetically.
They just froze for a moment to process what she said plus how she acted when apologizing. And then they all just laughed and kept laughing for quite a while.
Flashback end
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Back to present
I did get scolded afterward about the swearing. But I did come clean that I do swear a lot, even before I met them, that it was a sort of coping mechanism for me, and now it just became a way for me to express myself, I say them jokingly or with love. I told them that I'd been censoring myself for them because I didn't want to disappoint them. I really didn't want to keep censoring myself anymore, it felt restricting, so I just wanted to now be able to act and express like my true self.
Suffice to say, since they are a simp for their adorable and most lovely hybrid up to date and for sure in the future(unless I make babies, then maybe, just maaaaaybe, I'll get dethroned) as well... They conceded and told me to at least not do it so much, or try not to do it in front of them. And mom even said...
"Men tend to not like women who cuss, so let's try not to do it as much, as it is unladylike. Tho I'm sure your future mate will love you regardless"
This earned a look of disbelief from my father and brother, unwillingness crossing their face, no doubt already planning the death of this nonexistent MAN... The Denali's just laughed, amused at their reaction... But me? I was wide-eyed in disbelief and horror because I now remembered I had to come out in this life... AGAIN. Dang it!
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AN: wew, coming out again. We're all pretty sure that she'll be accepted, but it's still nerve-wracking for most of us who has or had to go through it.
Update, (got an email as I was finishing this chapter) on the cover photo, Webnovel just sent me an email asking for the original photo. I already sent it to them, hopefully, they fix it or just upload it for me. Idc at this point. They're stressing me out.
Wöchentlicher Energiestatus
-- Power-
Rangliste 
-- Power-
Stein